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2021-08-19 01:47:56My breathing gets instantly heavier as anxiety starts to build up quickly and irrationally, brain freezing so that any sense to this will not break through. She never just leaves me with strangers, this is literally unheard of, ever. Normally Sylvana is very conscious of leaving me with people I don’t know. She knows I don’t like it and I don’t care if it’s her son. I don’t know or trust him.
I drop the spoon and start looking around for an escape route almost impulsively, uncomfortable about being alone with him and unable to stop the gripping panic that is crippling my lungs. I need to get out of the corner I am hemmed in because it’s making me claustrophobic and triggering my need to run.
“Huntsbergers, huh? So, you’re Leeloo’s new sister?” His voice catches me mid panic and draws me back to him, weirdly cool and the same insane ability as his mother to draw me back. I just stare at him, wondering why he is
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Arrick’s POV~ Meeting Sophie for the first time ~I get out of the cab and drag my rucksack with me, tired today, after the long flight on a commercial airline from LA and glad to be back on home turf. It was a hell of a week at a bachelor party that turned into a crazy, endless, sleepless, drunk fueled mess. I don’t remember half of it, and I’m sure I still have that Veronica girls cell number written on my chest in red lipstick. I went straight from bed with that blonde girl, Tanya or Tracey, whatever her name was, to the airport, and now I’m desperate for a shower.It’s not like me to hit on women for a one-night hook up only, but it was my last night in LA, and I knew I would never see either of them again. Sometimes being a horny male slut is as good as going twelve hard rounds in the boxing ring to relieve tension. I’m getting as bad as Jake and I know I should really curb some of the reckless
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 200
I pick up a piece of fruit from the bowl and look anywhere but at her, even with my eyes elsewhere, glancing around the kitchen, I can feel the icy glares aimed my way and try to ignore it. All my own fault; I made her feel threatened, and now she’s trying to make sure it goes no further. It won’t.... I’m not that kind of an asshole. She has a prickly fight in her, it’s probably the reason she has survived this long. A little savage fierce under the surface of my quiet little warrior.“You redecorated?” I ask my mom, looking for anything else to talk about while blondie is trying to kill me with laser eyes and seriously beating the shit out of whatever she’s mixing. I think I maybe helped kill a cake. I resist the urge to trail my eyes back to her, even though it’s almost instinctual to do so.“Nope... Just changed a few accessories.” My mom smiles back at me then spies some spillage beside Sophie’s bowl
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 201
I think I just found my new purpose in life. To make this girl smile, even once. Just for me.“You’re lame. I think you maybe just need to go find a girl who may actually be interested. This one isn’t.” She picks up the spoon and licks the batter in a really juvenile way, not sexy at all, not even trying to be, and I grimace with her. I know how bad it tastes; I should have forewarned her not to put it in her mouth.“I’m not someone who gives up. I will ask you every time I see you...You will cave one of those times.” I shift to get comfy, glad she hasn’t insisted I still leave. I kind of like it here and I feel like I might actually be getting somewhere with her.“Find me the elusive last unicorn and I’ll think about it.” She sighs heavily, and that same ghost of a smile peaks out at me, like she figures she is being clever, and I will never work it out. I find myself willing her to let it loose,
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 202
Arrick’s POV~ Sophies love confession ~I wander across the street towards the Huntsbergers, that knot of anxiety that has been plaguing me since Sophie and I fought a couple days ago, and I’ve been unable to leave to go home without fixing this. I hate fighting with her, hate when we’re mad and brooding apart, but sometimes we need time apart to simmer. Sophie can be hard work at the best of times, especially when she is closed up in her usual defensive, keeping everyone at arm’s length, manner. I was tired, lack of sleep had me short with her and I acted like an asshole who should have known better than to bite when she is pushing me away. This is what she does when she needs people the most and I’m a complete ass for not recognizing classic ‘Sophie in pain’ mode.I guess because it’s been a long while since she pushed me away so viciously. The last couple of days I have pulled her name up in
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 203
I know Sophs loves me, she tells me all the time. I don’t get what this is and why she’s so upset about it. I don’t get why she feels the need to keep emphasizing she cares about me. I know this, she knows I love her too.... I honestly don’t understand, unless she somehow feels I don’t anymore, because I left her here and walked off mad?“Okay.... You said that ....” I move towards her, smiling a little as I try to get my head around why she is being odd, trying to weigh up my theory and it suddenly registers with the way she is watching me painfully, intensely; as though seeking some sort of answer to what she said. The penny drops from a great height and almost takes me out with the impact of the blow as I stupendously connect the dots and stumble with the fallout.“By love? ...... Sophs.... What do you mean?” I frown at her as a tightening knot, envelopes my guts and my anxiety hitches steadily, a little tr
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 204
That stillness, that moment of heaven, the immersion into an eruption of feel good tingles and chest swelling, weirdly. It happens again. Like a slow content, almost blissful silence in my head, while my body gives into sensation; where the only thing I can feel, or see, or taste, is her. And I like it.My fingers find their way to her face, shocked we fit so perfectly as our mouths mold flawlessly together. She tastes like she smells. Tropical, sweet, addictive, a kiss so soft and perfect that I want to pour more of myself into it. I try to get lost in the moment, the eruption of fire in my stomach, the way my body warms at the contact achingly, as though finding something it has been yearning for and longing to devour it whole; but the kick of guilt and horror that overtakes me at doing this, as sense and logic kicks in, hits full force and leaves me breathlessas I pull away. Lifting my palms away from touching her.I realize how little control I actually had o
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 205
Arrick’s POV~ Sophie calls Arrick ~“I’m fucking doing it!” I snap, throwing down my phone and pull the papers over to me to sign with a tad more aggression than is warranted. Almost stabbing my pen in the damn contract as I dot the I in my name and toss the pen down when I’m done, aware of the eyes on me around the dark wood table of the conference room, but I don’t give a shit. I feel shitty and pissed off and this is the last thing I want to be doing right now.Some crappy minor brief on one of our low tier businesses who want funds for a re-brand; spending all day stuck at Carrero tower at my father’s request when I want to be smashing a boxing bag into next week to expel this feeling. I don’t actually care if they fold right now, they make less than a hundred grand a quarter anyway and it’s barely worth the time I have spent here today.“You are not too old to get a span
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 206
He seems to be liking the fact that I have been this way all week; amused that the cool in control brother, for once, is the one acting like a bear with a sore head and having erratic juvenile flare ups of temper. You know, being Jake.Smug asshole. “Arry is in the good old ‘overthink, over analyze, and stress himself into an early ulcer’ mode. You know nothing we say will get his head together... he’s a stubborn ass hole when it comes to figuring shit out.” My brother smirks at me again, on his feet now too and shoulder shoves me as he walks past. Straightening his tie before losing patience and pulling it off in agitation, now the meeting is adjourned. I didn’t even bother with one today, after wrestling in the mirror with one this morning for twenty minutes, I threw it across the couch and left it at home. Agitation is becoming my new best friend and ties are something I rarely do.“None of any of this is an
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
