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2021-08-19 01:24:08I roll over and open my eyes, completely refreshed after sleeping so long and the smell of food drifting my way. I sit up on the couch and blink at the tv, still playing on low, the noise of Arrick clanging pans or whatever’s in the kitchen, and gaze over the back of the couch to watch him.
He’s been making Ragu sauce by the smell of it; his moms’ recipe and I can see the pasta on the counter, he made his own. She used to teach me how to do all that stuff when I was younger too, but I never had any real affinity with cooking. He seems to enjoy it when he’s in the mood and everything smells heavenly.
I don’t know what time it is, but the skyline over by the dining table looks too dark to be early evening and I wonder if hens changed his mind about going out tonight with his friends.
I know Jenny is meant to be coming, but Christian is with his boyfriend tonight and won’t be making a show of himself. We are celebrating Arrick&rs
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 135
I’m still smiling as I’m led hand in hand across the hall of the nightclub towards the inner entranceway, Arrick has his phone to his ear and is trying to locate his friends, now we are here, almost two hours later than intended.Arrick made good on peeling my panties off, after teasing me mercilessly after dinner. He made love to me when we were supposed to be getting ready that turned into another marathon of assorted positions, and now we are seriously late. I am starting to think he might be right about matched stamina, I even made him sweat this time, and he gave up before I did. Calling a time out and having to lay on the bed with me on top to finish what he started. Was my first time being in control and I think I like it the most.I’m eyeing up that tight, firm ass in black jeans, his upper body encased in his leather jacket, over a dark grey shirt and from here he looks like a swoon some cover model for about any sexy male product cu
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 136
Arrick pulls me with him to a nearby row of seats in the corner by the corridor doors; we have been going easy on alcohol tonight, but we are probably both a lot more drunk than we intended to be. Caught up in the night and his friends, it’s easy to lose track of what you consume until it hits you hard in one fell swoop. I’m feeling beyond tipsy, everything swaying softly and that ultra-merry, ‘I am so drunk’, dream quality has me all giggly.I’ve danced my legs off with Claire, seen Jenny for all of ten minutes when Nate swept in and dragged her away and haven’t seen her since. I don’t doubt it’s all kisses and roses, seeing as he literally picked her up over his shoulder, hand on her ass and took her off in the direction of the private VIP rooms. Neither has come back in hours, so I am going to assume they left together. No doubt I will get a text sometime tomorrow with explanations at her disappearance and his. Christian sent
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 137
“Sophie?” Arrick’s voice comes up behind me and his arms slide around my waist. I try to push him off, but he doesn’t let me, he turns me instead and I turn my face away impulsively. I don’t want him to touch me or look at me, still majorly upset and pissed at him and the last thing I want is him giving me shit over my jealousy. I feel like I can never believe anything he ever tells me again. I spent an hour on my cell to Christian in a drunken mess, sobbing down the phone while he calmed my hysterics, and he only agreed with me on every front.Arrick is the fucking dick head in this.“You’re drunk and I’m taking you home.” His tone has completely changed, but he’s still blatantly pissed; manhandling me out of a duty of care, but no real affection in how he’s pulling me. It feels like those nights when he showed up out of obligation to rescue me and I shove him away. Abhorring the touch that is
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 138
As soon as we get outside, he looks down at the sidewalk and then at my feet, turns and scoops me over his shoulder, igniting a second bout of psycho and fight in me. I throw myself into a second hurricane tornado of violence and try like a psychopath to get away from him.“Sophie, for the first time in my life, I will actually spank you. Will you stop fucking fighting me!” Arrick snaps at me, gripping me so harshly it makes me yelp in fright, and I fall quiet. The threat of being smacked sounds real, like he means it and I recoil inside my own head. It’s not being said in kinkiness or jest this time, and I wonder if he would. Silenced by the thought of him hitting me, knowing I should never fear that from him, but there’s a part of me who does. Memories of what it feels like to be kicked into a corner, punched, and slapped repeatedly, until your fight and fire dies out and there’s nothing left but a sobbing broken little girl.H
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 139
I pick up my bag and wander across the street to collect my shoes, looking up at my apartment with cold emptiness. I’m numb, feet aching, tears streaming down my face and wander slowly into the building, letting myself in and getting up to my floor via the stairs. It’s deathly silent, around two am or thereabouts and I try not to make too much noise that will disturb my neighbors. I only sat on the cold sidewalk for a minute, before self-preservation kicked in, my numbness, made me move and walk inside. I can’t stop sobbing, but I feel dead inside. I don’t think I can handle this pain if I sit and ponder it, so I have decided to walk, anywhere, anyplace, until my legs fall off, so that I do not sit here and cry over his leaving me.Again.When I get int
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 140
“Well, well, Camilla, my love.” The heavy English accent, so like Camilla’s, comes from the front, a male husky tone, as a man in the passenger seat turns to face us. He’s wearing black shades, a stubbled middle-aged face, dark shaggy hair that’s semi groomed and wearing an expensive leather jacket. “We’ve been looking for you love.” He smiles at her and it’s completely sinister, a crooked, evil smile that does not bid well for either of us. He has an air about him, that he is a guy you do not piss off.“Tyler. I haven’t been hiding, I’ve been trying to get your money.” Camilla’s turned white as a sheet, with wobbling voice and clearly terrified. Losing all her poise and mannerisms as her accent gets a little shaky, dropping its upper-class edge and sounding less refined. I stay painfully still, regulating my breathing so that I don’t fall into a panic attack and try to keep my hea
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 141
The driver remains silent but his whole body seems stiffer, eyeing us and remaining impassive as he can. The men outside are all on cell phones and murmuring among one another and I wonder why they aren’t letting us go.“If they are so afraid of Alexi, then why aren’t they opening the door and letting us walk away?” I stare at her in complete angst, so wanting to be done with this now and anxiety rising that this goes so much deeper than I thought it would. If Alexi finds out, then all the Carreros will become involved, and I have no idea how this will play out. The family is huge. I’m in so much shit from them after this; Giovanni will literally spank me for getting caught in this kind of danger.“You’re kidding right? They called your boyfriend and made threats, made it clear they have you. They know how fucked they are, and the only way to make it right is to deal with this face on. I bet they have Alexi on the phone right n
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 142
It seems like an eternity we sit in here, the windows steaming up until they are too foggy to see anything clearly and Camilla has managed to get her breathing under control. It’s obvious she is in a lot of pain and trying not to move a whole lot. Stiff, immobile, and focused fully on not moving a muscle.They put us in another car and moved us somewhere new. Another back-street alley, another group of terrifying men and I’m starting to become so dizzy and weak with lack of sleep and food. It’s been hours, it feels like days, since I watched Arry get in the cab and I have no idea anymore what time it is. It’s all become so surreal that I don’t even feel afraid anymore, caught in a dreamlike state, like this is never going to end.Movement through the misty window catches my attention and I can just about make out two black four by fours entering the front of the alleyway. The driver’s eyes flicker in the mirror and I turn to look beh
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
