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2024-10-29 19:42:56“Please don’t. I can’t bear to think of Jake that way, knowing we were both hurting and both too stupid to just be honest with each other. If we’d been honest after we did get together then the mess with Marissa would’ve never happened.” I sigh, laying my cup down on the low table in front of us.
“Honesty is very important … as is communication, and still cherishing one another even after the first throws of passion and excitement have died.” Sylvana focuses on me very seriously. “I know from first-hand experience that marriages can stray if you don’t keep a focus on what you mean to one another and if you stop telling each other how you really feel.” She pats me again and I get the impression she’s talking about Giovanni’s affair.
I have no idea what to say, or ask, or even let on that I know what she’s talking about. I
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I know Leila came through the same channels as Sophie did as a child. Sylvana’s charity is completely embroiled in taking children in from abusive pasts and I realize, in this kitchen I am among kindred spirits and I never really thought about it before. I’m not the only one with scars and memories that haunt my dreams sometimes. I’m in the fold of two other beautiful young women who have their own demons and came out the other side happier and hopeful because they let people in again and learned to trust. They both sit here now, mere reflections of who they once were, smiles and genuine laughter in the knowledge they found a better, safer loving place. I’m the outcast I used to be, I’m one of them.The warmth of the kitchen and the peaceful serene atmosphere. This is what I need. This is what I’ve missed out on my entire life; a mother, a real loving maternal mother who cared enough to show her child
The Carrero Effect 224
Maybe Jake’s come to the realization too, that going back to how it was just isn’t going to be an option for me, for us. His taking over work and leaving me alone is almost a sign that really, deep down, he doesn’t want me to go back down that path either. Jake is a lot happier not bringing work between us, knowing the stress and arguments it could cause again.He’s taken a back seat compared to how he used to work, allowing Margo and her team do both our jobs. I know she now hassix people under her control, all taking various positions and responsibilities, allowing Jake to be able to wander in and out freely and deal with only the most important things. Jake’s head is no longer embroiled in the Carrero Corporation. It’s here with me, most of the time, and our future family. He engineered his work routine to dissipate as it gets closer to the baby coming and I know he fully intends staying put and going nowhere in the last month of m
The Carrero Effect 225
I catch sight of Daniel moving in from the side under cover of shadow and he slides into a seat beside Margo, throwing her a smile, and I suddenly feel sick and breathless. Daniel most definitely doesn’t show face at corporate things. He never has. He always says it’s not his thing and bores him to tears.Warning bells are going off inside my head and that flight or fight impulse has my feet itching to head for the nearest exit. I tighten my grip on Jake’s arm for security and a sense of calm. My heart is pounding erratically through my chest, palms clammy, my body turning cold with fear. He covers my hand with his, a grounding sensation that I’m aching for, but I’m still in panic mode and can almost feel the tension radiating from him. That’s why his touch isn’t working right now because Jake’s more scared than I am and he’s transferring it rather than taking mine away. My strong ca
The Carrero Effect 226
Sylvana snaps around at his approach, guiltily, and immediately jumps up to meet him. She’s saying something under her breath, fixing his bow tie and jacket hurriedly. His hands go to his hair to calm it down, suggesting she’s pointed out that he looks a little less groomed than before, and I can’t help but watch the expression on his face, as he does what he’s told to, with zero argument. He’s completely out of his depth and nothing at all like the Jake Carrero I know and love. His eyes are raking in the faces of the people around the room, as though taking some sort of mental checklist.My stomach tightens and my hands get clammy again. His behavior is all I need to see to know I’m right about what he has planned. Only one thing could make Jake this scared out of his mind that even his appearance is something he’s oblivious of.Fuck. He’s really going to do this, isn’t he? He’s going to do this, and they
The Carrero Effect 227
The song choice from me to Jake is playing across the floor surrounding us as we sway. We’re still wrapped up in each other our eyes focused intently. The swell of happiness between us is infectious and I don’t think either of us has stopped smiling since his dance-floor proposal an hour ago. I truly know happiness beyond all bounds. I wanted to reply to his song, after all it was our tradition, and in a grand fashion to match his, the DJ was more than happy to oblige when the orchestra finally took their leave.Ella Henderson “Yours” plays beautifully across the room, telling him everything I want to say right now.He sways me around the dance floor for the hundredth time, wrapped in his arms and smiling like crazy. Feeling like I could die from contentment. People were congratulating us the whole way through the meal and neither of us has managed to stop touching the other; smiling
The Carrero Effect 228
“I’m not there yet, Leila. Okay? I’ve only just started getting my fucking head together but I’m doing this for you. Can’t you see that? I’m trying to sort my shit out, so I can be that guy who gives you love and commitment. I asked you to give me time and I fucking meant it. I wanted you to just give me a chance and wait for me. I fucking love you!” Daniel sounds ravaged and Leila’s stance crumbles a little. I open my mouth in shock at what he’s just said but Leila turns on him, accusingly, sheer anger in her little body as she tries to bring her height up to his by stretching.“So, I’m supposed to just hold my fucking breath and wait? For how long? Put my life on hold while you figure out if you really can give a shit about one woman? In the meantime, we do what, exactly? You still fucking around and me twiddling my thumbs?” She starts to cry as her words tumble o
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I stare at the cell in my hands for the hundredth time and sigh. My mother’s name is on the screen staring at me and I’ve contemplated pressing dial a million times. I should tell her about the baby and our engagement. She’s my mother and yet something inside of me is holding back. It’s been days since the restaurant and here I am sitting in the huge, empty garden of Sylvana’s home agonizing over what to do.Jake comes strolling out to me, carrying a blanket and a hot drink, coming level to my face with a look of adoration in his eyes. He drapes the blanket around my shoulders carefully and slides the mug in front of me kissing me on the temple.“Still undecided?” he asks gently, slipping onto the bench beside me and sits with it between his legs so he can face me and pull me close in between them, nuzzling me against him, cradling my head with his palm. His fingers thread themselves into my hair in the way he always does. I cl
The Carrero Effect 230
Jake holds the keys out in front of me, swinging his hand just out of reach like a torturous plaything and I lean up to swipe them. He lifts them higher and hits my mouth with a kiss when I try for a second time. He has a happy playful smirk on his face and his sexy stubbly jaw looks very delicious this morning to match his very good mood.“Stop tormenting me and open the damn door.” I giggle, and step back, folding my arms across my chest in a no-nonsense Carrero pose. I try to appear authoritative, but he just frowns and tweaks my nose in the most annoying way.“Ask me nicely.” He grins and lifts them higher above his head with a wicked look in his eye. He’s been like this since he got up and I’m enjoying the return of playful Jake. It’s been almost non-existent lately and I can only sigh at him.“Please, Jake … loving, gorge
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The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
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The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
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The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
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The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
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The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
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“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
