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2024-10-29 19:42:56I have to play this out if I’ve any chance of beating him.
Lifting my wine glass, the other hand tugging a strand of my hair, to wash down the cream cannelloni, I shiver with the smallest breeze behind me as someone passes and glance up expecting to see the maid. The elderly gentlemen walks by and leaves the room with a puce colored face and bored expression. Heat envelopes me as an arm comes around my shoulder unexpectedly and a firm hot mouth kisses me on the exposed skin.
“Hey, bambino … You okay?” that inner triumph sparks as Jake surrounds me with his heat and smell. Sitting in the recently evacuated seat next to me. I glance down, noting he’s brought his glass of wine with him and push down the urge to beam in his presence, instead keeping my tone controlled and flat.
“I’m fine.” Just enough of a sigh to portray that I’m not.
I should get an Oscar for this.
&ldq
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I lay awake in the night with his body coiled around me possessively, his face buried in the back of my hair breathing soundly. My arm free of the restraint and only the sheets of the bed keeping me captive as he’s still not got under the comforter with me. I must have dosed off at some point and he’d taken it off, but I can only remember turning and tossing until he switched off that damn movie.His arms are wrapped around my upper body and fingers entwined with mine, I sigh and relax into his hold, needing this to balm over the events of yesterday. I’m too weak for this game, already that ache of insecurity threatening to engulf me at the lack of his body joined with mine. He’s right. I don’t just need the sex though; I need the small things. The gestures and touches, the attentiveness and kindness too. All the things he deprives me of when he wants to win a stupid game. This helps though, that even in sleep he needs to cling to me and revives
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Lounging in between Jake’s legs on the huge sofa in the family room feels amazing after the events of the day before, my head against his chest as he concentrates on a document in his hand and strokes my hair and neck with the other. I’m attempting to read a book, but the sheer blissfulness of our morning has me daydreaming idly instead. Every so often he plants a kiss on top of my head before turning his papers and silently focusing back on work; he’s reading through contracts for something I’ve no idea about.When did this happen? When did I become so disconnected from the business side that I don’t even know what Jake’s reading through anymore?I realize it doesn’t bother me at all, I like laying here detached from work while he still keeps tabs on things going on in his empire. I’m in danger of becoming a kept girlfriend at this rate and I’m not sure how I feel about it right now.The maid comes
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“Likewise.” She giggles and hugs me again for added measure, her energy infectious and soon we’re walking along, hand in hand, catching up with anything we forgot to add in our emails to each other. Sophie is infectious, her happiness brimming over into every word and mannerism and I can see Leila’s influence in the quirky Converse with animal print laces and the sparkling diamantes on her jeans. Leila always liked a little bit of showiness.We make our way back to the main house, lost in easy conversation.“There she is!” Jake’s deep tone catches us both and she beams at him, she doesn’t, however, close the gap between them, the way she did with me and it’s the first time I see she has that same distance with males that afflicts me. It causes me a moment of pain. A flicker of heartache for her.Jake strides forward, giving her a light hug quickly before releasing her and scooping forward to plant a kiss on m
The Carrero Effect 178
But buying a mansion, moving to beside his family like a little married couple. He will never let me go back to working in the Carrero Corporation now, it’s too much. To be a kept woman with no chance of being able to just slide back into city life should he ever get tired of me. To get cozy and make bonds with these people who I have loved being around.What if it all blew up in my face and I had to give up more than just him? His family. Sophie close by.It’s all so overwhelming I can’t think straight. My fear and anxiety threatening to choke me at the huge change he wants to make in my life. He has no idea how hard this is. Not so long ago, I was alone, reliant on only me. I had my own money, my own plans, and my own life and I didn’t want to let anyone else in. Now here I am, willing to gamble everything on uncertainty and faith and let someone else take control. I need control.“If this is about money, Emma, then it&rs
The Carrero Effect 179
“Hmmm. I don’t know, Emma, am I? The woman I want a life with tells me she doesn’t actually fucking want it with me.” His anger rises at the closure of his sentence, his husky voice turning more to a growl. Deathly venom lacing his tone. That stubborn, impulsive, logic clouding his normally quick brain.“I never said that … I said not yet, there’s an enormous difference.” My resolve is crumbling and some sort of weary feebleness creeping over me. I was used to Jake’s crazy violent temper when I was his PA, but I’ve never seen it as his lover. Right now, I don’t know how to react or calm him.“Why not yet? I know how I feel already. If you don’t feel the same way after everything, then I doubt you ever will.” He slams his case shut and yanks it toward him to zip it up. The strength in the way he savages it is almost enough to snap it off.He’s being impossible,
The Carrero Effect 180
Sarah isn’t home when I let myself into the apartment carrying my case. I let Jefferson go, assuring him I can manage and despite his fatherly protests, he is finally gone. I still have a key to the apartment and want nothing more than the coziness of the couch and throws and space to mull over Jake’s asshole attitude.I text Sarah informing her of my arrival, so she won’t be surprised when she gets home but my heart sinks at her response. Marcus has taken her to Florida for a few days to meet his family and she only left this morning. She tells me to help myself to the freezer contents and to call her later. My heart aches but I don’t tell her why I’m here.Meeting the family equals seriousness. It signals forever!Maybe Sarah and Marcus are really making a go of it this time, the thought bothers me, but not as much as it did before. I’m lost now that my stability isn’t here to lift my chin and help me get thro
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“Joey’s … An old friend from Queens.” I know how stupid his reaction to the bear was the first time he ‘met’ him, whether it was in jest or not, it highlighted Jake has a severe jealous side and would probably miss the name of the bear. I hope it makes him suffer in the way he’s making me suffer right now. I hang up just as he explodes. Silencing the onslaught of Carrero abuse and craziness. I stand trying to calm the panic surging through me, my body shaking violently and my nerves trembling. Weak and hysterical, my heart pounding through my chest. I know everything is falling apart around me. My world is crumbling.I jump as my phone rings and his number flashes across my screen, but I red button him in defiance. He wanted to be an asshole and now he suddenly wants to talk. I reject button him a second time when it rings again.ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!!! The text beeps on almost as soon as I lay it face down
The Carrero Effect 182
“Emma … I want you to know how much I love you … I mean really love you … There’s no one else in this world for me. I need you …” He gets up and paces around for a moment, making me feel sick with worry but relieved that this isn’t a breakup speech. He comes back to his previous position and swallows hard. “Last night, when I thought you’d done something, after the talk about not wanting to marry me and pretty much breaking up … It fucked me up in the head.” His eyes are focused on my hands and I can see they are filled with unshed tears; he can’t look at me. “None of this changes how I feel about you … I need you to know that I still love you every bit as much as I did, I still want the same things with you, and I acted like a complete fucking idiot at the airport … I believe you when you text me that nothing happened. I wish I had the sense to realize it last night, but I was so
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I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
