Heartbroken

How can I not know the face of the woman who, as my sister-in-law has told me too many times to count, is Derek’s first and true love?

Jealousy, as I have never known it before, grips me, and I feel my heart constrict as I watch the two of them laughing at something that she had said.

“Oh … my God! That lying, heartless, evil, cheating bastard!” I say under my breath with blurry eyes, my chest tightening even further until it feels like I can't breathe. 

Finally, Derek’s strange behavior all makes sense. His ex is back after all these years and he wants to discard me like a pair of old shoes because of her. 

The chemistry between the two of them is as clear as day, and as I watch them, I realize that in all the years that we have been married, he has never laughed so heartily at something I said.

“Oh, please! Don’t act so surprised. Did you think a handsome and rich dude like my brother was going to remain with someone like you for the rest of his life? It was only a matter of time.” My sister-in-law, Amanda says, rolling her eyes as she peers at me maliciously.

I’m not listening to any of what Amanda is saying though, because I’m too busy trying to make sense of what I’m seeing and the events of earlier this evening before I came here for dinner.

Seeing Derek step into the restaurant with his ex hanging all over him as though it is the most natural thing in the world is the worst thing he could have done to me after breaking my heart into pieces. 

I notice the exact moment that he sees me sitting at a table with his mother and sister. He definitely does not know that we are going to be here and looks shocked when he sees us, but he regains his composure almost immediately. 

Then he leads his ex to a table on the other side of the room, his hands on the small of her back like a perfect gentleman.

Seeing him act so perfectly towards her when he doesn’t even like to go out with me in public often makes my heart feel like a spear has been plunged into it.

The table has obviously been reserved for them. Once she is seated, he stalks over to our table.

“What are you playing at now, Amanda?” He asks his sister tightly, bending to accept the kiss his mother offers. He carefully avoids my eyes while he does this. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, happy birthday to you.” Amanda replies, playing coy, but she can't hide the mischief in her voice or demeanor.

It's then I put two and two together and realize that she was the one who must have changed the venue I chose to this one, somehow knowing that Derek was going to come there with his ex, who is her best friend. 

Amanda would do anything to cause me pain and remind me that I am not one of them. It has always been that way. I wonder how long Derek must have been seeing his ex, with both of them laughing behind my back at how gullible I am.

“Good evening, Mrs. Turner. Good evening, Amanda. Hello to you.” A female voice comes. The last sentence is directed at me.

Without looking, I know that it is Derek’s ex who has come up to our table. I watch as a happy smile graces Amanda and her mother’s faces when they see her.

They both give her tight hugs and I feel my throat close as I watch them. I have never been hugged by either woman in the years since I knew them. In fact, they usually go out of their way to either avoid me or cause me problems.

The three women are whispering excitedly among themselves now, excluding me and making me feel like an unwanted piece of trash in their midst. My eyes meet Derek’s and I find that he’s watching me with a speculative look in his eyes.

However, he does not say anything. Loneliness and sadness, as I have never known them before, hit me, and a huge lump forms in my throat. 

I will never be loved or respected in this family, especially now that this woman is back in their lives. I know that as well as I know my name.

Unable to watch them a second longer, I get up abruptly, muttering excuses, and leave the table to go outside, not that anyone except Derek notices me leaving.

He doesn’t follow me, which is just as well. I need a breath of fresh air away from him and his family.

The image of his very beautiful ex, with her perfect blonde hair and expensive dress which is cut low to reveal her ample cleavage, refuses to get out of my head as I stand outside there in the freezing cold, with my hair whipping around my face.

Is that the type of woman he likes? No wonder he can't bring himself to like me, no matter how much I try to get him to do so.

Suddenly, a whiff of a very sweet and feminine perfume wafts around me as the restaurant door opens and a second later, I hear her voice … the voice of the woman with whom my husband is still clearly so besotted.