[Lily]Nyx and Madison have been fussing with me non-stop. In their attempts to make me feel “desirable” and “pretty,” I just feel like one of those cosmetology mannequins, the ones they use in beauty school to practice makeup. I tried to convince them that I knew how to dress myself and put on my own makeup, but neither girl would take me seriously. Nyx snorted. Madison laughed. Neither one of them would leave me to my own devices. “Nothing personal,” Madison says over her shoulder as she raids my closet. “But you have the style of a blind middle-schooler.”Ever notice how whenever someone says “nothing personal” they are always about to say something extremely hurtful? I expected Nyx to defend me, but she and Madison have formed some type of weird connection over making me “glow up”. Best pals in fashion. I reminded her that Madison St.Claire is a Legacy, just like the rest of them, but she rolled her eyes and responded with “Whatever she is, she knows what she is doing. You shoul
[Atticus]Next time I get him alone, I'm going to kill Simon. As soon as Liliana sipped that drink I knew it would be too much for her. And then she took another sip and another. By the time Madison declared her ready, she was barely able to stand. Rather than keep her safe, like he promised to do, he leads her to the center of the dance floor next to that aggressive group of college jocks. As she begins to move gracefully to the music, their eyes are all watching, imagining what she must look like with no clothes on at all.My teeth grind into one another as she continues to move like there is nobody else in the world but her and the music.She is so damn hot. I want to pull her close and feel all of her pressed against me as I place my hand under her skirt and..."Atticus," Evie wraps her arms around me. "Let's dance.""Later," I grumble, not wanting to take my eyes off Liliana as she makes her way into the crowd. It would be too easy to lose her and I don't trust her alone with
[Lily]Someone is holding me in a cold shower, rocking me back and forth as he says my name over and over again. “Stay with me, Liliana. Stay.”I cannot stay as he asks me to. I can’t think. I can’t feel. My whole body is numb. He holds me as I vomit all over myself and start crying in unexpected relief. “Tell her to drink this,” a hand reaches into the shower and a cup of something salty and sweet is placed against my lips. “She’s passing out again, doc!” He shouts as my body starts to grow heavy. “Get her out of the tub!” I hear as my world fades away. “We need to get her hooked up to an IV.”I am lifted and wrapped in a dry clean towel. Gentle hands place me on a warm, soft bed. There is a sharp pinch on my right arm and I drift off to sleep. I do not dream, but my last thoughts are of Atticus holding me as I drift off, his arms protecting me from harm.“You’re safe, Liliana. Sleep.”The sound of birdsong wakes me with its piercing bleat. I want to throw something at the window
[Lily] I watch patiently as a range of emotions travel across Atticus’ face. Surprise, fear, horror--but not lust or desire. All of his usual cheeky flirtiness has been replaced and put aside, locked down between a gaze that is growing stony and cold as he shuts down all feelings and emotions. He closes his eyes and with a deep sigh replies, “No.” Standing, he dusts off his hands and walks back through the door into the cabin. "Hold up!" I shout after him, both embarrassed and angry at the sudden rejection. Why doesn't he want this? Is it because it's me? I know it isn't because he's shy. I've seen him with Evie. "Why ever not?" Standing in the middle of the room, his back rises up and down as he takes long, slow breaths. "Atticus?" I try again, my voice shaking with nerves. "Did I say something wrong did I..." "Why me?" he asks without turning around. "Why are you asking this of me?" Somehow he seems even angrier than I am, his fists clenched as his body shakes. "Is that wha
[Lily]He told me he'd wait up for me. Looking over at the clock, I can see that it is almost midnight.How long should I wait before I knock on his door? This isn't something I've ever had to think about. What does one do when invited to a secret rendezvous with someone? Is there some kind of protocol I should be aware of? Is there something I should do? Should I...I'm overthinking this. I just need to get up out of this bed, walk the five steps it takes for me to get to the door, and then go one dorm over and knock.Easy, right?As I sit up, my heart starts beating rapidly as the blood rushes from my head to my feet. The world spins and I close my eyes to keep from being dizzy. Even though I asked him to be the one, to be my very first one, I find myself questioning my decision to ask in the first place. I wish I hadn't said anything. I could have kept my secret desire to myself, locked away behind a wall of denial. Nobody would have needed to know. Maybe it is not too late to t
[Atticus]She tastes like heaven. But a demon like me doesn't deserve an angel like her. No matter how willing she is to sin for me. As soon as the door closes, I break our kiss. Liliana blinks up at me, dazed. Her cheeks are beautifully flushed, her eyes a sparkling green. and her lips, pink and ripe for kissing. I want to kiss her again. I want to take her to my bed and kiss her everywhere. And I don't know why. "Liliana," I take a step away letting our bodies cool down. "We need to talk."This was supposed to be a game. I can't let myself fall for the target. She's supposed to fall in lust with me. Not the other way around. "Atticus," her eyes open. "I thought," she touches her lips. "I thought you wanted to..." She holds her arms across her breasts, protecting herself while also providing comfort. She looks so lost as she captures my gaze. But then her gaze hardens. "Why did you bring me here, Atticus? Why did you invite me here? Is it just to toy with my emotions."Yes. "No
[Lily] As Atticus draws me deeper into his bedroom towards his bed, everything inside of me clenches in anticipation. He won't be the one to take my virginity. He has already said so. He cannot love me. And yet he cares enough about me to want me to give myself to someone who does. He could have just taken what most boys want and left me with nothing. So what are we doing? He told me to use him as a toy, but the thought of me using him made him so angry the day before. Something changed, but what? What is going on inside his mind? In a few small steps we reach his bed. It is still made, the comforter perfectly in place. Atticus takes a seat and pulls me down to sit next to him. My breath is rapid with fear as he places his hand on my cheek. I close my eyes waiting for him to move. "You're scared," he observes. "This won't do. I don't want you to be frightened of me." I open my eyes slowly. Atticus' face is so close I can count his eyelashes and see every speck of gold in
[Lily]"Tonight," I repeat, trying to stay as calm as he is. It is hard to seem businesslike when he is gazing at my body as if deciding which part he wants to try."Only if you want this," he presses his body into mine, leaving barely any room for air as he asks, "Do you want this, Liliana?"I feel frozen with fear and want. I want this so much, but I also fear what it will mean for me.He says we'll still be "just friends," but I can't promise not to feel more than friendship. I already do, as much as I hate to admit it."Atticus," I breathe his name as I nod my agreement. "Yes, I want this." "Good," his lips smile against mine. "So do I." When our lips connect, his kisses are gentle and sweet, cautious and careful, as if afraid he might break me. But I'm not fragile. I want him to crush me. I want him to take it all. Placing my hands around his neck, I pull him towards me, trying to deepen our connection. Gasping, he pushes away. "No," he scolds. "No?" I blink up at him confus
[Lily]Spending my evening with Link has been a blessed relief. He is just here for me, as a friend who cares, and he has worked hard all night to keep my mind carefree as we talk about everything from favorite books to movies that we hate.It has been a great distraction from the burning stare I feel along my spine. I can feel that Atticus is watching. But every time I start to look nervous or grow sad, Link has sensed it and taken me somewhere else, out of Atticus' path, or found some new way to distract me, to keep me from falling apart, or worse, into Atticus' arms. He even shields me from the spiteful energy radiating off of Evie as she glares at me right before screaming her relationship woes all over the dance floor, spewing hatred at Atticus. I will need to give Nyx a very big hug later. "So I was thinking," Link smiles as we take time to admire the ridiculously ornate and well-stocked food area, "Actually I was wondering if you have any plans for the upcoming holiday brea
[Atticus]It was a relief when Evie finally left me alone. Her presence grates on my nerves, and her kisses leave a foul taste in my mouth like wine turned to vinegar. Loving Liliana has taught me how kisses should taste. Sweet like honey candy, not bitter and cold. But how do I tell her how I feel? Will she believe me?I wouldn't if I were her, not with how I've treated her over the years. Even these last two months, with how close we've become, I could understand why she'd take a moment to pause and consider that it might all be one big trick. The sad thing is, she wouldn't be entirely wrong. This whole escapade started as a cruel way to make a brilliant soul dark, corrupting her fully, before tearing her apart like some kind of pagan sacrifice. We wanted to lift her above everyone else before we took her down so fast and so low that when she hit bottom the pain would be more excruciating.And it was all my idea. And I can't say anything about it or I not only risk my spot as a l
[Evie]"Can you believe the nerve of some people," I grumble in Ace's ear as I pull him into the tent? "Bringing the riff-raff to OUR ball as if...""He's hardly the riff-raff, Evie," Atlas cuts me off, "He's your cousin," he pulls away from me. "You know, if all you're going to do tonight is talk about Link, I'll find something else to do with my time."Ace puts his hands in his pockets and stands there, staring at me, his blonde waves flipped over one eye. He looks bored. Or I should say, distracted. All night he's been looking over at her thinking I wouldn't notice. Fine. Two can play that game. "You know what, Ace," I hiss. "If hanging out with me is so boring, maybe we should BOTH do something better with our time," I take a step away from him expecting him to reach forward and apologize like he usually does. But Atticus doesn't move. He stands there, his face as hard as stone. "Go on then," he urges. "Go bother one of your friends. I don't care what you do with yourself, Evie
[Lily] "Link!" I run around the other Legacies, who all give me strange looks as I ruin the perfect line of their precessional. I don't care about their sneers. I only care about my friend, who I haven't seen since that strange weekend in New York. "Lily," he opens his arms. "I am happy to see that you are happy to see me," he gives me a rakish half smile, before looking down at the corsage in his hand. "I wasn't sure if you'd be happy to see me or not." My face falls hearing the note of uncertainty in his voice. He's been nothing but kind to me, but I've been a terrible friend. Link and I have been corresponding via video chat and email, but I stopped calling when Atticus and I began our nightly study sessions. Part of the reason was because I was just too busy to make the time. But the bigger part, the part that makes my heart stop in my chest, is that it felt like I was cheating. Even though Link and I have never been anything other than friends, I know he likes me, and I gue
[Lily]Atticus has been conspicuously absent this week leading up to the ball. I haven't once seen him enter or exit his room, nor is he taking meals with the rest of the legacies. "Does anyone know what happened to Ace?" I asked the crew the second morning he didn't show up. Nobody responded with words, but Evie gave me a whithering look, and Veronica's eyes opened wide with warning. The message was clear enough, even without anyone saying a thing: Don't ask. That afternoon, I responded to his invitation and slid it under his door. By now, I'm sure he's seen that I will not be going with him, but that I am also not going alone. Instead, I'll be tagging along with Nyx and whomever it is she is taking as a date. Nyx has been so secretive about the identity of this date, that I can't help but bubble over with anticipation and curiosity. I can easily say I am more excited about the idea of who she is taking than I am about whatever little surprise she has in store for me. Friday nigh
[Atticus]I am in no mood for this meeting. Especially not with the way Evie is acting, like she's already won something.She has a plan, I know she does. She hasn't set it off yet, but it feels like I'm waiting for something, something big to happen. I promised Liliana that I'd protect her. But how do I protect her while still following the rules of the game? One of the biggest rules is that we do not tell anyone else outside of our tight circle of seven what is happening.This is why we are meeting in Laz's room, the room furthest away from Liliana's, to have this final meeting before the Equinox Ball."Alright, the first order of business," Laz starts. "Does anyone have anything to report?"Evie is the first to raise her hand. "I'd like to give Simon kudos as far as gluttony," Evie points to Simon who grows very red in the face, I'm not sure if it is from embarrassment or some other emotion. He almost looks mad. "His work at the club was a prime example of gluttony. Of course, it w
[Lily] By now, Atticus knows I received the invitation. There is no way that I didn't not with how everyone else at school is chittering in corners about it. Which is why I'm not surprised to see him waiting for me at the base of the legacy stairs. "Liliana," he stands, reaching for my books. "We need to talk. About the invitation, about everything." "Then talk," I say a bit more gruffly than I had intended as he follows me up the stairs. "Not here," he gives me a meaningful look and I shake my head. There is no way I'm going back into his bedroom. If he gets me in there, I'll end up in his bed, and then he'll find ways to distract me. I need to keep my mind clear and I can't think straight when his hands are on my body. I wish I never knew what it felt like to be kissed by Atticus Preston. "I don't think it is a good idea for us to be alone together," I wait for him to reach me at the landing and then lean in and hiss, "Somebody saw us this morning, Atticus. We weren't care
[Lily]The poor freshman looked terrified as he handed me the invitation. "Thank you, Ms Adare," he bowed as he backed away as if I were some kind of royalty. People are so terrified of Legacies that even a "not quite" Legacy like me is a person to fear. The envelope is cream and embossed with gold and overly fancy like everything else at this school. He must have planned this because my name is engraved on the invitation. That isn't a last-minute detail. This isn't a reaction to my behavior this morning or a way to apologize for being an ass. He had planned to ask me. He wanted me on his arm at the biggest school event of the season. I pause. Was he telling the truth when he said he does care about me? Could it be..."This changes nothing," Nyx insists. "So what if he planned to ask you out before you dumped his sorry ass if you can even call it dumping him since you weren't really in a relationship," she points out. "So what if he wanted you to be his date? You know it probably
[Lily] It doesn't take us long to get cleaned up. I borrow one of his shirts so I'm not naked in the hall, and he gathers up all of our clothing to be washed by his cleaners. I always feel a bit weird after these sessions. I'm not sure if I should be thanking him, or pretending like it didn't happen. While my body is finally relaxed, getting all the pleasure it craves, my heart is more confused than ever. One moment I feel alive, like my whole body is afire. The next, I feel lost and a little ashamed. I let myself become Atticus' dirty little secret. What would Nyx say if she knew? She'd be disappointed. Never mind Link--we aren't technically dating but we do correspond. What would he think of this little "arrangement." Just because we aren't technically having sex doesn't mean this isn't a betrayal of sorts. What am I doing if this means nothing to him? Atticus stops me as I reach for the doorknob. "Liliana, talk to me." It's a struggle, but I make myself turn and face him. "At