This had been the week from hell. I had taken my last exam yesterday and was on my way out to the DC for signatures on the contract. When I walked in, all I could think about was getting the paperwork signed to get Jack off my back. Brett and Dan had selected me for the job several days ago, but we had been ironing out the final details since then, and Jack wanted the ink on the dotted line sooner rather than later. This was a fairly large account, and he acted like without a signature, I might somehow lose it. I was all business until I hit the distribution center floor. He was standing right there. So right there that I walked straight into his chest. He braced me to prevent me from falling."Oh my God, Gray, I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going." This guy's presence made me sound like a bumbling idiot. Crap, crap, crap. I couldn't be this close to him. I realized I was lingering entirely too long and pulled away. Without another word, I headed back to meet Brett and Dan.
I was nervous when he knocked on my door, the anticipation of him picking me up was more than I could handle completely sober. We'd talked on the phone for countless hours and texted during the day when he was off and when I was working. Our conversation had flowed freely, and it had given me a false sense of intimacy. There wasn't a topic we hadn't explored, other than Will, but the truth was we had spent very little time together, and words weren't the same as actions. I only knew what he allowed me to know about him and vice versa. I thought about him non-stop, but a mental obsession didn't equate to a committed relationship. I didn't know what equated to a relationship because I was so far out of the realm of reality it was unreal. I wanted to see him, had been counting the hours, but the closer it got, the faster my stomach turned. I'd seen him at work several times over the last week, but being at the distribution center was different than being alone with Gray. When I answere
Gray made no contact for over a week. I hadn't called him, nor had I seen him at the distribution center. I was there daily and fully involved in the contract, working on setting up the team to proceed with the job after I pulled out. He didn't work Monday through Thursday, but it surprised me when he wasn't there Friday, either.I tried not to worry too much about it, but I was slowly losing that battle. I couldn't stop thinking about him or what I might have done at the football game to cause his sudden lack of interest. The only thing I could discern was the pot. He had smelled it in my apartment, but I hadn't lied. It was something I did-I hadn't mentioned the cocaine. Based on his reaction to the weed, I'd never do any of it around him. He didn't realize I'd never been around him when I wasn't on something-typically coke. Not once had I been sober in his presence.One lesson my dad had instilled-girls don't go after boys-I refused to contact Gray. Attention was not something t
Sitting on my couch waiting for Gray to show up, I still hadn't reconciled mentally why I had called him over. I hadn't figured out what I planned to say or decided what I wanted to do. My head vehemently told me to walk away, but somehow, my heart had become involved. That traitorous organ wanted to cling to him. I'd never been drawn to someone the way I had to Gray. Even Will had developed over time; we'd become very close long before I stumbled upon the truth. I was pretty sure Gray would destroy me in the long run, but I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by him, even if only briefly.The knock on the door stifled my mental argument-Gray stood on the other side. His hands were stuffed into his jean pockets, and he rocked back on his heels, refusing to make eye contact. It was cute, his nervousness, and it sealed the deal. At that moment, the crack in his cocky exterior became visible; there was a softness to him, one that reminded me so much of Will. For a split second,
Gray and I spent all our time together over the summer, usually at my apartment because Topher's couch wasn't a cool place to hang out. We did things with his friends and mine throughout the week some, too. Topher had a little sister my age, and Scarlett and I had hung out without Gray or Topher, but that would all come to a grinding halt when the fall semester started back. I didn't know how much time I'd have after the work at the DC, class, and Gray to continue seeing many of my friends, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd talked to Jeff. Luckily, Gray spent the majority of nights in my bed, so I had a guarantee of time with him, but he hadn't moved in. His things remained at Topher's.Gray: Hey, baby. I'm about to clock out. You almost done?Me: About an hour Gray: Text me when you're ready to leaveMe: Will I get to see you tonight?Gray: Anytime you want me I'm yoursMe: Looking forward to it. I'll text you soon.When I reached a stopping point at work, I sen
We had slept in the next morning before we took Gray's stuff to my apartment. He didn't have much, just his clothes. It saddened me that he had left his entire life behind at his house when he'd moved out, but he said he could replace material things. It didn't seem to bother him, so I tried not to let it bother me, but something about his departure from his marriage seemed more sudden than planned. Or possibly he'd given her everything to ease the weight of the guilt he'd felt over leaving.Scarlett and Topher had helped us load everything up and followed us over to my apartment. They would leave my place to go by Heather's and start the process of moving her in. I doubted it would be as easy as Gray's leg of the trip had been. My space was a decent size for me, but adding another person was a little cramped. It was probably a good thing he didn't have a ton of belongings because we had a hard time figuring out what to do with his clothes. There was definitely not enough space in
His voice was soft when he finally spoke. "What just happened?"As much as I'd wanted to evade the question, pretend I didn't know what he was referring to, we'd promised no secrets, and he'd been more than patient with my desire not to share this one. Even if I only gave him a condensed version, I could no longer pretend my past didn't affect my present.He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my sweaty head, giving me time to form the words I was willing to share. There was no rush, he wasn't prying, but I didn't want to have to do this more than once. So I took a deep breath and told the simplest version of the story I could."Will and I started dating middle of freshman year. We became very close, very good friends in the second semester. All of our free time was spent together outside of school. Our houses were in the same neighborhood, so hanging out over summer break was easy. I'd gotten used to going over after I'd gotten up in the morning and we'd hang out at his pool."
After Gray had learned about Will, he'd been careful on how he approached anything new in the weeks that followed. He wanted to push the envelope beyond missionary but wasn't interested in a repeat of the night he tried to take me from behind. I appreciated his understanding, and at times, he coddled me. I wanted to grow, move past the barriers I'd held on to. My psychiatrist believed our exploration was healthy and encouraged me to continue as long as I felt comfortable, but that was just it, I wasn't sure where to draw that line. So we'd agreed to explore together-the trust this required from me was enormous. I struggled with disconnecting the abuse I'd witnessed Will endure, from a healthy sex life.Gray came in the door with a black plastic bag. I knew he was up to something. I gave him a kiss on the lips, and asked, "What's in the bag?""I got you something. Well, I got you something, and I got us something." He reached into the bag and pulled out a sleek pink vibrator and a D