I managed to find my way home in the bewildered state I'd left the distribution center-how, I'm not sure. The surroundings of my apartment complex went unnoticed as I pulled in. I didn't even see the beautiful landscapes that encompassed the quiet complex where I paid so dearly to live. As if my feet weren't already hurting after a full day in heels, they were about dead by the time I made the hike up to the third-floor apartment. When I finally reached my door, I threw it open, tossed my bag down by the door, and promised myself I'd work on the proposal before I crashed tonight. My first priority was ditching the confining clothes that sucked the life from my pores. I dropped them on the floor and made my way to my bedroom, where I fell face-first onto my bed, asleep before my feet left the ground.The blaring drone of my obnoxious alarm clock startled me back to consciousness. I cursed myself, realizing I'd hit snooze one too many times. Running late for class, I hightailed it to t
I was high as a kite when I unlocked the door to Walton's. Thank God it was Friday, and everyone had left at five, or I'd be showing my ass when I walked in all glassy-eyed and giggly. Stepping into the office, I acknowledged the stuffy interior-it was a beautiful space, but so highbrow I felt slightly suffocated at times. I pushed through the heavy door and passed the offices that all looked similar to my own but with slightly different color schemes to reach my door. Clutching my bag and the note from my car, I strolled through the doorway to perch my ass in the leather chair behind my massive mahogany desk. This was a tough industry, price competitive and cutthroat. People worked years to get in with a top firm; most of them stepped on people's faces while they climbed the corporate ladder. My parents had owned a consulting firm all my life-different industry than the one I worked in, but consulting all the same. I'd spent most of my childhood and teen years working in their offi
Promptly at ten, I stepped past the bouncer. It was so loud I couldn't see-my eyes vibrated from the beat of the music. I loved Cravin' Melon, but at that decibel level, it was hard to tell it was music anymore. I was already desperate for a drink, my mouth crying out for a Diet Coke. The bartenders were lenient about serving underage drinkers, but it wasn't my thing.I gave alcohol a fair shot; that's what kids in college did. But I never took to it. I preferred marijuana-it knocked off the edge and gave me the ability to relax. And it counteracted the cocaine I used during the day-my illegal Adderall. My freshman year had hit me hard: the hours at Walton's, classes, schoolwork...all the things I submerged myself in after Will and the trials. There weren't enough hours in the day to add in sleeping and eating. What had started as a pick-me-up had quickly become routine. By that point, it was a daily supplement I needed in order to focus, and I used it the way most people would a cup
This had been the week from hell. I had taken my last exam yesterday and was on my way out to the DC for signatures on the contract. When I walked in, all I could think about was getting the paperwork signed to get Jack off my back. Brett and Dan had selected me for the job several days ago, but we had been ironing out the final details since then, and Jack wanted the ink on the dotted line sooner rather than later. This was a fairly large account, and he acted like without a signature, I might somehow lose it. I was all business until I hit the distribution center floor. He was standing right there. So right there that I walked straight into his chest. He braced me to prevent me from falling."Oh my God, Gray, I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going." This guy's presence made me sound like a bumbling idiot. Crap, crap, crap. I couldn't be this close to him. I realized I was lingering entirely too long and pulled away. Without another word, I headed back to meet Brett and Dan.
I was nervous when he knocked on my door, the anticipation of him picking me up was more than I could handle completely sober. We'd talked on the phone for countless hours and texted during the day when he was off and when I was working. Our conversation had flowed freely, and it had given me a false sense of intimacy. There wasn't a topic we hadn't explored, other than Will, but the truth was we had spent very little time together, and words weren't the same as actions. I only knew what he allowed me to know about him and vice versa. I thought about him non-stop, but a mental obsession didn't equate to a committed relationship. I didn't know what equated to a relationship because I was so far out of the realm of reality it was unreal. I wanted to see him, had been counting the hours, but the closer it got, the faster my stomach turned. I'd seen him at work several times over the last week, but being at the distribution center was different than being alone with Gray. When I answere
Gray made no contact for over a week. I hadn't called him, nor had I seen him at the distribution center. I was there daily and fully involved in the contract, working on setting up the team to proceed with the job after I pulled out. He didn't work Monday through Thursday, but it surprised me when he wasn't there Friday, either.I tried not to worry too much about it, but I was slowly losing that battle. I couldn't stop thinking about him or what I might have done at the football game to cause his sudden lack of interest. The only thing I could discern was the pot. He had smelled it in my apartment, but I hadn't lied. It was something I did-I hadn't mentioned the cocaine. Based on his reaction to the weed, I'd never do any of it around him. He didn't realize I'd never been around him when I wasn't on something-typically coke. Not once had I been sober in his presence.One lesson my dad had instilled-girls don't go after boys-I refused to contact Gray. Attention was not something t
Sitting on my couch waiting for Gray to show up, I still hadn't reconciled mentally why I had called him over. I hadn't figured out what I planned to say or decided what I wanted to do. My head vehemently told me to walk away, but somehow, my heart had become involved. That traitorous organ wanted to cling to him. I'd never been drawn to someone the way I had to Gray. Even Will had developed over time; we'd become very close long before I stumbled upon the truth. I was pretty sure Gray would destroy me in the long run, but I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by him, even if only briefly.The knock on the door stifled my mental argument-Gray stood on the other side. His hands were stuffed into his jean pockets, and he rocked back on his heels, refusing to make eye contact. It was cute, his nervousness, and it sealed the deal. At that moment, the crack in his cocky exterior became visible; there was a softness to him, one that reminded me so much of Will. For a split second,
Gray and I spent all our time together over the summer, usually at my apartment because Topher's couch wasn't a cool place to hang out. We did things with his friends and mine throughout the week some, too. Topher had a little sister my age, and Scarlett and I had hung out without Gray or Topher, but that would all come to a grinding halt when the fall semester started back. I didn't know how much time I'd have after the work at the DC, class, and Gray to continue seeing many of my friends, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd talked to Jeff. Luckily, Gray spent the majority of nights in my bed, so I had a guarantee of time with him, but he hadn't moved in. His things remained at Topher's.Gray: Hey, baby. I'm about to clock out. You almost done?Me: About an hour Gray: Text me when you're ready to leaveMe: Will I get to see you tonight?Gray: Anytime you want me I'm yoursMe: Looking forward to it. I'll text you soon.When I reached a stopping point at work, I sen
Our story didn't stop at the courthouse. We had dinner with Brett and Annie that night and hovered around their kitchen table. My best friends allowed me to share Joshua with them and gave life to his memory. I showed them the only pictures I still had while holding Alissa in my arms. She smiled up at me as if she knew. That tiny human connected with me on a level she may never understand, but somehow, she knew-without Joshua, she wouldn't be here. Watching her run around with her friends as we celebrated her birth five years later, I couldn't help but think how foolish it would have been to walk away from all of this. Dan and I would never have children, but what we had was far better for us. Annie and Brett were more like siblings than friends, and their kids were amazing. We got to spoil them, take them anywhere we wanted, and send them home. We had family at holidays and special occasions, and we never missed out on anything either Grayson or Alissa were doing. But at the end of
I had called repeatedly, but each try had gone straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off, or it died without being charged overnight. I didn't want to speculate about which it was. I drove as quickly as I could and slammed the SUV in park in the first spot I could find before racing into the courthouse. I followed the signs to the Justice of the Peace, but when I reached the office, completely out of breath, Dan was nowhere to be found. The clock on the wall read 10:11 am. My eyes scanned the room, making sure to identify each person as a stranger before moving on to the next face. Surely, he hadn't left after ten minutes. He had to know I'd come. A guy slammed into my shoulder in his haste to rush out of the office, not even bothering to apologize for nearly knocking me over. But standing stock-still in the middle of the doorway probably wasn't the best idea. I just couldn't believe he'd left. I waited for hours for Matt to show up at the hospital, but Dan hadn't waited ten lo
My night had been restless, and just as quiet as the evening after Dan and I had gotten out of the bathtub. He left after dinner and went to Brett's house, but I didn't have the courage to ask him what he'd done while he was there. He returned in the same mood he'd left in, the one he was known for. To an outsider, he appeared unwavering-but I knew with time to think about it, he'd decide he couldn't stay."Did you want to get a new dress for tomorrow?" "For what?""To go to the courthouse? Or do you want to do the whole thing off the wall and wear jeans?" He kept unloading the dishwasher like he had asked what I needed from the grocery store. "I didn't think we were still doing that?" Maybe he'd taken up drinking.He turned toward me suddenly, dropping a dishtowel he'd used to dry his hands with. "What are you talking about? You said Monday. Tomorrow is Monday.""Dan...""No, don't Dan me. Has something changed that you don't want to marry me now?"Oh, for the love of God. I
I stood in the spot he left me in when he returned with towels from the dryer. He set them on the counter, turned off the water in the now full tub, and removed his clothes. I watched in a trance until he was before me with nothing on. With my hand in his, he stepped over the side of the bathtub and then helped me in. The garden tub was made for two, and I nestled myself between his legs while he leaned back. The bubbles created a cover, hiding our bodies except for the parts of us not under the water. My fingers fidgeted nervously with the white foam until he took my hand and wound his fingers between mine.He might have been waiting for me to start, but I didn't know what to say. The silence was painful, and I ran through the scenarios of how this might play out...none of which ended well."What was his name?" The words of inquiry fanned out against my skin like a warm blanket. They were gentle and softly spoken, inviting me to open up about a piece of me I hadn't shared with anyon
We walked into the sanctuary with two minutes to spare. Brett quickly found Dan, and Annie was in a tizzy. Alissa was nestled into a cradle her dad had created with his arm completely unaffected by her father's helpless panic. "Dude, slow down. What's wrong?"I held Dan's hand in front of Brett, but Alissa had my attention. Just as Brett started to answer Dan's question, Annie came around the corner. Her face was flush, and if I had to bet, I'd say she was roughly two minutes from pulling her hair out.I hadn't heard anything Brett said to my fiancé. The moment Annie got close enough, I saw why she was distressed. Grayson had spit up all over his christening gown...and it stunk, even from here.People started to fill the pews. "What do you need me to do, Annie?"Brett stepped in, suddenly relieved and in control. "Nothing. We're good. Dan went to get stuff out of the car."My brow scrunched in confusion. I had no idea what was going on or how Dan was helping."Seriously, Lissa.
The time on my phone couldn't be right. There was no way it was a quarter to eight. Somehow in my haste to get to sleep I either hadn't turned on my alarm or had turned it off an hour ago when it rang. I threw the covers back and practically fell out of bed. The thud of my body on the floor woke Dan whose concern, while well intended, only slowed my progress out the door."Let me go. I have fifteen minutes to get to Annie's house, and I had planned to shower before I went."He didn't relinquish his grasp on me once he got up. "Lissa, calm down. You aren't going to do anyone any good in a panic." I relaxed until I felt the tension in his arms subside and then made my break. "I'll be back. Can you get the gifts out of the closet and throw them in the bags on the kitchen counter? There's tissue paper there, too.""Sure, where are they?"I raced around tearing my pajamas off to put on a bra and some real clothes. As much as I loved Brett, I wasn't interested in him seeing any more of
"You look like shit, Lissa. Did you have a baby that keeps you up at night, and I missed it?"I swung my attention to Annie to find her giggling to herself. "You don't look so hot yourself, heifer." The wink I shot her direction ensured she saw my playfulness. "I haven't slept all that well the last couple nights." I didn't need to tell her why."Bad dreams?" She'd become a pro at this whole parenting gig. She never missed a beat with either kid and managed to hold completely coherent, adult conversations while breastfeeding one and changing the other. Anyone else would need more hands but not Annie Ryann. "I don't know what it is. Just not getting a lot of rest."She stopped what she was doing and gave me the eye. The one that told me she didn't believe a word I said. I scooped Alissa up and ignored her."Spill it.""There's nothing to spill. I'm just not sleeping well.""Are you nervous about getting married?"Her question was natural, based on the fact that event loomed jus
I'd spent most of the summer with Annie, Alissa, and Grayson while Dan and Brett worked. As my vacation neared its end, I got excited about returning to work. I couldn't wait to be around my students again and the music. I dreaded seeing Rob, but hopefully, he'd be somewhat human now that some time had passed. I hadn't heard from him in the time I'd been off except for the email he sent out to the department today about meetings over the next couple weeks. It would be strange being away from the kids. Annie and I were more like co-mothers, with her taking the lead and the long nights. But I'd spent several of those with her as well. I knew how exhausting one infant was...I couldn't leave her alone with two, and Brett still had to work. Maybe it was an excuse to feel like I was an important part of their lives and their team. Maybe it gave me a piece of what I'd lost years earlier. Either way, I found myself having to be pried away from them. When I told Annie to let me know if I got
The addition of Alissa Danielle to our tribe had been profound. I loved being able to walk across the driveway to relieve my friend in the morning so she could shower, take a nap, or whatever else she was in the mood to do. I didn't care what it was. I'd help her with laundry, cleaning, anything to keep her from experiencing the sleep deprivation that had caused the end of the world I knew. It was twice as bad for her because with each passing day, she became more pregnant and less able to move...or stay awake. I took advantage of the time she granted me with Alissa and tried to maintain the bond the two of us shared. I knew it would change over time, but I hoped as she grew older it would strengthen in different ways. I wanted to be her friend, her confidant, her second mom. In the few weeks she'd been alive, Dan and I both had fallen head over heels for her. But at the end of each day, we got to go next door, have sex as loudly as we wanted to, stay out until all hours of the night