Chapter 3

Simon Lee

It wasn't easy to control the anxiety knowing that Laura was out there, just a few feet away from me. I always liked to hang out at the bar before shows, but I wanted her to see me at just the right moment. When Matheus told her that she was already staying at the apartment, I wanted to run there and say how long I had waited for that moment. But I had to hold back and hold back the fucking desire to find her again. Now here I was, locked in a dressing room, like a cowardly fifteen-year-old, trying to imagine what her reaction would be when she saw me.

After so many years apart, after countless bounced emails, I had forgotten all the hurt that had consumed me for years. She was outside. My Laura. My childhood crush. The only woman I truly loved.

When Maicon walked in, announcing that there were only ten minutes to go, my hands began to sweat. What the fuck is happening to you, Simon? Never had stage fright. He was never insecure before a show. That woman threw me out of control in a way that even I didn't understand. Even following his life from a distance, seeing his photos, receiving all the news from Matheus, I couldn't imagine how I would react to seeing his face, after years. She was no longer a child. She was the woman I dreamed of every night and who gave me erections just imagining her body. I knew it wouldn't be easy to regain his trust, I knew it would be complicated and painful work. But I was going to have Laura in my life again. I would do anything to get her to look at me again with that admiration and affection, even to make her love me.

That was what I should have done in the past. I should have fought for her. I should never have abandoned her. I always loved her and even though I knew that this love was not reciprocal, that she only saw me as a friend, I had hopes that one day I would conquer her. But when my father decided to leave Brazil, without even giving me a choice, my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I didn't want her to know about my love, it would make her suffer even more, and that's why I walked away . I waited for her at that airport. I thought my friend and partner would say goodbye, and wish me luck. It was what friends did for each other. But she didn't show up. Completely ignored our friendship for years. How it hurt. Even though I was hurt, I sent emails, messages, called several times. She never answered me, never called me. Not even on my birthdays.

—Five minutes— shouted Mia, my drummer.

After being rejected so much, I decided to erase Laura from my memories. I dedicated myself to my studies and prepared to be a security agent in my father's company. I became a complete professional. The most feared of the Phoenix Guardian, according to Thomas. I was the security guard for big businessmen and politicians. He worked directly with the intelligence service and often faced very complicated missions. Until the day I decided to abandon everything and dedicate myself to my gift. Having a band was my dream since I was a child, and that's why I created Sky Love , a pop rock band with covers and copyright songs.

The first to join the group was Mia, a talented drummer who was part of a gospel band. Soon after, Maicon joined the group, with his guitar solos that drew hysterical screams from the fans. In addition to being the vocalist, I was the manager, responsible for hiring the shows and doing the marketing. That was my life. With only two years of formation, the band still had a shy spotlight in the media, but enough to drive crazy fans to the shows. The screams outside would start as soon as I stepped onto the stage, but only one person's opinion interested me at that moment.

As I slid my fingers along the guitar strings and started the song, I noticed Laura's body swivel towards me. It was as if time had frozen and it was just the two of us in that place. No screams, no flashes, nothing could take my eyes off hers. Emotion pulsed through me as if I had been waiting my whole life for this night.

Laura was beaming. Much prettier than in the photos Matheus showed me. Her long black hair rested on her shoulders. The two striking marks, at the height of the cheek and at the corner of the mouth, stood out against the white skin. I would never forget that mole next to the full, reddened lips that kept me awake for so long. His expression was puzzled. I didn't know if she would recognize me after so many years. Matheus had said that she had never asked about me, something that made me more certain about her contempt. There was only one way to know if she still remembered us: sing our song. The lyrics I wrote for her , a few years ago, and that would be the band's next work. I had already done the melody and had done the recording last month. When Matheus announced that Laura would be coming to New York, I decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to present the single to the public.

With a repertoire of songs in English and others in Portuguese, we managed to bring together Brazilians who lived in New York and conquer some Americans, so in all the shows, our audience was diverse.

When I said the first few lines, I was sure that Laura recognized me. The parted lips and the tension between her eyebrows, almost joined together, betrayed how surprised she was to see me. I continued singing without taking my eyes off my target.

I spent nights remembering your mysterious eyes

There's no way to decipher your enigmatic bias

If I could find a place

Where my heart was immune to your gaze

But there isn't, Little One. There is not

My soul has already lost its way

My body doesn't recognize my commands

A lifetime to love you

I already gave up on escaping

I'm out of breath, Little One. Breathless

and when you arrive

I lose all defenses

But I say no

I miss the floor

I just wanted to find a place

Where I was immune to your gaze.

                                                             ***

Laura Anthony

The applause echoed in my eardrums, making me come to my senses. It was as if the air had been stuck in my throat for all those minutes. As I listened to the lyrics, a frantic movie of images had flashed through my mind. Simon's arrival at school on the first day of school. The school escapes to eat ice cream in the square. The first day he introduced me to the lyrics to the song. Shared dreams. The pain of departure and all the suffering that followed. There was no way to separate the happy memories from the sad ones. My history with Simon was marked by deep hurts. And it wasn't going to be a song from the past that would make me forget about my best friend's abandonment.

I jumped up, feeling tears roll down my face. The shortness of breath prevented me from thinking. I reached the entrance and felt the hand grip my arm, tightly.

— Wait, Laura! Where are you going? Sara startled as I looked at her with watery eyes.

My face was burning and it must have been red as a tomato. I just wanted to get away from there. I didn't want to think or remember anything anymore. My heart was a mixture of agitation, pain, confused and intense feelings. Sara led me to the sidewalk outside the bar so I could breathe. She asked me to wait while she made the payment. Some people around looked at me, probably thinking I was sick. I took a deep breath, pulled my hair up on top of my head, and rubbed my face in an attempt to wipe away the tears. Minutes later, Sara got out and then called a taxi. We drove in silence and I watched as she started typing something into her cell phone. I must have been talking to my uncle. I felt like a complete idiot for losing control like that. At the time, I didn't even remember the real reason for being there. Now, thinking coldly, I realized that the client could be Simon. Was someone threatening him? But why?

My cell phone rang, waking me to the reality above my childish tantrums. It was my uncle.

—Laura? Are you okay?

— It's him? Is he the customer? I asked dryly.

—Yes my dear!

—Why didn't you tell me? — Why did you do this to me? My lips trembled as I tried to hold back the tears.

—Laura, I didn't know if you would take the case if you knew who it was.

— I can not do it. You need to put someone else in my place— I declared.

—I don't trust anyone else. I need you there, beside him.

— Why didn't you leave Matheus? They are friends. He is the most suitable person.

—My dear! You know it's not. As much as Matheus is my son and I love him, I am aware that he is an unparalleled administrator, but there is no one better on the job than you.— My uncle's voice was slow and sweet.

—I'm not competent for this mission. I lost control just looking at him. I can't, forgive me!

I hung up the phone and the ridiculous tears started to fall again. How could I be so pathetic. When we entered the apartment, I ran to the bathroom and got under the shower in an attempt to cool my head and body. Simon's gaze wouldn't leave my head. That song and all the memories it sparked made me realize that you don't just throw the shit from the past under the rug, waiting for time to dissolve all the dirt. It just grows. I didn't know if there was a culprit in this whole story, but I didn't understand why fate was putting Simon back in my life. I could not accept that mission. Could not. But at the same time I thought: what if his life is at risk? If something happens? Will I be able to live with this?

I lay down on the bed and Sara, who was already showered, came into the room with a tray of snacks.

—We couldn't even eat. I thought I might be hungry.

— Sorry, friend! I ruined your first night out in New York.— I pouted.

— You do not need to say sorry. I'm worried about you. So that cat is this Simon?

When Sara said the word —cat— I realized I hadn't even looked at him properly. I could only see Simon's face. Hair straight and black. The eyes that looked at me so deeply. I didn't remember anything. If he had a beard, the clothes he was wearing... I think if he had been in a wheelchair I wouldn't have noticed. My God! What happened with me?

—He wasn't in a wheelchair, was he?— I mean, had all the members in place? I asked, coming out of the trance.

—What's that question, you crazy?— Sara burst out laughing and I managed to relax a little.

—Oh my friend, I didn't even look at him properly. I was in a state of paralysis. How can?

—It's understandable, Laura! You haven't seen each other in years. All those feelings kept inside you would eventually explode — she justified.

—He must think I'm incompetent.— What kind of bodyguard am I that I can't even control myself? I pulled my legs against my body, hugging them.

— Do not think about it. Try to eat something and rest. Tomorrow you think about what you're going to do.— She smoothed my hair and tucked a strand behind my ear.

— You are right. I need to put the ideas in place. I can't take any action on impulse.

— That's right. I'm going to watch TV in my room, but if you need anything you can call me. Sara kissed the top of my head and smiled.

— Thanks friend! Thank you for taking such good care of me.

— I love you, cuteness !