I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the past. But the past has a funny habit of catching up to you. Lola Ryder proved that.Lola. The sound of her name stirred up something inside of me, a sweet and wonderful feeling. As I walked around the block, it was a warm day. Spring was just around the corner, but it didn’t feel like that. Where was she now? Probably at home, with her kid, Macy. The little girl with the blue eyes.I hadn’t asked Lola about the father of her child—it wasn’t my place, and I got the feeling she wasn’t going to tell me anyway. But when she did, I was ready to hear.I wanted to get close to her, wanted to get close to Macy. But we hadn’t called or spoken much since that night in the hotel. Besides, I was too wrapped up in my thoughts right now to consider what I might do.I felt a strange tug of emotion inside me. She was beautiful, kind, and never gave up on me. Lola Ryder, always there when you least expected her. Always smiling, always cheering me up wh
Lola“Can I help you?”I said cheerily.The old man turned to me. His hair was a little long and scraggly, his beard untrimmed. I could see his fingers were dirty. But he didn’t look homeless—not exactly. His clothes weren’t tarnished enough.He turned and looked at me for a moment, and a lonely, sad pair of blue eyes watched me from his deep-set face.“Can I help you?” I said again. I’d bumped into the old guy as I was leavingThe Blue Orchid.“My son used to work here,” he said, a little sadly, as he turned and looked at the building.I shook my head, and went on home. Maybe he was just crazy.It had been two weeks now sinceTheBlue Orchidhad been closed. And we still weren’t attracting nearly as many customers as we had before despite our best efforts. But that was only the least of my concerns.I hadn’t heard much from Alex since our night together, that wonderful, magical night when I’d given myself to him with all the passion of my younger days. I’d seen him, of course, cooped up i
From here, you could see all the way across the bay. On the far left, I could see Jersey City, and Staten Island in the distance. To the right, I could see the tall, gleaming spires of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge, as its arches reached up into the sky. It was a bright day, and Alex produced a pair of sunglasses from the glovebox for me.“Why, thank you,” I said, charmed by his thoughtfulness. I put the glasses on, and the white glare on the water receded a little. Alex was at the other end of the boat, and I watched as he bent low, his powerful back arching as he stood up quickly, pulling a cord.There was a splutter and a rumble, and then the boat’s engine flared into life. He strode confidently over to the pilot’s seat, next to me, and I watched him angle the wheel away, skillfully maneuvering us out of the bay.“Since when do you know how to drive a boat?” I said. Even at this low speed, the wind was already whipping my hair.“I know how to do a lot of things,” said Alex, and
“Let me take you to dinner,” said Alex.“Sure,” I said. “As long as we’re done by eight-thirty. I need to go pick Macy up.”“No problem,” he said in a soft, reassuring voice.We got to the restaurant. I recognized it immediately from something I’d seen on TV once. It was one of those super-fancy places with Michelin stars and tiny plates of food. I’d seen them before.“You ever go to Panera Bread?” I asked Alex, as we were seated at one of the tables, and the menus, heavy and dark with black leather cases, were slipped onto our laps.Alex laughed. I loved it when he laughed and the sound was warm and rich. We’d been seated in a private room in the restaurant.“That’s a good one,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve been for about ten years.”“You know,” I whispered conspiratorially, “the food probably isn’t as good as here, but the bill’s about a hundred times smaller.”“I get that,” said Alex. “But money doesn’t really matter to me. Even if the best is overpriced, why not have it if you can
AlexIt was the second time I’d chased Lola through the streets of Manhattan. And this time, I’d very nearly lost her.I was standing on the corner of 54thand 7th, wondering where she’d got to, when I finally saw her, zig zagging on the pavement up towards Central Park.I followed her at a distance into the Park. It wasn’t dark yet, so I knew she’d be safe. But I couldn’t just leave her like this. I knew that whatever my question had triggered, it was important. And if I didn’t explain to her now, there might not be another chance.When I finally caught up to her, she was sitting on a park bench, under a crowd of apple trees, staring down the rolling fields and meadows of Central Park. It was a warm evening, and I could see pollen floating through the air.“I think I need to explain myself,” I said, as I approached her and sat down.“You’re damn right you do,” snapped Lola. “What do you think I am? A wife-for-hire?”“No,” I said, quickly. “I told you. If anything happens to me, then I
“Anything,” I said.“If we’re going to do this, then it can’t get…complicated. I couldn’t do that to Macy.”“I understand.”“We need to be friends from now on. Nothing more.”“Okay,” I said, and felt a hopeless, rising tide of misery. I was getting what I wanted from Lola. But I also understood that, in some sense, I was losing her.I was gaining a wife, but losing my lover.“Okay,” she said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go pick up Macy.”“I’ll call for the car,” I said.And that was how I got engaged to Lola Ryder.***“There’s a lot to do,” said Lola. We were in the car, by the bus terminal. “If you want to make this convincing, that is.”“I know,” I said. “To be honest, I’m wondering how I’ll even pull it off.”“Well, don’t shut me out this time,” said Lola to me, and I felt a curious resentment. How much more could she have shut me out than she already had?I nodded. I hugged her, gently, the way you might hug a friend. And she got out of the car, and I saw her walk to the b
Lola“Dearly beloved,”said the priest. “We are gathered here today…”For a crock of lies, I thought to myself.The last three weeks had been a grueling escapade of planning. Hundreds and hundreds of decisions, which had to be made, decisions that people spent years making.The first and most important decision of all. Who should we tell? Zeke was the only person who knew. He looked at me the next day, with a guilty expression.“Hey,” he said, while I glared at him, a wide smile bursting onto my lips. “It’s a good excuse for a party?”“Where are we going to have it?” I said.“Why, here of course.”“What? AtThe Blue Orchid? What good’s a wedding party if you can’t drink?”“Private event,” said Zeke, with a wink. “And I hear they’ve got an excellent cellar here.”When I saw the wine menu, I was flabbergasted. I ran up to the office to talk to Alex.“You’ve ordered fifty bottles of champagne!”“Well, it is my wedding,” said Alex. “Besides, we’ll need them for the fountain!”“The fountain?
“Did you really need to chat forthatlong?” said Alex. “We’ve been in there for like, two hours.”“It’s just like you said,” I replied, innocently shrugging. “We want it to look right, right?”I flashed my eyes at him and, not for the first time that week, enjoyed watching Alex seethe. He might be the one with the cash, but I was the one who understood the secret operation we’d embarked upon. In the end, I was the one who knew how to make things convincing.So I led Alex around town, visiting caterers, party planners, the priest, and all of it was just a big lie: a lie designed to present an impression to the world of two people who’d decided to join their hearts and minds for the rest of their lives. But the truth was that Alex and I were increasingly growing apart. It hurt me to have to bring an end to the affair we’d been carrying on. But I knew that things would be too complicated if I didn’t stop now. If my name ended up on the marriage license next to a man I was sleeping with, I
I held the door for her to get into the car. My dad picked up Makayla so she could give Deira one last hug while I walked around to get into the driver's side. We waved at everyone, and I drove away. As we wove through the grounds of the estate, I kept looking over, stealing glances at Deira as the dappled sunlight flitted over her, turning her hair gold and making her skin glow. I could feel heat pooling in my groin and a desperate need coursing through my veins. I thought again at how long it would be until we got to the hotel that night, and decided it was simply too long.Instead of turning toward the main road, I looped us around toward the back of the estate. I remembered a particularly secluded spot that was perfect for what I had in mind. A few minutes later, I pulled the car to a stop."Is something wrong?" Deira asked, looking over at me curiously."Nothing's wrong," I replied with a wicked grin. "I just don't want to wait until we get to Hawaii." When she realized what I me
CASSIUSThree Months LaterDeira made a beautiful bride.Watching her walk down the aisle toward me, with all our family and friends present, I knew that I had made the right choice in asking her to marry me. In fact, I knew that every choice I had made since that moment I decided to step into that steam room, despite it unexpectedly being occupied, had been the right choice.It was a simple ceremony, because once I'd proposed and she'd accepted, we both wanted things to move quickly. Neither of us saw a reason to wait. So, our whole wedding party was just three people. Scott was my one groomsman, and Dani was her one bridesmaid, and Makayla was the flower girl. In fact, Makayla was something of a flower empress, having demanded to be put in charge of all the floral decisions for the wedding. When that happened, Deira just laughed and looked at me."She gets this from you, you know," she had said, smirking.For my part, I thought she had made great decisions. The flowers looked beauti
A few days later,I was standing outside a hospital room, fidgeting with my dress. Cassius took my hand, pulling it away from the floral garment."You look great," he whispered. "Don't worry." We were about to go into his mother's hospital room, where his parents were waiting to meet Makayla and I for the first time. Makayla was bopping excitedly beside me. She had been on cloud nine ever since Cassius and I had explained that she had grandparents, and they were waiting to meet her. I, on the other hand, was very nervous."Ready?" Cassius asked. I took a deep breath, and nodded.It turned out that I didn't have anything to be nervous about. Cassius's father immediately stood up and gave me a warm hug, and his mother insisted I come sit by her so she could hold my hand and talk to me. They both were very kind to me and, more importantly, to Makayla. Just as she'd been with Cassius, Makayla seemed instantly at ease with them. It didn't take long before she was chatting away to them, talk
DEIRALeave it to Cassius to make a dramatic entrance, I reflected as I stared at him from afar. Whether it was barging into my steam room or crashing into my car or running through the airport yelling my name, he never did anything subtly. I looked at him, standing there breathing heavily. Had he run through the airport looking for me?I glanced back at Dani, and she raised an eyebrow. She didn't have to say anything more for me to understand the question she was asking. That raised eyebrow said, well, what are you going to do? It might as well have said, well, Deira, what do you want? I hadn't expected to have to answer that question at the airport, right before we went through security, but apparently, that's what was happening. Now I had two choices.I could turn my back on Cassius, take Makayla's hand, and walk through the security gate toward a totally new life, or I could go over to Cassius and ask him why he was here. I could give him one last chance to be part of my life. It
CASSIUSThough my mother was doing well, I still spent the next week or so in the hospital. Now that I'd reconciled with my parents, I wanted them to know that I was there for them. But also, I knew that once I returned to my real life, I would need to talk to Deira, and I wasn't ready. Not because I wasn't sure what to say—in fact, the opposite. I knew that I wanted Makayla and Deira to be part of my life now, and forever. But we'd had such a rocky path, I was a little scared of how Deira would respond to me.So, I put it off for days, until my mom finally prodded me to leave the hospital."You've been here forever," she said. "Go home, get a shower, and get a good night's sleep. And then, once you're refreshed, maybe talk to your girlfriend about us meeting our granddaughter." She winked at me."She's not my girlfriend, Mom," I protested, feeling like a teenager."But you like her, right?" my mother asked, and all I could do was grin in response. "See," she continued. "You have to g
The next morning, Dani took Makayla to school on her way to work, letting me sleep in. I laid around her apartment all morning in my pajamas, then went for a quick run before getting myself some lunch. I was very consciously not thinking about work, or Cassius, or anything else. I had half-expected him to call me at some point, but he didn't, and I couldn't help but be relieved. I didn't think I could talk to him until I decided what to do about Mr. White.In the afternoon, I picked up Makayla from school and took her to the park to play. That night, the three of us made pasta and played board games. It was nice to have some time to just have fun, without thinking about all of the stress of the past few months. The next day, after dropping off Makayla at school, I found myself thinking about my blog. I hadn't thought about it in months. I went to the home page and started looking over some of my past entries. Before long, I found myself writing down ideas for new posts. It had been ye
DEIRA I had hurried inside after getting out of Cassius's car, but I didn't want to go back to Dani's apartment when I was so upset. I waited until I saw Cassius drive away, and then I went back out to take a walk around the neighborhood. I had meant to calm down, but I found myself reliving our conversation and soon I was crying. Cassius not believing me about Mr. White hurt even more than I had let on. I'd let out all my anger on him, but beneath the anger was a deep pain and a sense of betrayal. Why did he think I would make something like that up? What did I have to gain from that? And did our relationship mean so little to him that the word of an employee he barely knew was better than my word? That last part stung more than I wanted to admit. For all the ups and downs of our relationship, it had never felt meaningless to me, but it seemed for Cassius this always came second to his job. He believed Mr. White over me, just like he had taken a business call instead of watching
After I got my dad calmed down, I went to find the doctor. I wanted a clear understanding of the accident and my mother's injuries. The doctor confirmed that the coma appeared to be because her body had been through a trauma, and that there was nothing worrying on the scans. All her other injuries were minor, especially considering the severity of the accident, but we wouldn't know her true status until she woke up. I made sure he understood that I was the point person now, and that my mom was to want for nothing. He nodded and reiterated that there was nothing to be done but wait. The waiting was excruciating.I found myself wanting to call Deira, but remembering the look on her face as she'd slammed the car door, I didn't think that was a good idea. I called Scott instead. He offered to come to the hospital, but I asked him to take care of the business instead. That way, I could concentrate on taking care of my parents."Of course, man. Whatever you need. Anything else I can do?" he
The address wasn't far, and I made it there in twenty minutes. Deira was just taking Makayla inside when I pulled up. I waited in the car and a few minutes later she emerged. I was going to get out and meet her, but she walked right to the car and got into the passenger seat."I can't talk long," she said. "But I realized storming off like that earlier wasn't helpful, so I wanted to try to explain." She fidgeted, like she was nervous."I did talk to Mr. White," I said, wondering if what he said was true, and now she was nervous because she regretted her actions. At his name, she glanced over at me sharply."Did he admit what happened?" she asked, seeming surprised."He told me his side of things. Why don't you tell me yours?" At the phrasehis side of things, her face fell. She looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. Finally, she spoke."He accused me of sleeping with you to get my job," she said quietly."What?!" I hadn't been expecting that at all, and I was so shocked I fel