My car is parked at my parents' house, right next door, but if I go into the house to grab my purse and keys, I know my mom will only come in after me and try to get me to tell her everything. Instead, I just keep speed-walking - past my parents' house, past the one beyond that, all the way to the end of the street. Only then am I out of sight of the people in the Grants' yard, and only then do I break into a run.I don't know exactly where I'm going - I just let my feet lead the way. Haverton is small enough that I could make it back to the house I rent with Lucy without too much trouble, but that's the first place they'll look for me. I need to be alone right now.Somehow, I end up down by the river. I jog down the overgrown dirt path, trying not to trip over tree roots or overgrown weeds. Note to self - ballet flats are definitely not the best getaway shoes. This time of year the woods here are green and lush and thick, drowning out the sounds of the streets behind me. I rarely se
I'm desperate for a drink."Fine," I say to Alex. "What do I have to do?""Just get out of the water," he replies. "Then I'll give it to you.""Wait - are you afraid I'll drop it in the river? I wasn't the one who got butterfingers during the flag football championship - ""I still maintain that the sun was in my eyes," he says. "But no, that isn't the reason. I'd just prefer to get you out of the water. Just in case.""In case of what?" I cross my arms. "Are you afraid I'm going to hurt myself? It's hard to hurt yourself in a foot and a half of water.""But not impossible."I can tell he's not going to budge on this, so I quickly weigh my options. Which is more important - to feel the cool water rushing around my legs, or to feel the sweet burn of alcohol on my tongue? Today, the alcohol wins.I wade back to the riverbank and step out of the water."I promise I'm okay," I say, reaching out for the flask. "I'm just...just feeling a little crazy, that's all." And like I want to
"I'm not upset about Wes," I say, almost more to myself than to Alex. "I think I'm more upset about the fact that I just made an idiot of myself in front of half the town." I take another swig of whiskey. It's getting easier to swallow each time."Be careful with that, Mae.""I will. I am."He doesn't look like he believes me. "If I'm understanding this right, then Wes was clearly the one at fault. As soon as people hear the full story, they'll turn all their anger on him.""And save all their pity for me. No, thank you. I'd rather just chill here with this whiskey." I turn and walk over to one of the large, flat rocks on the river bank, stepping up onto it in my bare feet and then settling down cross-legged.Alex stays where he is, and I suddenly feel as if all my energy is draining out of me."Really, I appreciate you checking on me," I say quietly. "But you don't need to stay. I don't want you to miss your mom's party. She'll kill me if you do.""She'll understand."His refu
"I never brought Wes down here," I say abruptly. I don't know why, but I need Alex to know that. This was always our place - mine and Alex's. "It didn't seem right. Not that you and I were ever like me and Wes. We weren't romantic or hooking up, I mean." God, this alcohol is making it hard to explain what I mean. Or maybe it's just that Alex - or Xander, or whoever he is now - is making me nervous for some reason.I grab another little rock and toss it into the water, laughing to cover up this weirdness that has settled over me."You know, Lucy still refuses to believe that nothing ever happened between us," I say. "Some people just can't seem to accept the idea that men and women can just be friends." I tilt my head back and look up at the leaves overhead. In my buzzed state, the patterns they make are mind-boggling."None of my guy friends ever believed it either," he says. "Though they liked to tease me about never being able to seal the deal.""And look at you now," I say. "One
Kissing Alex might not be that bad, I tell myself. Weird, maybe. But probably not bad. I mean, the guy dates supermodels now. They're probably just in it for the money, but he can't be that bad a kisser if they stick around for more than a few dates, right? Or do gold diggers not care about that sort of thing? I mean, if I were a gold digger, that would totally still be part of the equation. I don't care how rich a guy is - if he's all drool-y when he kisses, I don't think I'd survive very long in that relationship. And when it came to sex..."Do gold diggers care about sex?" I ask Alex.He blinks. "What?""In a relationship, do they care about the sex and the kissing and all that, or just the money?"He sits up abruptly. "What the heck are you talking about?"The sudden absence of his weight on top of me makes me feel weirdly empty."Weren't we just talking about this?" I say. "About gold diggers and bad kissers and..."He looks at me like I'm possibly insane, which means it wa
When I wake, I feel like I've been sleeping for a hundred years. And also a little like I've been dragged behind a speedboat over rough waters. With a shark gnawing at me for most of the trip."Ugh," I groan, rolling over. My tongue is thick and dry. My head fuzzy. Feels like I definitely had too much to drink last night.Wes stirs beside me. I brush my fingers gently against his arm as I sit up. I'd really like to pull the covers over my head and block out the sunlight pouring in through my bedroom window, but I really, really have to use the bathroom.I stumble to the bathroom, and it takes me a few minutes to find the light switch. Yeah, definitely had a rough night. I can feel it in my bones. Why did Wes let me drink so much? Maybe back in college I could drink all night and feel fine the next morning, but not anymore. I'm definitely too old for this.When I make it to the sink, I cringe at the sight of myself in the mirror. My hair is one massive tangle around my head. There a
I stroll into the kitchen, throwing open the cabinets and fridge. Good - we have the stuff I need to make some chocolate chip pancakes. After I get out the ingredients, I get some coffee going, too. As Lucy likes to say, "When life hands you lemons, make coffee." Things are always easier when you're properly caffeinated.Alex left his mom's birthday barbecue for you, I remind myself as I get out the mixing bowl. Your apology is going to need a lot more than pancakes and coffee.I'll promise to buy him some more whiskey, for starters - though I'm afraid the fancy stuff he drinks now will completely drain my bank account. I'll probably need to do something for his mom, too. Poor Norah is probably wondering what the hell happened."Do I smell coffee?" comes a cheerful voice.When I look up, Lucy is there, her hair up in a messy bun and a terrycloth bathrobe thrown over her tank top and pajama bottoms.Shit. Lucy is normally a late sleeper on the weekends - she works as a waitress at
I can only imagine what my roommate is thinking right now."I had a little too much to drink at Norah's barbecue last night, so Alex helped me home," I say. My face feels like it's on fire. "He was kind enough to stay here and make sure I was okay."Lucy's eyes flick between Alex and me again, and suddenly she breaks into a wide smile."I knew it!" she says. "I knew something was going on! I've told you for years, I said - wait, but what about Wes?"Eventually, I'll get hot enough that I'll spontaneously combust and turn into a Mae-shaped bonfire. "Wes wasn't at the party. Look, Luce - it's sort of complicated. I'm happy to explain everything to you when you get back later - ""You'd better," she says, looking between Alex and me once more. "Not because you aren't an adult who can make her own decisions, but because...well, there's obviously a story here.""I..." I don't know if there's a story. I still have no idea what happened."You're lucky I'm running late," Lucy says with
Alex doesn't question my feelings any further. Maybe he finally sees the truth in my eyes, or maybe, like me, he's realizing that the time for talking is over. His mouth finds mine again, and then he's moving, thrusting, joining us in the way I believe we were always meant to be joined.My body seems to move with his in perfect harmony, my hips matching his rhythm. My hands dig into his back, spurring him on. I'm sure I moan, and whimper, and beg, but honestly, my whole attention is on him. My entire world has narrowed down to the man inside of me. My entire being seems to cry out for him - body, heart, and soul.It isn't long before I feel the pleasure building inside of me, feel the tightening in my core around him. He must feel it, too. He grabs one of my arms and pushes it back against the pillow beside me. Laces his fingers through mine. His face falls to my neck."Alex," I croak when I feel the peak coming.He seems to know exactly what I need. He pushes himself deep, deep in
As Alex carries me into his bedroom, I smile and kiss the side of his neck. "I hope we'll have plenty of chances to do it everywhere else in this apartment, too."He chuckles, and the sound rumbles through his chest. "Oh, I intend to take advantage of that, I assure you. Maybe we'll try the kitchen counter next - ""Or the rooftop patio?" I offer."Absolutely." His smile is wolfish. "Or maybe the shower - ""Yes," I say breathlessly.When we reach the bed, he lays me gently on the comforter before reaching for his nightstand drawer. I stretch out, looking up at the ceiling. This is it. The point of no return. Alex and I are about to have sex.Needless to say, I don't think our "friendship" will ever fully recover. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever describe Alex as just my friend ever again.I'm not going to lie - part of me is still freaking out about that a little. But it's the good kind of freaking out, the kind that makes me feel like I might burst into a thousand pieces. I
Alex's question dangles there, like a raindrop frozen in midair: "How do you feel, Mae?"How do I feel? How do I even begin to put my answer into words?So instead, I tighten my grip on his shirt and pull his face down to mine.Sensation explodes through me the moment our lips meet. Something must happen for Alex too because I can almost feel the exact moment when his restraint breaks.One moment, we're kissing on the street corner. The next, he's yanked me hard against him. His arms are so tight around me that it hurts, but I don't care. I want to be even closer to him. Want to give myself over completely to the fire burning through me.He crushes his mouth against mine, devouring me. I moan against his kiss, and he sinks his tongue deep between my lips as if he would taste every last bit of me.I cling to him, fighting the wave of emotion that sweeps through me. Alex loves me. Alex loves me and he's kissing me and - He pulls his mouth away from mine."Mae." This time the wor
"Tell me what's wrong," I urge Alex.But he just shakes his head. "I'm fine, Mae."It's clear from the stiff set of his shoulders that he's anything but."Where did you go?" I ask him. "Why did you come out here? I was worried."He runs a hand through his hair. "I just needed to walk. To think.""About what?"He shakes his head. "Don't do this, Mae.""Don't do what? I'm just trying to understand.""There's nothing to understand," he insists. "I'm fine. But we're both getting soaked out here. Come on, let's go." He starts out into the rain again without pausing to see if I might follow."Wait!" I call after him. I catch up with him and grab his arm. "Please, Alex. Please - just tell me what's going on. I want to fix it. I want to make things right between us again." I have to talk pretty loud to hear myself over the rain. "Your friendship is everything to me."He doesn't look at me, but in the glow from the streetlights, I can see him struggle with himself before answering. "T
When I get outside the building, I still don't see Alex.I turn desperately to the doorman. "Did you see where Mr. Grant went?""Just down the block, miss," he says, pointing. "Didn't tell me where he was going, though."I don't stop to think. I just run down the street in the direction he indicated.Even though it's getting late, there are still a lot of people out and about. I try to spot Alex on the sidewalk ahead of me, but I don't see him anywhere.Frantic, I keep searching. I look down side streets. Glance inside the handful of restaurants and convenience stores I pass. After several blocks, there's still no sign of him.Where the hell did you go? I stop on the corner and turn, looking around me in every direction. Would he have jumped into a cab? Walked back into the park? If I'd been smarter, I would have thought to grab my cell phone before running out the door after him. But it's too late for that now.I'm not sure how long I wander the blocks around his building. I wa
I can't even wrap my head around this. One moment Alex was practically feasting on me, and the next he was ready to call the whole thing off. What sort of guy does that - or, more accurately, what sort of guy does that two nights in a row? What horrible, shitty game is he playing?One thing's for sure - I'm not playing along any more. I storm across the room, ready to throw open the door and bring the ceiling down around his head, but I freeze when my hand touches the doorknob.None of this makes sense. As much as I'd like to give him a piece of my mind, what I'd really like to know is why. Why would he tell me he wanted this, bring me to the brink and back - twice - and yet not want to go any further? I mean, unless he's one of those guys who cares only about pleasuring his partner - and let's be real, I'm not even sure those guys exist - something really weird is going on. He seems to very much enjoy having his hands and mouth all over me - hell, he said he'd thought about it a tho
There's something strange in Alex's voice. Something I don't understand."Alex...?" I say, but before I can ask him what's wrong, before I can figure out what he means by that comment, he buries his face between my legs.And sensation explodes through me, overwhelming everything else.He doesn't give me a chance to think. To do anything but react to the sensual prowess of his tongue. I writhe beneath him, moaning, and his hands press down against my thighs, trying to hold me in place.I should tell him to stop. Ask him to tell me what's wrong. But I can't seem to find the words. Everything in my awareness has narrowed down to this: to him, to his warm wet tongue, to the energy passing between us. It's electric, and it makes me dizzy. I can only cry out as the pleasure builds in my core, as Alex brings me quickly over the edge.My fingers grip his hair, tangling in the thick strands. I feel myself unraveling again, feel the whole world crumbling around me. His tongue is everywhere
I can't believe that Alex is calling himself an idiot."What's that supposed to mean?" I ask him, my heart beating in my throat. "Why are you an idiot now?"He straightens his shirt, not seeming to notice that half of his buttons have come undone. "Let's get back to my place. I think I'm ready to clean up and relax for a bit.""You have a real knack for ignoring my questions, you know that?" I say lightly."And you have a real knack for asking questions that are very difficult to answer." He extends his arm to me. "Come on."I hook my hand through his elbow. "I thought you said you like that I always said what I meant."He glances down at me. "That doesn't mean I always have answers for you."I spend most of the way back to his place trying to figure out what he means by that.When we get to his place, he pulls out his phone. "Are you hungry? I can order something.""I'm still stuffed from those cannolis," I say. And so confused about everything that's happened this evening th
My heart stops.Alex pulls his face away from mine, and behind him I can see the dark silhouette of a man."Now!" the man says. "Or I'll shoot!"Oh, God. He has a gun against Alex's back. My stomach tightens and panic wells up in my chest. What do we do? How do we get out of this?I need to call for help. Need to let someone else know that we're down here and that we're being - "Scream and I'll shoot," the man snarls, somehow guessing my thoughts. "One sound and I'll blow out your boyfriend's brains."Oh, God. What do we do? What the hell do we do?Alex still has his fingers laced through mine against the wall, and he squeezes them gently. I have no idea how we're going to get out of this, but somehow, that small gesture calms me."I'm going to reach for my wallet," Alex says, and I can't believe how calm he sounds. "Okay?""Do it fast," the man says. He looks over his shoulder, probably trying to make sure that no one is coming.Alex releases me then drops his hand to his p