LOGINShare
39 Losing myself
Last Updated:
2024-11-05 16:33:50Related chapters
The Biker's Rules 40 Hooked
Date = 22 NovemberPlace = San Francisco (Damion’s house)POV – DamionWARNING – sex scene!!!“I love you.”It was just a whisper, but it was clear enough.I don’t think she meant to say it out loud, but it snookers me and stops my heart.The usual fear of being unworthy leaps into my heart and grows until it feels as if it’s going to burst and destroy me. But this time there’s no backing out — Johnny walked through the tunnel.And what a walk it was.I have never been so aroused. I could barely contain myself. I’ve never felt this much desire … this hunger. And I had no control. None, whatsoever.She moans in her sleep and I pull her closer, tracing the contours of her arm with my finger. She’s so fucking perfect. My body stirs as I watch her.I can wake her. Have my way with her again. I wiggle my nose into her hair, smelling the vanilla flowery cocktail that’s her, and sigh. I’m so fucked.I switch on the TV and scroll through the channels until I land on Harry Potter and the Philos
The Biker's Rules 41 After
Date = 23 NovemberPlace = San Francisco (Damion’s house)POV – DamionWARNING – sex scene!!I wake up to an empty bed and for a brief moment, panic strikes my heart — not something wholly new to me. Fear and nightmares too. I came to know it all too well ever since my sister died. And in the time since, I’ve been prancing around a stockpile of guilt and a dash of PTSD, conjointly.For a second, the thought that something happened to her scares me, or that she might have left, or that D took her. All very real possibilities.But then I hear movements in the bathroom and I start to breathe freely. Her phone is on the nightstand and I take it to see what time it is.There’s a message on the screen. She must’ve forgotten to close it after reading it. It’s from the douche ex-boyfriend.Ren: We need to talk about Damion #TruthMustComeOutAsshole.Suddenly, I have a cramp in my tummy. Truth? What truth? There are so many.Will it be so bad if I just snap his neck or something? I mean, one le
The Biker's Rules 42 Tit for tat
Date = 23 NovemberPlace = San Francisco (Damion’s house)POV - Damion“Listen, dude, I’m really sorry for giving you that pill,” Logan apologizes. Finally, he’s come around. I knew he would given time.“It’s not your fault. No one knew I was allergic.” I pat him on the back and help him to lift the cooler. “Not even me.”“And you should know that even though you dating my sister is creepy,” he continues while pulling an I-smell-shit face, “I much rather have you as a brother-in-law than anyone else.”“If that makes any sense,” he scuffs.“Thanks.” What else can I say?“Hi, Sorella! (Italian = sister)” Alejandro strides into the kitchen, grabs Mel from behind, and swings her through the air.“Eeehh,” she screams just before she throws her arms around his neck and whispers something in his ear. His icy eyes find me over her shoulder, guarded, appraising me.Mel whispers some more before she lets him go and he gets this big mischievous smile on his face, lighting up his eyes.I hate thei
The Biker's Rules 43 A brother
Date = 30 NovemberPlace = Rome (Terrazze Fedro Penthouse)POV - DamionI stare down at the photo on my phone. The one Chloe sent to me earlier.If I thought it was bad then … it’s much much worse now. At least then I didn’t know the asshole was related to me.“Say something,” Dad pleads from behind me. It feels as if I’ve been kicked by a horse in the stomach. I’ve been kicked by a horse, and this is pretty much how it felt like.I don’t have words. None. What do you say in this situation?Congratulations? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m so happy? That’s nice? Oooh, I always wanted an older brother?None of them is what I have in mind. No, I’m thinking way more elaborate — more in the terms of —piss off and fuck me blind.But I can’t say that to my father, now can I.So, instead, I’m standing on the expansive terrace of my penthouse, with my back to him, staring at the view stretching from St. Peter’s Dome and the Vatican to the Vittoriano and the historic city center.It’s a beautifu
The Biker's Rules 44 The end of the line
Date = 7 DecemberPlace = San Francisco (Damion’s house)POV – MelaenaFor the last romantic touch, I put the vase with fresh flowers in the middle of the table. I stand back and look at my hard work with a satisfied smile. I’ve laid the table, Alejandro helped me light the fireplace, and the food I prepared is being kept warm in the oven.I’m showered and dressed — comfortably in his shirt and jeans, but with some wicked sexy underwear, and no shoes. I hope he loves the surprise. Although, this might backfire and the surprise may be him dumping my ass.Then I hear the key turning and my heart almost stops.He’s back!Oh my. He’s really here. And for the first time in two weeks, my spirits lift a fraction and I allow myself to wonder how this night is going to go. The best scenario — we’re going to chat and eat and indulge in loads of steamy hot sex. I don’t want to think about the worst — where he shatters my heart and destroys me forever.Damion left for Europe the day after the near
The Biker's Rules 45 Gone to hell
Date = 18 DecemberPlace = Montana (Big Sky)POV - DamionI sit off-center at the top of the ski slope, my board haphazardly stuck into the snow next to my helmet, and stare contemplatively at the heart-stopping view in front of me — sharp, majestic snow-covered peaks coil in a full circle perspective around me.It’s like being on top of the world — in sharp contrast to the bottom-of-the-earth, I’m feeling.I suck in some pine-scented air, loving the way it pains to breathe at this altitude.I remember my first time out here. Logan and I were freshmen and oh so eager to prove ourselves to the bigger boys. So, when the twins dared us to race down this slope — we didn’t think twice — not knowing it was a black diamond. And even if he had, I didn’t even know back then what a black diamond meant.We tried our best, but could not keep up with them, but we didn’t mind. We were just glad to finish with our bodies still intact. We were so proud. Filled with the rush of over-induced adrenaline.
The Biker's Rules 46 Zombie blues
Date = 25 DecemberPlace = San Francisco (Mel’s house) (Uncle John’s house)POV - Melaena“Mel!” Kiara’s voice cries through my dreams. Or rather nightmares. “Wake up.”My eyes flutter open and a beam of light blinds me for a second or two. Why did she draw the curtains? Bitch. When I say the word bitch I mean it in the most affectionate way possible, I swear.I groan and sit up slowly. The light from the mid-morning sun flows into the room. I wish the sun would get a pain up it’s happy ass.“Merry Christmas!” she shouts, grabbing me around my neck. Then she lets go rather quickly.“Phew,” she fumbles her nose into a twist. “You stink!” I lift my arm and take a whiff. There is a slight little odor. But I haven’t bathed for a day … maybe two … three … I can’t remember.“I don’t smell anything.” She stares at me — a long judgy look.“Well, you’re going to get out of this bed, take a shower, and get ready … we’re going in thirty.” She gets up and steps carefully between the pizza boxes, e
The Biker's Rules 47 Fatal attraction
Date = 25 DecemberPlace = San Francisco (Uncle John’s house)POV – DamionMy brother smacks me on the back. “Go get her, man. I mean, look at you—what have you got to lose?”He’s right. Without her, I’ve got nothing left. When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing left to lose.“I hope she listens.”“Yeah, good luck with that. It’s my bullheaded sister you’re talking about.” Jackson gives me encouragement. He’s right.She is stubborn, but I can be too. If she doesn’t listen, I’ll make her. Because she’s worth it.“She’s in there,” Enrique nods his head in the direction of the little bathroom beneath the stairs. I stand in front of the door and hear the water running, nervous as a cat in a dog-pound. The door opens and she slams straight into me.“Asshole!” she hisses, but her blue eyes scanning over me are not filled with hate. I can swear I see some lust in them. She looks nervous. “And you look like shit.” I smile faintly — has she looked in the mirror lately?“Well, Merry Christma
Latest chapter
The Biker's Rules 65 Wedding bells
Date = 1 September (about 1 year later)Place = San Francisco (Grimm house)Melaena Blackburn = 21 years oldDamion Grimm = 22 years oldXamos = 1 year old (born 15 August the previous year)(You get to meet the little girls Leyla, Lili, and River in Book 2) (Ethan is Thalia’s little 10 year old brother)POV – DamionDamion: I’m sure that from lack of use, my sperm grew legs and looks like frogs instead of tadpoles! But it’s gonna be fixed before the night is over (winking-face emoji)(hot-pepper emoji)(eggplant emoji)I touch my crotch with a groan, abstinence from Mel is definitely not my thing. These last weeks have been torture, being in bed next to the woman of my dreams, and the closest I got to touch her was a hug. Fuck, a day without sex with Mel is a fudging long time, two weeks is a fudging excruciating fierce eternity … a month … that’s just plain torturing hell.These four weeks without sex were even worse than the six I had to wait after the baby was born.This no-sex shit
The Biker's Rules 64 Wedding surprise
Date = 15 August (about 6 months later) = Enrique’s wedding (Book 2)Place = San Francisco (where the haunted house was)POV - Damion“Hey, son, where is Mel … she needs to get dressed?” Judging by the sound of her voice, Mom is panicking. Why is everyone so on edge? I mean, since we left the club Enrique phoned once … the other bridesmaids three times … and this must be Mom’s fifth call. Hell, it’s just a wedding. And not ours. And there’s still time.“We’re still at the building site …” I calmly explain … again. “We got what we came for.” And what we came for is a tiny piece of blue jewelry… for the bride.Mel got a blue angel charm to hang on her new sister-in-law’s bracelet today as her ‘something blue’. And apparently, it’s very important — a crucial part of the wedding. And that would be why we are back here at the haunted house construction site instead of getting ready at Inferno.“We’ll be there,” I pause slightly to calculate the time it will take us to get there, “in about t
The Biker's Rules 63 The best treasure
Date = 14 FebruaryPlace = San Francisco (different places)POV - MelaenaI rush through the door of his house with my 3 followers to see Luke’s face lighting up from the exact sofa where the experiment took place.He jumps up and down excitedly before literally throwing me the next clue. Damn, will I ever get used to the Grimm boys and their wild ways? All 3 of them are over-energetic cocky bouncing blobs of sexy cuteness. I wonder how poor Haley manages sometimes. Does she ever get tired?I know for a fact that Luke got called into the principal’s office twice this week alone, and his brother was no better when he was in school. And as far as I understand from Alejandro’s stories, he too was the same.But right now the littlest devil’s naughty hazel eyes are waiting anxiously for me to open the envelope.I know you're hungry – go grab some food at the place where I declared my love openly for you in a song – and where you called my name. “Let me guess — we’re going to have lunch at
The Biker's Rules 62 Watch it burn
Date = 14 FebruaryPlace = San Francisco (different places)POV - MelaenaSuddenly the looming darkness of the house we’ve just stopped at is not that dark anymore.I know the things and lives we’ve lost here will always leave a hole. My hand rubs over my tummy. But the sadness will go away … we all have a bright future ahead … a wonderful happy one.I will help every San Francisco boy to find happiness and a love that can heal them. A love like ours. But knowing my boys it’s not going to be an easy task.A red fire truck from Station 34 is parked next to the house and the men are standing around as if they’re waiting for us.“Can I have the keys to the car?” one fireman asks politely. Alejandro hands it over, knowing that he must be working with Axel.“I’ll make sure to get it back to your place.” He walks away and I’m not sure how we’re going to get back to my place, but it seems that at least Kiara’s car will make it there.I walk through the weathered door to find Jackson sitting o
The Biker's Rules 61 A new grave
Date = 14 FebruaryPlace = San Francisco (graveyard)POV - MelaenaI shift my legs into a more comfortable position where I sit on the freshly-planted green grass covering the small heap of the grave site, and then I place the red flowers against the newly erected marble tombstone. A few tears roll down my cheek and I wipe them away anxiously with my hand. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so devastatingly sad losing someone you didn’t even truly know. Fudge jackets, it’s so unfair.Hatred for Harry, for Darren, for Lucinda … for the whole fudge-upped Brown family … boils through me. But most of all I hate my grandfather. How can one person be so cruel? Even after Alejandro explained that Alexander must have been a psychopath, someone without any feelings, I still can’t comprehend it totally.I put my hand against the cold stone that’s now the only indication of the life that was lost and buried deep in the earth underneath. And for what? Revenge? Money? Power?And in the end, Harr
The Biker's Rules 60 Waking up
Date = 23 JanuaryPlace = San Francisco (UCSF Mission Bay Medical)POV – MelaenaLike a black-and-white movie in color, I see Kiara smile at me, holding a picture in her hands. I don’t want to look at it, but I can’t seem to look away. Her mouth moves but no words come out. A blob on the gray picture starts beating in rhythm with the noise in my ears. A heartbeat. A baby. My baby. Damion’s baby.Beep! Beep! Beep! I open my eyes. A green light blinks … on; off; on; off.It’s bothersome. A turn signal. The car rolls, tumbles, crashes … the indicator light flashes alone in the darkness. The air is voided with sound. I scream for help but it’s only in my head, no sound escapes. Through the shattered window I see a man standing in the shadows, like a ghost, watching … his face locked in terror, his gray eyes filled with guilt. It’s dad.Beep! Beep! Something drips on the bonnet of the car like single drops of rain. Blood. My father is standing next to the wreckage, his face full of pain,
The Biker's Rules 59 Beans and heroes
Date = 21 January (late at night)Place = San Francisco (UCSF Mission Bay Medical)POV - Damion“Get Dr. Burden on the phone, now!” My aching head lifts a fraction from my knees on hearing Doc Barney’s voice. He is standing at the nursing station a few feet from my chair. Something in his posture alerts my non-functioning brain as he takes the phone over the counter.“Dr. Burden? Doc Barney from ER. Melaena Blackburn is here — level 2, your name is on her chart and listed as her main care provider. Anything I need to know?” He rambles the information off.He looks confused and surprised, pouting his mouth.“Neh!” he shouts out in shock. Something is off.His eyes that land on me, accusingly, mixed with confusion and worry, confirm the dread that sparks through my body. A spark that, at this point in time, I wish would electrocute itself and die out because I’m done. I’m so fucking done.I want to shout at him, but my tongue is stuck to the top of my mouth and all I can do is stare back
The Biker's Rules 58 Winning and losing
Date = 21 JanuaryPlace = San Francisco (Haunted house)POV - DamionGuppy winks secretly at me before he slams the door of the van closed. They’ve handed me over to two other gang members, looking like Homer-Simpson-twins. I adjust my hands behind my back slightly, making sure the loose ropes don’t fall off prematurely and ruin the plan. Turning my head to the right I give the guy my cockiest lopsided grin, the one that makes girls weak in the knees and wet between the legs. Guess it won’t have quite the same effect here though.I watch as the van drives off, and my smile turns slightly sinister. I hope the meeting between the boys and our new allies works as planned.But even though I know they’re ready to infiltrate the house at any moment, I’m not totally relaxed — I have a bad omen about all this. I need to play my part collectively … no place for errors. I need to create a distraction so the boys can move in secretly. It’s probably the only advantage we have …“So do you guys wat
The Biker's Rules 57 Haunted history
Date = 21 JanuaryPlace = San Francisco (Uncle John’s house)(Opera House)POV - Damion“Let’s get ready, guys,” Uncle John shouts as soon as we walk through the hermetic sliding door of the underground bunker.Uncle John shouts out orders at the people working down here with some sophisticated equipment any spying agency will kill to have … all part of Blackburn Inc. Jesse goes to a high-tech computer area to get acquainted with the other nerds who are going to help track us.“Guys, grab some clothes,” Logan points to a large walk-in room filled with tactical clothing — in black, navy, gray, brown, camo, and dark green — complete with every possible extra you can think of. We quickly suit up.“You all know that the company created this new tracking device. You spray it onto the skin and it leaves an invisible tracker that makes it possible to locate the person for at least two days. It’s some next-level outer-space shit this,” Logan explains, walking around the room spraying all of us
