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69TH HEARTBEAT

JORDI ADKINS

I am such horrible a person. My grandmother’s probably cursing me out in heaven right now and here I am just barely having all of these intrusive thoughts without actually doing something about it. It’s nearly a month since that Halloween party occurred and I haven’t even decided to finally be the honest person that I claim to be. Maybe Nikki was right when she called me a liar that time we had a fight.

The truth is, I haven’t really been feeling okay lately mostly because of what happened between me and Zach at Michiko’s Halloween party. I have been trying my best to shake the predicament off of my shoulder thinking that perhaps I’d get over it as time goes by. However, I don’t feel like my guilt won’t go away anytime soon. Sometimes when I see how happy and contented Xavier is with me, I feel like I don’t deserve him at all. For some reasons, I’m clad with dread and maybe it’s all because I don’t want to lose Xavier. I know I never dreamt of actually dating him but now
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