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38TH HEARTBEAT
Last Updated:
2023-03-14 11:00:39
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 39TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt’s been over a week ever since the last time I encountered Xavier Rockwell and that’s basically a record for me and him, I guess. So far, I’ve been having a great week and my life’s not been intentionally bothered by anyone. Xavier has not tried to push me in one corner or confront me Xavier style or shove me into the janitor’s closet. He never even attempted to show up at my house unannounced. We are both basically together in a lot of classes and so far, he’s pretty much back to his old habits. If he’s not sketching something at the back of his notebook, he’s always taking a careless nap and at some points, I could see him stealing glances over me but every single time that happens, I basically act as if I never caught him.I don’t want to admit it to myself but a small part within me still feels like it wants Xavier to be up in my ass. Not in a literal way but I’m still hoping he’d try to approach me even though the biggest part of me wants nothing to do with him. Wh
Last Updated : 2023-03-15The Badboy's Heartbeat 40TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have never been so overwhelmed with guilt in my life ever since Jordi arrived crashing right in front of the doorstep of my heart. Even when I just robbed a store for some food a few days ago, I’m still not guilty about that. I’m rather thinking about what could I do in order to bring Jordi back in my life. Losing the person who showed enough attention towards me felt like I’ve lost a huge part of me.I’m not going to lie; I’ve been missing Jordi and it’s making me feel less than a person. The thought of him hating me for life was just killing me from the inside out. I just want to hold him by the arms and kiss his tender lips and hug him as tight as I could. I just want to see his face and tell him how much he meant to me. I have a lot of things that I wanted to say and do but I don’t know if I deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve Jordi.When I got to school, I was still visibly frightened of approaching the guy who deserved every single speech of apology from me.
Last Updated : 2023-03-16The Badboy's Heartbeat 41ST HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI made my way to sex ed. in a visible daze. I haven’t had any good night sleep in over a week mostly because my mom had been very disrespectful to me. We sort of swapped places; she was the fucked up teenager who’s trying to figure out life while I became the grown person who’s been trying to understand her shitty actions. After taking home that young man named Jackson, my mom hooked up with two other men and it was as if she’s just using them to wash away her thirst. One of them was just about her age which was fine for me and the other one was basically an old man in his late fifty’s.“Thank you for joining us Mr. Rockwell.” Mrs. Harding said in a disparaging tone. The funny thing was, there’s a picture of an anus flashed right in front.I didn’t even realize when I first walked in that the class had already started. I hurried to my seat realizing that fact that my head’s not in a right place.“Now, as I was saying earlier, the anus or as some of the gays out there c
Last Updated : 2023-03-17The Badboy's Heartbeat 42ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLMr. Huang entered the office tightly clutching his walking cane. There was an intense moment of silence as Principal Sanders and I awkwardly watched the old man slowly brought himself to the chair adjacent to me. The assistant would’ve helped him walk faster but he insisted that he could walk on his own. It took him almost a while and by the time he settled down, Principal Sanders cleared her to throat to reestablish the flow of conversation.“Hi, Mr. Huang, how are you doing?” Principal Sanders greeted, her tone seemed to have drastically changed from her usual professional vibrato.“I’m doing very well madam. T-this was the longest walk I’ve had since the last time I walked my deceased dog.” Mr. Huang spoke unhurriedly. You could clearly determine how time has aged him pretty well with the fine wrinkles in his skin and how his hair had turned from that jet black Asian hair to grey. I could also see a pair of reading glasses hanging on the pocket of his dirty white sh
Last Updated : 2023-03-18The Badboy's Heartbeat 43RD HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIn my dream, I was clad in an expensive looking suit embellished with thousands of shining and shimmering stones. I was standing right in the middle of the school gymnasium with a bright spotlight shining on me. There was some sort of music playing loud in the background but I couldn’t quite figure out what the song was because I could hear the loud beating in my chest. I felt like the hopeless romantic main character of a certain romantic film. And then there was a guy clad in a black suit standing five feet right in front of me. He was holding a single white rose in his hand. For some unknown reason, his face was a complete blur and as he slowly waltzed towards me, he put the rose in his mouth. He got on his knees and he reached out for me. Before I could even accept his request for a dance, the sound of another spotlight boomed and then there showed up another guy from a certain distance. He was wearing a full white suit and had a single red rose in his hand. Just like
Last Updated : 2023-03-20The Badboy's Heartbeat 44TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSTime seemed to have stopped for both Xavier and I. As soon as he caught sight of me, he paused and just stared at me with such dramatic intensity like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in a long time. I immediately noticed a patch right on his nose and I wondered what happened to him. It’s obvious that he got into a fight.I wanted to just get on my knees and rush towards him and give him the tightest hug that I could possibly muster. However, I have to put the urge aside because I’m still hurt by the fact that he can’t be with me, that he’s not ready to be part of my world and I don’t know if he’ll ever be ready. This is not me forcing him out but I just want him to be true to himself.I definitely know now that I missed Xavier so much but I just can’t stop myself from hating him. While there’s a lot of him to love and there are points to make in order to bestow him with forgiveness, I can’t deny the fact that there are also qualities to hate. The duality of my
Last Updated : 2023-03-21The Badboy's Heartbeat 45TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLStaring idly at the ceiling, I can’t even begin to grasp the whole situation that I was unprecedentedly thrown in right now. The four walls of this tiny little apartment seemed like they’ve been watching all of these tragic event pan out leaving me in absolute shambles. I’m not even surprised if the last people who lived here had the same shit.Am I even allowed to live a happy life in this lifetime? It very clear as a crystal to me that I’m being shunned and treated like shit by the stars above. My dad just left us and now my mom just checked into rehab without even telling me like I’m nothing to her. I know it’s a good thing for her and her health and I’m sure Principal Sanders had a very good influence about it but I’m her son and I deserve to know what’s going on at least.There are a lot of things that’s running mad through my mind and I don’t where to freaking start about it. In this unsolicited turn of events, I’m very much exhausted mentally and also emotionall
Last Updated : 2023-03-24The Badboy's Heartbeat 46TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have to be alone, that’s what I told to myself when I decided to push Jordi away even when I really wanted to just yank him over for a goddamn kiss.I never would’ve thought that Jordi had it in him to go as far as follow me all the here and I’m quite shocked. I didn’t even want him to know that I live in a fucking tiny and nasty apartment.“Xavier, please don’t shut me away.” Jordi begged, his voice was cracking up but I have already made my decision.I looked down on the ground careful not to look at Jordi straight in the eye because I probably might melt. And I don’t want to melt. “I’m sorry, Jordi. You need to leave now.”“I like you, Xavier.” The words that I haven’t heard from Jordi just lifted off of his mouth and then my world just rushed to a full stop.I couldn’t believe Jordi just said he liked me when I’ve been so upfront with him when I said I liked him. My world just stopped spinning at those words and when I felt my chest beat like a thunder, it began
Last Updated : 2023-03-25
Latest chapter
The Badboy's Heartbeat THE 100TH AND FINAL HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe stars have gone out their way to align just for Xavier and I. That’s how I’ve been thinking for the past week ever since he agreed to be my prom date. Recovering our relationship wasn’t as easy as eating a slice of a fraudulently healthy carrot cake or travelling a path where you have already traveled before but it did happen. Xavier just lost his mom but it ended up becoming the reason for us to reconnect and come back even stronger. We bonded over losing one of the person that we love the most in the milky way.For him, it was his own mother and for me, it was my own grandmother. It’s clearly not a similar situation but there’s a clear path where it converges at the very center and it a very endearing moment where we just talked about how life is short and that you should live like there’s no tomorrow. Live like there’s no tomorrow, love intensely as if you don’t have anything else to give and laugh hard to your heart’s content; that’s what Xavier taught me.“Oh my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 99TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSEver since the unfortunate passing of Xavier’s mom, he has been such a fun type of lad to hang out with quite surprisingly. It was initially difficult and confusing for me to adjust from this new whole new Xavier but I will admit, I am loving it as much as how I fell in love with the old Xavier.When my grandma passed away, I was in the longest state of shock and sorrow but eventually, I ultimately I learned how to recover from such loss. Xavier on the other hand, while I’m aware that he had cried a lot during his mother’s passing, he bizarrely took a hard left in probably the most positive way that I’ve seen of him. He said he’s going to live his best life and I don’t even have anything bad to say about his decisions in life.I took the ride with him and it has been the most fun and carefree adventure that I’ve ever had in my life. Initially, I had lots of doubts and confusions about Xavier’s intensely positive behavior but ultimately, as time passed by, I ended up falli
The Badboy's Heartbeat 98TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe day of the funeral came just as quickly as I lost my own mother and honestly speaking, I wasn’t, in any means, ready to get up from my bed and slip unto something somber and black. I only had a two hours of sleep because I spent the entire night quietly sobbing inside my room. After all, it is the only time that I could cry and cry and really cry hard without thinking about nobody.I couldn’t stop thinking about my mom and how I should’ve been present for her. I am absolutely aware of the lingering fact that she was struggling and I was entirely glad that she finally decided to checked herself into a rehab. However, you don’t really know what’s going on inside people’s mind even if they say they’re fine and they say they’re ready for a change. I don’t really have any sort of idea if my mom just gave into the temptation of the outside world or if Hector somehow managed to talk her out if or even possibly bribed her with something or if she just missed sniffing powde
The Badboy's Heartbeat 97TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLHugging Jordi Adkins for the first time in a very long while was just the thing that I needed at this point in my life. At first, Jordi was clearly astounded when I first yanked him over into a desperate hug but eventually, he returned the favor and it was just as soothing as I expected it to be. It’s the kind of embrace that I’ve been longing for and I’m finally having it. It felt good to be here with Jordi because I don’t know if I could take what’s happening around in my life anymore.It’s been a while since I’ve been treating Jordi like he does not exist in my very own universe. I tried to fix it with him when I met the couple Dominic and Valentine but since then, I haven’t really had the best time to even focus on getting Jordi back. When I went to Jordi’s house, I felt super disappointed by the fact that he’s already going out with someone else just a few weeks after I ended things with him. It was mindboggling to be perfectly honest. And when I got back home, th
The Badboy's Heartbeat 96TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINS“X-xavier?” Nikki was taken by a huge surprise just as she recognized the guy inside the yellow sports car.“Oh my god, it’s Xavier.” Jane whispered behind my ears but I was already having a lot of mixed emotions swirling up inside of me.My heart began to beat twice as fast and I don’t know if I was ready to see Xavier just as early as now. It’s true that I missed him so badly and I don’t even want to admit that to myself because I’m trying to get past him. Apparently, I have a long way to go now that I saw him today. I feel like I’m about to throw up but I also feel like I’m about to pass out at the very same time.Xavier looked amazingly different and that was the part of me who’s still hoping that we could fix this speaking on my behalf. He dyed his hair black and he looked bizarrely different but still hot as ever. I felt a slight pang on my chest and it seemed that my tongue got cut off.“I’m sorry, Nikki.” Xavier uttered.“Oh, shit. You dyed your hair black?” Nikki
The Badboy's Heartbeat 95TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI woke up with the slow golden light of midday filtering through my window. I forgot how many days it has been until I walked out of my room and then I realized today was already the twenty-fourth. It seemed to me like it was just a blink of an eye but I guess that’s all because the days were pretty much uninteresting. I’m doing nothing but showing up for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ve been sleeping for so long that it became an underlying concern for my protective mother. She said that sleeping for more than eight hours was a simple sign of sorrow that could lead to depression. I guess she was right about it. I am really that much depressed and she completely knows why. I don’t even know why I’m getting so mopey when I’ve been trying my best to block Xavier’s unrelenting presence off of my mind.It was just a few hours left before Christmas and this year, one thing is for sure, I’m not much excited as I was last year or the year before that and the year before that ye
The Badboy's Heartbeat 94TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt was the smell of alcohol evaporating from my body mixed with a banging headache that got me running towards the toilet when I woke up from going to that house party Nikki invited us into. I was throwing up so badly that I almost felt like I’m going to start barfing all of my insides. I was hugging the toilet bowl as if it was the only friend I have in this trying times.I spent almost half an hour on the bathroom floor thinking I’m dying up until the moment my mom knocked on the door. I instantly felt good when I heard her screaming out my name. There seemed to be some sort of a healing power coming from her voice that made me stand up from hugging the toilet seat.“Jordi, Are you okay in there, sweetie?”“Yes, mom. I’m just throwing up, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I yelled back.“Oh, I’m not worried about you, sweetie. I’m just knocking to remind you that you need to clean up your mess up in there. That’s what you get for overdrinking. I told you to drink moderat
The Badboy's Heartbeat 93RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLXander’s birthday party was well prepared for and it was as grand as the MET gala that there’s even a photoshoot at the gate for every person arriving. I was just taking a peek on my window but I could see everything. I don’t think I’ve celebrated a birthday like this in my life. Though, to me, the way I see things panning out, this was going to be the last birthday that Xander was ever going to celebrate in this household. Xander mentioned that he’s going to be kicked out of the house once this party was over and I felt slightly bothered and sad by that.The outfit that was given to me to wear was draped on the bed and it was just waiting for me to slip on them for the entire hour. It was a yellow suit with touches of black and a few sparkling stones. I don’t even want to be invited to this party and that’s all because I’m developing such laziness. I’m very lazy to go out there and meet new people.Right after slipping on the suit that was provided for me, I looked ov
The Badboy's Heartbeat 92ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe dinner with my dad’s family did not go well just as I was expecting it. The tension within the family was very much evident from the get go. I may have unconsciously observed everything.My dad and his wife Rachel doesn’t have the best relationship of husband and wife and anyone could’ve guessed that right away. They weren’t very subtle with how they’re treating each other even right in front of their children. In fact, I do remember my dad somehow loved my mother in a very different sense than what I just witnessed between him and his original wife and the mother of his three children. In this world, while it’s very much common that patriarchy is ruling, I have sensed Rachel was also after the money.Xiomara was that one member of the family who just doesn’t know how to adjust and is charged up with built-up anger and some nasty attitude. She hated everything and everyone. I’m personally giving her the benefit of the doubt because I don’t have any idea of the thin
