CHAPTER 4:A DAY OF SORROW AND DESPAIR

Standing at my Mother's grave holding a bouquet of Daffodils in my hand,I felt the unbearable sadness looking back at the crazy night that took her from us.I never would have thought that at such a young age,Finley and I would be without parents to care for us.We weren't little kids that needed our Mom and Dad to tuck us in at night,but we still needed them all the same.

I wish things were different!!

I wish we knew who did this to us,who ruined our family by running that stop sign.The person responsible for this is a coward and a killer,who needs to own up to their actions.

"Life is cruel."I muttered,as I placed the Daffodils down on my Mother's grave.

"Our parents wouldn't want you to hold on to that anger,Ness.It's been a year,we need to move forward and try to be happy."

My brother is a better person than I am,maybe that's because he doesn't know the full extent of someone's actions.Yes that drunk driver tore our family apart,but the aftermath of that is the constant struggle that resulted in my marriage to the Devil himself.

I wanted someone to pay,Just like we have been since the accident..And just like I will be for the next 359 days.Don't get my wrong,I'm grateful for Tom's offer and I know that Finley's career would be gone if it wasn't that I didn't accept..But every silver lining has a cloud..That big dark cloud is my Husband.

The September weather was here and the rain started to pour,I sniffled back tears as I stood in my soaking wet trench coat. My hair clung to my bare completion whilst my eyes were fixated on the swirling gold lettering on my Mother's headstone.

"We should get going,Ness."

I wanted to tell him..("No,Not yet..You go on without me.")But I know my brother,I know he won't leave without me no matter what I say.

I turned to my brother and smiled lightly,a front to show I was okay and he didn't have to worry."Sure,Let's get going."

Finley and I walked through the cemetery soaked to the skin,the sky above us was Grey and cloudy.It was fitting for the occasion that was today,a day of sorrow and despair.A day full of emotions and none of them were good ones.

"I have to get back to campus,I have a late make up class this evening that I need to prepare for."

I glanced over at my brother as he walked alongside me."You're not coming?"

"I can't..I'm sorry. But I'll go during the week when I get a break from classes,I promise."

I leaned in and gave my brother a hug."It's okay,I'll see you Sunday the usual place.Don't be late this time."

He chuckled,pulling back from my embrace."I won't. See you,Ness."

I waved my brother off and walked towards the waiting car. It was good of Tom to do this for me,to give me the support that I needed despite not knowing me all that well.I slipped into the passengers seat and closed the car door.

Tom looked over at me."Are you okay, Darling?"

"I'm fine."I sighed."I keep thinking that it's going to get easier but it never does. It still hurts just as much as it did a year ago."

"You will always feel that Loss for them,you'll learn to make room for the other emotions too.They will always be with you..No matter what."

I looked over and smiled lightly."Thank you,Tom.I needed that."

"You're Welcome,Darling."He pulled out of our parking space."So I take it you haven't told my son where you are today?"

I shook my head."No,I'm sure he's busy. I don't want to distract him when he's working.Honestly I'd rather keep this between us,If that's okay?"

"That's okay with me. Remember,you have a year with Jeremy,It might be a good idea to get to know each other."

Tom glanced over at me."The hospital next?"

I felt bad having him chauffeur me around all day,but at the edge of retirement Tom seemed happy to have a reason to be away from the office.

"Yes,Please."

I stood by his bedside,looking at the fresh bouquet of expensive flowers on display. I wonder where these came from?Maybe a nurse..Maybe Finley. I shrugged it off and attended to the bouquet that I had brought.

"I know you don't care much for flowers,but I wanted to brighten up the place."I glanced over at him,hoping for movement just like I always do."Finley and I went to visit Mom,we brought her flowers too. Daffodils,her favourite."

I walked towards his bed and sat down beside him,my book of poetry was in my hands.Most of my body was wet apart from my feet that were covered up with my Dr Marten boots.

I opened up the book of poetry and looked up at him."I really hope you can hear me,DadI'm reading your favourite,I carry your heart with me,By E.E Cummings."

I've grown up listening to my Father reading poetry,I've fallen asleep many a night listening to him read his favourite by E.E Cummings.As a English Lit Teacher,my Father had always had a love for poetry and books.It was his thing.

We were very close..Best Friends actually. At times in my life when I needed advice,it was always my Father I would go to. He always sat and listened to my problem no matter what it was.I sit here a couple of times a week, telling him my problems like I've always done. Only now,I don't get an answer.I have to figure my crap out alone.

I closed the book and said the poem aloud,without reading it off a page.I've heard it enough that it's one that's imprinted in my memory.I wondered if he could hear me..I read that some coma patients can hear what's going on around them.

The door to the hospital room opened and Judy my Father's nurse walked in,"Hi,Vanessa.I didn't see you come in."

"Well today is the Anniversary so I wanted to see him."I looked over at my Father."I had hoped today would be the day that we would get him back."

She smiled lightly and rubbed my shoulder,I think it was her way of showing comfort because she didn't know what to say.Judy is a woman in her early fifties that's taken care of my Father this past year.

"Who brought that expensive bouquet of flowers?"I nodded my head in it's direction.

"Oh Them,I don't know. They were delivered from the florist and there was no card left with them.Very expensive bunch,Aren't they?"

Maybe an old friend of my Father's had them delivered since it's the anniversary."They're nice,I wish I could thank whoever paid for them."

"So it's almost a week to the day. You kept that man of yours very quite,I didn't know you were seeing anyone.I always got the impression that it was just you and Finley."

I looped a strand of hair behind my ear in awkwardness,I hate lying to people."Well Jeremy and I met and knew we were meant to be together,we didn't want to wait."

She smiled."Life is too short. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks,Judy. I'm happy with him."I looked down at the massive rock on my finger with my wedding band alongside it.If only they knew what went on behind closed doors.

Judy left the room and I continued reading aloud to my Father,one last poem before I leave.The weekend I dreaded because Jeremy doesn't work on the weekend so I'm sure he's going to be home more.I need to make myself scarce tomorrow,a day with Natasha would be nice.I've missed her since I've moved out.

I pressed a kiss to my Father's forehead."See you next week,Dad."I left the room and walked the corridor towards the elevator.

"Vanessa.."

I heard Judy's voice call and I turned around."Is everything okay?"

"Yes,But I just wanted to let you know that the overdrawn balance on your Father's hospital bill has been paid off.Your Father in Law,Thomas Austin handled everything."

Tom paid my Father's bill,that was never something that was part of the Arrangement we made."Okay,Thanks Judy."

Tom drove his car passed the guarded gates to Jeremy's mansion.It wasn't my home,so I wasn't going to be a hippocratic and call it so.Tom and I were mid conversation about my Father's hospital bill,as we pulled up out front.

"I didn't expect you to do that,Tom."

He took my hand in his and smiled."You're an Austin now,Darling.Money is not something you need to worry about."

"Thank you,I do appreciate it."

I opened the door of Tom's car,ready to go back to Hell.Just go in there and try to be nice,if Jeremy is even home that is.It was late now,but he's a workaholic so he could be still at the office.

Tom stepped out of the drivers side."I'll go in with you..I need to have a word with my Son."

Tom and I walked up the front steps and walked in the front door.Music was playing and the smell of smoke filled the air,like the smell of cigar smoke.He must be having a party.

Tom walked alongside me."Well at least we know he's home."

We walked the hallway towards the living room,I would rather cower off to my room but I wanted to show Tom that I was at least trying to tolerate his son.As we walked into the living room,the first thing that came into view was Jeremy's mostly naked body.He was sat on the Black Fabric sofa with a cigar in his hand and a Red headed woman sitting mostly naked beside him.She was kissing his neck whilst massaging the bulge in his trousers.

"What is going on here?"Tom shouted.

Both of them looked in our direction,the red headed woman jumped from her place and covered her exposed breasts.

Jeremy grabbed a square cushion and covered his crotch,before turning down the music."Dad..What are you doing here?"

"I came to chat..But I see that you have your hands full.I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you couldn't step up to the plate and be a responsible man."

The red haired woman stood from the couch looking a little panicked."I'm sorry,I should go."She said in a french accent,and grabbed her things from the floor."She looked up at me again."I'm sorry."

The woman left the room to dress somewhere else.Walking in here I never would have expected to find Jeremy in the position I did,but at least it wasn't mid sex.I know this is his house,but he could of at least taken it to his bedroom.

"Is this really what you're doing with your day?"Tom shouted,then looked at the mess surrounding us.

Jeremy moved his fingers through his length of dark hair."I was working all day,I just got home an hour ago.I didn't think you were coming over, Dad."

"But you're wife was going to come home at some point."He pointed to me."This poor Girl shouldn't have to be a witness to this."

Jeremy looked at me,then looked over at his Father."She's not my wife,please stop acting like this is sometime that it's not."

Tom stepped closer to his son,tension was building between the two of them."I am ashamed of you,of your actions.Are you ever going to grow up and take responsibility"

"Im going to go to my room.Thanks for today,Tom."I walked out of the living room and left them to it,I didn't want to be in the middle of it even though technically it was about his unfaithfulness to our Fake marriage.

I didn't care!!

Jeremy Austin can sleep with whoever the hell he wants,as long as he doesn't jeopardise the Arrangement then I don't care.