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61 - RykerI have been tracking all of Kennedy’s calls and text messages. She seems to be telling the truth. She has only messaged my sister and Jeremiah from her old pack and Robin and Bennet here. All the messages have been short and to the point. She calls Jeremiah more than she texts, which makes sense based on what I know of their relationship. The calls never last more than ten minutes though, which I do think is odd. Bennet doesn’t respond to her unless necessary and most of the time it's ‘I’ll check with the Alpha.’ He knows I’m monitoring, so maybe he just converses with her face to face. He hasn’t said much to me either since her attack. Until last night. Last night I got a front row seat to his opinion of my treatment of her. Which is why I’m on my current Kennedy rabbit hole.“ALPHA!”“What?!” I yell back at Josh. He’s been more crabby recently too.“Will you stop stalking your mate and help me with this?”“I am not stalking her and you seem to be just fine on your
62 - KennedyI have been enjoying my time better in this pack. Sarah has been so amazing, she knows so much about the history and the way the pack works. I wonder if she is like an elder or something. It’s been a long time since I have laughed this much and I am loving every second. She has no filter and tells everyone like it is, but with the kindest heart I have ever seen.“So then they were all running naked to the packhouse like their tails were on fire!.” Sarah finishes her story about Ryker, Josh, Bennet and Danny when they were about ten and I am laughing so hard I almost fall out of my chair. Robin is slightly more dignified, but she has probably heard this story before.“I wish I could hear more stories like this. With so many elders here I’m sure there is so much more history I could learn about his pack. It is so big and wonderful, it’s like nothing I have experienced before.” I can’t even hide my fascination with Dark Moon. The more I learn, the more I want to know. I
63 -KennedyAs I watch, I know when Bennet found me. Maybe my assumptions weren’t that far off. I can feel his presence like pressure from a storm. It pushes against me from whatever direction he’s hiding from me. He’s behind me to my right. Probably behind a tree. I don’t even have to look to know. A constant, always here, always watching, just not close enough to be a comfort. Then it hits me. A sensation I haven’t felt in a long time. I stop breathing, thinking maybe I have finally lost my mind looking for that connection since I got here. I blink slowly concentrating on the pressure coming from my left. Then the scent hits me, rosemary and mint. He’s here, when I finally am ready to give him up, he shows up.I take another deep breath to stifle a sob, blink again and keep my eyes forward. I’m torn between the need to know what he’s up to and wanting to run away. I have barely had eye contact with him since the incident with Amy in the breakfast room. I don’t know what he could
64 - KennedyI’m so angry that he bypassed how I feel and just moved on to how I know about rejecting. Was he just hoping I wouldn’t figure it out so I can’t hurt his wolf? My body is shaking in rage and I don’t know how much longer I can stand here and have this fight. I already hit him once, I don’t think He’ll let me do it again. I need to work this out somehow or I might explode.“No! Of course not.” He growls. “Based on my interactions with Robin you should know that.”“You do realize I’ve never seen you interact with her right? Outside of your warriors and Amy, the only time I’ve seen you with people was at Rayna’s party. And that was mostly flirting and schmoozing.”“Did my mother show you these books? It sounds like something she would do.”“No, I’ve never been introduced to her. I spend a lot of time in here, alone,” I wave a finger around the office, “I figured no one would mind if I put everything back the way I found it. The days are long and sometimes the nights are
65 - KennedyI scramble to stand as if we were caught making out. Well at least I know I can get a shot of energy whenever I need it. Just have to have contact with Ryker and it’s like a bolt of electricity has zinged through me.Sarah walks in with a look on her face like she was waiting for the right moment to interrupt. My Aunt Beth has the same look. Now that I know she’s Ryker’s mom, I’m interested to see what she says to me or if she acts differently, now that she doesn’t have to pretend to be a servant in the pack.They both have that look like they are having a conversation over mindlink without me and my anger flares again. This emotional sh*t is getting old. Why is trying to belong somewhere so f*cking exhausting? I don’t say anything, turning to leave. They can talk about me when I’m not here.“Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going? Don’t go.” Ryker wraps his arm around my waist to pull me back and I hate my body’s reaction to him. My body likes it, even though my min
66 - RykerShe scoots over and pats the empty space next to her and I instantly start to panic. I don’t know if I can do this, be near her and keep my hands to myself. I don’t know if my wolf will let me. This needs to be slow, for both our sakes. What if I’m too rough and I hurt her? What if I am terrible and she finishes rejecting me? I think what we have is better anyway. I take on packs of wolves and vicious rogues. Rip out throats and shed blood for the safety of my pack and don’t blink twice. The first time I am considering laying next to a woman, my mate, in the same bed and I feel like I am going to throw up. I take a deep breath and walk to her bed, rubbing my palms on my shorts slowly, hopefully she doesn’t notice.“Is this okay?” I ask, reaching for the blanket. I hope my voice sounds like I am confident.“I think so. Is this alright for you? I just figured if I sleep well with Alpha near, you shouldn’t be any different. But if you don’t want to…” She looks down at her
67 -KennedyHold the phone. “How is that possible?” I sit up to my knees, rubbing my stomach again. He has to be lying. There’s no way what I felt was fake or in my head.He growls again. “Kennedy…”“What? You can’t be an asshole for weeks and not expect me to be curious when you do decide to talk to me.”He closes his eyes and takes a breath. “Can we just go back to sleep and talk about this tomorrow?”“Not a chance. How is it possible you’re a virgin? I know what I felt and I know what happened to me.”“I have no problem answering questions. Although some of my answers might not be what you want to hear. But, please…”“Then what the hell is wrong with you?” I am almost yelling again. I just don’t understand. “Why won’t you look at me?” I move closer to him. I want to reach out and touch his cheek, no matter how mad he’s made me. The urge to have contact is overwhelming. But I sit here waiting.“Do you have any idea what I have wanted to do to you since that night out on the bal
68 - RykerWhat the f*ck just happened? I came in my shorts without any contact to my d*ck at all. Kennedy’s so incredibly sexy and she knows her way around her body. She doesn’t need me at all, clearly. But she let me watch her and it was phenomenal. She also said my name. She called my name when she came, not the title she calls my wolf and nothing sarcastic. My name, like she needs me as much as I need her. But she also walked away. She didn’t stumble or stagger away. I broke her shower from the force of my org*sm, did I not affect her the same, do I mean so little to her?“You did abandon her and isolate her like Rapunzel. You’re lucky she let us get this close. Don’t do anything to f*ck this up more.”“I’m aware, thanks. What do I do now?”“You are going to get us out of these cummed up shorts and go lay next to her. Dumbass.”“What if she kicks me out?”“So what? You have to try and right now action is your best best. Words are not working so well for you.”“You really a
31 - GretaWalking down the hall, I hear Landon and Ryker. “Yeah, we don’t know what happened exactly. The fire was just too big and everyone was running around. Peyton and I were at training and someone came in and yelled ‘FIRE’ then all the kids went crazy. Peyton and I ran together, cause we’re neighbors but the wind was too bad and there were sparks everywhere. I got burned on the arm and she told me we can’t search anymore. We told you how we found Gabriel and Trinity. Do you think that our parents are still alive?” I finally hear a whisper of the little boy he is in the question.“I hope so buddy. But you are here now and you can stay as long as you want to. In the morning I’ll have my guys start looking into your pack’s situation, now that we have an idea of what happened. You have done a great job protecting your pack. Your parents and your alpha will be so proud.”“Speaking of the littles,” I step into Bennet’s room where they are sitting on the bed. They both look over a
30 - GretaThis little doll of a girl is wrapped in Finn’s arms like a koala. She tucks her face back under Finn’s chin so she can look at me while maintaining full contact with him. Her posture is shy, but the look in her eye is most definitely not. It is almost territorial. My wolf grumbles in my head before I remind her that this baby has been through a lot and isn’t a threat. But she knows my name. That is interesting.“Oh! I am so excited to see you all!” Kennedy gushes unable to help herself. “Are you hungry? Samuel said you hunted before you left your camp. Or are you tired? We’re going to set you up here with us tonight.”“I’m hungry!” The youngest boy says and we all laugh.“Gabriel, you’re always hungry.” The oldest girl laughs at him.“Well Gabriel, you are in luck, I just had the fridge stocked. I’m always hungry too.” Kennedy giggles, patting her stomach. “Let’s get a snack and then you can all get cleaned up and in bed. Sound good?” She reaches her hand out to him. H
29 - FinnI give her fingers a squeeze and shift to follow Landon and Gabriel to get water. I lose count of how many trips we make, but Landon is smart and kept them close to a stream so it wasn’t terrible. Seth and Sameul talk the kids through what they do to process the deer and how we use everything. Nothing goes to waste. We eat and use the deer skin to hold what we don’t consume. Trinity doesn’t leave my side and only breaks contact to eat. Her cute little hand is wrapped around my pinky finger and her warm body is pressed up into my side.All the kids are fascinated with the whole food prep process, asking question after question to Seth as he cooks and hands off finished pieces of meat. After, we all wash off in the stream and head back to sit around the fire, talking comfortably. “You know you remind me of a friend of mine.” I tell Trinity.“I do? Who?” She has gotten more confident around us, but her voice is still strong, but shy.“Her name is Greta and your hair is almos
28 - FinnHe pads over to the opening and crawls in. I can hear muffled talking, but I don’t try to listen in. If she’s younger than Gabriel, she’s just a baby and I have no idea where her mind might be at. Other than my friends we never came across too many pups in our journey and I always thought that was because situations like Sammmy’s and mine were a fluke. But after seeing these kids, I wonder if it’s because they didn’t survive long enough to get help.I hear a little squeak behind me as Gabriel sits next to me. When I turn he shrugs his shoulders. I guess that means I’m up. I chance a slight look and my breath catches. This tiny little thing is huddled in a ball next to the opening, staring right back at me. Her body language says she’s afraid, but her eyes tell me a different story. She has piercing green eyes that are hard and fierce. Her look is almost a dare to go over there and see what she’ll do to me.I keep my ass on the ground and lift my hand in a wave. “Hi.” I say
27 - FinnI hear a grumbled ‘jackass’ from one of them. I try to fight a smile, kind of. “The Luna said you need help, what can I do? The Alpha is already planning how to remove my head from my body for leaving my partner alone to defend the Luna…”“WHAT!?! Why in the hell would you leave her?” The bulkier of the two warriors steps towards me.I throw my hands up. “Because SHE had a pregnant tantrum about rescuing these kids! I chose to piss off the lesser of the two evils! Have either of you dealt with a pregnant she wolf?” Both males stop in their tracks and share a look before laughing. “Wait. What’d I miss?”“I take it you don’t have kids?” Lean man asks.“No?” “The Luna is intense on her own, the hormones are making it tenfold. The name’s Samuel.” The larger built warrior says extending his hand to me. I shake it, a little confused. “Finn, nice to meet you I guess.” That’s it? All I had to do was tell them their Luna scared the crap out of me and they decide I’m not a threat?
26 - FinnWe can’t catch a break. Every time I get Greta to talk to me about this whole mate thing, something interrupts. Neither of us is stupid enough to go against our very pregnant luna though.“What’s up Boss lady?” Greta puffs out. Even she isn’t immune to these f*cking stairs.“Samuel and Seth found some abandoned pups on the border.” She screeches.“I don’t understand.” I step forward, but stay behind Greta’s shoulder. I haven’t been around many pregnant she-wolves, but I have heard they can go from sweet to violent in a blink and Kennedy is still getting used to the heightened emotions of her wolf. She’s less likely to hurt Greta in this situation.“They need your help! What’s not to understand?!” She’s frantically running her fingers through her hair, pacing and I am at a loss. I look sideways at my mate. Greta’s glassy eyed, meaning she’s hopefully getting some insight from the alpha.“Luna…LUNA!” She finally looks at me. “Can you give me more details? Are they being c
25 - FinnDeal. That’s all we were told, to deal. I am now stuck here, for who knows how long with her. I can’t deal witht this right now, I have to get out of here.“I’m going to go look around.” I drop my bag and scurry to the door.“Finn, wait..”I don’t hear anything else she says as I spring like a coward down the hall, down the stairs, past a confused Kennedy and out to the massive patio. I’m panting, my lungs won’t take in air. I can’t do this. I can’t be around her. Her scent in the car was difficult enough to deal with. I am the most relaxed and at the same time the most tense than I have been in weeks.“You need to calm down. This is a good thing.”“How can it be a good thing?! I was just getting used to not being around her.”“You get another shot, that’s why it’s a good thing!”“I don’t want it. She doesn’t want me. I am a rogue with nothing. Just let me reject her and we can move on. The rest of our group is settled and Ryker is going to make them all pack soon.”“NO!
24 - FinnI slide out of the SUV looking around. This feels like a trap, and yet none of the usual alarms are going off in my head. My wolf and I have established a decent radar for bad situations. Avoiding them is our top priority. I’m not sure what it is about Kennedy and Ryker, but I have not had one single instance of distrust with either of them the entire time we have been in the Dark Moon pack.“Greta! Finn!” I whip around to see Kennedy at the top of a ridiculously tall staircase. “Well, don’t just stand there, come on!” She waves us up excitedly.It’s almost strange to have someone excited to see me. Nan was it, as far as I can remember, other than the pups at Dark Moon. But, they are excited to see most people, so they don’t really count. I always have Sammy and some of the other guys. We fight side by side and hope each one makes it out alive. We have had to leave guys behind and move forward, move on to the next location. I couldn’t tell you where we laid those people to
23 - GretaI sit and stare at the door for a long while. There’s no sound on the other side. He’s not showering or anything, just waiting for me to leave. I should feel relieved. He told me to go and I wish I could make my body do just that, but I’m locked here in place, my wolf is willing him to come out. His wolf is blocking her and I can feel her heartbreak. Something’s changed and she’s hurting. Add it to the list of things for me to feel guilty about.I stand, frustrated, and take a deep breath of his lingering scent, then get an idea. I run my hands on the pillows and blankets. Anything soft in this room I touch. At the very least, maybe he will sleep okay tonight. I need to talk to Kennedy, this is something I don’t know how to navigate. I still don’t want a mate. It’s not fair to Finn that I am broken and can’t be fixed. I don’t like the idea of him hurting over it either._It has been weeks and FInn is nowhere in sight. I can feel him when he’s near, but he is avoiding m