7| Pregnant?

The paper in my hand starts to shake because of how unstable my hands have suddenly become.

 

"Doctor, please, this can't be right," I say, trying to make sense of the situation.

 

"Ms. Amory, it is. We ran the tests. You are pregnant." She emphasizes each word, and I start to shake my head as my vision clouds with tears.

 

"It can't be. I can't be pregnant. It's just food poisoning. It's supposed to be just food poisoning. I can't have a baby." I start to talk like a crazy person, and the doctor gives me a scrutinizing gaze.

 

"Do you know who the father of the baby is?" She asks in hushed whispers, and I manage to nod without crying yet.

 

"I suggest you tell him already. You are already four weeks along." She folds her arms, and I choke back a sob.

 

"I can't. I can't tell him." I stutter as I slam the results against her desk.

 

"Ms. Amory, this is a very delicate situation. The father of the child is supposed to know he is expecting a child. Withholding such information could be interpreted as a crime." Doctor Rivers says it in a curt tone.

 

"He's not with us anymore." I say, and a stray tear escapes my eyes.

 

"Oh," is the only thing she says as she relaxes into her chair.

 

"I'm sorry for your loss." She misinterprets my words, and I let it slide.

 

"It's okay. But I can't have a baby right now. I'm not in the right state of mind, and I don't even have any source of income." I start to rant helplessly.

 

"I see the problem here. Ms. Amory, do you not want to be a mother?" The doctor asks me in a calculated tone, and I take a second to think.

 

Of course, I want to be a mother. Just not now, and not alone. I can't believe I was so careless, but then again, I was in love.

 

Was...

 

Do I still love Harry?

 

I'm not sure anymore. All I know is that I'm going to have a baby for a man who betrayed me and tormented me, and I'm not even with him anymore.

 

And Oliver. I can't bring a baby into his life. He's helped me so much; there's only so much a person can do for another. I can't drop a baby bomb on him.

 

Oh my, what have I gotten myself into?

 

"I don't know!" I blubber to the doctor as I cover my face with my palms and start to cry.

 

I don't know anything anymore. I'm not sure I even knew anything about anything before. How could this be possible?

 

What am I going to do?

 

"Ms. Amory," the doctor says, stands up from her chair and walks over to mine, taking the seat next to me and turning it around so that we could sit face to face.

 

"Crying isn't going to solve anything," she starts to say in a soft tone. "What's done is done." Her voice changes to something harsher, and she sits me up straight, placing her hands on my shoulder.

 

"You're not ready to raise a child on your own, right?" She asks, and I sniffle before nodding.

 

"There are so many people in this world who don't even have this choice of yours. So many people can't even have a baby, but you have this chance." She says, and I suddenly start to feel guilty, but I'm sure she's not telling me for that reason.

 

"If you don't want the child, other people want a child. You can give this baby up for adoption." She suggests, and I stop to think.

She's right. I could do this.

 

But how would I feel, growing a child inside me for nine months only to give him up at the end to strangers? And besides, this child is not going to be a normal child. He's going to be a werewolf. I don't think I could ever live with such a decision.

 

Or can I?

 

"Doctor Rivers, I'm not sur—" I start to speak, but she raises a hand to stop me midway.

 

"I'm not saying you should do it. I was just suggesting the idea to you. I've seen a lot of people come in with different problems, and I'm only suggesting what could help. You don't have to make a decision now. You could think on it and come back another day to tell me what you decide." She says this before standing up and rubbing her palms against her thighs.

 

I nod my head and summon a tight-lipped smile before standing up as well. Doctor Rivers goes back to sit in her office chair with a look of satisfaction on her face.

 

"I hope to see you again soon, Ms. Amory." She calls out to me, and I nod.

 

"We'll see." is the last thing I say before walking out of the office and leaving the hospital.

 

As I catch a cab and go back home, there's only one thing in my head that's on repeat.

 

I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant.

 

The first thing I do when I get back home is make myself a sandwich. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I should starve myself.

 

I eat my sandwich in silence. Once I'm done, I begin to think.

 

I obviously can't keep the baby, that's for sure, I think as I look around the apartment. The place is spacious, but there's not enough room for a child.

 

Or I can give up the baby for adoption. But so many things could go wrong with that option. For example, what happens when the child changes into a wolf and his adoptive parents turn on him?

 

What happens then?

 

I'm not even sure if I should be making this decision on my own. What about Harry? Doesn't he deserve the right to know that he's going to be a father?

 

No, he doesn't.

 

A voice in the back of my mind says in spite. But I ignore it; just because he was cruel to me doesn't mean I should hide the existence of his own flesh and blood from him.

 

That's just a horrible thing to do.

 

Or is it the exact best thing to do?

 

Goodness, there are so many options and so many different voices of reasoning in my head, and I can't settle for anyone.

 

I spent the day debating on a decision in between watching TV, sleeping, eating, throwing up the food I ate, and then eating again.

 

Yeah, I was very occupied throughout the day. That is, until Oliver comes back home and sees me eating dinner—macaroni and cheese.

 

"Welcome back," I greet him, and he settles on a kitchen stool next to me.

 

"Thank you," He smiles awkwardly before a caring look settles on his face. "What did the doctor say?" He asks, and I suddenly get the urge to throw up.

 

I slam my plate against the kitchen counter and run to the bathroom to puke. When I finally feel relieved, I flush the toilet and rinse my mouth.

 

Immediately after I open the bathroom door, I see Oliver on the other side with a look of concern on his face.

 

"Are you okay?" He asks me, and I don't answer at first. I walk over to my bed and settle on it.

 

"Yeah yeah. I'm good." I waved off the question, still trying to get a hold of myself.

 

He occupies the space next to me, and the bed dips. I see him rub his palms against his jeans in a nervous manner before he looks at me face-to-face.

 

"Are you really okay?" He asks, and I nod, putting on a convincing smile.

 

"And what did the doctor say?" He goes back to his first question, and I notice the heads of sweat that are forming on his forehead. The way his right leg is bobbing up and down. The scared and hopeful look in his eyes.

 

He's worried for me.

 

I can't take this anymore.

 

"Nothing serious. I told you it was just food poisoning, and they gave me some medicine." I added a small laugh at the end to make the lie sound more believable.

 

He lets out a sigh of relief and laughs along with me.

 

"Thank the goddess," he remarks, showing off his dimples as he smiles.

 

He engulfs me in his arms, and I wrap my hand around his body. It's only then that I make a final decision.

 

I'm getting rid of this baby.