CHAPTER 5: A Father's Pain and Joy

“What’s his name? Where is he? Why didn’t you bring him with you?” 

There are so many more I wanna ask, but I stop myself and only choose what I consider are the most significant ones.

Eloise raises her gaze back to me, then answers, “Maddox. That’s his name.”

I’m waiting for more answers, but she grows silent and dips her head back down. 

“I wanna see him,” I say.

Images of the child I never knew flit through my mind like an old, sepia-toned film. I try to imagine a face, a smile, a laughter that bear my reflection. I can’t fathom the love that has grown in my absence, nor the bond I've missed out on. Guilt claws at my conscience, accusing myself of negligence, of having forsaken a life that deservs my presence. More than that, a deep yearning wells up within me, compelling me to seek answers and embrace the newfound responsibility. I have to meet my child, to understand the connection that destiny has forged between us.

Suddenly, tears well in Eloise’s eyes as she speaks the words no parent would ever wanna hear.

“Maddox is sick," she says, her voice breaking. "It's a rare and aggressive illness, and the doctor says there's little hope. He doesn't have much time left, Braxton."

A lump forms in my throat, choking back the emotions that are threatening to consume me. I just found out that I have a son, and now, I have to face the heart-wrenching reality that time is slipping away!

Eloise lowers her gaze once again, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I’m sorry that I only told you about this now. I was the one who left you. So I don’t have any right to disrupt your life. You had moved on, and I didn't want to burden you with my problems."

-”Moved on? Did she really think you did?”-

'Please, Squall. I don’t wanna hear your opinion about this matter!'

-”We’re one and the same. So you will, even if you don’t wanna.”-

Torn between the pain of the past and the overwhelming responsibility of the present, I reach out and place my hand on Eloise’s, a gesture of comfort and support. "Eloise, he's my son too. We should have faced this together."

A mixture of sorrow and relief crosses Eloise’s face as she murmurs, “I know and thank you.”

I nod, a flood of emotions washing over me. I wanna be there for Maddox, to make up for the years I had missed, but the pain of knowing I may lose him before truly knowing him is unbearable.

“Bring me to Maddox," I demand.

“Yes, but don’t bring anyone with you,” Eloise says.

I wanna ask why, but I don’t think it needs as much attention as my son does. So I dismiss my unspoken question and just agree with her request.

She starts telling me all the details surrounding our son’s illness as we descend down to the underground parking space. Hope that there’s still a chance to save my son erupts in my heart. Money isn’t an issue to me. I can spend millions, billions even just to save him and be with him for years and years to come. But the problem lies on whether Eloise or I is a match to conduct a bone marrow transplant for him. 

Once we're in the parking space, I tell my Delta not to come with us, and that I'll drive my car myself. With confusion on his face, he just nods and prepares one of my Ferraris. Soon, the rain unexpectedly pours down in torrents, washing away the remnants of a scorching summer day. Almost ten minutes later, the hospital looms ahead, its imposing presence casting a shadow over the emotions that are surging within me. My heart pounds in my chest, my breaths shallow and unsteady. I clutch the steering wheel with white-knuckled determination while stealing glances at Eloise. The small puffiness of skin in her lower lids tells the story of sleepless nights, but the frail hope etched in her laugh lines reveals the depth of her optimism. 

After parking my car, we make our way through the automatic sliding doors of the hospital. Even the sterile smell of disinfectant can’t mask the emotions that fill the air.

"He's in Room 317, on the third floor," Eloise says softly.

Together, we ascend via one of the tiny and old-looking elevators. The corridor seems endless, and with each step, the tension in my chest grows palpable. Room 317 looms ahead, the soft hum of medical equipment reminds me of the fragility of life. 

Eloise enters the ward first while I stand at the threshold, hesitant to enter, afraid of what I may find. My palms are damp, and I can hardly find the strength to turn the doorknob. The mere thought of seeing my sick child for the first time sends shivers down my spine, and yet, it’s a moment I can’t delay any longer. 

As I step into the room, the air thickens, and a heavy weight settles on my shoulders. There, lying in a small bed, is my son, Maddox. Tubes and wires connected him to machines, their soft beeps and whirs filling the room like an eerie lullaby. My eyes well with tears as I approach the bedside, my footsteps heavy and hesitant. Then, my heart breaks when I take in Maddox’s pale face and sunken eyes.

"Hey, buddy," I whisper, my voice trembling with emotion. 

I reach out to gently nudge his cheek. His eyelids flutter open, revealing gold eyes that hold vulnerability and strength. The corners of his lips lift in a faint, tired smile, a glimmer of happiness crossing his gaze.

"Papa?" His voice is barely audible, but it cuts through the heavy atmosphere.

'Papa? He called me papa? Did he know all along that I’m his father? Or is it just pure instinct?'

My thoughts are probably plastered on my face since Eloise clarifies them.

She says, “I told him that I'll bring his papa once I return. So,...”

I nod, a smile curling my lips. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m here, son. And I’ll always be here from now on.”

Tears threaten to stream down as I lean in to plant a soft kiss on Maddox’s forehead. I try to hide the pain I’m feeling, wanting to be strong for him, but it’s a futile effort. Unregrettably, I allow myself to be vulnerable, to let my son see the depth of my love and concern. Maddox weakly reaches for my hand, and I clasp it gently, afraid that any pressure may hurt him. The three of us sit in silence for a while, emotions filling the room.

“Happy?” Eloise asks with a teasing look in her wet and quite swollen eyes.

Maddox widens his smile more while nodding. Then, he turns his gaze to me and says, “Maddox play with papa outside. Run, hide.”

"I want that too, buddy," I reply. "And you know what? We'll play all day, anytime you want, anywhere you want, once you're feeling better." I pause, before adding, “I love you, buddy.”

“Love, love,” Maddox responds while playfully crossing his arms on his chest.

Pride and pain consumes me. Despite his illness, he displays a strength and maturity beyond his years.

As the hours pass, I stay by his side, telling him stories of my favorite adventures. And as the world outside continues to spin, in this quiet, sacred space, I find strength in my son's courage, and hopefully he can find his in my embrace. As soon as he falls asleep, I veer my focus to Eloise again. 

“You’ll meet Dr. Tiu later, she always comes here before 6 in the evening to check on Maddox,” she says.

“Good,” I reply.

That’s one thing I wanna know, but there’s also another thing I’ve been itching to know too. Tension starts to build in the air and both of us sense that. Following that is silence that hangs heavily between us, like a tangible force that refuses to be ignored. Finally, it’s me who breaks the silence coz I’m sure she can’t.

“What happened five years ago?” I ask.

That question draws her shoulders together. Her gaze moves in different directions, but doesn’t stop at mine.

I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "I've spent those years wondering what went wrong, why you left. We had something special, didn't we? I thought we did."

She looks down, her fingers absently tracing patterns on her skirt. "We did have something special. And I don't regret any of the time we spent together. But life... life took an unexpected turn for me, and I didn't know how to handle it."

I remain silent, waiting for her to continue unearthing what she had gone through five years ago.

Finally, she courageously directs her eyes at me. “I was threatened to be killed by your father and your packmates because they didn’t want a human to become their Luna.”

The clock on the wall ticks relentlessly, its steady rhythm mocking the disbelief that’s squirming in me. Gasp echoes from me. My hands tremble as I replay the words that have just reached my ears. Then, Squall's voice follows suit.

-”Oops! Plot twist! I’m not gonna be surprised that what she’s saying is true, considering how inconsiderate your father is… most of the time.”-

“I stubbornly ignored the threat at first because,...” she pauses to collect herself, before continuing, “... because I loved you and I didn’t wanna be separated from you. But then, they turned their threat into action. I was k.idnapped and almost killed. But thankfully, one of your packmates, who was also one of the k.idnappers, offered me mercy. He helped me escape in exchange for a promise that I won’t ever show myself to you again. I deceptively accepted his deal just to get away. My plan was to come back to you and tell you everything, but I couldn’t find a way to contact you or to get near you. They destroyed my phone, while at your mansion and your workplace, your packmates are scattered everywhere. Apart from those, days after I was set free, I found out that I was pregnant. That was the turning point of it all. I got scared that they might involve my unborn child with their cruelty. So I decided to disappear from your life, even if it almost destroyed my own.” 

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. It’s like a surreal nightmare, a savage twist of fate that has shattered the illusion of the life I thought I knew.

My hands clench into fists, while anger, hurt, and confusion clash within me, intimidating to overwhelm my senses. But then, those emotions are swallowed up effortlessly when Eloise adds,

“Destiny really has its clever way to do things. I left you to protect Maddox from your father and your pack,ates, now I bravely dismissed that and reappeared before you coz you became my only hope to save him.”