4

*Lana POV*

“What are you looking at?” Kohen asks, stepping up beside me as I stare off into the trees where I swear I saw him. Silence was always our best mode of communication, Maddox and I. But distance and silence? I’m not sure I want to experience a life where I lack his presence and his voice.

I plaster on a fake smile as his hand falls to the small of my back, providing me comfort. He has been home for only a few days and he has spent every waking minute with me, both of us grieving the loss of our friend. 

“Just daydreaming.” I offer him.

“You miss him too, huh?” He says with a sad smile on his lips. Kohen’s green eyes scan my face and I nod. 

“Of course. He may have been quiet, but he was comforting, you know?” I chuckle lightly, the heavy breeze stealing the sound from my lips.

“He was the ying to my yang.” He says, leaning his elbows on the railing and looking out at nothing in particular. 

“I thought you always said I was your ying?” I quirk a brow and he chuckles. 

“You and I are not opposites. Maddox and I were.” He answers, and I furrow my brow. 

“Are.”

“What?” he tilts his head, looking at me confused. 

“You said ‘were’. Maddox isn’t dead. He is still out there, he is still your ying.” I remind him, and Kohen’s face turns to stone. 

“He is as good as dead, Lana. The sooner you accept that, the better everything will be. For all of us.”

I push off the white wooden rails and whip my head to him in anger. 

“I will never accept that and I will never consider him dead until I know he is actually dead.” I hiss at him and Kohen frowns. 

“You have always been the one with your head in the clouds.”

“I have not!”

Kohen laughs lightly.

“Of course you have. You wanted to be a warrior when you could have been the Alpha. Instead of choosing whatever mate you wanted, you agreed to pick one of your best friends because that’s the fairy tale life, isn’t it, Lana? Mate with your best friend and your mateship will always be amazing? You seem to think I can’t see through your want-to-be tough exterior.” He steps into me, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger gently. 

“You aren’t a princess and this isn’t a fairytale, But I will be your prince charming. If you still want your best friend for a mate.”

He presses a kiss to my forehead and takes a few steps back before exiting through my room, leaving me on the balcony alone again. His words piss me off, all the while warming my blood. An infuriating feeling when he stomps on my dreams and then offers me affection. Is it really a fairy tale to want to mate with someone who knows me better than anyone else?

Kohen and Maddox have been a part of my life for so damn long that they often feel like an extension of me. I know Kohen must be struggling with losing his best friend in his own way. But for him to just seem so… normal. Okay, with Maddox being gone?

Maddox must have done something completely appalling for Kohen to have no remorse for his absence. Yet here I am, sitting in the dark with the whole situation. Dad refuses to tell me, even after days of berating him with questions. Hell, he has posted Kohen’s dad at the door to turn me away. The only person I haven’t gone to yet for answers is Michael Maddox’s father. Rumor has it he hasn’t left his house in the woods since speaking with the head of the training academy.

Even if I could get answers from him. I know it would be wrong to make a grieving man tell me the dirty secrets of his one and only son. The only surviving reminder of the mate he loved and lost years ago with almost all of his pack. I respect Michael too much to bring him more pain. Right now, anyway. But if I don’t get my answers soon, it may force me to ask some questions.

Someone knocks on my door and I sigh heavily, moving through my room and pull it open to find Priscilla. Her long black hair matches the deep shade of her son, Kohen, and her deep brown eyes bore into mine, Judgemental and cold.

Priscilla is the epitome of outward beauty. Much like that of her son. Where Kohen is gentle and kind, Priscilla is cold and calculating. Much to my misfortune, she has taken me under her wing and help train me for Luna duties. Hoo-fucking-ray for me.

Duties, mind you, that she only fulfilled for all of three years before we absorbed their failing pack. But since I lack a mother of my own and Priscilla’s mate ended up filling the shoes of Beta when we lost ours, she has volunteered to help me. And heaven save me from her ways, because I would hate to kill my future mate’s mother.

“Still sulking over a boy who clearly didn’t want you?” She says, and I force a smile to my cheeks. 

“I am mourning the loss of a close friend, the same as your son.” I say back, pretending to completely miss the malice in her tone. Though in her defense, she always sounds mean to me. No one else gets this side of her. Just me, which I find ironic, considering I will be the reason her son even gets the alpha title.

“Kohen is strong and was over it in a day.” She scoffs. “Now. It’s time for training to start. There is no room for sulking when you are supposed to lead one day. Or in your case, be at the side of the leader.”

“I plan to be more than just his Luna, Priscilla. You know that.”

She smirks and giggles to herself as she turns on her heels, waiting for me to follow her like a faithful lap dog. Oh, the shit I will have to tell Kohen after dinner tonight. Thankfully, Kohen knows just how dry and terrible his mother is to me. He tries to run interference, but more often than not, it turns into him reminding me that his mother had trauma and she can’t help how she is. 

While I get trauma and all the problems, it brings to the table… I sort of thought an ex-luna would have more class, and well, communication skills. Or maybe she just hates me because she doesn’t think I am worthy of her sweet Kohen. I can admit to thinking I’m not worthy of Kohen. He is gorgeous, sexy, fit and damn good to me. But as Maddox once pointed out to me, it’s not about one’s worth but the other’s desires. 

If I am good enough for them to want me, then there must be something to me other than my reaching for something outside my grasp. My heart twinges at the thought of him truly being gone, but I steal my face and emotions, falling instep behind Priscilla, not wanting to remind her I am here by walking next to her.

“Now first things first.” She says, glancing over her shoulder, her judge-y eyes scanning me from head to toe before scoffing. “I will come to fetch you every morning at six am sharp for your training.”

My eyes grow wide in shock. “That early?” I ask her and she pauses, then turns to face me. 

“Oh, I am sorry, did you need more beauty sleep than that?” She asks, and I shake my head. 

“No, that’s just the middle of morning training for warriors.” I remind her. That she thinks I sleep in, other than the past few days because of the heartbreak of losing Maddox, proves how little she knows or actually cares about me.

She snorts and smiles at me. “You aren’t a warrior, Lana. You are going to be Luna. Your job is to act properly, help your Alpha and give him an heir.”

“Yeah, that’s not how this shit is going to go down” I chuckle dryly and she narrows her eyes. There goes any chance of flying under her radar now. 

“This is the life you chose. You could have been the Alpha.” she hisses at me. I glare at her, knowing full well she is damn pleased that I chose to not be the next alpha. Otherwise, her son would have no chance of ever being the alpha his bloodline says he is.

“Oh, and I still can be,” I say, crossing my arms, refusing to let her walk all over me so early in our session.

This isn’t the first time she has been a raging bitch to me, and I suspect on many occasions she has done things to sabotage me for the thrill. Though I have no actual proof of it. That Kohen came from her still shocks me daily. 

“If that’s what you want.” she says, trying to remain calm, but I can see the tension in her neck and fear in her eyes. 

“I will train in the morning. With the regular warriors. I will come find you at eight, after training ends and I have showered and eaten breakfast.” I say firmly. There is no way I will ever let anyone take my training away from me. Not a chance in hell. I have worked far too hard to earn my spot on that warrior pitch training with the top warriors. Training with Maddox and Kohen…

“Fine,” she grits out with a fake smile. “At least we know you get your attitude from your mother.”

“If you think my ability to not take shit from anyone came from my mother, you clearly never met her. I’m all my father’s daughter. In attitude and fight.” I mutter, walking past her. 

“I think you forget I know your father very well.”

I want to snark at her. Hell, I want to show her all the good my warrior training has done for me. It’s out of respect for my father, her mate’s position and Kohen I choose to keep my mouth shut. I offer Priscilla a tight smile and she takes it as me backing down.

“First order of business for today.” She says skating over the small tiff we just had. “You are getting a makeover.”

“The hell I am,” I snort, taking a step back. She scowls at me.

“Lana. You have been too long without a mother’s love or guidance. You are going to be nineteen and a Luna. My son deserves a woman who looks like one. No more ponytails or just loose hair. You must look in control if you are going to be in control..”

“And spending unnecessary time on my hair will fix that?” I ask, doubting her words completely. 

“And makeup.” Priscilla grimaces when she looks me over, and I can’t help but frown. I brush my hair every day, sometimes I braid it and other times I pull it back in a ponytail. Most of the time, it is up and out of my face for warrior training. But make up? What’s the point if I’m sweating and working out? Mascara and eyeliner, that’s all I need. 

“I wear makeup.” I lie and she laughs. It grows deeper and louder by the second. 

“Oh, sweetheart. You are an okay-looking girl, but you can’t fool anyone into thinking you actually try that hard.”

Then she pushes the door open to reveal a room full of people waiting to make me into something or someone I’m not.

“Just think of it this way. Kohen deserves someone who puts in at least a bit of effort.”

My cheeks heat and I brush at my basic red t-shirt self consciously. I hear someone coming down the hall and I spot Kohen walking with two beautiful girls walking my way. He laughs at something one of the girls says, his eyes glued to her face.

Her pink tinged lips and blushed cheeks make me reach to touch my bare skin, and a streak of unease ripples through my gut. I know he wants me. He has made that much very clear. But seeing him with them, when his mother just told me how terrible I look on the daily…

Well, shit… it’s not helping me want to stick to my guns about my looks. Maddox always said to never change, Kohen always said I would blossom if I tried. But Maddox isn’t here, and Kohen is set to be my mate… So I suppose a little makeup won’t hurt…