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When I finally reach home, it's already past midnight. I don't bother to find my mother. However, on my way to my bedroom, I stop by to check on my grandma. She's sleeping quietly. I'll apologize to her first thing in the morning. Even if I don't fully mean it. Shutting the door close, I walk to my bed, my ears still buzzing with a noise. It's all a part of the transition. I realize I'm breathing faster now. And my body feels warm all over despite the cruel cold of the winter outside. Sitting on the bed, I hug my knees and close my eyes. When the picture of Niall and Riley kissing flashes across my eyes, I open them abruptly. I try to understand how that makes me feel. It's an incomprehensible, strange feeling. My heart no longer aches. It's like feeling nothing; a numbness that echoes in my chest. Does it mean that Niall isn't my mate? "Goddess, help me!" I whisper. My mind is drowning in confusion. I feel tired and buzzed at the same time. Looking back at my memories of the ni
Ruth looks at me strangely, almost sympathetically, but before she can answer my question, the doorbell rings. “I’ll get that. Nessa, we’ll talk about this later,” she assures me and leaves my room. A while later, I hear a pair of footsteps walking towards my room. Thanks to my improved hearing, I hear the voices of the people they belong to. The very people I hoped to avoid. At least until my mind clears up. I open my window, look around, and find Niall’s car parked in the front yard. Sucking in a breath, I jump out and land firmly on my feet. Looking back at the window to my room, I smile at myself in satisfaction. The buzzing in my ears fades as I jog to the hotel. The sky is clear today, and the air feels warmer, like summer. Being seventeen feels odd. I can’t figure out what exactly I feel. I’ve heard of some people who have changed a lot after their transition, not in terms of physical appearance, but mainly how they behave and the way they look at things around them. I wond
In school, I have two birthday cakes waiting for me; one from my packmates and the other from Niall. I pretend everything is alright. The world does not need to know what happened. Although I know they will find out soon. I receive flowers from my pack. Blooming fresh purple irises. It is a ritual to give those flowers to anyone who has turned seventeen and is to shift for the first time. I have dreamt of it all my childhood. I have seen the irises in the vases around my house; these belong to my mother. My grandmother, however, has chosen to decorate her room walls with the flowers she has received. These flowers are said to be blessed by the Luna and only wilt when the werewolf they were given to dies. Riley is nowhere to be seen. I feel disappointed about that but I am not really upset. I want to get away as soon as I can. My eyes look for Jordan among the crowd but after what happened at the Crescent Night, the alpha seems to want to keep distance between us, at least when we ar
Even though I'm aware it's possible to have human mates, I can't help but feel shocked at the revelation. It's hard to believe that all this while, Riley had been his mate. This also answers the question that had plagued my mind for years. Niall is not my mate. Strangely, it feels like I've known it all this while. Like it's been dangling in front of my face but I couldn't quite tell what it was. But then, all the memories I made with Niall, everything I felt for him, seems futile. Why hasn't the goddess Luna guided me? Why was I made to walk this path blindly? Niall takes a step closer, drawing me out of my thoughts. He begins, his voice small, “I found out on Riley’s birthday. Well, not really. I felt strange around her. It was like… I couldn’t tell what was happening. I couldn’t figure it out.” “You could’ve told me about it. You kept me in the dark. You avoided me all these days,” I complain. “I wanted to tell you but how could I if I wasn’t sure myself?” His voice grows lo
Sirens blaze in the distance; chaos reigns in the corridors. Everything is happening too quickly. The sounds of people crying, talking, consoling each other, arguing—all muffled into something incomprehensible to my ears. I still have the white paper snatched in my hand. Jordan hasn't moved from my side, but Niall is moving around as cops and elders from the pack start arriving at the location. My mind can't register what he's trying to do, but I assure myself that he's helping in some way. The buzzing noise in my ears has returned. "Nessa? Hey?" I hear Jordan call my name. "Are you alright?" He places his hand around my back. I don't push him away; instead, I lean in, feeling safer that way. "Yeah," I answer, "I'm fine." Jordan's voice drops to a soft tone, his eyes glistening with an emotion I do not understand. "Your phone has been ringing for a while. You were zoned out." "Oh," I mumble. Then shaking my head, I pull out my cellphone. There are five missed calls from my mother.
I feel the ache in my head become more intense as I follow Jordan in the dark forest. My ears catch every little movement around us; my eyes see tiny worms crawling on the ground that I would've otherwise missed. I hear the crash of waves against rocks even though we are nowhere close to any of the beaches. Jordan’s mom had walked in just before we were leaving, warning us not to wander in the dark. But we sneaked out anyway, carrying along some of the knives displayed on the wall. By now, I assume that everyone is aware of what happened with Rachel. Bellpond is large enough, but it is well-connected. They would've linked the missing people with it. The packs will meet soon and come to a decision about it. I have no idea what is done in such a situation. Bellpond has fallen to several internal conflicts, but never had hunters entered the territory and succeeded in causing such havoc. I've heard of entire packs being wiped out by hunters trained for generations with the best weapo
Several moments of silence follow between us. I make myself focus on the rhythm of Jordan’s beating heart, but his eyes are tempting, not allowing me to look away. I'm in a trance, one I do not wish to break free from. “I-I don’t know,” I hear myself say. It would be a huge lie if I said I had not imagined this moment a thousand times in my head before. But now when it is real, I feel my heart clouded by fear. His hands make their way around my waist and draw me closer still. “You don’t?” he questions me. His voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper. “Jordan, I…” I sigh, losing control of my own words. Even though our noses are touching now, I feel disappointed at the distance between us. Tearing my gaze away from his hypnotizing eyes, I try to look elsewhere. Then I find it lingering on his lips. “If I kiss you now, will you know?” he asks all of a sudden, causing my heart to still. I am not sure if I heard him right. I lick my lips, taking in a breath. Closing my eyes briefly, I
Without sparing a moment, Jordan turns around, his back facing me. He stands silently—not a word leaves his mouth after that. I know it is time. I have to face my true self now. My wolf is within reach—I can feel it. My ears cut out all other sounds. All I hear is the fearful beating of my heart. My eyes sweep to Jordan's quiet figure, and the view comforts me a little. Even if I had the choice, I would not replace him with anyone else at this moment. He is here for me. And that is all I want then. Hastily, I take off my clothes and shoes, dropping them coolly to the ground. The cold wind nips at my bare skin, but the soft grass between my toes feels welcoming. The sky stays empty, the moon unavailable to further calm my senses, but I picture it to be there anyway. I close my eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. “Bless me, Goddess Luna,” the words leave my lips in a whisper. The first stab of pain strikes my right arm. The crack of bones falls on my ears, and I shut my mouth tightly,