Chapter Three: I Care

NEERAH’S POV

I stare blankly at the closed door of our attic. It smells murky like and they forgot to switch on the lights after they had me cuffed.

Maria had just left. But even she forgot to switch on the lights. But what she did not forget to do is leave behind a sharp razor blade.

She looked at me with a cynical twist of her mouth and she had dropped the warning subtly.

“Your father is not a kind man” and she is gone. 

I stared at the razorblade and smiled a little. I want to let it all go. The angst, the fear, the hopelessness… I am tired of feeling too much for nothing. Nothing will ever Improve. 

I want to forgive them all. I feel sorry that I was never what anyone wanted. 

My mom blames me for not dying when she tried to abort me three times! And now Dad blames me for being useless. 

I thought I had a friend in Jay. But he betrayed me in the worst way imaginable. Even after I told him about my past, he still wanted to take advantage of me.

Why couldn't he have chosen to protect me instead? Was it him who changed his mind and brought me to the edge of the forest harmlessly? I would never know. 

I won't live long enough to hear the reason.

It didn't matter. I have never had anyone in my life who showed genuine care. Even though I live in a pack house, I still feel so much alone.

I pick the razor up and sigh. 

I did not feel a moment of panic, or hesitation as I sliced  both my wrists and lied back down welcoming the peace I hoped would follow me in death.

But the door swung open then. My father is so enraged when he walks in that he did not notice the blood pooling around me.

He starts to beat me up heartlessly. I did not try to defend myself. I closed my eyes and let it all go. Even the pain of his fists…

He didn't do a lot of damage when someone bursts in to yank him back.

It feels so familiar. Perhaps it is because I am losing consciousness again. But the sounds, although much more forceful, really sound eerily familiar…

I faint dead away wondering who it is that saved me again.

When I woke up, there was a scent in the air that appealed so much to my senses. I inhaled so much that I needed to stop and breathe out again.

I look around me to note that I am back in my bedroom and there is a tall broad shouldered man facing away from me. He seems to be speaking to someone else. 

I sigh to myself. I didn't die. Again.

Always again. 

“she is awake” I hear the other male speaking.

The broad shouldered man turned around to face me. The other one leaves the room quietly. 

And I expected a bear of a man. He looks so big to me from my angle of vision.

But his face is soft. The soft expression loosening the chiseled cut of his entire face. 

He is the most handsome man I have ever come across. He has the most piercing gray eyes that seem to deepen the longer he stares at you. 

There is a gentle quality to him when he moves a little closer to me that puts me so much at ease. 

Normally, I wouldn't look a stranger in the eye. But I find it irresistible to look at this one man I don't even know. 

He feels familiar. Like a friend you crushed on, lost and found.

Up close, he is breathtaking to look at and I can honestly say that since developing feelings of attraction, he is the first male to make me wonder what it would be like to be held in his arms. Or kiss him…

“are you feeling sick anywhere?” he asks me with a look of concern I don't remember seeing on anyone’s face. Ever!

My mom alienated me from society and my father left me to Maria who attended it to do the same thing. Perhaps this is why I am desperate to shift and belong somewhere. 

I am tired of being a dirty secret no one wants to show.

“no” I replied so softly that it came out like a sigh. The guy is addling my good senses. I can't get over how good looking he is. Like seriously, if thought I had died, I would think he is an angel!

“good” he smiles a little, as if trying to loosen the atmosphere. 

“don't do it again. You will hurt a lot of people” he says it so gently that I feel like smiling a little. He talks to me like I am an egg and he didn't want me to break.

But considering what I almost did, I don't blame him for worrying. 

“You don't know what you are talking about," I told him earnestly. Worrying sounds like something someone did when they care. And he doesn't even know me.

I wonder how he got here.

“why?” he questions.

“My death would remove the grief of my existence” I murmur. 

I am surprised to see a hurt flash in his eyes. So I smile and say “I am kidding” no I am not…but he didn't need to know it.

“Your death will break me Neerah” he states while he holds my gaze.

I frown in surprise. What does that even mean?

“haha! It's a joke isn't it?” I try to smoothen away the awkward words. Like, what does that even mean?! He doesn't even know me.

“Why did you choose to use the traditional method to awaken your wolf? Were you worried you cannot shift on your own?” He asks conversationally.

I must be crazy really. I started to answer him before I could stop myself.

“Choose! Why will I choose such degradation?! No girl will choose it. I don't think there is a choice” and I clamp my hands over my lips in shock. Did I just open up to a stranger?! Why doesn't he feel like one?

“Did you know any of the werewolves in the forest then?” He asks with a small frown that oddly makes me feel so warm. I don't know why, but he looks like he cares. And it suddenly doesn't feel like I opened up to a stranger. 

“I saw Jay. I…” I suddenly couldn't continue. I thought I locked away all the emotions. But when I tried to speak about it, I can suddenly remember how close I was with Jay.

I didn't like him as a man but he constantly tells me how he feels and I have come to accept that I need that kind of person in my life.

He never tried to hold my hand while we dated. He said he respects the fact that I am slow to intimacy. I didn't wish to burst his bubble so I went along with it.

I am not slow to intimacy. At the time, I hated everything about it. 

For him to throw away our trust and faith in each other made it seem like he always had this intention.

He must have seen me as a prize he deserved for giving me a time of day.

Try as I may, I cannot seem to remember any red flags with Jay. He played me really well. But I feel sad because I am left wondering if I am such a bad judge of character. Was I so desperate that I didn't see it coming?

The feeling of anger and frustration I thought had left, sneaked back upon me as I realized that no one here ever cared about me. They wouldn't have let me enter the forest otherwise.

“I would never have belonged if i didn't go along with it. I guess Jay and the others thought I was fair game. I confided in him that I don't think I will shift. '' I state slowly, hating the fact that even knowing his betrayal will hurt me, he still chose to do it in the worst possible Way…

“Don't waste your emotions on him. I am here. I care about you” he swore. 

And among all the werewolf oddities, I love this one best. So I smile a little. I didn't say anything. I don't need to. I don't know what to say.

“My pack is tight knit Neerah. They will welcome a sweet soul like you. Do you want to come with us?” He asks, tilting his head to the side.

A sweet soul huh? After years of listening to others refer to me as a burden, it is hard to believe that anyone would refer to me as a ‘sweet soul’ 

But I am tired of thinking of him as a he. So I say “who are you?”

There is a glint in his eyes when he says “your mate!” 

I didn't believe him. Humans don't have mates. And I am only human I guess.

“So what does my mate go by?” I went along with a shy smile.

“Cuan,” he replies easily.

I am honestly surprised it is Alpha Cuan I am speaking to. He is the youngest Alpha now. All the other Alphas think of him as a little cub.

I smile at the thought. Our entire conversation is a nut job. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Not if he was your mate Neerah! My mind starts to dream. I shook it off because I can't afford to think too deeply today. 

“I can earn my keep. Please take me along” I plead. I promise myself that I will not have high hopes. I will keep to myself and try this game of life just one more time.

Being able to see Alpha Cuan often is a big bonus. I hope he doesn't have a mate. Or a wife. I really like him…

And I wonder if this isn't the beginning of a crush. It's still okay though. He is way out of my league. I know he just wants to help. 

“Pack your bags then. We will leave immediately” he commands.