1 ◆ Half-Meant Promises ◆

◇ KEL ◇

Present Day

Brescia, Italy

I only meant to give him a quick goodbye kiss.  For old times' sake.  I didn't want to say goodbye to him yet, but I had to leave Italy now and go back to my busy student life in New York.

Yet when he kissed me back, I couldn't really deny my feelings anymore.  Miles didn't stop kissing me  till I had to convince him to go back inside his car.  I could feel Alessio and the other bodyguards watching us, and, frankly, the attention still made me wince most of the time. 

They were just doing their jobs, though.  It's what they were being paid to do.  Nothing creepy about it.  It's just their sworn duty to keep an eye on us in case any unexpected company approached Miles or his car.  

Now that Miles and I sat alone in the backseat, I  tried to enjoy our fleeting privacy before I had to leave him again. 

Not the first time we kissed. But his unusually sweet behavior tonight definitely caught me off guard.  Albeit we weren't talking much during the whole drive to the airport with him behind the wheel, I didn't imagine it would lead to this.   The tension had been palpable, but I didn't expect that it would be this sexual.  Or that he wanted to be intimate with me again.

Did I want his affection?  Sure.  I loved being this close to him.  The feeling was perplexing and reassuring—frustratingly in equal measure.   I'd always thought I wasn't the romantic or sensual type.  Back when we were living together in his house, I never imagined I'd fall head over heels for a guy like him.  

But it happened. 

The pain was tolerable now...much more tolerable compared to the first time he punctured my skin with his bare teeth to drink my blood.  Or maybe Miles did something different this time to minimize the pain?  Probably. 

Or maybe it was just me.  Maybe I was just too aroused by our physical intimacy that I just didn't care how much it hurt.  I kissed the side of his face while my fingers clasped his soft hair, his arms tightening around my waist and hips. 

He hugged me to his warmth with my thighs pressed onto his lap.  I was practically straddling him in the backseat of his car, but we stayed fully clothed.  He did unbutton the top of my blouse, though,  just to  gain full access to my neck.

A tingling sensation and a slight ache built up right underneath the spot where his mouth was, but it wasn't that bad.  It hurt at first, but I didn't shed a single tear.  I had braced myself for the pain—probably why it felt more tolerable this time. 

If this was him being careful, I'd let him feed on me anytime he felt the need to.  But I also knew he would rather not, because I would be away from him for a while.  Again. 

We led very different lives now.  I wouldn't blame him if he thought this might be the last time we'd get to be this intimate.  That it might be a long while before we saw each other again.  A few months?  A year?  Two?  I just didn't know.

"Babe..." I almost flinched when he gripped my hair away from my shoulders to draw more blood from my neck.

Miles didn't say anything and only replied with a throaty moan.  It sounded like a grunt of annoyance, almost as if he couldn't be bothered to pause what he was doing to me.  He hugged me closer to his chest with his firm arm wrapped around my hips, trapping me on his lap. 

The back of my thighs rubbed against the fabric of his jeans while my knees pressed hard against the backseat cushion, just chafing my skin.  But it shouldn't last long.  

He needed my blood.  I had to help him.  I should help him get rid of the pain.

As I'd told him again and again, I would help him any way I could, especially whenever he needed my blood to control his sporadic pain attacks.  But now...my brain couldn't help but question whether he thought my blood would be enough to satiate his thirst.

Perhaps he only saw me as a temporary relief to his  mental and physical anguish.  But should I feel bad about it?  Because he only needed me for my blood?

No.  It's useless to feel sorry for myself.  In fact I should feel better that he's reaching out to me this time and no longer pushing me away.  He sought my help, finally, and now allowing himself to be vulnerable around me.  Unlike before. Which meant he's learning to trust me more now.

"Sorry," Miles muttered after a noiseless minute.  "Did it hurt?" He licked my sensitive skin as he waited for me to answer.

"A little," I murmured as  my eyes stayed closed.  I was concentrating on the softness and comforting warmth of his tongue on my neck. 

He kissed me again, soothing the slightly painful wounds his bite had left on my exposed neck.  I couldn't explain the pleasure I felt from his sweet, gentle kisses on my skin and from giving him some of my blood.  Almost euphoric.  I'd never felt anything like it before.

When he pulled away to look me in the eye, I thought he was going to kiss me again.  But he just sat still.   Miles sighed and smooched my cheek, hugging me tighter.  Then he carefully pushed me off of his lap. 

Some disappointment made me frown.  I sat beside him in his backseat, alone with him, hiding in the dimness.  Maybe he just didn't want me that way?  It made sense, although I wished otherwise.   Maybe...he thought I just needed some foreplay before he used me to get what he needed.  

My blood.  Nothing more.  He only wanted my blood.  Not me.  

Wait.  Why was I making a big deal out of it?  A little pang of jealousy?  Perhaps.  Just plain old envy.  Because I knew for a fact that he'd been sleeping with other people for blood, but, apparently he just didn't want to do the same with me. 

It kind of hurt, but maybe I should just push my ego out of the equation.  He just didn't see me that way, and part of me knew I should just understand.  He was the kind of guy who didn't want long-term commitment. 

A serious romantic relationship wasn't on his to-do list.  Much less a relationship with me.

The jealousy still felt like a solid punch in the gut, though.  Try as I might, I couldn't help but imagine him being intimate with other people who let him feed.  It seemed so easy for him to do it with other girls and guys. 

Why not with me?  Did it disgust him or something?

"You should go," Miles sighed beside me, disrupting my musings. 

I glanced at him, watching him massaging his forehead. Oh no.  Did I ruin it for him now?  Did I give him another headache?  Shit.  I didn't mean to.  I only wanted to give him some of my blood to keep the pain attacks at bay.  "Sorry."

"No," Miles muttered and turned to stare at me despite the dimness.  Thankfully, the lampposts around the airport didn't leave the parking lot pitch-dark.  "Don't apologize."

Okay.  So he didn't want me to say sorry. But what bothered him now?  "What's up?" I buttoned up my blouse and sighed at his reticence.  It was like we were back to him being uncommunicative. 

"I just don't wanna have sex with you in a car." He chuckled and looked away, shaking his head weakly, as if annoyed by the thought.  "Sorry. You deserve better."

I pulled a face.  I didn't really ask for him to explain or apologize, but I appreciated his straightforwardness all the same.  "You feel better now?" I muttered while I tucked a clump of his soft hair behind his ear. "No more pain in your stomach area?"

"No. Sorry it hurt." Miles kept staring out the window, his voice muted.  It sounded full of regret.

Or was it self-loathing?  Was he having negative thoughts about himself again?  Because of what he just did to me?   "Hey."  I sat still beside him, waiting for him to open up.

A pensive silence lingered.  He wouldn't even look at me now.  What did he really want to say?  That we shouldn't be intimate because I "deserved better"?

Did he feel like I wanted to push him to do more?  "It's fine. It wasn't...as bad as last time," I said, keeping my voice hushed.  Changing the subject might get rid of the awkwardness.

"I'll miss you."

I leaned closer to him and touched his cheek.  After a while of me just coaxing him, he finally turned to face me again. 

A sudden pinch inside my chest and gut prolonged when he stared into my eyes.  The sadness in his just made my breath hitch.  It only gave me more guilt.  I didn't want to leave him again this soon, but we both knew I had to.  

"You can come see me in New York anytime. Just text me. Or give me a quick call."

"Just focus on school." Miles leaned in to kiss me on the lips. 

Just a quick, gentle kiss.  But I still loved it since I could feel more sincerity from him this time.  It made me want to kiss him back.  Yet my guilt was eating up my courage again.  "I'll come see you soon. After exams. Okay?" I stroked the back of his hand that was palming my thigh. 

"You don't have to." Miles glanced away and faked a quiet laugh.  "I'll be busy, anyway." He sighed. "Just stay in New York. Keep your grades up."

Okay. Fine.  He wanted me to live a quiet life in New York and finish my studies.  He wanted me to focus on my goals and my career.  His work would also keep him too busy to have time for me and our relationship—if it could even be called a relationship.  

A tad disappointing, but, I had to understand that he only wanted the best for me, for us, and he's only making sure I kept my priorities straight.  "I'll call you," he murmured while his hand gripped mine on my thigh.

Our fingers stayed interlaced amid the comfortable silence.  I weakly nodded at his promise. He was only trying to alleviate the emotional struggle I was dealing with.  "Just...um...don't do anything brash without talking to Ricchar. Or your parents."

"Yeah. Okay," Miles muttered, his tone unsure.

"Okay. Be careful."

"Yeah. You, too."

"What's your next plan?" I watched him stare at the back of the driver's seat,  his brows and forehead furrowing.  What was he thinking of?  Was he still upset by what happened to me in San Pietro?  Was he still blaming Enzo? 

"I'll talk to Charr about, erm, what to do next."

"Oh. Okay."

Miles lazily rubbed his nape as he stared at our entwined hands on my lap.  

"About what exactly?" I mumbled.

"Not sure. I'll try to clean up Pappa's mess. Maybe convince him to stop working with the mob." He scoffed and faintly shook his head. "Highly doubt he'll listen to me, but, I'll try."

"Okay." I knelt on the leather-covered seat to give him a hug. I kissed his cheek. Some relief made my muscles relax when he hugged me back.  "Just be careful. Please."

"Yeah. And you," Miles murmured to me after  giving me a quick kiss on the corner of my lips. "See you soon."

"Cut back on the pills, and drugs. It's damaging your liver and kidneys more."

"I'll try." He pulled away and lightly pinched my chin, our noses touching. After we exchanged awkward smiles, he looked out the window and let out another sigh. "Go. The plane just arrived."

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