THREE - NIKITA

As I ran along the ridge, snow crunched under my paws and stuck to my fur. In the murky twilight to my right, I saw the skeleton of a ski lift, which was then eaten up by a swirl of fat snowflakes. I only caught a quick glimpse of it long enough to see the number six on its base. The sign's once-cherry-red paint was chipped, peeling, and had faded to a rusty color.

When I saw it, old muscle memory kicked in, and I turned a few degrees to the west. As I ran up the hill, my legs burned, but I loved the stinging heat of the effort. I hadn't been able to run around in my wolf form since I went home for a short visit last summer, and I'd been stuck inside too much lately, working too hard on business plans. It felt good to run, to stretch my legs and remind myself that even though things were a mess, I was still alive, which meant I could still make things better.

The fact that I knew The Slopes were in such bad shape made the mood-boosting effect of my exercise less strong. Even though it was never well run, the place was always well taken care of.

As I ran along the ridge, snow crunched under my paws and stuck to my fur. In the murky twilight to my right, I saw the skeleton of a ski lift, which was then eaten up by a swirl of fat snowflakes. I only caught a quick glimpse of it long enough to see the number six on its base. The sign's once-cherry-red paint was chipped, peeling, and had faded to a rusty color.

When I saw it, old muscle memory kicked in, and I turned a few degrees to the west. As I ran up the hill, my legs burned, but I loved the stinging heat of the effort. I hadn't been able to run around in my wolf form since I went home for a short visit last summer, and I'd been stuck inside too much lately, working too hard on business plans. It felt good to run, to stretch my legs and remind myself that even though things were a mess, I was still alive, which meant I could still make things better.

The fact that I knew The Slopes were in such bad shape made the mood-boosting effect of my exercise less strong. Even though it was never well run, the place was always well taken care of.

I slowed down when I went through a second line of trees. I was now outside of the legal limits of the resort. I was on a small piece of private land in an odd corner between The Slopes and the National Forest, which was right next to it. My grandfather's cabin looked like it was huddled in the middle of the clearing. Snow drifts were high on all sides. There were missing boards on the small porch.

The storm door was off its hinges, and the inner door's glass insert was broken. The single large window on the left still had curtains over it, so you couldn't see inside, but that was probably for the best. I knew that Jeff and his followers had trashed it because of the probate papers. That wasn't something I needed to see for myself. Not right now, at least.

When the legal battles were over, it would have to be torn down, the ground would have to be cleaned, and a new cabin would have to be built on top of it. Or I might not want to build here at all.

The thought made me antsy, so I forced myself to move again. I circled the clearing as my worries ate at me. The truth was that my pack was in about the same shape as the cabin of the Alpha who had used it before. People were gone, and most of the relationships between those of us who were still there were as broken as the window glass in the cabin.

Was I doing something wrong when I tried to fix it? Like the cabin, could the pack still be saved?

No. I had a strong urge to say no, so I lifted my chin in defiance. The ground where the cabin was built was firm and stable, full of hope. So were the lands of my pack. There was potential here; all that was needed was to use it. I could give everyone a chance to start over. I had to.

My loop took me back to where I started, and as I left the clearing, I didn't look back. As I walked back to the parking lot where I'd left my car, I started making mental to-do lists again, trying to get a handle on the huge amount of work I'd have to do when I got back to the hotel.

That went well until it made me think of the person I'm going to marry. As if I didn't already have enough to do, a panther would show up on my doorstep in a few weeks. Someone who would expect me to know everything, take care of everything, and also look after him. It made me tired just to think about it.

Coffee, I thought, because that's what every person who works in the hospitality industry does when they're tired or stressed. In the corner of the town's only remaining strip mall, there was a small coffee shop. On my way back to the hotel, I could stop. Yes, I decided as I zigzagged between long-abandoned buildings in the resort's center. I would get the biggest cup of coffee they had and take it back to my room. It would help me wash down the one or two protein bars I'd choose from the mixed mega-pack I'd bought for dinner. I hoped that the caffeine would give me the drive I needed to work late on my business plan, too.

When I got back to the main lot, the Ranger Rover was still the only car parked there. I found the keys I'd left there when I dug a paw behind the front wheel.

I changed back into a human to protect myself from the cold. Ice seemed to get to the center of my bones as my fur fell off, leaving my thin, unprotected skin exposed to the cold. As soon as the change was done, I fumbled with the key fob and opened the car door by pulling it open. I slammed the door shut, put the key in the ignition, and started the car as I fell inside.

The car started up with a roar, and the vents blew out full blasts of cold air. I rushed to put on the clothes I'd left on the passenger seat. It was awkward to pull on multiple layers around the steering wheel, but by the time I was done, the air coming out of the vents had started to warm up and the nasty cold had gone from a painful throb to a mild annoyance.

The ride back to town wasn't too long, but the roads were a little dangerous because it kept snowing. I drove carefully and kept telling myself that living in a snowy place and driving in it were just like riding a bike. You don't forget, do you? All the skills I'd learned when I was young would come back to me if I just waited a little longer. Or else I'd slip and fall into a ditch, get buried in snow, and die from suffocation. Either way, it would be easy to get through the northeastern winters, right?

I told myself to stop as I carefully turned into the mall parking lot. Morbid humor may have been common on the last ship I was in charge of, but I couldn't let myself get used to it now. My group had been through enough bad things to last a lifetime. They needed me to be happy, even though that was another way for me to "fake it until you make it." The warning only made me feel more tired.

Luckily, there was no line at the coffee shop because of the weather and the time of day. Getting a big Eggnog Latte, thanking the barista, and going back to the Range Rover took almost no time at all. Happily, it also didn't take as long as I thought it would to finish the scary drive to the hotel where I was staying for a while. I drove around the back of the building, parked in the closest spot, and ran into the building.

The ride back to town wasn't too long, but the roads were a little dangerous because it kept snowing. I drove carefully and kept telling myself that living in a snowy place and driving in it were just like riding a bike. You don't forget, do you? All the skills I'd learned when I was young would come back to me if I just waited a little longer. Or else I'd slip and fall into a ditch, get buried in snow, and die from suffocation. Either way, it would be easy to get through the northeastern winters, right?

I told myself to stop as I carefully turned into the mall parking lot. Morbid humor may have been common on the last ship I was in charge of, but I couldn't let myself get used to it now. My group had been through enough bad things to last a lifetime. They needed me to be happy, even though that was another way for me to "fake it until you make it." The warning only made me feel more tired.

Luckily, there was no line at the coffee shop because of the weather and the time of day. Getting a big Eggnog Latte, thanking the barista, and going back to the Range Rover took almost no time at all. Happily, it also didn't take as long as I thought it would to finish the scary drive to the hotel where I was staying for a while. I drove around the back of the building, parked in the closest spot, and ran into the building.