RayneThings have never been more perfect.This is the happiest moment of my life. I don’t recall ever being this content with the course of my life. For many years, I would spend nights away daydreaming about a better life. I would ask myself when things would turn out well for me or even if they ever would. My disappointment would be bigger in the morning when I realized that nothing changed and I spent the night awake and would have to clean despite my exhaustion. But now, things have changed enormously for me. I never thought I’d be this happy, and every day that passes, I’m thankful for the decision I made. I’ll never stop saying it. My pride and fear nearly stopped me from having the best time of my life. I almost crumbled her own happiness in my hands. I’m glad that’s way behind me. I’ve been back for around five days but it feels like I’ve been here longer than that. We haven’t been bothered our disturbed. Our happiness has been uninterrupted up until this point. It feels l
RayneI’m still thinking about my encounter with Veronica hours later. She and Max are in his room right now, and I don’t want to interrupt them so I’m with Denise in hers. It’s been some days since we properly spoke and so since I’m not with Max, it’s easy for me to talk to her. However, it doesn’t take long before she notices that something is off about me. I really didn’t mean to zone off and not hear what she was saying but I can’t get my mind off that encounter. “Tell me,” she says. And so, I tell her what happened out in the garden. I also specify that I don’t know why it bothered me so much that she looked at me that way. I still don’t. It’s just a bad feeling that I can’t explain. Denise nods, barely surprised. “It’s your sixth sense tingling. You’re finally starting to realize that she’s a snake after all.”I shake my head. “You forget that I’m wearing her mother’s coat. I don’t know what emotional history she has with it. Maybe she just didn’t like the fact that I was we
MaxAccording to Veronica, Alaska doesn't want to terminate the pregnancy. She assured me earlier when we spoke that she tried to do everything in her power to convince her but she's stubborn about it, which, if I have to be honest with myself, doesn't make much sense. I don't see why Alaska would stoop this low. She's always been prideful. I never thought she would employ such tactics in hopes to get me to make her Luna. Just how badly is her family pressurizing her?Veronica didn't have any advice for me. She knows I won't ever agree to something as preposterous as what they’re offering me. Now that Rayne is here with me, I don’t intend to lose her. I’m not going to give Alaska a fake title simply because of this. I do feel bad; deep down, there is a part of me that wants to take responsibility and do what’s right. But my love for Rayne overshadows everything. That’s why instead of ‘honoring’ Alaska the way they all expect me to, I’m going to throw the party to reintroduce Rayne
RayneTomorrow is the night of the party that will be thrown in my honor. Frankly, I still think it’s completely unnecessary even though basically everyone is convincing me that it’s a wonderful idea and a great way to incorporate me into the pack. Maybe the reason why I’m so hesitant is because I don’t know how I’m going to act. The last time I went to a large gathering, I was burned with soup. Thankfully, all those wounds eventually faded but the emotional one hasn’t scarred yet. It’s still fresh in my mind. I won’t even mention the first ever one I attended, which was my own mating. Walking through the large crowd of people, unsure why, afraid to disobey orders. I do realize that if I’d done things differently, I wouldn’t have been in this position. If I’d told Max at the altar that something was wrong and that I wasn’t Alaska, things wouldn’t have gotten to this point But thinking about this feels wrong because of how happy we are now. If I had to talk about it, I’d say that t
RayneIt’s the night of the party and I’m so anxious that my mouth is dry and I can’t say a single word to anyone, not even to Denise. She finishes styling my hair in front of the mirror and then tells me how gorgeous I look. I stare into the mirror and don’t see that at all. I can only see my slightly furrowed brows and wide eyes full of panic. My lips are pursed too, making me look moody and temperamental which is far from the truth. I’m just too anxious. Denise notices this and says, “I will iron your face and get all those frowns smoothed out. You’re ruining the look!”“I’m sorry,” I say, my first words since she came into my room to help me prepare for the event. I feel like drinking a full glass of water but there is none around. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s so hard to control the way I feel. I’m so scared. I feel like something terrible is going to happen. I feel like it’s hovering right above my head and will crash down on me at any second.”Essentially, that’s w
RayneThis party feels like it will never end. The beauty and ethereal quality that was present earlier has vanished and all that’s left is this persistent negative feeling that makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. It’s been over an hour since Max disappeared and I’m really starting to worry about him. Why would he just leave me alone like this when he promised he wouldn’t? It has to mean that something is wrong. But if something is wrong, why can’t I feel it? It’s awfully quiet, so quiet that I’m starting to fear that something serious has happened to him. His disappearance and also what the old woman told me are haunting me. I’m still thinking about it even though Denise told me that she’s probably just a confused old lady. Denise asks me, “Nothing yet?”I shake my head, not looking at her. My arms are folded and all her lessons on keeping a neutral face have fled my mind. I can’t hide my anxiousness much longer. I feel like a complete idiot for not having gone to search f
RayneVomit fills my mouth, bitter and foul, and I step back out into the hall and get on my hands and knees. I heave until there is nothing left inside of me. I heave until it’s too blurry for me to see and tears and running down my face. My eyes feel hot and heavy as tears pour down my face endlessly. I then curl on my side right beside my puddle of vomit and stay in that position until I can find the strength to stand and move. Bits and pieces of everything I heard are flooding my mind. First the old lady and then that man. She talked about incest. She looked at me like I was crazy when I mentioned Alaska and Albert. She didn’t even know who they were. By the Moon. She was talking about…about…I can’t make myself think of this. It’s too much for me to bear. I’ll get sick again if I give what I saw in that room a second thought. ‘Betrayed’ isn’t even a strong enough word for what I feel. There has to be something bigger and more earth shattering than that. What’s the word for be
MaxI wake up disoriented and exhausted to the bone. I can barely open my eyes. Everything is too bright and my head is pounding. I sit up while palming my face simultaneously. My mouth is drier than it’s ever been. It takes a few minutes for me to open my eyes a crack and look around the room. My room is empty. Rayne isn’t beside me, which immediately alarms me. I have slept on top of the blankets and the spot beside me is smooth. She didn’t sleep in here tonight. What happened?I try to recall what happened and how I got here. For some reason, I can’t remember even leaving the party. My head hurts when I try to, too, and I’m left feeling for confused than ever. Just how much did I drink?I look around the room for clues of what might have happened. The room looks perfectly clean. There is nothing particular out of place. I don’t even see the bottles of liquor on my dresser open. So, what could have happened? Why does my head feel like it’s splitting in two? Why isn’t Rayne here