**Midwinter, 5 and a half Years Ago** I can’t help laughing as Auden winds us, fast, down the stairs, the butterflies in my stomach matching his pace as he turns and turns. It feels… I don’t know how to describe it - but something about the way we move reminds me of when I was a kid in spring, stretching out my arms and spinning and spinning for the joy of it. I reach a hand out, laughing and grasping at the snowflakes that fall around us now that we’re far enough from the ballroom that they’re not burned up in the heat. When Auden’s pace slows I almost regret the end of the staircase, mostly because it means he’ll put me down. I’ve rather liked the way that he’s holding me close against his chest, and the fact that both of us are pretending to ignore the way his thumb has slipped around to the back of my thigh. There’s nothing scandalous – not really – about that touch, but…well. We both know it’s there. And if my fiancé found out about it? He would not be happy. But the climb c
“Be cool, Auden,” he murmurs to himself, resisting the urge to sprint for the guard house by the lake and shout for the guards to get the hell out of it.But no. There is no rush – no need to hurry any of this. So he forces himself to take measured steps across the snow and then up the short set of stone stairs to the door. When he opens it, the guards inside turn to him and freeze in surprise.“Out,” Auden says, nodding towards the still-open door.The guards just stare at him.“You have the night off,” Auden continues, making himself wear the mantle of command that he always assumes when commanding his troops. “I’ll take over from here. Go,” he says, jerking his chin towards the door. “Shift, run back to the castle. There’s still plenty of time to enjoy the festivities.”While the Alphas have their own party, Midwinter is for everyone. The Betas, Gammas, and Deltas who aren’t working have their festivities downstairs. A few Betas stand up eagerly, ready to go, but still others move
I flinch away from Auden as he reaches for me, as memories of that night five years ago come suddenly flooding back -It, too, was a night that started on an open-air terrace with Auden offering me wine –And then, a little guard shack in the woods, when we shared a drink by the fire, and Auden reached for me, just as he’s doing now -My breath comes short in my throat as his hand moves for me -But his palm lands soft on my shoulder, not on my waist. He leaves it there a moment before squeezing, his skin warm against mine. “I’m sorry, Everleigh,” he says quietly, his eyes sad. “I was upset –“I gape up at him like a stupid fish for a moment before I force myself to blink, to come back to this moment –Because, of course, of course it’s just me imagining things, flashing back to the memories of a night that Auden doesn’t even know existed -“No,” I say, finding my shaky voice and taking a step closer to him. “I mean – yes – I accept your apology – but I was unfair too. I’m sorry, Aud
Auden stares at the floor for a moment, not really knowing how to answer Everleigh’s question. Because he is shaken up by what happened last night – more than he wants to admit. Not so much his father’s violence – that he’s seen before.But her response to it – and…And how right she was, asking that question about whether his violence was part of his nature or just something he’s chosen to believe his whole life because it’s easier.God, he’d been up half the night turning it over in his mind.“Auden?” she asks, and he clenches his jaw, realizing that he’s been staring at the floor for too long.“I’m all right,” he says, raising his eyes and meeting hers, willing her to believe it. Because he is, really – he’s been shaken up before, he’ll be shaken up again. But what matters is that he’s…steady. That he’ll hold it together, for the kingdom, for the children…For her, if she’ll let him.But the way she stares at him now, her hands in fists at her side…He sighs, not knowing…what he wa
I don’t let myself hesitate, though. It won’t be good for Mahl to see me as someone who is trying to work around him, picking the best answer.I want to present to him what he thinks the perfect Luna and queen should be: simple, pure – generous of spirit and always, always supporting her Alpha’s choices, whatever they may be.Complete bullshit, of course – but a role I’m well accustomed to playing. I’ve been doing it most of my life.“I think,” I say, looking down at my plate and picking up a fork, poking around at a few pieces of melon. “That you are sorry for scaring me a little last night. Which you did.”“I am sorry, little wife,” he murmurs, leaning forward, his voice soft. I turn my face back towards him, letting him see a little sadness there. “Tell me,” he urges. “What did you think of it?”“I think it was more violent than I’m used to, but I think the man deserved to die,” I lie softly. “I think the people saw that you take a hard line when it comes to your family, the things
My mouth goes a little dry as I panic –Because this is absolutely what I did not want –I do not want, in any way, Mahl drawing lines between Auden and me. Perhaps if enough time passes I can pretend that our friendship and my relationship with the children grew naturally over time –But it looks like that plan has been neatly foiled, doesn’t it?Working hard to not let my panic show, I force a smile onto my face and take a step toward the King without any idea what the hell I’m going to say.But Vivi – thank goodness – saves me.“Grandpapa!” she shouts, dashing away from the gigantic horse and throwing herself at her equally gigantic grandfather, Coco flapping to keep his balance on her shoulder. Vivi wraps her arms around Mahl’s leg and beams up at him while Niall works to hide behind me, still afraid. “Make daddy let me have the horse! He says it’s too big, but it’s not!”Mahl laughs down at Vivi and then bends to scoop her up into his arms. “Really?” Mahl says, considering Vivi c
“I was surprised to find you here,” Mahl says softly, his heavy arm still wrapped around my shoulder as we walk back to the palace. “I had heard Auden ordered horses to be brought and assumed he was selecting for the Betas. I hadn’t expected the children, but your presence was the true surprise.” “I met them in the hall in the children’s wing,” I say casually, which was not a lie. I don’t bother to mention that I went to the children’s wing looking for them. “Vivianna mentioned they were choosing horses; Auden invited me along.” “You know,” Mahl says, pitching his voice low and raising a hand to hook a finger beneath my chin. “If you like children that much, we can give you one of your own.” I blush then, genuinely. Because the last thing I want, honestly, is to give Vivi and Niall a new sibling that’s both brother and uncle. And I do not want, at all, to participate in any activities that would allow me to get pregnant with that child. Mahl laughs at what he perceives to be my co
Mahl laughs a little. “Now you know all our secrets,” he murmurs to me. “Though we’d appreciate it if you kept this one discreet.”I tear my eyes from the fascinating women who have entered the room, not bothering to point out to Mahl the irony of what he just said – because, of course, I am a Luna, or am about to be. What sort of secrets will he be keeping from me?But, well. I guess I’m not one to talk.The women who enter the room now are people who have no rank at all, or are Deltas at best, and I find myself utterly fascinated by them. These women who mingle with the most powerful men in the kingdom - what on earth are their lives really like?The courtesans quickly make themselves at home, many moving to the sides of their favorite Alphas who greet them warmly and wrap arms around their waists. Some courtesans, I note, decline to make the first move, instead settling themselves mysteriously by the fire or on couches, waiting to be approached.My eyes brighten in particular when
“What the hell are you thinking, Everleigh!?” Auden snarls, but behind the anger that darkens his face is just…complete devastation. Betrayal. Sadness in every line of every feature.My stomach sinks with guilt – because he loves them, I know he loves them -But I rally, knowing that I’m right – that I’m out of options. And, as it so often does, my temper leads my response. “I’m getting the fuck out of here, Auden!” I shout, casting a hand toward the door. “Or at least I was until you fucked everything up!”“You were going to run!? Again!?”“Yes!” I shout, bursting into hysterical laughter as I drop my hand, which smacks listlessly to my thigh. It’s hopeless now. Fucking hopeless. “Of course I’m running! Of course I am! Why did you think that I wouldn’t!?&rdquo
I turn off all the taps and then rush out of the bathroom and across the room, yanking open the door to the children’s suite, praying that Auden isn’t here – that he’s busy rallying his troops to war –I’m holding my breath as I storm into the children’s room, my eyes immediately moving to the young nurse helping divest Vivi of her jewels. Relief rushes through my chest as Coco lets out a panicked squawk. Niall rushes for me, clearly upset, his arms wrapping right around my leg.“Get out of here,” I snap at the nurse.She stands straight and stares at me, eyes wide.“Go!” I shout, pointing at the door. “Right now! Go!”She drops the jewels on Vivi’s bed and does as I say, hurrying out of the room. I wait for the outer door to shut before I turn to my kids.“Mama?” Niall asks, looking up at me, his voice all creaky. “What&rs
“Where, wife, do you get the gall to apologize for me, for my decisions!?” Mahl snarls, his face inches from mine, his furious breath hot on my cheeks. My heart pounds with what are surely its final beats –I have moments left to live, I’m sure of it -“No!” I sputter out, trying to shake my head, even as his grip on my hair causes pain to radiate through the back of my head. “I misspoke! You misunderstand!”He pauses, barely.“I – it was pity!” I manage, still gasping against the pain, trying again to find my balance with my toes the only parts of me truly on the floor. “Not apology – I didn’t know what to say! I don’t – I don’t know how to do this! I –“His fingers loosen and I find my feet.The sound of my panting fills the hallway. “Again,” Mahl snarls,
“You dare,” Mahl growls, his eyes fastened on the chubby little ambassador, who looks like he’s quite literally shaking in his boots. “To again raise the subject of my granddaughter’s pet?”From the corner of my eye, I see Vivianna sit up straighter in her seat, sensing that Mahl is talking about her, quite pleased – as she always is - to be the center of attention. Niall keeps reading. Auden sits very still.My back molars press together in frustration as I consider, not for the first time, that this is less about paternal affection for granddaughter and more about Mahl disliking the fact that this man has the gall to question his previous decree.The ambassador lifts his chin, determined. “The Firebird is a national honor, your Highness – I don’t know how it appeared in your lands after hundreds of years of absence but it belongs in Venda. It is our heritage embodied, our most important –““Vivianna!” Ma
Margot settles in on the lounge as I move to the bell pull by the side of my bed, giving it two tugs that I know will send Tara up with some coffee. Then I move to her side. “So,” I say, leaning close, glancing just once at the door to the children’s room. “How did it…go?”“Oh, it went fine!” Margot says, laughing lightly and stretching her arms up above her head. “It always does. Honestly, Everleigh, there’s no need for concern. You weren’t awake and upset all night, were you?”I pause for a moment, kind of shocked now that she suggests it. But I shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “I kind of…slept beautifully.”Margot grins at me and glances over at my bedside. “Two cakes, Everleigh!” she says, laughing a little and reaching out to lightly smack my knee. “Be careful not to overdose.”My eyes go wide.She grins. “Just kidding, that’s not possible. Don’t worry so much. Did you have sweet dreams too?”I blush and she laughs, but I shake it off, knowing she doesn’t have the true details unle
I groan, turning over to bury my face in my pillow when I wake up for the second time, the sun just starting to peek through my windows. Because even when I fell back asleep, all my mind did was go over that dream again and again – the feel of Auden’s mouth on mine, his hand slipping down my back, the way he pulled me tight against his chest –I shake my head, my face slipping against the soft fabric of my pillowcase, not knowing…how the hell I’m supposed to deal with this insane crush that I have on my baby daddy. The son of my forced fiancé. The man who sleeps two doors away from me and who is…so utterly off limits.I sigh, pushing myself up, pushing my hair back from my face, scowling. “Don’t be so weak, Everleigh,” I murmur, getting out of bed and storming off to the bathroom. There is just…way too much at stake to even dream about such things.
I laugh, leaning forward to pat the mattress. “Well, come up, then. No sense in letting this perfectly fantastic bed mysteriously placed in the middle of a field go to waste.”Auden’s smirk deepens as he crawls onto the bed, surprising me by stretching himself out long at my side, resting his head against his hand, perfectly at ease and much less formal than he usually is. But then again, he’s a figment of my imagination, isn’t he? Of course this version of Auden is more relaxed.“I’ve never dreamed of a place like this before,” he murmurs, looking around with interest. “Though I have to admit, your presence is less of a surprise.”“Really?” I ask, a little delighted, sitting up all prim with my hands in my lap. “I’m a regular feature in your dreams, then?”“Yes, Everleigh,” he says, a little growl tracing his words as he flicks his
“Highness,” the Prince murmurs, stepping close to my bed. “I like your nightgown.”My eyes fly open at this.I turn my head to glare at him.Auden smirks at me. “Very fine materials. Precisely my father’s taste.”I groan, turning my face away and burying it in my pillows. Behind me, I hear Auden laugh as he seats himself on the edge of the bed. “It’s so weird that you know your dad’s taste in lingerie.”“Yeah, I’m not sure we have…what could be understood as a healthy father/son dynamic.”I sigh and turn again, lounging back in the pillows, studying him in the dark. The soft fall of his dark hair over his forehead. The broad set of his shoulders and his strong, muscled arms. “How are you?” I ask.“Surprised that you’re here,” he says, studying me in turn, not letting me change the sub
I just stare at the four tiny cakes that remain. “I’m…not hungry?”“It’s not for hunger,” Margot whispers, grinning at me. “At least, not that kind.”She holds out the plate a moment longer and then, when I stand frozen, just shrugs and moves for the bed. Mahl follows her, that growl still sounding, and gestures for me to come along too. “They’re here, highness Queen,” Margot says, placing them on the side table to Mahl’s bed. “Should you want one.”“Highness Queen,” Mahl murmurs, laughing a little. “Call her Everleigh – we’re more intimate than that. Or at least, we will be soon.” Then he breaks into his booming laugh, snatching Margot by the waist and pulling her into the sheets with him. She bursts into laughter too, a delighted sound.My eyes go wide as I just…watch these people, so comfortable with each other, so…easy and joyful in the world of sex.To my surprise, jealousy runs through me as Mahl playfully pins