“Yeah, that was the goal…. Piss off my dad, your mom….make you hate me and stay away. I got caught in the act and got used to being that guy that I never thought to clarify, but the babe thing made me realize we should probably talk about this…. Set some things straight.”“So, was all of it an act? The tattoos, the piercings, the clothes…the bike…is any of that real? Or was it all just to get at us?” I'm suddenly woeful, and yet what's even more confusing is the broken pain in my heart that feels like grieving someone. Maybe the whole sex thing is a relief, but the rest of it…the Dane I thought I hated, if it’s all fake, then who is he now? “Do I even know you?”“No…. It’s not an act. Yeah, some of it was rebellion, but it’s who I was comfy as. I dunno….. it's hard to pull out the parts that were deliberate gunshots aimed at my dad’s heart. I wasn't going out of my way to be that person. I just let rumors circulate and didn’t care about defending myself.”“Is that why you have stopped
Wandering into the kitchen, hauling off my backpack, I spot Monique by the sink as she washes out some dishes and smile with genuine warmth. This woman is the living, breathing depiction of a mother I have ever known, and seeing her every day when I come brings me so much joy and security that I never really appreciated before. Lately, I am starting to feel it.“Hey….. “ I turn, dumping my bag on the nearest stool. Very aware Dane would be following me as his bike pulled up right as I walked in the door. Trying to act as normal as possible as I go raking in the refrigerator and not keeping one eye on the door to see him. “Don’t cook for me tonight. I’m going to come looking when I’m hungry. I have homework, and then I'm going to vegetate in bed and sleep early. I’m not going to the shelter.”“Oh, why not, my little princess?” Monique turns with her overdramatic etch of concern creasing over her entire face. “Are you sick? Do you need me to fetch you some medicines? Do we need the doct
I’m startled back to sense by how non-innocent this kiss has become, given he ambushed me, and within seconds, we were wrapped up like this, glued together in ways that would have had me running scared a week ago. My pelvis is flattened to his groin, and because of how he’s stooping and moving to kiss me, it rubs gently into mine and causes all kinds of aching longing. I’m very aware he is solid down there while my own body is softening, and things are getting damp. It’s like I lost all sense of anything except a craving for more.I can feel myself getting wound up, as though my internal organs are clenching, and there’s a strange urge in me to whine for him to put his hands all over me. A deep need to know what them roaming all over my body without boundaries would feel like after experiencing the difference when he skimmed my breast. I like the sensation.A groan rests in my throat as his kiss somehow depends, dragging throbbing pulse up my legs and straight to my pelvis where I sw
“Pooky…stop ignoring me.”For the seventh time this lesson, the prod in the back of my head from a wielded pencil causes me to spin in my chair and slap Dane’s hand. Glaring at him with all the contained anger of the last two hours.“Stop doing that. Stop bothering me.” It’s not an act; I am seriously losing my temper with him. Today, we shared two classes, and he spent the first one firing paper airplanes at my head and this one demanding constant attention with stupid pet names. Probably because all this week, we have only been able to spend two nights shacked up in my room for a movie and the rest we’ve both had other plans. The timing has been weird for a few days and our parents were home a lot more than usual after Monday. The shelter, his piercings, school commitments, homework…… Everything has been in our way.It’s Friday, thank god, and maybe catching some real time with him over the weekend will curb whatever this is. He’s being a needy child.“Women…. So moody.” He grins at
“Look pretty, stick with us and then we can bail when his dad starts getting too drunk to demand his presence.”“What’s it for? Should we bring a gift?” Elisa finally turns enough to be part of this conversation, and I am aware that Tyler’s eyes have not left her head since Dane brought this up. He’s being weirdly silent and watching her reactions. Sometimes, he is as hard to read as Dane.“It’s my dad’s birthday. We just need to show up…don’t bring anything. We can stay a couple of hours, then sneak out when things get wild.”“Wild?” I raise a brow, pretty sure that Tyler’s parents can’t be all that wild when compared to these two. They are in their forties.“Trust me… his dad is the party king, and his mom is a hopeless drunk. Things will get crazy, so we can leave when it starts.”“Leave your notebooks on the desks even if you are not finished…I’ll collect them and return them on Monday. Enjoy your weekend, guys. You can all go.” Our teacher's loud, commanding voice interrupts us a
Elisa and Tyler wander ahead as we make our way down onto the cove, kicking off their shoes as soon as they reach the sand. Tyler drops the bag we brought, containing drinks and snacks, and Dane and I follow. It’s still not too late, and the sun is up, keeping it warm here even though the sea breeze is cooling the air. It’s peaceful for a late summer evening. A perfect night to watch the sunset and enjoy the serenity of just the four of us.“Elisa…..do you like seaweed?” Tyler’s jokey sing-song way of cooing at her when he whips up a slimy long strand from between two rocks has her turning before recoiling in childlike horror. Raising her p[alms to ward off the evil in his hand and bursting into a reverse run skip to evade his swinging it about.“Don’t….it’s gross.” She squeals, turning to flee, and he takes off after her, holding it aloft and trying to torment her with it. It’s so obviously a flirty game of chase, although Elisa is probably oblivious to Tyler’s intentions.“He’s so d
“I’m here, aren’t I? I'm trying.” Being coaxed out of studying so much, spending time with Dane has been slwloy changing my perspective on life. My priorities and how much time I was spending with my head stuck in schoolwork. We’re young, and it won’t last. I have good grades and can afford to relax a little.“What’s his deal anyway? For a guy who has no problems talking to girls at any other time, he seems incapable of being normal around Elisa. It’s painful to watch.”I turn our focus back to them now they are near the water's edge. Elisa is fidgeting with her nails and kicking one foot in the sand in an obvious girly nervousness. Tyler has both hands in his pockets and seems to be saying something amusing to her because I can hear her small giggles occasionally. She ducks her head, probably blushing, and Tyler follows every time by leaning in and down so he doesn't lose sight of her eyes. It’s cute to watch, but their three-foot gap speaks volumes.“Boy’s in love….. doesn’t matter h
The light chap on my patio door has me stooping mid-duvet pulling as I was getting ready for bed, and I head over, knowing exactly who it is. We’ve been home less than half an hour after getting home late, and he’s already looking for me. I’m not shocked given how we left things when we got home.Things were getting heavy and steamy in the dark of the car, and I knew when we separated that neither of us was calm enough to go to bed and sleep. Not that there was much kissing. Just hugging, a little groping, and getting real close and breathy thanks to having some beers as the sun went down, and even though I didn’t get drunk, I do still have a slight bravado I know came from the refreshments.“You’re insane,” I whisper as he slides open the door and slinks into my darkened room. There’s only a low light lamp on which I sleep with, and we stay hushed, knowing our parents are already in bed. They were asleep when we got home, aware we were at Tyler’s family party. “Stop climbing that way
Here I am, wallowing in pain and heartbreak, thinking that he, too, must be having a really hard time. It’s the only comfort I have been able to give myself in all of this, and yet it’s not even true. He’s over there living it up with another girl, making friends, and even going to school with her. The fact no one wants to tell me means it’s far from innocent, and I don’t want to believe he would move on so fast, yet something tells me this is his style.This is exactly the kind of shit Dane of the past would pull.Didn’t he try throwing all in with that shrew Charmaigne in an attempt to dislodge my feelings for him? Maybe knowing we can never be together, he has gone down the route of replacing me as fast as he can. Don’t they say the faster way to get over someone is to get under someone new?He slept with other girls in his past to try and forget me, and now here he has a ready-made wannabe girlfriend living in his new home. If he really wanted to get over me, she is the perfect st
School was tougher today than yesterday. I think it’s the inability to sleep and the slow loss of Dane’s belongings and possessions at home, feeling like I am trying to grasp onto fine dry sand and can’t keep it between my fingers. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, and the overwhelming sadness stops me from being able to shut off my brain and roll over this mess again and again until I feel like I'm going slowly insane.I never knew love could be so awful.“You okay?” Elisa interrupts my spaced-out mood and pulls me back to the burger in my hand that I have barely touched. Sighing as I stare back out the window blankly at my jeep parked nearby and nod.“A million miles away. Sorry.”We decided to come out and eat after we dropped off my paternity test at the lab out here, only ten miles from home. Tyler had something to do with his friends, so Elisa and I decided to hang out here, take in some scenery, and try a burger bar to take my mind off of things.It wasn't hard. I put a sw
“I know, I know…I’m working on it. I never thought your mom would take it as badly as she is and dig her heels in. I’m sorry it seems like we’re stalling but it’s just you know how she can be. She needs time to calm down and change her mind.” Bryan looks weary all of a sudden, and now my anger dims a slight tiny fraction at his attempts to douse my fire, I cannot deny that he seems unnaturally pale today.A tiny hint of empathy and maybe even concern peeks out, and I try and push it back down into the pits of hell and remind myself that these two humans deserve anything they are going through. I don’t want to feel anything for either of them.“Maybe you should ask yourself why she is stalling….maybe you need that test as much as I do.” I point out, appraising his expression and seeing real fatigue etched on his face for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I wonder how much of a mental toll it's taking on him, too. Maybe he does have doubts, or maybe losing Dane this way h
I’m tired already, and it’s only eleven AM, and another class is starting. I regret coming back today, given last night I barely slept and instead cried myself raw on Dane's empty bed. Draped in the hoody that he wore the first time we took Elisa to the cove and staring at the mountain of boxes Monique packed up to send abroad for him. A symbolic tower of everything that is him ready to be sent far away.His room felt like she had stripped all personality that was Dane from its very air, as though he never existed in this space. Even his smell was gone, and as I lay there on the uncovered mattress, I couldn’t move or leave, and sleep wouldn’t take me. Just a useless heavyweight of flesh tethered to the last place he dwelled and unable to move on.I feel like I am now existing in an eternal zombie state, caught between numb and excruciating pain at any given moment, and my mind is anywhere but on school. But I know I cannot keep existing this way. Dragging out and holding onto nothing.
“She went to the airport early to wait for Bryan…to avoid me, I guess. Things here have been strained and hard, and we have come to a silent cold war. I can’t stand being in the same place as her, yet she insists now we eat together again and won’t let me stay locked up in my room. She had a carpenter come and remove the locks….who does that?” It’s a tired accusation, lacking real vavoom, even if it still angers me that she did it. I have long since lost the fight I had to stay away from her at all costs. She is like a buzzing fly around my head, and it’s easier to obey and eat silently while ignoring her presence than have her hammering down my door.If she’s trying to force normalcy back into this house, then she shouldn’t hold her breath for it to happen.“Sounds like something your mom would do.” Tyler snorts, and I am starting to see that all these years, Dane has definitely colored his friend’s view of my mom. As polite as Tyler was when he was here before, I have never actually
“Oh my god, I missed you so much.” Elisa catapults herself into my arms, almost knocking me into our pool with the enthusiasm of an over-excited puppy, then nearly strangles me to death while simultaneously crushing my ribs. Her excitement is palpable, and her hug is overdue. I regret now giving her the silent treatment for ten days before being able to find the mental strength to tell her everything in a phone call. I had no way of verbalizing things without breaking down in hysteria until last night, and I knew Tyler would have told her already, but she needed to hear it from me. I have never gone silent on my best friend in my whole life or hidden away Dane style like his, but I needed time to process and grieve. This was such a huge thing that I spent too many days crying in bed until no more tears fell. I am exhausted and now exist in some odd dreamlike reality where nothing seems real.I think I am finally spent. Tears have dried up, and instead of the constant agonizing pain of
“You have to eat, open the door. We need to talk.”“Go away…. Leave me alone.” My anger and venom have not dissipated any; instead, it grows by the hour. Irritated by my mom’s lingering presence because she just won’t leave me alone.Her whiny, pleading voice only riles fresh anger in me, and I throw my pillow at my bedroom door in frustration. Annoyed by her presence, and go back to staring at my cell, waiting for a reply that hasn’t come. I feel like I am going silently insane, and time has come to a standstill. I don’t know what else to do but sit here and wait given my entire existence has been turned upside down and my hope for any future is so far away I cannot reach him.Dane has been gone for days, yet he hasn’t called, he hasn’t texted me back, and Bryan has been silent, too, like they were sucked into some soundproofed bubble where all contact has ceased. For me, anyway. I don’t know if my mother speaks to them because I can't stomach her at all, even for a second, to have o
“Bullshit…this is bullshit. You’re lying.” Dane erupts before I can really swallow down the words that have wounded me with a sucker punch to my heart. “You’ve always hated me, and I wouldn’t put it past you to stoop this low and lie….so I break up with Kayla.” He half yells, half accuses, straining forward to get in her face, and I can taste the growing despair and anger circling him like a cyclone. “I don’t believe you.”“This isn’t true…you would have told me…dad would have….” I trail off, whimpering the words as something clicks in my head and slices through me with speed and severity, making my legs tingle, and my limbs grow weak. “Is that why? Why has he been this way towards me for the past ten years?”I don’t want to believe this or swallow it down, but it’s like something just smacked me in the head and woke up the underlying doubts.It races through my brain and thunders through my entire body like a shocking cold wall of ice. Tingling my brain through my scalp, and even my
“Mom.” Is the only word I can gasp out as I push Dane off me at speed and scramble to right my bra inside my shirt and haul my shorts back into place. Shame flushing over my entire body that we just got caught this way, and I want the ground to open and swallow me. Mortified about what they saw us doing and yet, at the same time, hitting an all-time ‘oh shit’ moment because I don’t want this to be the end. I don’t want Dane to be sent to London. I don’t want to lose him this way.I have an urge to wail and run away, taking him with me rather than face the wrath of our parents like this. My limbs are already trembling in cold fear.Dane shifts away quickly, too, to tend to his pulled-around outfit, turning away directly to probably calm the boner, causing him an obvious trouser tent, and yet it’s like time stands still. The sudden eery, heavy atmosphere and tense silence as though the world has hushed and the only noise is my mother’s subtle simpering.Our parents are standing like a f