“Oh, Hello…. How’re things going at school lately? It feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” My mom asks Elisa with a soft and warm smile at her sitting beside me at the breakfast bar as we share a plate of tacos that Monique made us. It’s early afternoon, after school, and we’re home to study together.“Good, Mrs. Masterson.” Elisa is always the model of politeness when it comes to my parents. “We’ve just been busy with some schoolwork. It’s only a few days till break, and I think we need it.”“Mom… Lees is staying here tonight. If that’s okay?” I ask as my mother wanders around the kitchen, looking for something, and gives another perfunctory smile as she tilts her head back to us. It’s obvious she is not fully invested in us and is distracted. She wanders to the cupboard where we keep the first aid and medicines and rummages inside, reminding me of that idiot Dane when I catch sight of the green box in full view, and my stomach sinks into my lap, churning up my nerves and anger o
I toss and turn, trying hard not to wake Elisa, the sleeping beauty who looks like she might be dead, and end up on my back. Exhaling heavily and flattening the sheets over my body while staring at the ceiling, I know closing my eyes is futile. By now, it has to be the early AMs, and I have not managed to stay asleep for more than short periods. I keep waking and feeling restless, with a million thoughts swarming me. I can’t stop the ongoing onslaught of mindless worries and woes, and of course, Dane is top of that list.Elisa mumbles something incoherent in her sleep, and I realize I might be disturbing her by moving around so much, so I shift to my side and stare at my desk by my balcony window instead. The clock there shines back at three am, and I deflate further. The night is ticking away, and I am wide awake.My mom and Bryan texted before midnight, saying they had decided to drink and stay at the hotel where the show was tonight. This means they’ll probably head straight to wor
I sit upright, narrow my eyes on him with severe scrutiny and start patting at his clothes, looking for the keys to his bike because I am sure he came here on it, and the accident line is bullshit. If he thinks I’m going to sit back and watch him ride off into the night, he’s got another thing coming.“What are you doing?” Dane sits up too, trying to catch my wrists as I slide my hands into his hoodie pockets, looking for them, and end up wrestling him while fighting to keep searching. Combatting his slower-than-usual responses and getting the upper hand because moving hurts him. Dane catches my hands, pins them behind my back, and yanks me into his chest so I can’t get loose. We end up nose to nose, with both of us half kneeling, half sitting, and breathing hard.“I know your bike is out front, so don’t give me this bullshit. You plan on taking your things and leaving? I won’t let you. I’ll call your dad and tell him…. I’ll stop you.” I can’t conceal the anger in my voice or the fier
“Dane, are you awake?” I rap lightly on his bedroom door, straining my ear to the smooth surface for noises or signs of life, and jump when the door clicks open, and he edges around it, so I only see his face. Cast half in shadow from the early hour, his bruises have progressed further, but much of his swelling has calmed down. He looks like someone went crazy with purple face paint.“Yeah. Did Elisa go home?” He eyes past me down the darkened hall and seems uneasy that he might get caught if he comes out further. I already know he’s safe.“Yep, she left a few minutes ago. Monique is up, but she’s cleaning downstairs before she goes to the market. She normally doesn’t come up here until after to sort the rooms. You have maybe an hour to get ready and for us to leave after she does.” I hold up the glass of orange squash in my hand and the tube of Arnica gel and wave them at him. “To take your meds and to help with your pain.” I point out and hold them out to him so that he slides back
My mom texted me this morning telling me Bryan heard from Dane, and he’s gone on vacation to a skiing resort, and I was glad she didn’t call me to tell me. I don’t think I could have stayed neutral and kept the lie. I didn’t even keep it from Elisa, who knew something was wrong as soon as she woke up. I haven’t slept and tossed and turned all night worrying about this idiot. So, of course, I look like death and have crazy dark circles over a dull skin tone.Dane wanders in a few minutes later, with his lower half dried and dressed in the sweats he had laid out. He’s carrying a tee and zip-up, but there’s still water over his shoulders, upper back, and hair. I move to take the towel he has under his arm and instinctively start patting his upper chest and neck before gesturing for him to lean down to run his hair. Dane narrows his eyes on me, obeys, and sets his gaze on his feet instead.We say nothing, just stand facing one another while I dry him off and then maneuver his clothes on c
“I am so bored.” Elisa tugs at her dress and follows me around the animal shelter, shadowing me because she has nothing better to do.“So help clean these cages or go home and find something to do.” I’m getting frustrated with her because I’m slightly pissed that she’s getting in my way and slowing me down. She normally manages fine with a school break and fills her time much as I do. Using it as study time, time to volunteer for things we are passionate about, or hanging out at the beach and relaxing.Only this time is different, and I am one hundred percent blaming Tyler. She has gotten to used to his constant annoying presence this past two weeks of school ending that knowing he is out of here for the entirety of our break has stolen her meaning of life. She’s listless and seemingly incapable of focusing on her normal hobbies or work. She hasn’t looked at her home lab since school broke up a few days ago and had no new products in the works.It’s pretty pathetic.Not the Elisa I kn
“Just one more, please.” Elisa is tugging me towards the pool's edge and brandishing her phone high. The girl is on a selfie mission tonight, and I am being dragged around like some underpaid model. She’s slowly getting used to being in heels and a dress and keeps turning heads now she has relaxed. She looks knockout, and I’m sorta mad Tyler isn't here to see it.“I’ll take one with you.” Jordan shrugs in and moves up behind me to nestle shoulder to shoulder, and I inwardly recoil. His body heat travels up my naked arms and over my ass and back as he hunches my way to get in close. I am not too fond of the sensation.He’s been ultra attentive since we arrived a couple of hours ago and keeps following me about like a puppy, and it’s grating on my nerves. I am trying to be nice, but it’s suffocating that I can’t seem to gain breathing space from him. I feel like if I stay alone with him for more than a few seconds, he might get down and propose. He’s never been this clingy at school, an
I type like a crazy woman trying to stab my fingers through the screen and send him a response.“I can date and hang with whoever I want, seeing as my confession was rejected, and now I think I’m over it. Don’t dare come at me when your choices of lover are the scraping-the-barrel variety!”I’m furious, blood bubbling in my veins, and Elisa sits quietly before taking my cell from me when I hold it out as a way of explanation. I have no words while I am sitting here stewing with rage. My head is bubbling with blood rushing through my ears, and my body tingles with excess nervous energy. I wish that dumb asshole were here tonight so I could march to him and have this out face-to-face. Not an hour away in some cabin hiding behind texts.“So…. he’s jealous? See, told you he likes you. I figured it would be a reaction like this as he isn’t shy when he’s crazy mad.” Elisa shrugs, not fazed by what he sent, and I snatch it back from her. She seems a little smug that whatever social experimen
“We can go to my study…Dane, just Kayla.” She adds as though he will follow and he probably was going to, but she’s right. Something started between her and I and should be resolved that way. Dane has been shielding me too much lately because of my inability to face more drama. I need to put my big girl panties back on. Her and Dane have nothing to say to one another anyway, and he will only put her on the defensive, which I want to avoid.“I’ll be close by….just yell if you need me…… Very close by.” Dane doesn’t lower his voice; instead gets louder with his warning tone, making it obvious to my mom that he doesn’t trust her, and I pat his arm to get him to release me.I slide out of his arms and follow my mom out of the kitchen, across the hall, and into the study without looking back, even though I can feel all their eyes follow me out. Already, my insides are like a washing machine because I do not know what exactly she intends to say to me.My mom is being weirdly quiet, too, and
“You four are making me feel chronically single.” Hannah huffs, pushing the cans of soda across the breakfast bar towards Elisa as Tyler opens up some bags of chips for us to share. We have a stack of pizza boxes waiting to dive into and a plan to darken the nook to spend the day eating junk and watching movies. Dane and I are too tired for anything else and feel like we are on some emotional comedown after a month of hell.“What happened to your Korean boyfriend? That distance could not separate you from?” Dane chimes in with obvious sarcasm oozing, while leaning into me from behind to deposit the dip we made. It’s clear to me that teasing Hannah is a full-time occupation when they are in the same room. She really is like his annoying younger sister, even if she is our age.“I am devoted to Min Yoongi, but I would like to experience a present boyfriend. Someone I can touch and laugh with.” Hannah sulks slightly, clearly regretting her life choices.“I can’t imagine anyone would want
My Dad never calls me, rarely picks mine up, and never texts either. So, seeing it now, flashing so invasively on my phone is enough to make my heart thud through my chest painfully.“Do you want me to give you space to take it?” Dane interrupts my obvious inability to move, breaking the spell it’s cast over me.“No…stay!” A sense of panic grips my stomach and throat, and the sudden cold wash of nerves sobers my good mood. Instantly afraid of what he is calling me for even though, logically, I know.My mom must have called him, or Bryan, at least.Maybe he wants to clarify…I don’t even know.“Are you going to answer it or keep staring at it?” Dane interrupts the deer in the headlight motion of me holding it at half arm’s length, and I blink at it, then him, and shake my head.“Do you need me to do it?”“I don’t know.” I sound terrified. I don’t think I have it in me to answer the call. There is so much grey area when it comes to my dad. So many times I have been hurt by him that faci
“Well, this is depressing.” Dane wheels his case into his old barren bedroom, gazing around at the emptiness even though all his furniture is still there. “It feels like someone else's room.”All the personality is gone without his things in here, and it smells like a fresh, floral hotel, thanks to Monique. His art, posters, pictures, trinkets and books are all gone, leaving empty walls, shelves, and surfaces where he used to have such an array of masculine things, more so after he moved in here permanently and brought it all from his mom’s house.“Imagine how it made me feel watching it get this way….you’re an ass.” I throw him a mock glare and get a kiss blown back at me.“I wanted you to miss me.” He winks and goes back to his case. In a happy mood ever since we started packing to come here.I gaze around, infected by his happiness, and yet sigh at the memories of being in here without him.Even the lack of his laundry tossed on the floor somehow makes this place impersonal. The be
“There’s a lot that this test result will change….I know now is probably not the best time to talk about where we go from here. You probably need to process it the same way we did, but I want you to know….I'm not going back to the UK. I’ll sort it out myself. Enroll back in school, find somewhere to stay, maybe with Tyler….” Dane sounds so far removed from the immature rebel of months ago who was forever making my life hell and living stupidly. He sounds like this experience has aged him so much.He has a sensible head on, his eyes set on the future and he’s not reacting one ounce to my mom. It’s like she no longer has any affect on him.“You’ll move back home, there is no argument in that. I’ll call the school and arrange for you to go in and re-enroll. I’ll call your mom and explain things. Don’t worry about anything. I told you, didn’t I… always your home and whenever you wanted to come back.”For being the fragile one here, Bryan seems to be the one most resigned and okay with thi
“Wait.” I tug Dane back by the hand he’s interlaced in mine, so he stops abruptly near Bryan’s room door, and I pull him to turn to me. Panick is overtaking my soul now we’re close to actually doing this. Walking in here it’s been growing inside of me like a building storm.All my bravado and anger have dissipated because I am so over trauma and tears in my life that I want to avoid any more conflict and run to hide instead. I think I have reached a point of fragility that my emotions don’t want to take anymore.My nerves are bubbling over, my heart is racing, and I'm swinging between cold and hot sweats that have my entire body flushed and trembling. I’m genuinely scared even though my mom is the one who should be.There is no more fight left in me. Not when the possibility of Dane being ripped away from me a second time is all too real, and that thought terrifies me more now I have lived it once. I can’t do that again. I won’t survive.“It’s going to be okay, I promise. We do this a
“Like what?” Hannah squeaks in outrage, crossing her arms on the table to lean in and peer at him, that he might be dissing the man of her dreams or her favorite band. Finding insult in that but nothing else he had said before this.“Your face,” Dane snaps back at her before flicking her in the forehead and pushing her back again.“Ughh.. See… Why is he like this? Is this what you put up with? How can you date him when he’s so awful?” Hannah throws her hands up in frustration, and yet all of this only makes me relax about what kind of relationship they had. If Elisa wasn't so feeble and gentle, I know this is how they would act together. At times, there are glimpses of it, but Elisa is too good-natured and cannot sass. There’s nothing in it.I can see the dynamic slowly opening up between them. She’s like an unwanted younger sibling he both doesn’t like but also does but is forced to take out with him. Annoyed by her presence, but I can tell they also have a sense of relaxed and comf
“You look nervous. Relax….What are you scared of?” Dane brushes my hair from my face for the third time, running a finger down my cheek before leaning in and pecking me lightly on the lips. Igniting the same burst of internal flutters, he always gives me, and a layer of warmth. Suddenly, in my world, everything feels right again, just having him by my side, but I still cannot escape this constant gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.“Every time I have seen this girl, I was a bitch to her….I’m still not ok with the fact you spent the last month with her while ignoring me.” Try as hard as I might, I cannot quench the sense of nausea and dread while sitting here waiting for her to show up. “I feel weird meeting her this way and under these circumstances.”I should never have agreed to this.It’s a clean, bright diner near the hotel they are staying at and the hospital, so we intend to stay here until we’re ready to face our parents and work out a game plan. Hannah is a formality I
“Deal…. I want my boyfriend back how he was. I don’t want to remember any of this shitty separation. Can we get back together?” I ask stupidly even though it’s obvious we are already making up. I just need him to say the words to help with the insecurity I am feleing after how cold he was. “I want my boyfriend back.”“Technically, babycakes, we never broke up. Neither of us said the words so we don’t need to get back together. He shrugs like this is the most logical thing ever, and I lean back to scowl at him.He does not get out of his asshole past four weeks that easily. The boy really is trying to pull a fast one.“Really?” I ask in obvious, oozing sarcasm. “Because I remember clearly a certain boy telling me he was going no contact and not coming back from the UK before he blocked me on absolutely everything….that was a very final break up even if you never said ‘the words.’ You can’t be in a relationship with someone who moved abroad and refuses to communicate with you.” I point