“Quiet now, please.” Our class professor raises his hands to bring quiet back to the chatter of our English lesson. “We have one week before break, and I know it’s agonizingly close… but you still have to work.” He turns and taps the board, highlighting random topics with his torch pen that are laid out in a numbered list. “One assignment before then… due on the last day. I want you paired off in groups of four, and we will make this a team deal where I assign you guys one topic each. A full week on nothing but this, so a little seating reshuffle before we end for the weekend. Let’s make this fun and relaxed, guys.”
There’s a chorus of groans from everyone in the room, including Elisa next to me, as no one ever likes to group in for projects. Especially not pre-holiday ‘fun’ ones where the assignments are always lame. It’s always unequal pairings where certain people get stuck with the majority of work. I personally do not care, as my control freak self likes the be the one researching and writing to ensure my grade is the best I can get.
“You have ten minutes to get it together while I go collect something from my office. Keep the noise down and get into your groups.” The professor lays down his pointer and takes off in the direction of the door before chatter starts up again, and people start moving chairs to create their groups.
“So, who do we hook up with?” Elisa leans in, whispering at me, and I catch her eye, straying over me to the row on my left, where Tyler sits almost level with me. He’s leaning back over the vacant desk behind him and mouthing to Dane up back.
“Nope.. not a chance. You know for a fact that with him comes my idiot house invader. They always pair up.” I push her face away and lean down to find my bag under my desk, needing my notebook.
“Hey, Kayla… do you and Elisa want to pair with Sam and me?” Jordan, in the row behind us, leans forward, taps me on the shoulder, and Elisa starts eye-gesturing at me in a panic to refuse. She is so desperate for any kind of Tyler attention since he insulted her at my house that it’s a little pathetic. She puts on the little pouty face and sad eyes even under that veil of red hair, knowing I can never deny it.
“Move, four eyes…… this spot is taken.” There is a scrape of a chair leg on the wooden floor, and Sam sits back as my attention is drawn back to the front of my desk. Dane has hauled a chair backward to straddle it the wrong way round and gets right in my face. Perching it up tight against the wooden surface. Only a desk between us which he is leaning forward on.
Jordan mumbles something incoherent under his breath and moves right back, knowing never to rile Dane. Seeing as he once gave him a black eye when we were juniors, but Dane earns himself a narrowed glare from me.
“Don’t call him that.” I push his hands off my notebook he attempts to pick up, and Elisa recoils into a little ball of fear as Tyler wanders over and sits on the corner of my desk. He, too, seems to be in the know that we four are getting grouped.
“You are our class president and top student…. if anyone can keep my ass out of London, baby… it’s you. You breathe out A’s without effort.” Dane leans forward, pinches my cheek with his finger and thumb while trying to give me his cute boy pearly white smile, and earns a hand slap.
“Or… how about you pair up with anyone else and actually do some work yourself.” I get annoyed with how Elisa is dissolving into her lap under Tyler's proximity, and I force a finger under her chin to pull her face and make her sit up. “Right, Lees? Tell them we don’t wanna.” I give her a visual warning that she better back me up, and she hesitates. A war crossing over her scared kitten expression, torn about giving up a chance to work with Tyler for five days.
“Ummm.” She turns pink and pulls her bangs across her eyes to avoid mine.
“Don’t bully her into this.” Dane pulls my arm away by the wrist and drops it on my desk. “Come on, Kales…. You do this shit with your eyes closed, and Tyler here is smart and academic, so it’s not like you will be carrying the workload.” Dane thinks that’s a sales point, but Tyler rolls his eyes at his best friend.
We both know Dane was the top-grade earner in our class once upon a time, but he chose a life of rebellion instead. Now it seems Tyler does most of the work, and Dane gets a free ride. No wonder he sits apart in classes like this.
“Do you ever do anything on your own? Or do you piggyback him as much as you do me?” I chin gesture at his silent bestie, who nods back at me that I’m close to accuracy, and it gets my back up.
“If the step beast from hell weren’t harassing my dad about my grades, I wouldn’t care. This is on your mom, not me.”
“Hey… don’t you dare.” I shove his foot under the table with mine. Triggered by him calling my mom names and then pushing his hand back for a second time as he tries to pick up my pencil case. He always has to touch everything that is mine when he invades my space.
“Elisa, you wanna work with Tyler, right?” Dane turns his attention to my best friend, all smiles, dimples, and charm oozing out as he tries to get her on his side. I grit my teeth and throw daggers his way, knowing fine well that’s a low-blow tactic. It’s not hard to tell Elisa has had a crush on Tyler since forever. I think the only person in our class who doesn’t know is Tyler… because she seems invisible to him.
“Ummm.” Elisa is dissolving like sand into her seat and progressively getting lower. Her love for me and her love for Tyler are pulling her two ways. She hates conflict and being stuck between a rock and a hard place at the best of times, so this is hell for her.
“Leave her alone.” I push Dane’s wrist back as he reaches to flick her hair out of her face so that he can see her reaction. “I told you, No…. Go away. I want an intelligent and hard-working group buddy. That’s not you.”
“Kales…… you suck.” Dane tuts and prods me in the face with a pointed finger to the cheek before he gets up, annoyed by my refusal. He knows how stubborn I am, and my tone tells him he won’t defeat me today.
It looks like he’s finally taking the hint that I will not agree when Charmaine, one of our popular blondes with big boobs, decides to meander to join the desk party. I have loathed this girl since I was eight, and everyone knows it. She has lived on our street since then and followed Dane on and off for years. Her tight shirt is almost popping over her breast implants, straining at the buttons, and her school skirt is about four inches shorter than it should be as she props herself up beside him.
“I want to work with you, Dane. Alice and Tyler make a good match, too. We could all get cozy and meet up after school. Have some fun.” She purrs, smiling creepily as she sits on Elisa’s desk, her ass almost in my friend's face as though she isn’t even there, and angers me on a whole other level. Seeing Elisa’s crestfallen expression and how she reverts into her little ball of hair hits me with guilt. She doesn’t ask me for much in this friendship, and her crush on Tyler has never wavered.
“FINE!” I slap my notebook on the table, startling Charmaine and Elisa simultaneously. Pushing up out of my seat and shoving that voluptuous backside off of my friend's table. Charmaine squeals and almost takes a tumble before spinning on me to deliver a scowling sneer. She knows better than to start a catfight, though, as Dane would shut her down in a second. No one picks on me because he would annihilate them. It’s one of the only perks of being related to him.
“Dane…. We will work with you, but we are not coming to sit back there. This is where we stay. And you better contribute, or I’ll take your name off the paper. I’m not playing in this…. You work with me. You contribute.” I’m in no mood for his BS today.
I want to stay up front and center where I sit in every class so I get fewer distractions from the idiots who don’t like to learn. This is where we stay; if he wants my help, he has to come here, even if it means sitting in the vacant seats right in front of the professor.
Charmaine pffts at me and thrusts her cleavage further out, trailing a manicured pointer nail over Dane’s shoulder in a cringy suggestive manner. Her perfume is wafting over me in a sickly smog.
“Dane, are we still on for this weekend?” She purrs, and I physically recoil inwardly. Disgusted by this blatant ewwwww and so mad at him that his flirt fest is happening over my desk. She has no shame, and he’s just as bad for already having a new woman on the hook when Renee was literally a few days ago. It brings up that inner loathing I sometimes feel for him. I hate that this is how he is, and Tyler is barely any better.
“Laters… I’m busy. I’ll call you if I need a date.” Dane dismisses her without a second glance, and her immediate rigid posture and cold icy stare tell me she isn’t happy with the rebuff. He flicks her hand off him, and I find myself shaking my head and repeating his words of wisdom back at him.
“Don't let a guy disrespect you…. Know your worth.” I mumble his way in a tone steeped in disdain for his ears, and he raises a brow and smirks at me.
“That’s right. Hence picking me.” He gets up and pats me on the head before pushing me back into my seat with a slight shove and strolls off to get his bag and jacket. Tyler sighs heavily and stares down at me for a second before his eyes trail to Elisa and back again.
“This is going to be an interesting week. Dane needs to get your mom off his back because I am already starting to rethink our friendship.” He smirks too, and then moves to collect his belongings as students all around us start shifting into groups for the assignment, and Elisa becomes still and silent. Jordan eyes me up with a gloomy sadness before getting out of his seat and walking up back too.
“You got what you wanted? A whole week of sitting with those losers while we do all the work. Are you at least going to lift your head up and make eye contact?” I nudge her on the shoulder with mine and give her a warm smile. Hoping to encourage her out of her shell. I know Elisa can be a dazzling and bright star when we are alone. I just wish she would show other people how she shines. I have tried to build her confidence for years, but nothing ever helps.
“I’m nervous. He’s never sat near us before.” She whispers as though this is some mortal sin and then sinks back within herself when he steps back to us and nods directly behind me.“We will sit there. Jordan and Sam have gone to the back.” He gestures to the two vacancies, and I turn enough to see my admirer gazing at me longingly from the back row, where he is huddling up with two of the shy girls in our class. Both are pretty smart and in the chess club, so I am glad they picked a decent group.I feel bad for Jordan that Dane always seems to pick on him in subtle ways and intimidate him constantly. I have never understood why he dislikes him so much, as Jordan is such a sweet person. It seems like since we were about eight years old, Dane just decided Jordan was someone he would always pick on.“Sit behind me … because otherwise, Dane will spend the next week prodding me, hanging over my shoulder, or pulling my hair. I know what he’s like.” I am turned in my seat and tap the desk d
It’s past midnight, long past it, and I’m standing in the kitchen drinking some water to take an aspirin before I finish up on some of my notes from school all week. I have my one full day I do monthly at the shelter tomorrow as it’s Saturday, so I want all my homework to be up to date because I’ll be too tired later. Sunday, I have plans with Elisa for a much-needed break.I’m hiding away from my parents in their room after hearing them fight again. I heard the name Dane so many times I wanted to rip my ears off and came down here to escape it instead. It sounded bad this time.My mum was yelling like a banshee, which she rarely does, and Bryan was reacting to it, which he never does. He’s such a solid, push-over guy that he normally lets my mom vent and takes it, but I could hear him shouting back.Over the past few months, it’s become a regular occurrence. It’s like it builds up, my mom finds fault in everything that Dane does, and Bryan’s lack of controlling him gets attacked. Sh
“Why are you so selfish and irresponsible?… You only think about yourself and not anyone around you….. You’re blinkered to anyone else's feelings, and life is one big fucking party to you. Don’t you have any sense of responsibility or one ounce of decency? Do you even care about anyone else… or see how I struggle?” The floodgates open, my voice getting more strained and pathetic with every word as tears roll down my face and sheer frustration consumes me.My mum and Bryan fighting, my dad never replying to my texts and rarely seeing me, school getting harder with more work as we get older, and the pressure to stay as a top achiever clings onto me. College is looming closer, and the fear I won’t get accepted and my mom will get disappointed in me eats inside me every day.Dane avoiding me, ignoring me, and treating me like a disease he might contract if I get close. Dane causing so much shit and ruining what little of a family I have, and living in an atmosphere that’s suffocating. E
“Don’t even think about getting up,” I warn Dane with a sinister glare as he shifts in his seat and then moves back down. Knowing better than to rile me today. I’m still sore at him for what he did last night, and soon as I get him alone, we will be talking about the damn racing. I barely slept from nightmares about him crashing his stupid bike.“My head is killing me.” He implores my sweet side with a pathetic pout, but the mood today is vile. Suffering from lack of sleep due to emotional fragility, exasperated by my mom getting up at 5 am and informing me she was heading off for a weekend spa and Bryan taking off on some business trip. So obviously, they aren’t talking and taking time apart. We have been left alone with our housekeeper.I blame Dane for all of it and how hellish I feel today.“Whose fault is that?” I snort, picking up the notebook from the table in the middle of the four of us. I start jotting down notes as Elisa picks out key points from an article she is reading w
“Mine too.” Elisa chimes in and then reddens when Tyler casts a glance back at her and catches her eye with a soft smile. She tips her head down and pretends to be back on reading her website page.Something they have in common, I guess. Both come from unbroken homes and parents who are sickeningly in love even though they were all high school sweethearts. Much like Dane and me, they are both also only children.“We know plenty of functioning humans with good relationships. We just need to decide who to interview and in what format….. Do we have a sit-down and take notes interview… a paper questionnaire, or a video interview we can submit as research data.” I flip to the next clean page of the pad and pick up the pen, poised to continue. Laying down my half-eaten sandwich as work takes over.“Is this how you always are?” Dane asks in what seems to be awed dislike…. “It’s just a shitty school project. We could just casually ask for a couple of tips and write the damn essay.”“This shit
“What was that?” I pull Dane aside with a hushed hiss when he comes inside to help dump the plates in the kitchen behind me, turning on him with bubbling anger. Finally able to get him alone and have this out with him.We just spent the last half hour working in weird, strained silence taking down notes from websites after Tyler’s joke about porn, and it’s been simmering and ruining my calm. I don’t know why such a dumb thing has me so mad, but it does, and I feel like he should have said something other than brushing it off earlier. All he did was change the subject. It was hanging over me like this deafening arrow pointing at us and making me uncomfortable sitting with him. It was icky, and I couldn’t stop looking at him and thinking about why he would watch that smut.“What was what?” Dane slides past me, yawning and so beat he looks ready to fall over. Seemingly not tense and mulling over anything like I was. He seems oblivious, and it somehow triggers more rage in me.He eyes me
“What? What does that mean? Do you think I’m some sort of magician who might bewitch you and jump your bones when you’re least expecting it… pretty sure hooking up with someone is a two-way thing. How about…. Kayla, as long as you don’t try getting into my bed, we’ll be cool, okay?” He is mad.His mood has turned pissed at me, and it riles my hackles and gets my temper up. Defensive that he’s turning this and pointing the finger at me so shamefully, while mentally, I am seriously having some kind of weird breakdown over his fucking outfit.“Don’t say it like that… like if I got in your bed, you wouldn’t stop me… what are you even saying?” I feel like he’s just ripped open my brain and caught a whiff of my unpure thoughts, and this is my punishment. My face must be scarlet with how it’s burning, and I’m so defensively guilty.“Oh my god… are we really doing this?” Dane slams his bottle down and storms at me so fast I trip backward in alarm, but he doesn’t stop. He grabs me by both arms
“Are you okay? You are really distracted and haven’t heard a word I have said for the last ten minutes.” Elisa brings me back to earth with a bump.“What?” I blink at her, pulling my thoughts back to the present, and look around, confused that I must have zoned out. The sun is beating down on us in this rare deserted patch of surf and sand. We’re having a very rare day of fun and downtime at the beach, and my head was a million miles away.“Earth calling Koala….. you have been like a zombie all morning.”“I’m sorry, it’s just….”Just what?That since yesterday, I have been fixated on my stupid brother and churning over every moment and interaction we have had all year to examine them and see if I do, in fact, have a crush on him. Picking apart my reactions to him and replaying yesterday like a stuck record. It’s totally screwing with my head.“Just…” Elisa tries to coax the end of my sentence out of me, staring at me with puppy dog eyes and the sweetest expression, and I crumple and b
Here I am, wallowing in pain and heartbreak, thinking that he, too, must be having a really hard time. It’s the only comfort I have been able to give myself in all of this, and yet it’s not even true. He’s over there living it up with another girl, making friends, and even going to school with her. The fact no one wants to tell me means it’s far from innocent, and I don’t want to believe he would move on so fast, yet something tells me this is his style.This is exactly the kind of shit Dane of the past would pull.Didn’t he try throwing all in with that shrew Charmaigne in an attempt to dislodge my feelings for him? Maybe knowing we can never be together, he has gone down the route of replacing me as fast as he can. Don’t they say the faster way to get over someone is to get under someone new?He slept with other girls in his past to try and forget me, and now here he has a ready-made wannabe girlfriend living in his new home. If he really wanted to get over me, she is the perfect st
School was tougher today than yesterday. I think it’s the inability to sleep and the slow loss of Dane’s belongings and possessions at home, feeling like I am trying to grasp onto fine dry sand and can’t keep it between my fingers. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, and the overwhelming sadness stops me from being able to shut off my brain and roll over this mess again and again until I feel like I'm going slowly insane.I never knew love could be so awful.“You okay?” Elisa interrupts my spaced-out mood and pulls me back to the burger in my hand that I have barely touched. Sighing as I stare back out the window blankly at my jeep parked nearby and nod.“A million miles away. Sorry.”We decided to come out and eat after we dropped off my paternity test at the lab out here, only ten miles from home. Tyler had something to do with his friends, so Elisa and I decided to hang out here, take in some scenery, and try a burger bar to take my mind off of things.It wasn't hard. I put a sw
“I know, I know…I’m working on it. I never thought your mom would take it as badly as she is and dig her heels in. I’m sorry it seems like we’re stalling but it’s just you know how she can be. She needs time to calm down and change her mind.” Bryan looks weary all of a sudden, and now my anger dims a slight tiny fraction at his attempts to douse my fire, I cannot deny that he seems unnaturally pale today.A tiny hint of empathy and maybe even concern peeks out, and I try and push it back down into the pits of hell and remind myself that these two humans deserve anything they are going through. I don’t want to feel anything for either of them.“Maybe you should ask yourself why she is stalling….maybe you need that test as much as I do.” I point out, appraising his expression and seeing real fatigue etched on his face for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I wonder how much of a mental toll it's taking on him, too. Maybe he does have doubts, or maybe losing Dane this way h
I’m tired already, and it’s only eleven AM, and another class is starting. I regret coming back today, given last night I barely slept and instead cried myself raw on Dane's empty bed. Draped in the hoody that he wore the first time we took Elisa to the cove and staring at the mountain of boxes Monique packed up to send abroad for him. A symbolic tower of everything that is him ready to be sent far away.His room felt like she had stripped all personality that was Dane from its very air, as though he never existed in this space. Even his smell was gone, and as I lay there on the uncovered mattress, I couldn’t move or leave, and sleep wouldn’t take me. Just a useless heavyweight of flesh tethered to the last place he dwelled and unable to move on.I feel like I am now existing in an eternal zombie state, caught between numb and excruciating pain at any given moment, and my mind is anywhere but on school. But I know I cannot keep existing this way. Dragging out and holding onto nothing.
“She went to the airport early to wait for Bryan…to avoid me, I guess. Things here have been strained and hard, and we have come to a silent cold war. I can’t stand being in the same place as her, yet she insists now we eat together again and won’t let me stay locked up in my room. She had a carpenter come and remove the locks….who does that?” It’s a tired accusation, lacking real vavoom, even if it still angers me that she did it. I have long since lost the fight I had to stay away from her at all costs. She is like a buzzing fly around my head, and it’s easier to obey and eat silently while ignoring her presence than have her hammering down my door.If she’s trying to force normalcy back into this house, then she shouldn’t hold her breath for it to happen.“Sounds like something your mom would do.” Tyler snorts, and I am starting to see that all these years, Dane has definitely colored his friend’s view of my mom. As polite as Tyler was when he was here before, I have never actually
“Oh my god, I missed you so much.” Elisa catapults herself into my arms, almost knocking me into our pool with the enthusiasm of an over-excited puppy, then nearly strangles me to death while simultaneously crushing my ribs. Her excitement is palpable, and her hug is overdue. I regret now giving her the silent treatment for ten days before being able to find the mental strength to tell her everything in a phone call. I had no way of verbalizing things without breaking down in hysteria until last night, and I knew Tyler would have told her already, but she needed to hear it from me. I have never gone silent on my best friend in my whole life or hidden away Dane style like his, but I needed time to process and grieve. This was such a huge thing that I spent too many days crying in bed until no more tears fell. I am exhausted and now exist in some odd dreamlike reality where nothing seems real.I think I am finally spent. Tears have dried up, and instead of the constant agonizing pain of
“You have to eat, open the door. We need to talk.”“Go away…. Leave me alone.” My anger and venom have not dissipated any; instead, it grows by the hour. Irritated by my mom’s lingering presence because she just won’t leave me alone.Her whiny, pleading voice only riles fresh anger in me, and I throw my pillow at my bedroom door in frustration. Annoyed by her presence, and go back to staring at my cell, waiting for a reply that hasn’t come. I feel like I am going silently insane, and time has come to a standstill. I don’t know what else to do but sit here and wait given my entire existence has been turned upside down and my hope for any future is so far away I cannot reach him.Dane has been gone for days, yet he hasn’t called, he hasn’t texted me back, and Bryan has been silent, too, like they were sucked into some soundproofed bubble where all contact has ceased. For me, anyway. I don’t know if my mother speaks to them because I can't stomach her at all, even for a second, to have o
“Bullshit…this is bullshit. You’re lying.” Dane erupts before I can really swallow down the words that have wounded me with a sucker punch to my heart. “You’ve always hated me, and I wouldn’t put it past you to stoop this low and lie….so I break up with Kayla.” He half yells, half accuses, straining forward to get in her face, and I can taste the growing despair and anger circling him like a cyclone. “I don’t believe you.”“This isn’t true…you would have told me…dad would have….” I trail off, whimpering the words as something clicks in my head and slices through me with speed and severity, making my legs tingle, and my limbs grow weak. “Is that why? Why has he been this way towards me for the past ten years?”I don’t want to believe this or swallow it down, but it’s like something just smacked me in the head and woke up the underlying doubts.It races through my brain and thunders through my entire body like a shocking cold wall of ice. Tingling my brain through my scalp, and even my
“Mom.” Is the only word I can gasp out as I push Dane off me at speed and scramble to right my bra inside my shirt and haul my shorts back into place. Shame flushing over my entire body that we just got caught this way, and I want the ground to open and swallow me. Mortified about what they saw us doing and yet, at the same time, hitting an all-time ‘oh shit’ moment because I don’t want this to be the end. I don’t want Dane to be sent to London. I don’t want to lose him this way.I have an urge to wail and run away, taking him with me rather than face the wrath of our parents like this. My limbs are already trembling in cold fear.Dane shifts away quickly, too, to tend to his pulled-around outfit, turning away directly to probably calm the boner, causing him an obvious trouser tent, and yet it’s like time stands still. The sudden eery, heavy atmosphere and tense silence as though the world has hushed and the only noise is my mother’s subtle simpering.Our parents are standing like a f