“Quiet now, please.” Our class professor raises his hands to bring quiet back to the chatter of our English lesson. “We have one week before break, and I know it’s agonizingly close… but you still have to work.” He turns and taps the board, highlighting random topics with his torch pen that are laid out in a numbered list. “One assignment before then… due on the last day. I want you paired off in groups of four, and we will make this a team deal where I assign you guys one topic each. A full week on nothing but this, so a little seating reshuffle before we end for the weekend. Let’s make this fun and relaxed, guys.”
There’s a chorus of groans from everyone in the room, including Elisa next to me, as no one ever likes to group in for projects. Especially not pre-holiday ‘fun’ ones where the assignments are always lame. It’s always unequal pairings where certain people get stuck with the majority of work. I personally do not care, as my control freak self likes the be the one researching and writing to ensure my grade is the best I can get.
“You have ten minutes to get it together while I go collect something from my office. Keep the noise down and get into your groups.” The professor lays down his pointer and takes off in the direction of the door before chatter starts up again, and people start moving chairs to create their groups.
“So, who do we hook up with?” Elisa leans in, whispering at me, and I catch her eye, straying over me to the row on my left, where Tyler sits almost level with me. He’s leaning back over the vacant desk behind him and mouthing to Dane up back.
“Nope.. not a chance. You know for a fact that with him comes my idiot house invader. They always pair up.” I push her face away and lean down to find my bag under my desk, needing my notebook.
“Hey, Kayla… do you and Elisa want to pair with Sam and me?” Jordan, in the row behind us, leans forward, taps me on the shoulder, and Elisa starts eye-gesturing at me in a panic to refuse. She is so desperate for any kind of Tyler attention since he insulted her at my house that it’s a little pathetic. She puts on the little pouty face and sad eyes even under that veil of red hair, knowing I can never deny it.
“Move, four eyes…… this spot is taken.” There is a scrape of a chair leg on the wooden floor, and Sam sits back as my attention is drawn back to the front of my desk. Dane has hauled a chair backward to straddle it the wrong way round and gets right in my face. Perching it up tight against the wooden surface. Only a desk between us which he is leaning forward on.
Jordan mumbles something incoherent under his breath and moves right back, knowing never to rile Dane. Seeing as he once gave him a black eye when we were juniors, but Dane earns himself a narrowed glare from me.
“Don’t call him that.” I push his hands off my notebook he attempts to pick up, and Elisa recoils into a little ball of fear as Tyler wanders over and sits on the corner of my desk. He, too, seems to be in the know that we four are getting grouped.
“You are our class president and top student…. if anyone can keep my ass out of London, baby… it’s you. You breathe out A’s without effort.” Dane leans forward, pinches my cheek with his finger and thumb while trying to give me his cute boy pearly white smile, and earns a hand slap.
“Or… how about you pair up with anyone else and actually do some work yourself.” I get annoyed with how Elisa is dissolving into her lap under Tyler's proximity, and I force a finger under her chin to pull her face and make her sit up. “Right, Lees? Tell them we don’t wanna.” I give her a visual warning that she better back me up, and she hesitates. A war crossing over her scared kitten expression, torn about giving up a chance to work with Tyler for five days.
“Ummm.” She turns pink and pulls her bangs across her eyes to avoid mine.
“Don’t bully her into this.” Dane pulls my arm away by the wrist and drops it on my desk. “Come on, Kales…. You do this shit with your eyes closed, and Tyler here is smart and academic, so it’s not like you will be carrying the workload.” Dane thinks that’s a sales point, but Tyler rolls his eyes at his best friend.
We both know Dane was the top-grade earner in our class once upon a time, but he chose a life of rebellion instead. Now it seems Tyler does most of the work, and Dane gets a free ride. No wonder he sits apart in classes like this.
“Do you ever do anything on your own? Or do you piggyback him as much as you do me?” I chin gesture at his silent bestie, who nods back at me that I’m close to accuracy, and it gets my back up.
“If the step beast from hell weren’t harassing my dad about my grades, I wouldn’t care. This is on your mom, not me.”
“Hey… don’t you dare.” I shove his foot under the table with mine. Triggered by him calling my mom names and then pushing his hand back for a second time as he tries to pick up my pencil case. He always has to touch everything that is mine when he invades my space.
“Elisa, you wanna work with Tyler, right?” Dane turns his attention to my best friend, all smiles, dimples, and charm oozing out as he tries to get her on his side. I grit my teeth and throw daggers his way, knowing fine well that’s a low-blow tactic. It’s not hard to tell Elisa has had a crush on Tyler since forever. I think the only person in our class who doesn’t know is Tyler… because she seems invisible to him.
“Ummm.” Elisa is dissolving like sand into her seat and progressively getting lower. Her love for me and her love for Tyler are pulling her two ways. She hates conflict and being stuck between a rock and a hard place at the best of times, so this is hell for her.
“Leave her alone.” I push Dane’s wrist back as he reaches to flick her hair out of her face so that he can see her reaction. “I told you, No…. Go away. I want an intelligent and hard-working group buddy. That’s not you.”
“Kales…… you suck.” Dane tuts and prods me in the face with a pointed finger to the cheek before he gets up, annoyed by my refusal. He knows how stubborn I am, and my tone tells him he won’t defeat me today.
It looks like he’s finally taking the hint that I will not agree when Charmaine, one of our popular blondes with big boobs, decides to meander to join the desk party. I have loathed this girl since I was eight, and everyone knows it. She has lived on our street since then and followed Dane on and off for years. Her tight shirt is almost popping over her breast implants, straining at the buttons, and her school skirt is about four inches shorter than it should be as she props herself up beside him.
“I want to work with you, Dane. Alice and Tyler make a good match, too. We could all get cozy and meet up after school. Have some fun.” She purrs, smiling creepily as she sits on Elisa’s desk, her ass almost in my friend's face as though she isn’t even there, and angers me on a whole other level. Seeing Elisa’s crestfallen expression and how she reverts into her little ball of hair hits me with guilt. She doesn’t ask me for much in this friendship, and her crush on Tyler has never wavered.
“FINE!” I slap my notebook on the table, startling Charmaine and Elisa simultaneously. Pushing up out of my seat and shoving that voluptuous backside off of my friend's table. Charmaine squeals and almost takes a tumble before spinning on me to deliver a scowling sneer. She knows better than to start a catfight, though, as Dane would shut her down in a second. No one picks on me because he would annihilate them. It’s one of the only perks of being related to him.
“Dane…. We will work with you, but we are not coming to sit back there. This is where we stay. And you better contribute, or I’ll take your name off the paper. I’m not playing in this…. You work with me. You contribute.” I’m in no mood for his BS today.
I want to stay up front and center where I sit in every class so I get fewer distractions from the idiots who don’t like to learn. This is where we stay; if he wants my help, he has to come here, even if it means sitting in the vacant seats right in front of the professor.
Charmaine pffts at me and thrusts her cleavage further out, trailing a manicured pointer nail over Dane’s shoulder in a cringy suggestive manner. Her perfume is wafting over me in a sickly smog.
“Dane, are we still on for this weekend?” She purrs, and I physically recoil inwardly. Disgusted by this blatant ewwwww and so mad at him that his flirt fest is happening over my desk. She has no shame, and he’s just as bad for already having a new woman on the hook when Renee was literally a few days ago. It brings up that inner loathing I sometimes feel for him. I hate that this is how he is, and Tyler is barely any better.
“Laters… I’m busy. I’ll call you if I need a date.” Dane dismisses her without a second glance, and her immediate rigid posture and cold icy stare tell me she isn’t happy with the rebuff. He flicks her hand off him, and I find myself shaking my head and repeating his words of wisdom back at him.
“Don't let a guy disrespect you…. Know your worth.” I mumble his way in a tone steeped in disdain for his ears, and he raises a brow and smirks at me.
“That’s right. Hence picking me.” He gets up and pats me on the head before pushing me back into my seat with a slight shove and strolls off to get his bag and jacket. Tyler sighs heavily and stares down at me for a second before his eyes trail to Elisa and back again.
“This is going to be an interesting week. Dane needs to get your mom off his back because I am already starting to rethink our friendship.” He smirks too, and then moves to collect his belongings as students all around us start shifting into groups for the assignment, and Elisa becomes still and silent. Jordan eyes me up with a gloomy sadness before getting out of his seat and walking up back too.
“You got what you wanted? A whole week of sitting with those losers while we do all the work. Are you at least going to lift your head up and make eye contact?” I nudge her on the shoulder with mine and give her a warm smile. Hoping to encourage her out of her shell. I know Elisa can be a dazzling and bright star when we are alone. I just wish she would show other people how she shines. I have tried to build her confidence for years, but nothing ever helps.
“I’m nervous. He’s never sat near us before.” She whispers as though this is some mortal sin and then sinks back within herself when he steps back to us and nods directly behind me.“We will sit there. Jordan and Sam have gone to the back.” He gestures to the two vacancies, and I turn enough to see my admirer gazing at me longingly from the back row, where he is huddling up with two of the shy girls in our class. Both are pretty smart and in the chess club, so I am glad they picked a decent group.I feel bad for Jordan that Dane always seems to pick on him in subtle ways and intimidate him constantly. I have never understood why he dislikes him so much, as Jordan is such a sweet person. It seems like since we were about eight years old, Dane just decided Jordan was someone he would always pick on.“Sit behind me … because otherwise, Dane will spend the next week prodding me, hanging over my shoulder, or pulling my hair. I know what he’s like.” I am turned in my seat and tap the desk d
It’s past midnight, long past it, and I’m standing in the kitchen drinking some water to take an aspirin before I finish up on some of my notes from school all week. I have my one full day I do monthly at the shelter tomorrow as it’s Saturday, so I want all my homework to be up to date because I’ll be too tired later. Sunday, I have plans with Elisa for a much-needed break.I’m hiding away from my parents in their room after hearing them fight again. I heard the name Dane so many times I wanted to rip my ears off and came down here to escape it instead. It sounded bad this time.My mum was yelling like a banshee, which she rarely does, and Bryan was reacting to it, which he never does. He’s such a solid, push-over guy that he normally lets my mom vent and takes it, but I could hear him shouting back.Over the past few months, it’s become a regular occurrence. It’s like it builds up, my mom finds fault in everything that Dane does, and Bryan’s lack of controlling him gets attacked. Sh
“Why are you so selfish and irresponsible?… You only think about yourself and not anyone around you….. You’re blinkered to anyone else's feelings, and life is one big fucking party to you. Don’t you have any sense of responsibility or one ounce of decency? Do you even care about anyone else… or see how I struggle?” The floodgates open, my voice getting more strained and pathetic with every word as tears roll down my face and sheer frustration consumes me.My mum and Bryan fighting, my dad never replying to my texts and rarely seeing me, school getting harder with more work as we get older, and the pressure to stay as a top achiever clings onto me. College is looming closer, and the fear I won’t get accepted and my mom will get disappointed in me eats inside me every day.Dane avoiding me, ignoring me, and treating me like a disease he might contract if I get close. Dane causing so much shit and ruining what little of a family I have, and living in an atmosphere that’s suffocating. E
“Don’t even think about getting up,” I warn Dane with a sinister glare as he shifts in his seat and then moves back down. Knowing better than to rile me today. I’m still sore at him for what he did last night, and soon as I get him alone, we will be talking about the damn racing. I barely slept from nightmares about him crashing his stupid bike.“My head is killing me.” He implores my sweet side with a pathetic pout, but the mood today is vile. Suffering from lack of sleep due to emotional fragility, exasperated by my mom getting up at 5 am and informing me she was heading off for a weekend spa and Bryan taking off on some business trip. So obviously, they aren’t talking and taking time apart. We have been left alone with our housekeeper.I blame Dane for all of it and how hellish I feel today.“Whose fault is that?” I snort, picking up the notebook from the table in the middle of the four of us. I start jotting down notes as Elisa picks out key points from an article she is reading w
“Mine too.” Elisa chimes in and then reddens when Tyler casts a glance back at her and catches her eye with a soft smile. She tips her head down and pretends to be back on reading her website page.Something they have in common, I guess. Both come from unbroken homes and parents who are sickeningly in love even though they were all high school sweethearts. Much like Dane and me, they are both also only children.“We know plenty of functioning humans with good relationships. We just need to decide who to interview and in what format….. Do we have a sit-down and take notes interview… a paper questionnaire, or a video interview we can submit as research data.” I flip to the next clean page of the pad and pick up the pen, poised to continue. Laying down my half-eaten sandwich as work takes over.“Is this how you always are?” Dane asks in what seems to be awed dislike…. “It’s just a shitty school project. We could just casually ask for a couple of tips and write the damn essay.”“This shit
“What was that?” I pull Dane aside with a hushed hiss when he comes inside to help dump the plates in the kitchen behind me, turning on him with bubbling anger. Finally able to get him alone and have this out with him.We just spent the last half hour working in weird, strained silence taking down notes from websites after Tyler’s joke about porn, and it’s been simmering and ruining my calm. I don’t know why such a dumb thing has me so mad, but it does, and I feel like he should have said something other than brushing it off earlier. All he did was change the subject. It was hanging over me like this deafening arrow pointing at us and making me uncomfortable sitting with him. It was icky, and I couldn’t stop looking at him and thinking about why he would watch that smut.“What was what?” Dane slides past me, yawning and so beat he looks ready to fall over. Seemingly not tense and mulling over anything like I was. He seems oblivious, and it somehow triggers more rage in me.He eyes me
“What? What does that mean? Do you think I’m some sort of magician who might bewitch you and jump your bones when you’re least expecting it… pretty sure hooking up with someone is a two-way thing. How about…. Kayla, as long as you don’t try getting into my bed, we’ll be cool, okay?” He is mad.His mood has turned pissed at me, and it riles my hackles and gets my temper up. Defensive that he’s turning this and pointing the finger at me so shamefully, while mentally, I am seriously having some kind of weird breakdown over his fucking outfit.“Don’t say it like that… like if I got in your bed, you wouldn’t stop me… what are you even saying?” I feel like he’s just ripped open my brain and caught a whiff of my unpure thoughts, and this is my punishment. My face must be scarlet with how it’s burning, and I’m so defensively guilty.“Oh my god… are we really doing this?” Dane slams his bottle down and storms at me so fast I trip backward in alarm, but he doesn’t stop. He grabs me by both arms
“Are you okay? You are really distracted and haven’t heard a word I have said for the last ten minutes.” Elisa brings me back to earth with a bump.“What?” I blink at her, pulling my thoughts back to the present, and look around, confused that I must have zoned out. The sun is beating down on us in this rare deserted patch of surf and sand. We’re having a very rare day of fun and downtime at the beach, and my head was a million miles away.“Earth calling Koala….. you have been like a zombie all morning.”“I’m sorry, it’s just….”Just what?That since yesterday, I have been fixated on my stupid brother and churning over every moment and interaction we have had all year to examine them and see if I do, in fact, have a crush on him. Picking apart my reactions to him and replaying yesterday like a stuck record. It’s totally screwing with my head.“Just…” Elisa tries to coax the end of my sentence out of me, staring at me with puppy dog eyes and the sweetest expression, and I crumple and b
“We can go to my study…Dane, just Kayla.” She adds as though he will follow and he probably was going to, but she’s right. Something started between her and I and should be resolved that way. Dane has been shielding me too much lately because of my inability to face more drama. I need to put my big girl panties back on. Her and Dane have nothing to say to one another anyway, and he will only put her on the defensive, which I want to avoid.“I’ll be close by….just yell if you need me…… Very close by.” Dane doesn’t lower his voice; instead gets louder with his warning tone, making it obvious to my mom that he doesn’t trust her, and I pat his arm to get him to release me.I slide out of his arms and follow my mom out of the kitchen, across the hall, and into the study without looking back, even though I can feel all their eyes follow me out. Already, my insides are like a washing machine because I do not know what exactly she intends to say to me.My mom is being weirdly quiet, too, and
“You four are making me feel chronically single.” Hannah huffs, pushing the cans of soda across the breakfast bar towards Elisa as Tyler opens up some bags of chips for us to share. We have a stack of pizza boxes waiting to dive into and a plan to darken the nook to spend the day eating junk and watching movies. Dane and I are too tired for anything else and feel like we are on some emotional comedown after a month of hell.“What happened to your Korean boyfriend? That distance could not separate you from?” Dane chimes in with obvious sarcasm oozing, while leaning into me from behind to deposit the dip we made. It’s clear to me that teasing Hannah is a full-time occupation when they are in the same room. She really is like his annoying younger sister, even if she is our age.“I am devoted to Min Yoongi, but I would like to experience a present boyfriend. Someone I can touch and laugh with.” Hannah sulks slightly, clearly regretting her life choices.“I can’t imagine anyone would want
My Dad never calls me, rarely picks mine up, and never texts either. So, seeing it now, flashing so invasively on my phone is enough to make my heart thud through my chest painfully.“Do you want me to give you space to take it?” Dane interrupts my obvious inability to move, breaking the spell it’s cast over me.“No…stay!” A sense of panic grips my stomach and throat, and the sudden cold wash of nerves sobers my good mood. Instantly afraid of what he is calling me for even though, logically, I know.My mom must have called him, or Bryan, at least.Maybe he wants to clarify…I don’t even know.“Are you going to answer it or keep staring at it?” Dane interrupts the deer in the headlight motion of me holding it at half arm’s length, and I blink at it, then him, and shake my head.“Do you need me to do it?”“I don’t know.” I sound terrified. I don’t think I have it in me to answer the call. There is so much grey area when it comes to my dad. So many times I have been hurt by him that faci
“Well, this is depressing.” Dane wheels his case into his old barren bedroom, gazing around at the emptiness even though all his furniture is still there. “It feels like someone else's room.”All the personality is gone without his things in here, and it smells like a fresh, floral hotel, thanks to Monique. His art, posters, pictures, trinkets and books are all gone, leaving empty walls, shelves, and surfaces where he used to have such an array of masculine things, more so after he moved in here permanently and brought it all from his mom’s house.“Imagine how it made me feel watching it get this way….you’re an ass.” I throw him a mock glare and get a kiss blown back at me.“I wanted you to miss me.” He winks and goes back to his case. In a happy mood ever since we started packing to come here.I gaze around, infected by his happiness, and yet sigh at the memories of being in here without him.Even the lack of his laundry tossed on the floor somehow makes this place impersonal. The be
“There’s a lot that this test result will change….I know now is probably not the best time to talk about where we go from here. You probably need to process it the same way we did, but I want you to know….I'm not going back to the UK. I’ll sort it out myself. Enroll back in school, find somewhere to stay, maybe with Tyler….” Dane sounds so far removed from the immature rebel of months ago who was forever making my life hell and living stupidly. He sounds like this experience has aged him so much.He has a sensible head on, his eyes set on the future and he’s not reacting one ounce to my mom. It’s like she no longer has any affect on him.“You’ll move back home, there is no argument in that. I’ll call the school and arrange for you to go in and re-enroll. I’ll call your mom and explain things. Don’t worry about anything. I told you, didn’t I… always your home and whenever you wanted to come back.”For being the fragile one here, Bryan seems to be the one most resigned and okay with thi
“Wait.” I tug Dane back by the hand he’s interlaced in mine, so he stops abruptly near Bryan’s room door, and I pull him to turn to me. Panick is overtaking my soul now we’re close to actually doing this. Walking in here it’s been growing inside of me like a building storm.All my bravado and anger have dissipated because I am so over trauma and tears in my life that I want to avoid any more conflict and run to hide instead. I think I have reached a point of fragility that my emotions don’t want to take anymore.My nerves are bubbling over, my heart is racing, and I'm swinging between cold and hot sweats that have my entire body flushed and trembling. I’m genuinely scared even though my mom is the one who should be.There is no more fight left in me. Not when the possibility of Dane being ripped away from me a second time is all too real, and that thought terrifies me more now I have lived it once. I can’t do that again. I won’t survive.“It’s going to be okay, I promise. We do this a
“Like what?” Hannah squeaks in outrage, crossing her arms on the table to lean in and peer at him, that he might be dissing the man of her dreams or her favorite band. Finding insult in that but nothing else he had said before this.“Your face,” Dane snaps back at her before flicking her in the forehead and pushing her back again.“Ughh.. See… Why is he like this? Is this what you put up with? How can you date him when he’s so awful?” Hannah throws her hands up in frustration, and yet all of this only makes me relax about what kind of relationship they had. If Elisa wasn't so feeble and gentle, I know this is how they would act together. At times, there are glimpses of it, but Elisa is too good-natured and cannot sass. There’s nothing in it.I can see the dynamic slowly opening up between them. She’s like an unwanted younger sibling he both doesn’t like but also does but is forced to take out with him. Annoyed by her presence, but I can tell they also have a sense of relaxed and comf
“You look nervous. Relax….What are you scared of?” Dane brushes my hair from my face for the third time, running a finger down my cheek before leaning in and pecking me lightly on the lips. Igniting the same burst of internal flutters, he always gives me, and a layer of warmth. Suddenly, in my world, everything feels right again, just having him by my side, but I still cannot escape this constant gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.“Every time I have seen this girl, I was a bitch to her….I’m still not ok with the fact you spent the last month with her while ignoring me.” Try as hard as I might, I cannot quench the sense of nausea and dread while sitting here waiting for her to show up. “I feel weird meeting her this way and under these circumstances.”I should never have agreed to this.It’s a clean, bright diner near the hotel they are staying at and the hospital, so we intend to stay here until we’re ready to face our parents and work out a game plan. Hannah is a formality I
“Deal…. I want my boyfriend back how he was. I don’t want to remember any of this shitty separation. Can we get back together?” I ask stupidly even though it’s obvious we are already making up. I just need him to say the words to help with the insecurity I am feleing after how cold he was. “I want my boyfriend back.”“Technically, babycakes, we never broke up. Neither of us said the words so we don’t need to get back together. He shrugs like this is the most logical thing ever, and I lean back to scowl at him.He does not get out of his asshole past four weeks that easily. The boy really is trying to pull a fast one.“Really?” I ask in obvious, oozing sarcasm. “Because I remember clearly a certain boy telling me he was going no contact and not coming back from the UK before he blocked me on absolutely everything….that was a very final break up even if you never said ‘the words.’ You can’t be in a relationship with someone who moved abroad and refuses to communicate with you.” I point