Ever been stuck in the middle before? Tossed around like you’re the monkey in the middle, or the flag tied around a rope being tugged at both ends? You’d think that the middle job is the easiest, that all you have to do is be tossed around and make a choice– a decision. But no one talks about the horrors that come with being in that middle ground and the feelings you’re bound to hurt. No one talks about what affects the monkey, or how that tied flag feels. It’s always about the players– always. And we’re taught not to hate them, to hate the game instead. Well fuck that. It was a hot summer day back home in Florida, far gone from the calming campus at Vanderbilt University. But summer calls, and home awaits. My home, despite the way I’d talk about the heat and summer storms, despite the way I’d dream of falling leaves and white winters. This was home, in all its scorching glory. I arrived yesterday to my Mom already outside, waving me down like I’d forgotten where I lived. And as
The familiar scent of vanilla and cast iron flooded my nostrils upon entering the house, greeted by silence as I smiled at ease. “Where’s the runts?” I asked, dropping my bag at the foot of the sofa and slouching into its comfort. Mom smiled and took a seat across from me, “Christian is at a friends and Sabrina is at cheer practice.” She hugged a mug close to her chest, drawing her knees close as well. “She still does that?” I chuckled, closing my eyes and resting after such a tedious drive here. But Mom didn’t spare the details as she went on about her cheer team, that they had such a phenomenal year during school and they asked specific students to enroll in a summer program. Sabrina was always physical, always on the move, always achieving what she wanted. In some ways I envied her for that– and she’s literally eight. I hadn’t the heart to tell my Mom I needed to rest, that I couldn’t listen to her groan forever about Sabrina and cheer or Christian and soccer. Instead I listened
His eyes lingered on my finger as I withdrew it, meeting my eyes with another smile. “No.” He admitted, “I grew up in Illinois actually.” And he crossed his arms. “You’re a long ways from home.” I had to continuously crane my neck to meet his eyes above me, “What brought you down here?” “Work.” He said easily, “I manage a local firm.” I nodded, drawing my brows at the mysterious response. A local firm? That could literally mean anything. But I wasn’t going to pry, not when he just bought my lunch. Though it did raise the suspicion that he was older than he looked, I mean– I was still in college. And he was here for work. I looked behind me at an open metal table under the cover of an umbrella, “Wanna sit?” I asked him, needing to get out of the sun before my skin actually burned. All he did was nod as he followed me to the table, sitting across from me as our knees lightly grazed each other. And an awkwardness fell between us, a pause of words and emotion as we both sort of stare
Two boys in one day? How did I get so lucky… I drove my way home with a new found confidence, color on my skin, and food in my belly– free food at that. Thanks Noah. And upon walking indoors to shower the ocean’s salt off of me, Mom noticed the pep in my step; “Someone had a good day.” She cracked a knowing smile as I slid past the living room and down the hallway. I did have a good day, a great day. But first I needed to shower. So I cranked the water to a medium heat, fearful of what scalding hot water might do to my fragile skin and stripped out of my swimming trunks. I admired myself, admired my defined body and salt-watered hair; admired how the green of my eyes popped more so on my reddened face. It’s true what they say, the sun really does cure imperfections. As I stepped under the warm spray of water above, I thought of the two boys I met today– Theo and Noah. It’s so unlike me to entertain two guys at once. It’s extremely lucky that it happened at all. But I’d never ha
I got changed into something comfortable, joining Mom in the living room to watch her reruns of General Hospital. “He’s still alive?” I questioned right as I sat down, pointing at the decrepit man who’s in every episode. She only scoffed and told me to hush, earning a subtle smile from me as I let the sofa engulf me. In a way, this show was kind of good. I mean– despite the filler scenes and obvious plot holes, my jaw dropped at least three times with the words coming out of their mouths. Another secret affair? Another murder? Another blackmail? Mom could only snicker at my reactions. Until eventually the episode ended and she sighed into her knees, “You got some color.” She noted, rocking in the single chair that used to be for Nonna. I nodded, “I know right.” I showed my arms, scanning them for visible differences; “I forgot how much I liked the beach.” “No beach in Nashville.” She said with brows raised to which I rolled my eyes. We both knew that, but anytime she could try and
Eventually I gave up my controller, told him that I couldn’t handle being killed within two seconds of every match and he laughed at me. But it was all in good fun, I was glad to spend a little time with the kid, glad to make some new memories. And as I stood, my stomach rumbled in hunger, just on time for Mom to call us out for dinner. I spent time with the three of them until Sabrina and Christian sauntered off to their rooms to be alone, leaving Mom and I in the living room with our tea. It was almost nine, and the butterflies in my stomach were only swarming more and more. “Do you see what I mean about Christian?” She looked at me with tired eyes. I nodded, “I was the same way Mom.” I defended the kid, though there’s no real rhyme or reason for the way he acts or the way I acted back then. “He’ll grow out of it.” But she got quiet in her rocking chair, hugging her knees with her cup of tea– such a familiar sight for her. “It’s been hard Cam.” She said out of nowhere, “I miss th
“I don’t know about that.” I peered out to the moon lit water, dancing shadows of drunk lifeguards in the distance. But he grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet as I stumbled into him– chuckling at myself for being a bit tipsy. And my eyes fell upon his body, and the shadows cut out by the flames of the fire. “Come on.” He whispered again, tugging at my hoodie– playfully insisting that I tear it off. I looked past him again, out at the screaming bodies that laughed and shrieked in that freezing water. “Okay fine.” I smiled at him, letting him help with pulling the hoodie over my head, letting his eyes land on my body too. I pulled down my pants the same time as him, stripping to our boxers before stepping out of them. He grabbed my hand in a jog, pulling me to the crashing waves, kicking sand in our wake until the ground beneath us ran cold and wet. And then freezing as water splashed onto us, as my own shrieks were heard in the air. We kept running, kept pushing through the frigid
Everyone was scurrying, everyone was either screaming or running or trying their best to collect their things in the sand. I grabbed my phone next to me, clutched it tight as I stood and followed behind Theo who urged me to run. But he was fast, really fucking fast. And soon a beam of light shined in the direction we were running, forcing us to either hide in the freezing ocean or trudge our way through the grassy sand dunes. I followed Theo’s lead into the dunes, and tried my best to run up the fast moving sand. He grabbed my hand and pulled me, knocking us over into crunching grass and dead seaweed. I rolled over top of him, gained my footing before we darted through the swarm of bugs and tall grass and whatever else that pierced our feet. “Fuck!” I yelped as a sharp pain ran up my leg, only helped by the guiding hand of Theo who dragged me through. We were met with a fence, “Jump it.” He said quickly and knelt down to let me climb over his back. When I hit the sidewalk on the ot