The car stops in the woods.We all bounce out of the car. Everyone is excited about this camping trip except me. The entire trip, they talked about all the fun stuff that they are going to do once we get there.Set up tents. Take pictures. Go fishing. Go hiking. Sit around the campfire. Cuddle with their spouses. It got a little awkward when everyone turned to look at me because they all know that I'm single. I had to laugh awkwardly to assure them that I'm okay. But I'm not okay. I know you're tired of hearing this but I miss Damien.So I did what my therapist told me to do when I start missing him. I start sketching on my little sketchbook. That's what I did the entire trip until we got here.There's only five of us. Larry with Larry. Larry's sister, Lexi, with her boyfriend Max. Max is a short funny guy who kept cracking our ribs the entire trip. He's just one of those genuinely funny guys.I'm the only one in the group without a partner. It's like going to crash on a double date.
DAMIENIt's true.I was fùcking Vanessa when Dani drunk-called me yesterday. It's actually the reason that me and Vanessa are fighting. The reason that she woke up this morning and didn't talk to me. The reason that she made only two sandwiches and one cup of coffee. Only for herself.But I understand why she's angry.I would be angry too if someone did what I did. So, this is what happened...When Dani called, we were both naked in bed. Vanessa begged me not to pick her calls. Infact, she begged me to switch off my phone. I thought that was a little dramatic. So I didn't switch it off. I just let it keep ringing. My ringtone was like the background music of our sèx.For some strange reason, Dani calling endless times thrilled me. The fact that she wanted to talk to me so desperately made me harder. I fùcked Vanessa even harder the more that she called. Obviously Vanessa noticed and this made her angry."Why can't you just switch off the fùcking phone!" She snaps. "Why can't you just
Nate opens the door of the car and stretches his hand to me.I step out and stare at the apartment complex. This will be my home for the next few months before I figure out my next step.I hate that I have to get hosted by my friends. They can no longer have the relaxation and freedom in their own home. It feels like an invasion of privacy. I wanted to get my own place but I'm not in the right head space at the moment. I don't want to do something that I'll end up regretting.Nate drags the suitcase to his apartment as I follow closely behind. He swings the door open and there's a box of pizza waiting for us on the table. This guy is so fùcking sweet. He's a fùcking angel. I didn't expect to find a big box of pizza waiting for us. The thought of stuffing the slices in my mouth immediately makes me salivate."I'll show you to your room." He says. "Same room you slept in when you and Damien were fighting. Remember?"That last part was so unnecessary. He didn't have to add it. After sh
It's been a full week of friends with benefits.Fùcking on Nate's bed. Fùcking on my bed. Fùcking on the couch. And on the carpet. And on the counter. And in the shower. And in every corner of the room.It's a good distraction from the chaos in my life. For those few euphoric moments, I get to forget that my life is a mess. I get to forget that I'm wasting my life. I get to forget that I'm getting divorced. And I'm pregnant. And the father of my child hates me and probably wishes me nothing but pain and torment.And that's what I'm feeling tonight, staring at the ceiling. Pain and torment. There's no Nate to fùck the pain away. He's gone to see his parents. All I can do is lie on this bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering what my life has turned to. Using sèx as a coping mechanism. Drinking when I know I'm pregnant. Wasting my talent away because all I do is lie on this bed when I'm not busy bending over for Nate.A small smile touches my lips when I think about our little adventure
DAMIENSomething happened yesterday...I had a nightmare about Dani. We were lying in the beach, kissing and she was pregnant with my second child. The first child was playing in the sand as we basked in the sun. It was a dream but the second I woke up, it became a nightmare. A bad nightmare that I can't seem to shake off. Or forget. It's stuck in my head. Dani is stuck in my head.I'm all alone in the house. Bored to death. Vanessa went on a business trip in Italy. So I'm home alone, working on my laptop.Since the nightmare, I've been thinking about Dani. Who am I lying to? It was even before the nightmare. It was way before the nightmare. I've been thinking about her desperately since I called it quits...I miss Dani. The bad kind of missing. The kind of missing that doesn't make you think about anyone else. The kind of missing that makes you want to drop everything and hop on a plane to her. The kind of missing that haunts you and taunts you. I desperately want to see her.So, I
DANIThe breaking of glass wakes me up in the morning.I jump out of bed and dash to the kitchen. Nate is crouched on the floor, picking up the broken pieces of glass. He looks up at me and forces a smile. But that forced smile doesn't fool me. His red and pale eyes tell me everything I need to know."What's wrong, Nate?""Hey, goodmorning." He says with that fake smile. "Sorry I woke you up.""Something is wrong." I move closer to him. "Tell me what it is."He throws the broken pieces in the bin and turns to the coffee machine. He makes two cups of coffee and sets them on the kitchen island. The coffee is bitter so I add some more sugar. My life is bitter enough so I have to sweeten it a little bit."Sorry I woke you." He repeats. "I didn't mean to...""I just want to know what made you break the glass." I say. "Did the glass steal your girl or what?"I can't help but smile when he chuckles at that. He has the cutest little laugh."It's my parents." He suddenly frowns. "They are movi
I've never lived alone.First, I lived with my parents for seventeen years. On the eighteenth year, I ran from home and moved in with Brandon. I stayed with Brandon for eight years before moving in with Damien. Then I lived with Damien for a couple of months before moving in with Nate.All my life, I feel like I've never gotten the chance to be alone. To live alone. That's something that I'm experiencing for the first time.Nate, Lana and Larry dropped everything to come and help me move. What would I do without these three. Well, I can do without Lana for the mean time since she's not carrying or helping with anything.She's standing in the balcony, munching on an apple as the men carry the heavy furniture into the house. "Hey, Lazy Lady!" I tease. "Mind explaining why you're standing here when your peers are busy breaking their backs?""Ma'am." She smirks. "I'm pregnant. And pregnant women have the privilege to bask in the balcony for as long as they want. Have a problem with that?
DAMIENVanessa is lying next to me.She's sleeping so peacefully. I can't help but stare, completely in awe of her beauty. This woman is beautiful. Probably one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. From her wild hair to her soft skin to her pointed nose to her full lips to her perfect curves. God clearly took his time with her. But it's not just her beauty that draws me to her. Ofcourse it's one of the reasons that I was attracted to her. But it's not the reason that I fell inlove with her.I fell for her when I realised that she is my friend. A true friend. A best friend. A friend who sticks with me through the hard and happy times. A friend who never leaves my side. A friend who always offers her shoulder for me to lean on. Even now when I'm going through this depressing divorce, she's still holding my hand. Letting me know that she's here for me. That's the kind of friend Vanessa is. And that's why I'm so inlove with her. All this time, I've been trying to run away from wh
DAMIENtwenty years laterIt's our twentieth anniversary.For every anniversary, we celebrate it in Bali. In the same hotel we went for our first, second and third honeymoon. There's been a lot of changes and renovations in the hotel over the years but it still gives me a feeling of nostalgia every time I come here.I step out of the shower and start drying myself with the towel.Dani is busy typing on her laptop. I apply some lotion and slide into a pair of white shorts. My wife doesn't bother to look up."George filed for divorce." I huff. "Gina cheated on him again. This time, with a younger man.""Not surprised." I sigh. "Why can't he just leave her?""He's addicted to the toxicity."Dani doesn't respond. She's still busy on her laptop. Plus, she's so over George and Gina. And honestly, so am I. For years, I wanted to save George from that abusive marriage but he clearly doesn't want to be saved. He made the bed. I'll just let him lie in it. Even if it's a bed of thorns that makes
DANII stare at Nate in shock.But he's not staring at me. He's staring at Damien."When Dani's dad shot me, I was paralysed." Nate says. "I could see everything. I could hear everything. But I couldn't move. I couldn't even feel blood oozing from my body."Okay, where's this going?"Dani was in shock after her father shot himself infront of her." He continues. "She just sat there, staring at his lifeless body. She was in shock and despair. She had lost all hope for life. That's until you came out of nowhere and wrapped your arms around her, crying. She was relieved. She was hopeful again. I was relieved too. And I was hopeful. That's when I allowed myself to pass out. All that time, I'd been forcing myself to hold on a little longer for Dani. I didn't want to leave her all alone and scared. But when you showed up, I knew she was in safe hands. So l let myself pass out."Nate finally turns to look at me, a small smile forming on his face."Remember that double date with Richard and yo
DAMIENI ring the doorbell.Dani swings the door open, dressed in her pajamas. She stares at me in complete shock and confusion."What are you doing here?" She asks in concern. "Are you okay?"I don't reply to that. I just pull her in my arms and cling to her body. I know she's pregnant and I'm probably hurting her baby but the baby will have to forgive me. I need his mother now. He can wait.Dani escorts me to the livingroom. She sneaks to the kitchen and brings me coffee. Yes, I definitely need coffee this time. I'm shaking due to the cold. Or maybe I'm shaking due to the shock. It's been a night of horror and I can't wait for it to end."What's going on, Damien?" Dani asks softly. "Where's Vanessa?"Just hearing her name sends chills all over my body. I look up at the ticking clock.The images of the last three hours play vividly in my head.Vanessa screaming in terror. Vanessa's head being chopped off. Vanessa's head being tossed in a black plastic bag like garbage. The "bad guys
VANESSABe calm.Whatever happens in life, be calm. That's one of the greatest tricks to tackle every situation in life. Be calm. Take a deep breath. Don't lose it. You might be losing it inside, but don't show them. Act calm. Act confident.I turn to look at Damien.Ofcourse I'm shocked. And confused. He just jumped out of the kitchen. He was listening to the conversation this entire time. I should have listened to my gut when I entered the house.I got a whiff of his cologne when I entered the living room. Then I got a glance of his shoes at the door. But somehow, I convinced myself that they didn't belong to Damien. A bunch of shoes look the same. And there's no way they belonged to Damien. I mean, I left him home looking hungry and exhausted. There's no way he could drive back to the city for two hours instead of taking a rest. God, I was in for a shock!But I'm still calm. "Babe." I smile. "You know I hate surprises.""Don't babe me!" He snaps. "I heard everything you just said,
DAMIENI dash into the kitchen and pour all the coffee in the sink.I don't want coffee. I want something stronger. Something like scotch. Something that will make me forget about my dad. And Vanessa. And the pregnancy scam. And the whole drug dealing thing. And the way I just talked to Dani. And the way she looked at me. All I do is hurt her with my words and actions. And all she does is be kind and nice to me. After everything I did, she's letting me spend the night at her house. God, I don't deserve her...It's pouring heavily outside.I look outside, the rain beating down on the roof and sliding down the window. For a moment there, I wish that the rain could wash away all the pain. I wish that the rain could slide down my soul and wash away all the sadness and sorrow. The doorbell rings, pulling me away from the sea of sad thoughts."Good evening, Dani." I grit my teeth when I hear that familiar voice. Vanessa. What the fùck is she doing here? How the fùck did she know that I wa
DANIDamien is standing at my door when I get home from the hospital.The second he sees me, he runs to me and our bodies clash in a tight embrace. He starts crying in my arms. And I start crying in his arms. And now we're crying in each other's arms. I don't even know why I'm crying. But I definitely know why he's crying.He lost his father. A father that he deeply loved. And today he lay his father to rest. That's hard on anyone.The sky rumbles. We break apart and silently walk into the house before it starts raining. Damien takes off his shoes and sits on the couch. I take off my black coat and sneak to the kitchen. There, I make coffee and grab some cookies from the pantry. Damien looks like he needs something stronger than coffee but it's the best choice for now. "Thankyou." He smiles when I set the tray of coffee and cookies on the table.I sit across from him, creating some distance between us. I'm just from seeing Nate in the hospital and we even kissed when I left. I wou
DAMIENThe ride home was silent.Two hours on the road with Vanessa sulking and seething and staring at me, her eyes filled with fury.The second I stop the engine, she flies out of the car and storms into the house. I follow her quickly but I can't keep up with her pace. When I walk into the house, she's already flying up the stairs.Maria steps out of the kitchen with a bunch of sandwiches on the tray."Spill the tea." She giggles. "Why is she so mad this time? What happened at the funeral?""Nothing interesting." I shrug.That's my way of brushing Maria off. Although I like her, she can be a little nosy in a way that's annoying and steps on boundaries. Vanessa is still the mother of my child. She's just a surrogate. Sometimes I think that Maria forgets that. Vanessa can be a pain in the àss but she still deserves respect as the biological mother of my child."Want a sandwich?" She offers."Sure." I grab it. "I'm starving!"I run up the stairs, chewing on the sandwich as I head to o
DANICamille's mansion was the perfect pick for the reception after the funeral.The guests are waltzing around the large livingroom, cups of coffee clutched in their hands. A bunch of bowls are sitting at the dining table with cookies and biscuits and even chocolates.I'm sitting on the couch next to Camille, munching on the crunchy cookies. Her face is blank and void of emotion but I know that deep down, she's having an emotional crisis. A few hours ago, she broke down as her husband was put to the ground. I can't imagine what that felt like for her. Spending half of your life with someone and then having to watch their lifeless bodies being lowered to the ground. Tragic."Look at them!" Camille points to Damien and Vanessa. "She's always complaining about something. They should break up already."They seem like they are fighting. Vanessa is nagging about something. And Damien is glaring at her. They are obviously the unhappiest couple in the room. I get a little thrill watching the
DAMIENVanessa slides into her black heels and walks towards me.She stands so close, looking up at me. There's a blank look on her face and it's kinda creepy. She straightens my collar and starts fixing my black tie."I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me."The cold tone in her voice sends shivers down my spine. She's not been speaking to me the entire morning. I thought it was odd but chose not to overthink it. I thought it's because we were both busy getting ready for the funeral. I thought maybe she's giving me some space and silence because this is the day that I lay my dad to the ground. From the tone of her voice, that's clearly not the case. She's mad at me. And from the way she's playing with this tie, I might end up getting strangled if I don't provide the answer that she wants. And that makes my heart start racing."Have you been fùcking Dani?"I can't help but laugh. I thought it was something serious. Something that was going to be