CHAPTER ONE

THE AQUAPHOBIC

November 27, 2020

6 months ago...

ZACK

"Remember when I turned fourteen? I told you that I wanted to join a swimming club. I was adamant and confident in my decision and you all knew me, my dream is to be a swimmer athlete. But..." I bit my lower lip as my eyes darted on the white tile floor. A memory of what I fear the most came rushing back at me, "After I joined the swimming club, a dream of someone drowning me in a lake started visiting me at night. Since then, it has never stopped. The feeling of dreaming it is like a punishment-- I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't feel my lungs, I felt like dying in excruciating pain." I paused for a second.

"I couldn't recognize its face, I don't even know if it's a human or just a shadow from the dark. But there's one thing I'm sure about-- the place. It was a lake, it was where I grew up." I exhaled, I looked back at Finn who's sitting in his chair in front of me. He didn't say a word, as if his eyes were telling me to just continue.

I cleared my throat, "Because of those dreams I start to fear water so I don't have any choice but to quit the swimming team. Most of the time I dream of that same dream, but sometimes it changes into another dream-- the same entity that's beating me to death. but the feeling's still the same, pain and suffering.

I felt a relief when those words came out of me. It has been in my chest for so long, I wasn't fine of telling those things to anyone. I feel so ashamed of it, what if they find out that I throw my whole life away just because of those stupid nightmares? Will it be enough reasons for them? I'm sure not.

"Uh... I don't know where to begin but it sure feels odd when someone you know your whole life consults you." Finn smiled sheepishly, I chuckled while wiggling my eyebrows at him.

I'm sitting in a black comfy armchair as my arms feel so relaxed on top of the armrests. Finn crossed his hands and cleared his throat. He looks like a detective who's solving a hard case.

As I stared at him the memories of our childhood flashed in my mind like a movie. I still couldn't believe that Finn, who was a sweaty, scruffy, and skinny boy, would grow up to be a successful good-looking man. But one thing hasn't changed, I still look up to him just like the old days. He has always been a hardworking person, Finn was always one step ahead of us. And until now he still does.

"So what do you think, doc? Do I have some serious illness?" I joked.

"What I think is you should stop your unhealthy addictions." He stood up and grabbed a water bottle from his desk. When I examine his face, he's not smiling anymore, all I can see is his remarkably blank face. Though, I know that he didn't mean what he said.

"But in a serious way, I suppose you have a phobia of water. Maybe some serious incident happened to you. And that's the reason why you're having strange dreams." He said, I watched him drink his water before he continued, "Though, I don't know why you never told us about those dreams. The reason you only gave us when you quit swimming was you never enjoyed it anymore. But, I already knew that you were lying. The old Zack I knew never gave up on something that he likes."

My body unexpectedly flinched as I recoiled from what he said. I thought about it for a second, thinking that I was being secretive to them. We had a solid bond of friendship, and I can feel that Finn was hurt by the fact that I kept my reasons to myself. He was my closest friend in the group.

But instead of reacting to the last words he said, I gently shake my head in disbelief. "I have to disagree, Finn. It seems like you're implying that someone wanted to kill me." I feel a chilling sensation touch my skin after saying those.

If I'm going to consider what he said, it'll always be impossible. Mostly, it's the other way around, people would be more likely to judge me as a criminal because of how sketchy I look, instead of being a victim who escaped his killer.

As my eyes flew back at Finn, the serious expression looked good on him. Finn has been handsome since then, especially in women's eyes. When we were in middle school together, many girls were attracted to him. Because of his strong jawline, tan skin, hawkish nose, thick eyebrows, and adding the fact that he was also a basketball player in the university we attended before.

It may sound cliche, but he's always been the ideal type of person. A man with a gentle manner and alluring face.

It's still a question to me on how he's still not married or even has a girlfriend yet. After he broke up with Lizzie I never heard of him being tangled in another romantic relationship.

Finn is the kind of man who'll make you feel insecure about your appearance. I have always been skinny. My face just matured and became more defined but I looked older than my age. It is because of how exhausted I always look even without doing anything. Life is always unfair to me. I wonder why.

"I understand, but in your dreams you said that you were in a lake." Finn paused while contemplating, "And you were born in a place surrounded by a lake. Isn't it a coincidence?"

I thought about what he said. He's right, I almost forgot that I was born and lived in West Lake Province. The house where I grew up is called the 'lake house' because it was the only house in that area that is situated in the center of the lake, which is kind of given and obvious. You'll have to climb the hillock first before reaching our house there. It isn't far away from other households and even when it's a remote place and surrounded by trees it isn't creepy or deserted like what we usually see on TV. And when the sun is up the people are usually outside their houses doing whatever business they do.

After I develop my phobia in water I stop visiting that place often like I usually do before. My main purpose going there is to visit Chloe, my younger sister who still lives in the lake house together with my grandparents. It has been three years since I last went there. My nightmares are more disturbing whenever I'm in that place. Maybe because of the lake? So I never sleep there anymore.

"Yeah, I remember, but what do you—" Finn didn't make me finish my words.

"When was the last time you went there? Did you ever try to go back? Usually, what triggers a person who has a phobia are distressing moments or scenarios that shocked them. Just like you, other patients consulted me about their phobias and how they developed them. And all of them had the same reasons-- traumatizing experiences." He paused.

"If someone in your family has anxiety it can be a reason why you developed a phobia. You see, whether it's genetics or due to your environmental factors." He breathed as if bracing me for whatever he'll say next, "And I can tell that you are experiencing anxiety." I grimaced in disbelief.

I understand that Finn's concerned about me, but I feel like wanting to get out of our topic. It freaks me out whenever he's trying to imply that someone wanted me dead, that maybe it happened on West Lake.

But if he's right, why would I forget it if it traumatized me to the core?

When I didn't say anything Finn signed and returned to his seat, "I can offer you psychotherapy. But I prefer exposure therapy for you, since you said that those nightmares keep troubling your sleep which only means that it's a serious problem." Finn is relentlessly serious and seems like nothing can stop him anymore, his grim expression shows it all. "All we have to do is to expose you to your fear as we slowly cure it. It doesn't matter how long it takes. Just so you can go to beaches and swim again without any fear." He ended convincingly.

When he said those words, I suddenly felt a blooming hope inside of me. Without fearing water, I can still fix myself, maybe there's still a chance for me to finish my studies and to be a swimmer.

"You mean it?!" I exclaimed, I almost flipped on my seat when I exhilaratingly got out of it and shook Finn's shoulders.

"Of course I do."

My lips almost tear apart from grinning ear to ear because of his answer, "You truly never changed, Finn. I'll accept it, it'll be a help." I said and embraced him.

"Yeah, as long as you pay for every session."

I pushed him slightly, "Bummer! I thought we're friends?"

"Yes, and friends support each other. I'll help you get rid of your phobia, and you'll pay me for that." Finn chuckled.

"I'm just about to graduate high school," I frustratedly sat back on my chair as I stared at the ceiling, "I quit my side jobs, I don't have any money for that."

A deafening silence uproar the whole room as he fell perturbed. Because of what I said he felt pity for me again because I was left out by them. Almost all of them are successful now. Meanwhile, there is me who continues ruining his own life. Until now I kept on repeating from middle school. After having those nightmares, I started to throw out everything I'm passionate about. I started to take drugs and treat it as my medicine to cure my nightmares every night.

"...Oh! It's been ages since we last held a reunion." I segued as I chuckle like a maniac because of how nervous I am, "Maybe you want to plan a reunion again? I miss all of you, like really. Even though I know that you're all busy now, maybe you can save some time." I always asked them before to hold a reunion but they always dismissed the thought because of their busy schedules.

His eyelids flutter and his lips twitch as he avoids my gaze. "I'm not sure, Zack. You know that we're all busy these days. But I'll still ask them. And maybe you can help me reach out to others? Then when we're all free we can set a date." It feels like another rejection disguised as hope when he said that.

I just shook the dismay and my thoughts as I flashed a faint smile on my lips.

I'm always the one who never fails to reach them out. I never blame them if they can't reply to my messages because I know how busy they are now in their careers. I never had the chance to ask them how they are as I'm not active on social media. But maybe asking for a little time from them won't hurt them right? Or maybe we just really outgrew on each other unlike before when we still didn't worry about life ahead of us.

I nodded, "All right, bro, I'll ask them." I stopped for a bit, "Shoot! I think I'll have to go. I forgot that I have to fetch my aunt in the market. But it was nice talking to you again, Finn." I bid my goodbye to him by patting his shoulder.

I started walking out of his office when I suddenly heard him mumble something.I looked back at him and asked him about it.

"Uh... If you like, once we set a date, we'll celebrate our reunion there in your province. If you're down, we can also conduct your therapy." He suggested, his hands inside his pocket.

"Maybe? Just brace yourselves to my grandma, she's terrifying as hell. But my grandpa, you will never have any problem with him." I jokingly said, he smiled at me.

"I'll just create a group chat for all of us then talk about it."

I smiled at him and saluted as I turned the door knob, "I hope it happens!" I exclaimed and got out of his office.