CHAPTER 3: EMMA

What the fuck was I thinking? Did I enjoy the sex? Yes. Was he an ass? Yes.

Do I hope I'll never see him again? Maybe.

Anyway, the point is, I'm late, I'm meant to have an appointment with Ma's doctor this afternoon, it's currently 12:40 pm, the train to the hospital takes at least 15 minutes, and the appointment is by 1 pm.

I had hoped to at least brush my teeth to be a bit presentable, even though I probably reek of alcohol. What kind of fancy suite provides toothbrushes without toothpaste? Waking up late is one thing, but having the time to brush, but not the equipment? Outrageous.

As soon as I got on the train, I got a call from my Ma.

"Mama." I coughed out.

"Emma, where are you piccina? The doctor, I'll be called in soon, you know you're not my only guardian anymore." she sounded worried.

"I know mama, I'll be there soon, I'm ten minutes away." I tried to hide the tension in my voice. "Don't worry, just sit and wait, the doctor said worry isn't good for your condition, calm down mama."

"Okay piccina." she agreed. "See you soon."

Soon enough, I was here, my stop. I sprinted out of the train, trying to make it through the crowd.

It's 12:58 pm, and the time for these appointments is strict.

"Excuse me--" I started, out of breath. "I have an appointment for 1 pm with my mother, Lilian Adams, for Dr. Romano." I panted.

"Okay…just go right ahead, I think…" she started.

"Emma, you're finally here!" Ma exclaimed, rushing to me.

"Ma, take it easy! For God's sake. I'm here now, let's go."

A tired-looking nurse yelled our name from across the hall.

"Coming!" I yelled back. She ignored me and walked away, what's it with healthcare staff always being rude?

"Were you out all night? Drinking?" Ma asked sniffing my dress. Thankfully, I had a huge coat to wear over the dress, one I took in case it got chilly.

"Let's go in Ma." I cut her off.

"Emma and Lilian, welcome. I don't have much time, so let's go straight to the point yeah?" he pushed his glasses back. "You're her daughter, right?"

"Yes, doctor."

"Ahem." he inspected me. "Well, we have to start her chemotherapy sessions as soon as possible, that's the only chance we have with combating her lung cancer."

This still feels like a dream, my mother's smoking habit is not news to me, but why did she have to be the unlucky one? Man, people smoke a lot but still die with healthy lungs. She has never been the best mother, but not the worst either.

She placed one hand over the other to stop her trembling, I placed my hands over hers to calm her down. I have to remember that, no matter how scared I am, she's more scared, she's suffering.

"Doctor, how do we…? How much is the--" Ma coughed. "These sessions?"

"Well…" he started. "We advise about 20,000 euros to be prepared."

I gasped. I don't even have up to half of that amount.

"Oh, amore." Ma broke down into my arms. "Doctor, how can you help us? We don't have anything close to that sum," she begged.

"Here, we don't collect payments installment-ally, sorry about that, you can pay half first and the rest can follow later. We know this may be a challenge for most of our patients, that's why we came up with this way to help." He said feeling proud.

Is 10,000 euros little money to him?

"But sir…" My mom started again.

"We understand doctor. I will come back with the funds to start something as soon as I can." I cut in ignoring the bewildered look my Ma was giving me.

We said nothing on the ride back home, so I decided to get us a taxi.

We got home in no time. I don't live with my Ma, but I have to be here, with her more often in case of accidents and to cook and clean for her, even though she insists she's perfectly fine on her own.

I also have to be back at my lodgings soon, my new place, rented with my art studio. Where I can discreetly investigate my father's disappearance 20 years ago, I hardly have any memories of him, but, I need to know why he left us and the real truth about him.

"You have to eat something, mama. I'll cook you some porridge."

"Don't bother," she muttered, not even looking at me.

"Don't worry about the money mama, the doctor said--"

"I don't want fucking porridge! My sickness surely hasn't gotten to that point, stop treating me like a patient!" she lashed out.

I took in a deep breath "Ma. You have to watch what you eat now, the chemo isn't the only thing that will help you. You have to listen to me now."

Silence.

After a while, I walk into the kitchen to prepare something, looks like she's eventually given in.

After slicing some veggies, I hear her behind me. "I'm sorry piccina. I'm so scared. I'm tired of being indebted to you, I don't deserve you, Emma. What if I die and I'm forever indebted to you? How will we get 20,000 more? Baby, no." She hugged me from behind, and we just stayed like that for a while.