Chapter ten~ A small butterfly

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She carried so much hope which she didn't even believe in on those fragile wings of hers 

She held so much life and so much light on those wings of power. She was just a small butterfly

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The deep feminine alto tone laced with a hint of annoyance startled him.

He reeled. Locking his gaze at the girl with the slender figure, big beautiful honey eyes, thick lashes and the perpetual disdainful expression wholly evident on her face.

She had this big NEW SCHOOL PHYSICS book sprawled in front of her, a pink and black headset laid beside the book, a pack of cigarettes and a hardcover journal which hung a pen inside it. He couldn't really figure out what she was doing.

Was she reading?

Listening to music?

Inhaling harmful smokes into her lungs which wasn't suppose to be his business but somehow, he cared.

Or was she just sitting which wouldn't be totally normal.

"You two were fucking too loud." she said again, twirling the pen around her fingers.

He drew his feet nearer to where she sat, hands stuck in his pockets. His lower lips gently detained itself in between his teeth. He titled his head to the side, mirroring her gaze. 

"Oh my gosh! You didn't just say that. " he exclaimed.

"Say what?" she arched her brows, staring right back at him with a frown etched on her face.

"You just said; We were fucking too loud.  That's absolutely absurd especially when that wasn't the case." he stated matter of fact.

She curved her lips into a sneer,  "that's true...you two were....." the words trailed off, halting her in the middle. she blinked repeatedly, the words slowly breaking into her understanding.

Fucking. Too. loud.

Her eyes bulged out their sockets. Her sneer had dissolved into a colorful shade of embarrassment. She cleared her throat nervously, diverting her stare to the stony bench rooted the ground which had suddenly become so fascinating.

"That's...that's...not what..I meant..." she stuttered.

"It sounded so like that..." he countered. perfectly concealing the smirk playing on his face while he studied her every action.

She had begun tugging the sides of her skirt, curling her feet's around each other while trying to explain desperately that he took it the wrong way.

"I didn't mean you two to be....umm. fu....I meant you guys were loud...you know, like really loud, noisy....over the top voices..."

"I know the meaning of being loud, teqs. " he cut into her explanation "you just said accused us of having sex in the school's garden.”

Her face flushed into a deeper shade of embarrassment. She gulped, fiddling continuously with the pen.

"I...didn't...mean that...I..." she stopped. The words seemed to get stuck into her throat.

Oh! damn toby. He was totally enjoying seeing her looking all flustered. It was a total new expression he was seeing on her asides her scowls and frowns.

He finally broke into a boisterous laughter leaving her all confused.

" What's funny?"

"Your expression was epic. damn! You should have seen your face." he replied, still laughing at her expense.

She felt her jaws drop open.

What the hell? she had been trying to explain the meaning of her statement desperately that she even ended up stuttering and here he was laughing like he won a lottery ticket.

Although...

His laughter...

Why did she feel like she wanted to hear it all day?

It sounded like music. A beautiful kind of music. So free. So beautiful.

Damn him! 

It annoyed her and at the same time, made her feel Comfortable. Relived. Peaceful.

Her lips had twitched to the side as she watched him laugh. Somehow, she dared to wish secretly to always hear him laugh.

"You're staring." his voice broke into her reverie. She quickly averted her gaze, feeling her face getting all flushed up again.

She hadn't realized the surrounding around them had grown quiet.

He smiled, letting his gaze linger on her. Watching her intently. Her honeyed eyes which was shaded under long eyelashes, her small pointed nose. Those perfectly shaped lips which she tucked gently in between her teeth as she stared at anywhere else but him.

She's beautiful.

"You're staring too " her voice cut into his reverie.

He gulped, averting his gaze from but still, he couldn't help stealing looks at her. How she scribbled something on her notebook, her slender figure arching over the side of the bench which she sat on while she wrote, occasionally resting her chin on her arms. Her hair fell around her shoulders, covering a larger part of her face whenever she leaned. She looked like this totally harmless and carefree child who wasn't giving a shit to whatever was said behind her. Like she was oblivious to whatever was said about her. Like she was used to carrying torment on those fragile, delicate shoulders of hers without complaint.

her mum paid the school a huge sum of money after she got out of the juvenile prison.

she's totally shameless.

what a cold hearted person she is. If she could send her own brother to the asylum how much more can she do to.

The rumors echoed around him. He didn't know exactly whether they were rumors and who knows, half of the people who said mean things about her didn't even have an idea about her story.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. She raised her head to him, tucking her hair behind her making it easy for him to get a whole view of her face which had morphed into a bundle of expression.

Startled.

taken aback.

surprised.

And finally, she wore that  plain neutral expression.

Toby arched his brows. Strange. No one had ever seemed that shock about asking if they are doing fine.

"I'm okay, why would you ask that?" She replied giving him a light shrug.

He gave a her a smug smile,  "nothing. Just asking."

She nodded in understanding, going back to what she was writing.

"What are you doing? "

"Just....having some alone time with myself.”  she replied.

"Okay....I feel like I'm being a nuisance.”  he chuckled lightly, drawing his feet back to walk away.

"Sit."

He stopped in his track, giving her a blank look.

"I thought you said..."

"I know what I said." she cut in, then added "it's okay, if you don't want to."

He smiled, "on a condition "

She threw her head back, giving him a once-over.

"Which is?”

"Your name. What's your name?"

"Tequila." she replied in a snap.

He stared at her for a jiffty, his face breaking into a huge smile before he finally burst out laughing. She smiled too.his laughter was damn infectious.

"Seriously?! "

"My name is yara, it means a small butterfly." she said with a burgeoning excitement laced undertone.

"It's a beautiful name" Toby remarked, still wearing a fond smile.

"I guess so. Sister josie always told me that..." she trailed off, the excitement had gradually been replaced with a forlorn expression, a gloom silence had enveloped around them.

She sucked in a breath,  reaching out to the pack of cigarettes that laid beside her book. Toby trailed his eyes after her actions, realizing what she was about doing, he snatched the cigarettes off from her.

"What are you doing?" She scowled.

"Stopping you." he answered with simple directness.

She let out a scoff,  "else what? You're going to report me?"

He titled his head as though he was in a moment of reflection. After a while he spoke again 

"If I wanted to report you, I would have done that long ago. "

She rolled her eyes, still glaring at him,  "so what?"

"How about you try to read what's written on this pack?" He asked, gesturing to the cigarettes.

She bit her lips gently, staring at him like he just said something so off. He stared back, titling his head and giving a light shrug towards the pack. She let out a loud sigh before reading out aloud.

"Smokers are liable to die young!"

"Does that make any sense now?" He asked enthusiastically.

She nodded after a pitch long silence of reflection. His eyes gleamed in delight.

"Okay so what does it tell you?"

"Great minds think alike." she answered smoothly.

"What!?"

He stared at her dumbfounded while, she returned her gaze at him like she just told him to be grateful for her candid reply which sounded so unbelievable. Totally astonishing. Absolutely baffling.

"What?!"

"Don't look too surprised." she said bemusedly, taking in the shocked countenance wholly evident on his face.

"I've always wanted to die anyway. " she said casually.

He stared at her in a concealed horror trying to decipher what she just spurted out like it wasn't anything.

"That's interesting." he replied, making sure to keep his voice as toneless as possible.

Keeping the small feel of anger coursed through him in check. Did she ever have an idea of the millions of people who wished to live just for a moment. Millions....like him- his subconscious added soberly.

He shut his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and finally opening them to be met with the honey-eyed girl who peered her gaze into him in full concentration. A controlled smile etched on her face.

"You seem to have alot going on in your head." she mused, pausing briefly, "perhaps are you thinking up ways i could possibly die?"

His expression had immediately gone blank at her statement. He blinked rapidly, a low scoff escaping his lips.

"How about you try running a knife through your belly, cutting it open and cutting your intestines into bits?"

She gasped in awe,  "What a brilliant idea even though it's quite horrifying.”

Her eyes gleamed in excitement, the smile still etched on her face like she totally wanted to try out his suggestion much to the horror clouding toby's features.

"Maybe I should just slit my wrist to make it faster...."

"Wait! Hol'up...I didn't say that to make you consider it." he interrupted in a small panicky voice.

She glanced up at him, her smile growing wider by the second.

"I was just messing with your idea. You did that with me earlier with my statement." she replied, feeling triumphant.

He let out a deep sigh of relief, a small deep chuckle accompanying it and then a more comfortable silence which hung around for a minute before she asked.

"So do I get my cigarettes back?"

"No!" He replied plainly to which she didn't say anything instead, she had her arms crossed while shooting him icy sulky glares.

"Did you know that, a small butterfly signifies life... " he asked rhetorically, pausing briefly with a small smile, obviously aware she had been glaring at him.

"Living comes with us having to fulfil something in our lives. In most cases, a purpose. Maybe, that's why the universe couldn't let you die yet, because you still had a purpose to fulfil.”  he said quietly.

She said nothing in return, letting a profound silence to hung over them. There were distant noises of students hovering about, butterflies fluttering around, occasionally chirping sounds of birds who flew by but a deeper silence had the distant noises, the fluttering butterflies and the chirping birds shut out.

"Why do you say that?" She asked after a moment of seemingly contemplation.

"Because it's just nature's principle. We all came to earth for a purpose and untill it's done, we can die. Fulfilled." he replied reflectively.

"What about people who don't get to fulfil their purpose?”

He smiled faintly at her,  "everything happens for a reason though, maybe they had their purpose fulfilled unknowingly. Afterall, only them can tell what their purpose is.”

"So how do you know your purpose? " she asked again, a glint of curiosity arousing her subconscious. She rested her gaze at the boy with the coffee black eyes effortlessly letting the words flow freely.

He shrugged,  "this is the part where we delve into God's plan. To work according to him, with him and for him."

She huffed, resting her back against the stony rotted bench which they sat on.

"I don't believe in God. " She said flatly, glancing at him.

“Why did you say that?"

"Because it's true. God? He's a myth. He doesn't even hear anything anyone says, he's just taking credits for what he never even had a part in and everyone still keeps saying that he exists. "

"Because he does." he replied quietly, she sighed, raising her brows at him. A small frown etched on her countenance still, he continued.

"He does exist...everything we see, everything we are, everything that happens is all God's doing..the world is beautiful because he made it so. And the ugly days are there because he had his reasons. He's this supernatural force who controls the movement of the cosmos. Nature's glow, the birds adorning the sky, deep blue clouds sheltering the heavens , the luminaries illuminating the universe, the air, the wind, our lives. He wields them according to his will because He owns us....." he paused, staring directly at her.

"And He hears us, He knows us. Even our deepest scars and fears. Because he lives in us. Dwelling in our being. In you. And in me and the rest of everyone around us. " he finished.

She gulped, swallowing hard, before bringing her gaze to mirror his expression, "Do you...know your purpose too?"

He shrugged,  "maybe. "

The school bell had begun to ring loudly, signalling the school's over. Toby glanced at his watch. His mouth curved up in suprise. They had spent an hour talking to each other. He looked up at her who had her gaze Into oblivion.

"Can you imagine we spent an hour here?" He asked, a smile fixed on his face.

She jerked off her reverie, picking herself to her feet as they packed up her books and headphones together with of course, him not giving her the cigarettes.

"Thanks for staying back.”  she said slowly, giving him a warm smile. He plucked a single hibiscus flower planted beside him, extending the it to her.

"You're welcome, Yara."

She curved the corners of her lips into a lopsided smile as she took the flower, watching him spurn around to walk away.

"You know...." She called out, halting his step, " I once believed in God. But I gave up."

"Why?" He asked. 

She shrugged, giving him a wry smile.

"Because he gave up on me first."

•••

The house was silent as usual. It looked empty and cold. It was nothing new to her, she had grown used to being greeted by the cold walls, the silent expensive cushions, a portrait hanging alone on the walls and the empty atmosphere the house ushered.

She mounted the giant spiral stairs, prowling each step she had her feet on. Finally, she halted infront of a large sized mahogany which facing her, she proceeded to open it up but on a second thought, took a few steps backwards and gave a small knock.

"Father I'm back.”

There were no words, no reply only some unfriendly silence replied her. She turned her back to walk away just when the door flew open, revealing her mother who had a flowery printed maxi dress and a white stiletto heels mincing on the floors.

Oh so there was actually someone in the house though.

"Good evening. Mrs Dera." she greeted her mum who gave her a once-over before walking past her.

Yara sighed, going over to her room when her mum called out.

"How was school? Hope you didn't give any trouble? "

Yara rolled her eyes "none that you were scared of."

Her mum hummed in reply, not saying anything until she yara made to walk away.

"Your brother..." her mum started, halting her in her steps.

A small panic coursed through her, she gripped the sides of her skirt trying to steady her composure.

" Eliakim asked about you.”  she paused. "He's been in the asylum for over three years now and you still won't see him." she lamented.

"I wish he rots in there." Yara retorted, spurning around to take in her mum's shocked expression which eventually morphed into a spiteful glare.

"How dare you say such about your brother? You really are some heartless demon-possessed sick child to say something like that ”

Her mother cursed in a shrill tone. Yara gulped, biting her lower lips whilst holding back a tear which tried slipping down her chin.

"Even after everything you did to him! Don't you even have an atom of shame and remorse in that pathetic life of yours?!" Her mother seethed angrily.

"I didn't do anything to him!" she yelled, letting the tears flow freely. Her heart pounding erratically inside her feeling pent up emotions surge through her as she continued,

"He's the one who raped me and you're covering up for him when he isn't even your biological son! "

A loud slap accompanying the last statement. Her eyes widened in terror, holding her cheeks to her palms as she stared at her mum who glared coldly back at her.

"Where is the proof that Kim raped you? Where?" she screamed into Yara's face causing the girl to shudder still her mum continued.

"First you left your sister die out of your own selfishness and then you accuse your brother of rape, causing him to go insane. If we didn't have that stupid birthday party you badly wished for, your dad wouldn't have had to use the wheelchair. You don't even have a normal life at school that you got yourself locked in a juvenile...you destroyed this family and I regret the day I gave birth to you! "

"Dera!!!! "

Her dad's voice thundered. He had rolled himself out of his room, Benny stood at the foot of the stairs watching mrs dera's outburst in horror, she had just come back drom some errand Mrs Dera had sent her. She glanced at yara who let the fear flow like torrents.

Yara sniffed, her shoulders sagged down as she walked past them into her room, slamming the door shut behind her while she wept out aloud.