Four

Reality is your dream, becoming a nightmare.

"Don't just suck! Play with the darn thing. Give it some love. Feelings! Emotions! That face, fix it right this moment, show that you're enjoying it! My child, how would you please young master with that kind of stoic face?"

My teacher's sultry voice seeped through my skin and though I was accustomed to the nature of my lessons, I was still reluctant to do anything she says. I never had approved in doing them, they were all laid upon me without my permission. And I just blindly followed their will like a good service dog. It was always the easiest way around not to retaliate.

To the obvious eyes, it would be my fault but what good it would do me-- fighting them. I always ask that question myself and every time I did was useless, there was never a good enough answer. There was never a way to escape.

"Eliza, are you listening to me? you move like a robot! Without emotion, you could never win anyone’s heart. That is not the way to do it! Look at me! Let me have it!" Venicia snapped at me, snatching away the plastic rubbery penis in my hand. 

She swatted me away, our position reversed. The sex toy went to her open mouth almost disappearing the whole length in an instant. Her eyes drilled on mine, imagining me as her employer, Yulian, demanding me to bow down and worship her.

Guttural sounds filled the room. 

Venicia started to massage the length of the dildo with her two hands-- up and down, up and down she went. Her tongue played with the round top and with a rhythmical motion she would bob her head down to almost swallowing the whole thing in her mouth. Spit ran down the side of her lips. The black of her eyes disappeared as she enveloped herself with lust and wanting.

My stomach revolted with her sight and I almost wanted to puke on my spot. 

I clenched my arms around my stomach trying to fight away the revolting sensations while my eyes were still fixated on my teacher's figure. I avoided blinking as to not give way to my inner thoughts.

I wanted to fight it. The idea of becoming like her is out of my wildest dream. Though, fate was never on my side. Fate was the greatest enemy I have had, for no matter how I deny it, even to myself, I am already like Venecia. My family created me to be just like her long before I fully understand everything.

"Let me have my try," I said feeling tired. The desire of having it done was overbearing at the moment. Succumbing to their rules rather than igniting defiance was much easier and favorable. 

Venecia reached for the drawer and handed me a new dildo. My hands reluctantly wrapped around the toy; massaging its rubbery texture. I spat in its head giving it a lube. A big sigh escaped my lips. I would rather sit my whole day behind the heaps of books that surrounded us and learn about the great voyage of Vasco de Gama or Marcopolo. Training how to seduce a man is pointless when every man on earth is fueled with testosterone, any women are capable of seducing a man. And what is there to learn besides them having an ego the size of Pacific? 

"Eliza," urged Venecia, she said the name more than once and I hadn't responded to it. I could not get accustomed to the foreign name. Names are the proof of someone's identity and Yulian stripped me of mine when he gave me Eliza. "Child? Are you going to do it or not?" She was angry and frustrated, yet her words wouldn't penetrate through my brain. She was just another version of Candice.

Drained. I closed my eyes. The dildo seemed to have grown in my hands. It seemed to have a life of its own, a heart beating within my grip. I palmed it the same motion Venicia did, the same way Candice taught me when I was much younger. 

"What is it?" I asked Candice with innocence.

She bent her head to the side to think for a while. "What does it look like?" she inquired.

"Um..." I wasn't sure how to answer her, I knew what the thing looks like but I was afraid of what she would make me do with it.

"Do you know what is it for? Child, we're not playing, this here is your lesson so please..." Her voice implied sternly.

Tears brimmed the side of my eyes but I held them dearly, I didn't want Candice to see me crying. I didn't want any stick; it hurts a lot. I swallowed the lump on my throat. "It's a toy use for pleasure."

"Yes, it is, my child. Now that you have your first blood, you’re already a woman. And that means your training will be different from now on," she explained, her hands on my shoulder while her mouth spoke directly to my ear.

"How?" I asked her in a very small voice, almost inaudible.

"We will start with this little thing. Now, what will you tell me, huh?"

"Mistress Candice, will you please teach me how to use it?"

"Of course, my child! Do it like this. Your hands in here at the tip then you slowly move them down then up and down and up again... Just like playing with your violin, you have to have a certain rhythm to it. Now, you have to use your mouth. Open those pink lips wide and move it down to the tip, use your tongue. Imagine your favorite ice cream flavor; the toy in your hand is your favorite ice cream and it’s all yours...own it... make them hunger for you…" 

The voice of Candice grew big inside my ears, a memory flashed in my head and I was gone. Sounds filled the room of my own moaning. I had mastered the thing long ago. I transformed my uncertainties into a fervor. Inside me birthed a new kind of a sensation I tried to hide even from myself. Weakness, my grandfather used to call it. But there in front of Venecia, I laid myself vulnerable.

My right hand motioned for the stray hairs blocking my face. Then it went down my chest, cupping my clothed breast. "Hmm." I moaned deeply as lust covered my entire being. 

Gradually my eyes fluttered open. Two stormy gems greeted me with the intensity of an incoming typhoon. I had conjured his image after not seeing him for a week. He had left me without so much a single word after the first day of my arrival. And now, I was seeing him whole, the catalyst of this unfamiliar passion. But he was only a dream I created with my longing, there was nothing to be afraid of him. He was not real. He was just a figment.

I smiled sweetly. My head going up and down to the dildo in my left hand as my right hand continued palming my breasts. My eyes never leaving the gray ones of my phantom, Yulian. He was undressing me with his eyes that I felt naked under his piercing stares. The more he scrutinizes me the more that my body hunger for him. I wanted him. I craved for him. Those hands, those lips… ugh. I simply couldn’t resist the unknown desire my body just learned.

A tingling feeling started to build up inside my innards. I squeezed my legs shut and I knew I was nearing. His mere stares were able to send me into the deeps. But I stopped; my movement halted at once.

The ball in Yulian’s neck bobbed in an irregular motion. The grays wavered, "Send her to me after your lessons. Tell Maria to dress her for a night's event we're going somewhere." He then left; his footsteps echoed through the walls of the study.

He was real. He was real. He was real. He was fucking real! He was real and I was stupid!

I was panting really hard. There was a bullet raked in my heart and I suddenly had the urge to dig up a hole and bury myself for the entirety of my stay in Crestwood. 

"Here, clean yourself." Venecia handed me a wad of tissue interrupting my paranoia. 

I took it from her and wiped off the spit from my face and hands. "When did he came in?" I asked in a small voice. I hadn't heard him came into the room; I was too out of myself to have noticed Yulian.

"Just minutes ago. He came looking for you. Why?" 

"Nothing. I'm just hungry, can I have my dinner now? before going to him?" I said checking my reflection through the windows. I looked like a mess, what I had done unnerved me; for him to see me like that. It was chaos but then I must be used to it.

A hand tapped my shoulder. "You did great," Venecia said with pride in her voice and a beaming smile.

I paid no attention to her remark. I never wanted to be good at it. I was always good at it. It wasn’t a blessing; it was a curse.

We walked in silence my mind kept traveling back to the study, back to the stormy gray eyes of my buyer and the stupidity I made him see.

.....

I stepped my foot reluctantly to the semi-opened door of the room. I had never been to that part of the mansion, there were more rooms I haven't been through. My days were filled with studies: language, arts, history, seduction, and there was no time for adventures and wandering. Maria always made sure that my schedules were on time and if anything comes up, she compromised. There was always an eye watching me. The girls were wary of my actions and most of the time treated me with aloofness. 

Sighing, I pushed away my thoughts to the side. The room was poorly lighted, I couldn't see much when I entered. Though, my eyes caught the view behind the parted curtains of the balcony: it was the ocean and the slow rocking of the tides. The room is situated at the very back of the mansion, facing the cliff and the ocean. The sun was about to set, coating everything in gold. It was mesmerizing. Magically. I haven't seen anything quite like it before, not that I have been to a lot of oceans; everything was so new to me. It was like seeing it like a newborn.

I walked inside the room and opened the sliding glass door of the balcony. It was more breathtaking up close. I inhaled the sweet-salty smell of the air. It was intoxicating and addicting at the same time. The calmness swooned me, I was almost drifting asleep. My worries were washed away by the tides. I felt safe and comfortable.

Hot breath hit my bear neck fulling me to awareness. Tiny rivulets of sweat immediately formed in my back and little hairs stood in alertness. I hugged myself and spun around to see the stormy eyes staring at me with the same intensity as before from the study. It was like he wanted to literally eat me alive 

"Maria sent me," I said in a sheepish voice. I gulped air, he was too close to me and air seemed out of my reach. My heart started plummeting out of my chest and I almost feel like hyperventilating. "Yulian." My hand went over his chest to stop he ascend. 

"What?" His eyes met mine boring a hole to my skin down my soul-- once more I felt naked as the day of my birth. He moved a step closer to me and I stepped back hitting the railings of the balcony. His hands went on each of my sides taking a hold of the metal. Imprisoning my movements.

He smelled a mixture of his signature aftershave, a manly perfume with a hint of mint and faint rum. I couldn't take it; he was doing something with my body and I didn't want it. I couldn’t possibly be wanting it. "What are you doing to me?" I whispered.

He refused to answer me. Instead, his head moved down to my neck, inhaling my scent. Then I felt his tongue on my ear and his lips started nibbling on the right spot. I swallowed hard; a low moan escaped me. His hands moved from the railing to my back. He started caressing my behind, his hands were all over my body. 

I was gone.

"Ugh!" Yulian growled, he swept me up to his room and set me down on his bed. He laid on top of me, his weight pinning me down. "Mi Eliza, why do you have to do that?" He crushed my lips with him, kissing my sanity away. His tongue fought entrance which I gladly gave to him. Our tongues danced to a silent song in our heads while his hands began fondling my breast and mine were on his back. 

Our moans and groans filled the room. Yulian's hand moved further down. He sketched my skirt up until he reached the lining of my cotton panties, his hand reached for my sweet spot. I was already wet from all the heat. Which only inflamed Yulian with more lust. "Yulian...ah!" 

"Tell me that you want me Mi Eliza!" he whispered sensually in my ears trying to heighten the wanting inside me.

"Yes. I want you. I want you, Yulian. Give it to me please…" I whispered back eaten with the same lust. 

"Ah... stop. No please." I shouted as he tried to insert a finger on my entrance. It hurt like hell and he stopped, retreating his hand away.

"Why do you have to do it?" he repeated releasing my lips.

"What did I do? I asked him panting, out of breath from our kiss.

"In that study with your teacher, what is her name again? Venecia. You tempted me, my dear," he said slightly tapping my nose.

"I... I don't even know that was you," I answered honestly. 

"A week made you forget of my face my dear?" a hint of laughter in his voice.

"No. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me and I suddenly conjured you..." I trailed off, watching for some of his reactions. "I haven't seen you for a week, not a single word. I was lost and confused!"

"Don't get too attached to me. You will be having a problem if you got too attached." He stood up, leaving me on the bed.

"That's not it! You're my only connection to the outside world. You going away without a word made me feel useless. Why buy me if you won't use me?" I spurted words at Yulian. I climbed out of bed and followed his shadow. "What is my use Yulian? Why buy me? huh?" I shouted infuriated without thinking.

He snapped his head in my direction. In an instant, he was at my side. I was pinned to a nearby wall and my hands were over my head being restrained by Yulian. "Just don't do it again. Do not tempt me again Mi Eliza. If not for Venecia's presence in that room I would have taken you right there and then. I wouldn't have cared if you are hurt or shouting for mercy because I know you will be. You don’t know how I wanted to take you the moment I saw you on that podium."

I was taken aback, scared. "I won't. I promise. I won't again." I stifled a cry in my throat.

"You better my dear. You don't know that you almost transformed me into a monster and I am not quite fond of blue balls." He stated, his breath hitting my nose. "Now fix yourself, I don't want to ruin that perfect little dress of yours."

"Where are we going?" I squeaked out.

"My parent’s house." He answered as he disappeared behind his closet.