Chapter 2

   IT'S been fifteen minutes and I'm still quietly sobbing here. Few people asked me if I'm okay and I answered them with the most ridiculous answers I could come up earlier. I plucked my earphones in instead and pretended as if there's an emotional music playing tugging on my heart strings even though my phone's battery is dead. 

One, two, three, and four quiet sobs. It's such a regret that I brought no handkerchief or at least a cap that could hide my face. This is embarrassing, but I can't also help myself. It hurts a lot and the thoughts just keeps on coming back. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about him and what happened earlier. His answers to my questions acted as million knives continuously stabbing me everywhere. 

I can feel my throat getting dry as well. I've been crying my eyes out and I'm pretty sure that the people around me are either getting worried or getting creeped out. I can see most through my peripheral vision talking about me, concluding, or just gossiping in general and I'm actually glad. I'm glad that only few came up to me and asked me if I'm fine because one more question like that, I'm gonna cry out loud. 

Of course. I'm not fine at all. Who could be fine after hearing their most loved ones says they're not into them anymore? Who could be fine after that? I'm not a damn sociopath who can move after three, four, five seconds. I can't gather myself quickly. I am a mess. A huge mess. 

Inhaling sharply, I sniffed. "God, this is tiring." I murmured to myself. There is no way that crying is good and effective for moving on because I just feel way heavier. Even though I already cried a river, I still feel so lost. Tragic. 

Times like this, Razen would bring me packs of tissue papers and let me cry out loud, be a drama queen, tell him all of my thoughts, just vent out and everything… and with that memory, I cried harder than earlier. The sounds I was muffling earlier — I can't hide it longer. I let myself dwell in the sadness, in the misery, and I—

Suddenly, my vision went black. No, not literally black. It was dimmed and when I looked beside me, there was a stranger sitting beside me. As my vision were still blurry, not to mention that the sunglasses made it worse, I can't see his face clearly. Not that it actually made it worse. I'm thankful enough that he's helping me hide my face right now. The least thing he could do and he still did it. 

Now that I can cry freely without trying to think how to hide my face, I did it. I don't know how long I was sobbing and sniffling and crying and just all of that — but it was satisfying. If earlier, I felt heavier, this time it was the other way around. Thanks to this stranger who helped me. I composed myself first before looking back at him again. Was about to say something, to thank him, but he was fast asleep.

I can't still see his face clearly as he was also wearing a cap. And glasses. And a face mask. I softly chuckled at that, what is he, a public figure? I don't know if he just hates germs and transportation but damn he is all covered up… except for his arms. My brows rose up as I took a better look of this man. Sleeveless shirt, black jeans, a backpack and sneakers — this is so simple yet he looks so charming, cool and hot at the same time. Not that I'm fantasizing over a complete stranger who happened to have a good heart because he helped me though…..

To my surprise, he suddenly moved causing me to lean on my seat as fast I can. I heard him emit a chortle as he fixes his cap. "Staring is rude," Oh… what a voice.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"You didn't mean to inspect me?" His voice were full of doubt and I know. I know that my response was the silliest. But what can I do? I'm Valentin and being extremely silly is my personality. 

Oh heck, did that rhyme. 

I chuckled, pressing my lips together afterwards, and in a hushed voice I said, "Yes."

Through the side of my eyes, I saw him sparing me a side glance. He stared at me for couple of minutes while I sat here like a statue — completely unmoving. I didn't even know I was holding my breath until he looked away and I let out a deep sigh. That was a lot of tension. A lot.

He murmured something under his breath, that I failed to hear because well, it was inaudible. No one between us bothered to speak. And with that, I can finally see the view outside. The talls building with that soft sunlight is meditative. Like a frameless view. Nature would be a great meditation today but seeing the busy street, cars lining up, elders, children, people walking their pets outside, local artists singing, couples conversing — it was heartwarming. How fun is it to see each person happy, I admire it. Even though it's such a bad day for me, other people's happiness never fails to inspire and mesmerize me. It's really warm and it just feels so right.

When I scratched my ear, that's when I realized that I still have my earphones plucked in. Because it's starting to hurt now, given that there's no music playing, I just removed it and relaxed. Then, I decided to spare a glance to the man beside me. He's not doing anything as well. With his arms crossed, he's just looking straight ahead. 

"Hey, would you mind?" I asked, nudging his elbow to get his attention. I pointed at his earphones when he looked at me. He only shook his head in response and with that, I took one of the piece and listened to the music blasting. It was a chill music, I'm not familiar with the artist nor the song but it was comforting enough. 

And as the bus rocks, I started seeing everything familiarly. This just means I'm nearing my destination. For one last time, I looked at the stranger beside me. I have no plans of asking his name because I am pretty sure we wouldn't meet again. Despite that, I still took a piece of paper and wrote something on it; placing that piece on his hands. He's calmly sleeping and I can't disturb him just to say goodbye.

Well, it was a nice meeting, dear stranger. See you when I see you.

     I heaved a deep sigh. Been staring at the booking website for couple of hours now and I still have no idea where to go. If it's somewhere in Europe, I could've taken the train and I am pretty sure that there's a high probability Razen is just out there. I don't believe that he actually went to Texas. He loathes that country, it's not where his dream is. Although we already broke up, I won't dare forget the little things about him.

Asia?

I think I'll be good in Asia. I just have to rethink my life decisions and ponder about the consequences since I have zero clue how to live in Asian countries. By that, I mean, I have no knowledge about their culture, about their language, about what they do or their traditions. I've heard that Asian countries has very different lifestyles compared to European countries. I don't really know, so I'm doubtful. 

Singapore? Thailand? Japan? Korea? China? Vietnam? I don't know— oh, maybe Philippines? I have some friends who migrated in the Philippines so I think I'll be safe in there. Gotta give them a call. 

"Hey, Vans! It's been a long time coming. How's things in Germany?"

I groaned at that question, "Cruel." Said me with my lips tightly sealed. Before he could ask another question and interrogate me, I proceeded to speak up louder. "You're in Philippines, right?"

I heard some shuffling sounds in the background. It is 2:38 PM here so calculating that, it's probably 8 PM in PH. That confirmed my calculation when I heard another sizzling sounds. Probably grilling or cooking something, since it's dinner time in there. 

"Yep, sorry. The internet connection here is so bad." Chase responded, grunting a little and that's when I got notified that he wants to video call. I also opened my camera just after he did and there I saw his boyfriend, Nathan, in the background, cooking dinner. At the sight of food, I felt myself starting getting sick but I tried my best to keep a straight face.

It's just food, Val. It's just food. It's fine. 

I felt myself getting even more nauseous when Nathan glanced at me and nodded in recognition. I did the same. If I haven't mentioned it yet, Nate's close friends with Razen. Actually, not just close friends. He is his little brother. Yeah, what a shame. I've been friends with Chase for so long and he's happy with him, so I'd just kick my personal issues aside. I don't really think they need my insight about their own relationship anyway. I can't be that selfish.

"You were saying?"

I blinked. 

"Huh, sorry? I was spacing out." I whispered underneath my breath, shaking my head a little. Damned thoughts, I shouldn't be thinking of anything relating to him if I want to move on. At all. I think that's the rule number one for me, distract yourself as much as you can.

Chase huffed, "I was asking why did you suddenly phoned me. That's so unusual of you." Oh, right. I don't really call. I hate calling, actually. I prefer to text since I can word my thoughts out better. My social anxiety also nudges me whenever I'm on call. Like, what if my voice suddenly turns into I don't know, something that sounds like a frog? An insect? A cockroach?

"Well, I'm planning to travel," Smoothly, I lied. I saw him tilting his head to the side a little bit, a gesture that he often does when he's doubting someone or is just suspicious in general. Can't blame him though, I'm a bad liar. "Since you're in Philippines, I just thought it would be convenient for me to go there. You can be my tour guide or I don't know, something similar to that?" That's partly true.

The older sighed, ruffling his blue locks, "Okay, first of all, why are you so dolled up?" That's when I realized that I haven't changed my outfit yet. And damn, if I'll remove this sunglasses, they would see my puffy eyes. Better be safe than sorry. "And second, I have consecutive business meetings in the following days. And Nate's work is really demanding. I don't think we can accompany you, unless something happened?"

"I don't really need an accompaniment," I said, pouting. "Also, I'm actually going somewhere so I'm this dressed." And for the nth time today, I lied. Damn, I think I'm forming a new hobby and its called white lies. Is that a good thing? Of course not.

I heard Nathan sighed, "You can stay at my rest house. That's near Boracay." He offered. I felt some bitterness in my tongue. The way he glanced at me and immediately looked away serves as confirmation that he knows something. That he knows his brother broke me, and what emotion slid in his eyes? Guilt. He's guilty, and he shouldn't be. After all, he wasn't the one who hurt me.

I lightly smiled, trying to cheer, "Yay then! I'll take that one," Then I looked over Chase, and he was just there, sitting. As if thinking about something deeply. Knowing him, he would catch up about what's happening sooner or later since he's smart and empathetic anyway. He'd know. "Also, would I be alone in there?"

Nate only nodded. 

"I'll book a flight for you, Van. Just tell me if I should pick you up in the airport, okay? I'm sure I can pencil that in."

With that, I only smiled. We talked about small things for a couple of minutes. Just me asking about their life, how's their daughter doing, and what's up with work. Oh, right. Their daughter is not adopted. It's actually Nate's child from other woman but he never cheated. I don't really know how to explain it but I'm pretty sure the situation is okay by now and her's mother has completely given up her rights. I have no idea about their whole story, but it was wholesome yet tragic as well. If that even makes sense?

After hanging up, I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. It's been a long day and it's only midday. I don't even know what should I do now. Stroll? Yeah, I think that would be relaxing. So I stood up, took a warm bath, and styled myself. I changed into some comforting clothes. While staring at myself in the mirror, I noticed how dull my eyes were. There were a lot of emotions showing but at the same time, it's also fading. As if it's turning into a blank canvas. 

I forced a smile.

Someday, I'll be okay. And when that day comes, I'll be somebody else's everything.