Chapter 143 – Have you gone to seek psychiatric treatment yet?

Levi’s eyebrows furrowed more and more until he could remain silent no longer, “Can you eat more… quietly?” (≖ ‸ ≖)

Maery crunched on her shrimp chips, “Lev, I keep telling you. There is a very simple solution to your problem, and its name is ‘noise-canceling earbuds’.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Levi, (눈_눈) “And I keep telling you, not being able to hear what’s happening around me is dangerous.”

Maery, “And as I already mentioned once or twice, it wouldn’t be dangerous if you just used a Shielder bodyguard like normal people!” (︶^︶)ノ

Levi, (°ㅂ°╬) “And as I already mentioned, once or twice, assassination attempts are the highlight of my day!”

Maery finally looked up from her light screen to shoot Levi a look one would use to look at a pitiful retarded child, “That reminds me, what happened to what we talked about last time? Have you gone to seek psychiatric treatment yet?” ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡

Levi, “Scram!” (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Blackie, (っ °Д °;)っ ‘Don’t dismiss your fiancée’s very valid concerns like this, ah! How about you go see a doctor, together?’

‘Clearly, neither one of you two is normal in the head!!’ ○|￣|_

Blackie once again fast-forwarded, feeling like continuing to watch the antics of this fake couple would be the death of him. However, soon after, he abruptly stopped on a scene that made his virtual eyes light up.

Aha! There it is!! Black history!

He knew that the two of them couldn’t have stayed 100% pure and clean for 6 years! (≖‿≖)

And look! In front of Blackie’s very eyes, Maery was sitting on top of Levi’s lap!

How did it happen? Well, the two of them had been having a very normal lunch inside their private booth until a bunch of Maery’s friends knocked on their door and squeezed in to have lunch with them.

The booth of this particular restaurant resembled a compartment on a train – there were just two rows of seats facing each other; thus, the number of people who could sit there was limited.

Due to the lacking space, the said friends used both the soft and the hard approach to make Maery and Levi squeeze in and make more room for the rest of them.

At usual times, Levi wouldn’t have tolerated these annoyances and their petty schemes, but recently there had been some rumors that the relationship between him and Maery wasn’t as good as it looked on the surface. Reporters claimed that they had Empathizer insiders who claimed that the two of them weren’t a loving couple at all.

If they didn’t wish to be exposed, they had to step up their game and find a way to dispel those rumors. Since that was the case, and Levi just happened to be in a particularly good mood today due to finally catching that one assassin that had been after his head for a while now, Levi decided to just let it slide this once.

And thus, it all culminated in the picture Blackie was currently seeing of the two seemingly very intimately whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear.

Unfortunately, their conversation was actually…

“Are you gay, or do you actually have an unmentionable illness down there?” The tone Maery used to speak was very soft and sweet, in complete contrast to the poisonous words spoken. “Ah! A beautiful woman such as myself sat on your lap for so long, and there is no sign of movement down there.”

Levi’s response was in no way inferior in its toxicity, (ꐦ ◠‿◠) “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And whether I have an unmentionable illness or not, won’t you know when the time comes for us to sire an heir?” There was a subtle chill in Levi’s smile, “And this logic of yours is really interesting. Are you implying that you yourself are actually a lesbian?”

Maery threw the other an inquiring look; thus Levi elaborated, “…sat on top of my impressive package for so long, yet where is that… what’s that you ladies call it? A ‘lady boner’? If you are not gay, where is your lady boner, huh?”

Maery, “…” （　ﾟДﾟ）’…alright, he got me there.’ That was indeed a huge package, but when she remembered the owner… ai, she really couldn’t “get it up”!

Blackie wanted to stop watching this farce then and there. But as an AI system, his desire to know things overpowered his other urges, thus, with a dying heart and tears in his virtual eyes, Blackie continued the playback of these two special, special people. And their special, special way of interaction.

Luckily for him, when the mentioned two individuals got together, not every moment was spent abhorring each other’s presence. Sometimes the two got along just fine, and sometimes the two would even make important life decisions together!

Such as on one of those weekly lunch dates that happened one year ago, when Maery blurted out, “Let's get married next year."

Levi swiped his light screen to check his calendar, "Impossible. My schedule for next year is already full.”

Maery turned a deaf ear to the other’s protest and continued, "I finally managed to book an appointment for artificial insemination in December. We have to be legally married by then."

Levi’s protests died in his throat. He glanced back to his filled schedule, then, after a brief pause, turned to Maery, his eyes filled with determination and confidence that left no room for disputes, "I can definitely manage to squeeze it in."

Blackie paused the playback to take deep, deep breaths. It was only Levi, this moron, who had the balls to say that he’d manage to ‘squeeze in’ his own wedding!

No wonder he made no preparations for changing the bride! For this mongrel, the wedding reception was just a formality, and if you asked him, all that needed to be done was just to sign his name on the marriage certificate!

As for the whole honeymoon business…

Six months ago, Maery scrolled through the list of popular travel destinations on the light screen of her communicator, "How about we visit Cray Island?"

Levi evidently did not like the idea, as shown by his frown of displeasure (not to be confused by any of his other 100 varieties of frowns!)

Blackie looked at the other’s face and thought, ‘For goodness sake, are you named Astar Levi, or Frownstar Levi?’

"What would I do there?" Levi, the Frownstar, asked his fiancée.

At the question, Maery’s quick mind immediately filled in the blanks with various scenarios. Levi swimming together with her, Levi scuba diving with her, Levi sitting on the beach making castles of sand with her, Levi playing beach volleyball...

The images just kept coming until her entire body was covered with goosebumps, "You're right. My bad!"

Fuck! Her imagination was so scary sometimes! She nearly peed her pants in fright!

Maery wiped off the cold sweat from her forehead with a napkin, then returned to her list. “How about we visit Snowbrook? Your family has properties there, right? While I go for a relaxing day at the spa, you can go for an on-site inspection?”

Levi’s frown eased. This honeymoon was finally starting to sound interesting.

Noticing the subtle changes in Levi’s expression Maery continued along that train of thought, “Oooh! After that, we can go to Crownada city! We’ll be just in time for their masquerade parade!”

Levi stared, waiting for his fiancée to bring up a reason why going there would be enjoyable for him. And indeed, Maery didn’t disappoint, “I can get a bodyguard to pretend to be you and join the parade with me, and you can stay in the hotel and do... whatever.”

Levi issued his stamp of approval. This honeymoon kept getting better and better!

“And after that, we can visit Shaoli Reef!” Maery squealed, then elaborated, “Shaoli Reef is 5 minutes away by train from Kunma city. Isn’t there always civil unrest this time of the year with the presidential elections? I can go for a swim, and you can go play with the rioters in Kunma. Just make sure you wear your helmet properly, so you aren’t recognized.”

Levi’s slight frown finally turned into a slight smile. That did sound like an enjoyable honeymoon.

Blackie, “…” ○|￣|_

At the start of this, he had wondered how incompatible two people needed to be to persist in fake dating for 6 years without it turning any less fake…

Well, he got his answer… ಥ‿ಥ