Chapter 123 – Giant octopus

Black gulped down a mouthful of virtual blood that threatened to raise up his non-existent throat, “That’s… another misconception. Worldborn aren’t really asexual. See, asexual people aren’t sexually attracted to either of the two genders; you, on the other hand…”– Blackie’s wide smirk leaked into his tone –“are just picky. And impotent.”

╮(╯∀╰)╭

Noah’s already dark expression became as black as a bottom of a pot, “You’re impotent! Your whole family is impotent!”

Blackie choked. His host… was technically correct, ah? Systems indeed couldn’t reproduce, ah??

But how would this spicy chicken of a system just lay down and let himself be outdone by his host?! Thus he quickly shot back his response, “Ah, actually, host, I, as your system, am considered a part of your own household…” ‘You are cursing yourself, bah!’

Thunder and lightning flashed within Noah’s eyes, and Blackie promptly came to the decision that the best course of action was to distract him with their previous topic. “Remember how we based your racial characteristics on a race who felt sexually attracted to souls? Well, you guys partially inherited that trait, so it is hard to satisfy your tastes when it comes to significant others.”

Blackie’s shard shook in a very peculiar way as if Blackie was shaking his head, “Since worldborn didn’t show interest in others, people just assumed they were asexual. But in reality, all you need to feel romantically and sexually attracted is the right person.”

Blackie sighed ruefully as if the weight of an entire universe rested on his shoulders, “Unfortunately, due to your severely lacking libido, even if worldborn do feel attracted towards someone, they will often fail to recognize that romantic interest for what it is. Ah, your love is too platonic, so you mistake it for friendship, familial affection, reverence towards an idol, and the like.”

Blackie hopefully peeked at his host and then let out another heavy sigh. Alas, very regretfully, the mentioned silly host showed no enlightenment towards his own affections! Instead of pondering over Blackie’s implications, he was too busy feeling furious about the entire matter.

Noah raised his chin, puffed up his chest, and released an indignant snort, “This bro isn’t impotent! Didn’t you see how energetically my little brother sprang up just earlier?”

Blackie wanted to cough up blood again. Didn’t you feel embarrassed to death about that only 10 minutes ago?! How come you are now puffing up your chest in pride as if you’ve won a prize?!

щ（ﾟДﾟщ）

“Oh? You’re neither impotent nor a eunuch, is that it?” Blackie snapped, “Since you have balls, let me see you get it up right now!”

It was now Noah’s turn to choke. If he knew how to get it up, it wouldn’t have taken him 20 years and two lives to shoot his first load!! Noah could do nothing but grind his teeth, regretting there was no table in sight that he could flip in outrage.

Which other host had the great honor of his system repeatedly calling him a eunuch?!?

(ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ ┻━┻

“No, no, that was literal,” Blackie corrected smugly, “The sack you are missing is purely metaphorical. I was just trying to say that your libido is usually deeply asleep. Here, why don’t I rephrase it?”

“Please don–“

“It’s like your sexual drive is missing the ignition key! It’s like you are a perfectly functional light with its switch flipped off! It’s like–”

“I fucking get it already!!” (ꐦ ◠‿◠)

“–you are a puzzle missing a piece. Think of it like this! If a straight woman sees another woman walking around naked, would she get aroused by the sight?”

“…can we not talk about this anymore?!”

“That’s right. She probably wouldn’t get aroused.” Blackie’s tone encouragingly responded to his imaginary conversation companion.

His actual conversation companion, on the other hand, found him…

“Insufferable! You are so fucking–” (°ㅂ°╬)

“But what if a straight woman saw a giant octopus sliding down the street?” Blackie continued as if he could hear no protests, “Would she get aroused by the sight of that giant octopus?”

Noah’s movement abruptly halted, his miffed expression replaced by what could only be described as ‘what the fuck?!’

‘How the fuck did the conversation topic reach this point?! Where the fuck did a giant octopus come from?!’

“No, right? Right!” Blackie nodded as if praising Noah for answering his question correctly.

As outrageous as this entire thread of conversation was, Noah couldn’t help but feel a bit intrigued, ‘A straight woman wouldn’t be sexually aroused by seeing another woman naked nor by seeing a giant octopus? Where are you going with this??’

“Now, what if that same woman…” Blackie drawled, keeping his host in suspense, “…saw another woman naked AND getting ‘ravaged’ by an octopus?”

Noah’s face slackened, and he fell silent.

Pleased by the response, Blackie concluded, “My point is, either one alone doesn’t work but put them together, and bam!”

Noah, “…” (・―・)

A long moment a silence passed before Noah spoke up again.

“Blackie… how do I apply for a change in AI systems?”

Blackie’s shard shook within Noah’s chest, and then, after a brief bout of speechlessness, he folded, “…you know what? Just pretend I haven’t said anything. You are totally NOT not asexual, and not impotent!” then he coughed awkwardly, “Also… um… actually, I’ve already applied for a change in hosts several times and got told it was impossible quite firmly…”

Noah, (ꐦ ◠‿◠) ‘Why the fuck did YOU apply for a change?!? It was you who recruited me as your host in the first place!!!’

In spite of his internal outrage, the only thing that came out of Noah’s throat was a nasty “Heh, heh.”

He took long and heavy breaths for quite some time before he managed to get his emotions under control enough to focus on the important points he still needed to find out. “Do enlighten me, what is this ignition key? This switch that needs to be flipped for me to have normal physiological and emotional changes towards the opposite sex like any other man?”

Blackie fell silent.

‘…the switch that needs to be flipped for you to like girls? What is it…? One word – non-existent!!!

‘Host… please wake up! You are a natural-born bottom! What girls?! The only type of girl that can turn you on is a dickgirl!’

(ノ꒪Д꒪)ノ︵ ┻━┻

“…” (눈_눈) Noah took notice of Blackie’s unnatural silence but misinterpreted the reason, “Let me guess, I’m missing… a soul cuddle?”

“How did you know?!” Blackie gasped out with genuine shock. He was honestly amazed that his dolt of a host managed to figure out that his libido needed mingling with another soul to fully wake up!

“Do you take me for an idiot?!?” Noah stood up from the tub in a huff, “Why else would my dead dick suddenly spring to life?!? Didn’t you copy this shit from a race that had the hots for souls?! And you even said that me being asexual and untouchable are related! I can put the two and two together, thank you!”

…Oh. Right. Worldborn were supposed to have all-rounded high specs… Bah! It was so easy to forget that his host only suffered an intelligence penalty when it came to his own love life!

“You are welcome…” Blackie mumbled to himself, only to get two middle fingers from his host in return.

After giving Blackie several more middle fingers, Noah slumped back into the tub with an expression of a grumpy kitten. His face kept flickering between displeasure, reluctance, and, ah, was that bashfulness??

“How long have you known that Levi’s soul was compatible with mine, huh?!”

‘Oh, so you are finally ready to accept the truth, eh?’ Blackie internally grumbled. As for how long he had known… ‘From the very start, ah!’ But that’s not something he could explain, so in the end, Blackie responded with, “I realized it when he gave you CPR… lips-on-lips action is one of the off-limit things…”