Chapter Six

Natalia went back to her place in line and I took my place, I had asked mom to take me to the altar, I didn't want to see my father and Andrew had refused to take part in this circus, he had left the house and we didn't know where he was. 

My heart was racing and my hands were sweating, at the end of the aisle was this handsome man in his black tuxedo, so chiseled to his body, God Gabriel was so handsome he could drive any woman crazy. 

When I arrived next to him he gave me a beautiful smile, he had been so serious and distant for days that I thought he would be like that forever or that he was pretending to offer me his friendship, but this was the Gabriel who had spoken to me after dinner. 

"You look beautiful, Ana," his voice was a whisper that made my skin crawl.

"You look very handsome, Gabriel," my voice was also a nervous whisper. 

The father started the wedding, we said our vows, which were written for us, because none of the words spoken reflected the feelings of both of us, but it was something I had refused to write, just like Gabriel had done, according to my mother, even though he had said it was something ridiculous, we put on our rings and then the father blessed us. 

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." 

I looked at Gabriel nervously, but he seemed content and happy, he smiled broadly and brought his face close to mine, I felt his lips on mine, it was such a quick brush that I barely felt it as I saw him pull away and then embrace me. 

"Mrs. Smith, welcome to the family." 

I can only smile as I bite my lower lip, I have no words to say, I just know I was unsatisfied with that kiss and wanted more.

I think I was going crazy.

It had been three months since the wedding, the same number of months that had passed since Gabriel and I had kissed, the day of the wedding everything went by very quickly, the party went by without any kind of problem and Mom spent it going from table to table with Dad, talking to every guest who was as rich as Mr. Smith, most of the guests were partners and friends of Gabriel and his father, Dad was taking advantage of making his connections for future business. Mom did whatever she wanted with the reception, from a singer, a band that Gabriel had hired for the day, what bothered me the most was that my father had some reporters come, that made Gabriel very upset, he wanted the wedding of the year to appear in as many newspapers as magazines, they were selling the pictures that were going to be taken today, dad had proven to be a shitty father who was after money no matter what. 

I wanted so much to run away from the party, it was like watching a circus where the clown is my father. 

Nobody, but nobody, took my opinion into account, nobody asked me if I liked the dress, I really hated it, it put a lot of pressure on my breasts, preventing me from breathing, and my legs itched because the lace of the pantyhose was so annoying, Gabriel asked me many times if I wanted to change my clothes for something more comfortable. But Mom had not said a word to me about changing my clothes, so I could only shake my head. 

Not to mention that Miss Sympathy was the coldest and at the same time kindest boyfriend of the night, it was a crazy combination to see, I was starting to believe Gabriel was bipolar, he suddenly had bitter outbursts, I thought he was going to choke me with the cake or something, since we had that kiss in the church his mood changed drastically, it seemed my presence bothered him a lot. 

But damn, his lips were soft, his perfume accompanied me all night long, we held hands and smiled to as many people as possible who greeted us, at the time of the dance he was so close to me that his strong chest made me feel comfortable. 

But to tell you the truth, what really worried me was Gabriel's attitude when we arrived at the new house where he and I would live alone, without our parents, emphasizing that this house and the dog kennel were not humble at all. He behaved so stubbornly and recklessly that I think it is no longer a simple change of mood. 

The guy who said he was my friend disappeared completely and I didn't know how to find him, we didn't have that trust between us, it was so exhausting to wait every day what his daily mood would be and to have the doubt if it was my presence that caused all this. 

It's not that I wanted a loving, attentive and caring husband, or to have him glued to me every moment, I just thought everything would be different once we were married. I thought it would be like living with a roommate you get along with. 

It wasn't like that at all.

His attitude, his way of being was so irritating.

At least I began to notice some things in his behavior that bothered me, somehow, many times he would leave the house very early, almost at dawn, and other times he would arrive so late, sometimes he would tell Marcela, the housekeeper he hired himself without asking my opinion, that he was very busy and that she should be the one to accompany me to eat or to entertain me, as if I were a dog that needed to be walked. It didn't bother me at all, what bothered me was that none of this was discussed with me first, I always found out everything from Marcela. 

He just made decisions without consulting me, things like I had to have a driver, and thank God I didn't know how he did it yet, but we were able to have Rafa, my family's driver, with us. Another of his orders was that I had to sleep with him in the same bedroom. 

He refuses to let Marcela find out that this marriage is a lie and then go around with the story, and finally, worse than all the things he has imposed on me, I have to sleep in the same bed.

I refused to share his bed, but Gabriel just made excuses and more excuses, so now we slept in the same bed.

The 'hello' in the morning and the 'good night'.

They are always the words we exchange the most because of the lack of communication between us.  

Since we got married, he has become quieter, he is more indifferent towards me, I feel he is hiding things from me, but we don't have the confidence to talk about his problems and I don't really care about his work problems.

I pretend to be his wife, that it doesn't hurt him to be locked in a house all day with nothing to do, with no one to talk to, I know Gabriel doesn't care, but the reality is that I'm dying to know what he's thinking when he stares at a fixed point the few times we eat together, other things I want to know is why when his phone rings, Gabriel, leaves everything he's doing at home to run away, no matter what time it is or what he's doing.

he biggest idea and doubt forming in my mind is that Gabriel has a lover. 

Or am I the other one?

How much does my husband do away from home? He leaves because he doesn't like me, he hates me when he was the one who said we would be friends. 

Since the wedding they are more continuous, his exits are quick and without explanations, even on the day of our honeymoon he left me alone in the hotel and ran away as soon as his phone rang. 

I say run away because for me it is, that is, there is no moment when he does not run away from the call of this person, how do I know it is a woman? From the way he talks to her, he doesn't hide that fact from me. 

On my honeymoon I was the most humiliated woman, I felt very bad because I spent it alone in a hotel room, who wants to spend his honeymoon alone. At 2 o'clock in the morning I called Rafa and we spent it together, killing time with something while watching the sun rise. But as much as I ask myself, what was more important than me to leave me alone on such an important day?

I still don't have the answer, even though I think I know.

Although, looking at the bright side, I would have no reason to go through with this marriage if I discovered infidelity, because that could be my only grounds for divorce.

That night Gabriel said he would pick me up before the honeymoon was over or much sooner, but he never came, I spent the whole night waiting for him until I fell asleep from crying, he had humiliated me in the worst way.   

Early in the morning we took the plane back to Caracas, because the honeymoon had been in a small island called Margarita, an island I did not know because we never left the hotel, or rather I did not leave the hotel, then we went home, on the way I called my mother-in-law and there was no answer, I wondered if something was wrong with my parents-in-law.

I looked at the big mansion I would be living in and sighed tiredly, yes it was much smaller than my old house, but maybe it would be another prison for me. 

If there was one thing I expected from Gabriel, it was respect for me. 

The bedroom door opened to reveal Gabriel with a tired face, step by step he walked to the bathroom without saying a word, ignoring that I was sitting on the bed with a book in my hands, this was something he did very often, ignoring my presence, I just looked at my book 'Following Your Voice' and pretended to read, averting my eyes, I watched him take off his shoes, socks, pants, shirt until he was in his underwear, my husband had a hell of a body, I didn't want to fool myself and very rarely the desire to explore him filled me with fear.

Shit, Ana, pull yourself together.

You and him, it's not going to happen, you're just friends.

"Ana, can you hear me?" he said, resting his soft hand on my shoulder, I don't know at what point I walked over to where my head was.

"Ah? What is it," I asked, snapping out of my thoughts, I hadn't heard a single word he had said. 

"What if dinner is ready, I'm starving and tired, I didn't have time to eat at the office." Gabriel grabbed a clean towel and headed for the bathroom before turning to me when he didn't get an answer. "Ana are you okay, is something wrong?"