I sat in that frigid, dark chasm of my soul, my back to the side of the ravine walls, my knees drawn up to my chest. I was cold. Shaking.
It felt as if I fought simply to stay alive. As if, the moment I let go, my body would fly into a thousand pieces and be scattered by this arctic wind.
My mind ran loops—every word I’d said in anger, every action taken in cruelty or ruthless dominance. I was being flayed with my failure and couldn’t get my mind to stop repeating the message.
Dark. Useless. Better off dead.
Failure as a King.
Failure as a Mate.
Failure as a
~ CASIMIR ~I was about fourteen or fifteen years old and watching my father beat my mother. He wasn’t even using the power—just venting his frustration and anger because she’d said something he didn’t like. And I hated him. I hated him with a fury that threatened to burn me alive—as he snarled at her and spewed contempt at her and she sobbed, I wanted him dead.But then he kicked her right in the back and she gasped and rolled over and her face…It wasn’t my mother’s face. It was Jesse’s—tearstained and confused, heartbroken, and in pain.I roared and threw myself at him—claws, teeth, everything in me. He screamed and curled into the fetal position as I unleashed everything I had on him.
“And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.”- Hebrews 11:6*****~ JESSE ~I was in the den. His den.Cazz stood with his back to the barred door, his face stunned, and eyes locked on something ahead of him—something that wasn’t me.I knew before I even turned, but it still hit like a punch to the kidneys when I took in the sight of the beautiful she-wolf, quickly stripping off her clothes, her eyes alight and fixed on Cazz with anticipation and lust.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”- Matthew 11:28-30*****~ CASIMIR ~I sat bolt-upright in bed, my body zinging with power, wheezing, my lungs inflating like I’d been deprived of air. The room spun so that I couldn’t see and I gripped my head in my hands because my brain suddenly felt too big for my skull.I fell back onto the pillows again, gasping, writhing, aware of eyes on me, but the pain was consuming—and breathtaking as I felt the flows work
~ CASIMIR ~God, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. But I nodded.“I know,” I rasped, licking my lips and plowing on before she lost her hope. “And I’m telling you, if I could go back and only change one thing, it would be that. I’m sorry, Jesse. I am so fucking sorry.”“I know,” she said, but there was no relief in her. No softness. She said it like it barely mattered.“No, I don’t think you do,” I said, struggling to push myself up to sit again—but I managed it. As the effects of the power took hold, I was growing stronger, thank God. “Jesse… I’ve seen the truth. About myself. About life. About God. I’ve seen that… that I was wrong. And I’m going to d
~ JESSE ~“…I don’t want you to feel scared, beautiful. I want you to feel safe. The way you make me feel safe.”My lip trembled. “I want that too.”“I know. And I know it’s up to me to make that real for you. Just… give me a chance. Please, Jesse. Please.”Cazz stared at me with such earnestness in his eyes—and they were blazing. But this time not with heat or anger, but with a plea.The bond throbbed in my chest, and I bit my lip as my body propelled me towards him, one wobbly step at a time. And when I reached his side, he reached for my hand and pulled me up onto the bed with him, immediately folding me into his arms
~ JESSE ~Cazz wasn’t supposed to be up and moving, but within an hour, he’d already linked with Maya, insisting that she come examine me, and when she was close, he got out of the bed—more slowly than he usually would—and made me lay down so she could reach me easily.“Cazz, you’re supposed to be resting!”“So are you!” he said pointedly.“Yes, but I wasn’t shot.”“And healed,” he added.“You almost died.”That stopped him. He was on his way to the door to let Maya in, because he was insisting that no one else come near us yet, a
~ JESSE ~Cazz glanced towards the door, shooting a dark look that way, then turned back to me. I frowned a question at him, but he was looking at Maya.“The power… is it unsafe for her to use?”“Not exactly,” Maya said grimly. “Clearly they’ve both survived whatever that was. But it does better explain why it came on so quickly for her, and grew so strong so fast. She needs training to control it. The hormones and her tiredness will make it more difficult to control even at the best of times. But with her lack of experience and the stress of… recent events,” she said the words with a twist of distaste on her lips, “I imagine it will be even more erratic. She needs help, Cazz. Training.”
~ JESSE ~I stared at Cazz, half-thrilled, half-nervous. “Will you stay laying with me?” I asked suspiciously.He huffed. “Yes… but if you don’t mind, I’ll shift. My wolf form heals more quickly, so any rest in that body will be worth twice what it would be as a human.”I felt myself tense, felt my eyes widen.All this time, and I’d never actually seen him fully in his wolf—not when I could pay attention.I swallowed hard. “I… okay.”His expression grew concerned. “Does my wolf frighten you?”
~ CASIMIR ~I was pretty sure if I didn’t get inside her, I was going to eat her alive.Scooting with her in my lap, still straddling me, I got her so both my knees and her back were flat against the wall. Then I flipped open the wide, leather cuffs that had been secured directly to the wall and first lifted one of her hands, to strap it in so her hand was levered above her shoulder, but with her arm comfortably bent so she could relax. Then I did the same with her other hand on the other side.So I straddled the banana-seat, while she straddled me and her hands were secured to the wall behind her.Her breasts rose and fell with her heavy breathing, and her eyes were bright with desire.Overwhelmed again with how much thought she’d put into this, for a moment I just took her face in my hands and kissed her. But that drew us together—my cock pressing against her, and I couldn’t resist rolling my hips, teasing
~ CASIMIR ~“I made a new Den,” Jesse whispered, her hands over her mouth, staring up at me—those beautiful eyes wide, but also a little fearful. “I know it’s not the same, but I got Ghere to help me because he remembered what things you’d had before and… I hope you like it.”Like it? Was she serious?My heart was slamming against my ribs, and I was having trouble breathing.The room seemed smaller than I remembered because the walls were painted a dull black. But the tighter space than what I’d had down next to the Den just made it feel more intimate.There were two lamps, one on each end, and a chandelier high above. Candles everywhere, though she hadn’t lit mo
~ JESSE ~It was Cazz’s turn to plan the monthly date. But I was humming about this one. Things were finally ready, and impossibly, Ghere had helped me successfully pull off the surprise. But I still had to figure out how to get Cazz there without ruining it.He’d taken me out to the meadow again—my favorite date. Though we’d enjoyed several others now too—and we’d just finished eating. He was leaning back against the cab of the truck, looking out at the city lights, his brows a little heavy.“What are you thinking about?” I asked him, though I had a hunch.He had his arm around me and I was leaning on his shoulder. His hand trailed up and
~ CASIMIR ~I came out of the bathing room after a long bath rubbing my hair with a towel, to find my mate standing in the middle of the chamber with her arms folded and looking sternly at my daughter, who sat on the floor in nothing but a diaper, with her chubby legs straight out. She, too, had her arms folded and her lips pursed in the perfect reflection of her mother.The two glared at each other and half my heart went cold, while the other half wanted to splutter with laughter.“Abigail, I have told you—”“No!”Our daughter could only get her tongue around a few words so far, but
~ JESSE (a few weeks later) ~I had just finished nursing Abigail and was holding her on my lap while Reeca sat with me on the couch.Her eyes were bright and she was beginning to smile, so I was tickling her cheeks to see if I could get her to do it. But she was sleepy because she’d just eaten and only yawned and cooed.“She’s a very calm baby,” Reeca commented from the other end of the couch, smiling. She loved babies, and had been so helpful when I was tired—and just for reassurance for me.She was a calm presence in any room, and with Abigail, she showed a lot of delight and joy that she seemed to stifle in other areas of her life.“Reeca,” I said carefully, because I’d b
~ JESSE ~I was too tired to do more than lift my hands to his neck, so I just curled my face into his chest and let him settle us into the chair, cradled in his arms with my ass in his lap.When he’d sat, I had my head resting on his shoulder and my body curled in his arms.“Do you hurt?” he asked quickly.“No, just tired, like I said.”I felt him relax a little then and another chill started in my blood.“Cazz… what’s happened?” I asked quietly.He turned his head to meet my eyes and lifted his hand to comb hair back from my face. His throat bobbed, but his touch was g
~ JESSE (Hours later) ~My dreams were disturbing—my body in pain, screams of terror, darkness, the floor shaking, the mountain falling, humans fleeing and wolves…I tried to break free, tried desperately to open my eyes and to speak, because I knew I was asleep. But all I did was fade… in and out. The nightmares, or nothing.And through it all, his voice.“Heal… live.”My heart ached. My body hurt. My chest didn’t want to expand. It was as if my flesh fought his words, and I didn’t understand.But finally, the dreams faded and I could hear a heartbeat. Little, and quick. And feel warm flesh. And the breath of my m
~ CASIMIR ~I felt the moment the power went out of Jesse. The entire mountain felt it.I howled with triumph and shifted, sprinting towards the room, ecstatic when there was no sense of Maya gripping my mind or stealing anything from me. But of course, there was no power left for her to steal.I prayed and pleaded and ran, Rory and the others coming in my wake. And the moment I broke through that door in my wolf—the only power left to me anymore—everything slowed. Though my body whipped and my mind was singularly focused, it was as if everything happened in slow motion.I caught a bare glimpse of Jesse on the bed, and at first my heart leaped. She was moving, awake, aware,
~ JESSE ~Maya had me sitting up in the bed, curled forward, gripping my knees. Reeca on one side, helping prop me up, a guard on the other.My body was nothing but a conduit for pain. Wave after wave, my entire lower body condensing, contracting, pushing to get this baby out. I could barely think.Cazz was there, so quiet, so distant, but there, calling his encouragement and pushing love at me through the bond.There was a moment when I thought I wouldn’t make it, when I thought my body would give and I would just drift away.But then I caught Maya smiling. Leaning forward between my legs, reaching, grasping, for