Chapter 5: Beach With No End

The evening returns to the shoreline. The stars appear above the remaining line of pink and purple, remnants of an amazing sunset that would have made for a fantastic date night if I do say so myself. But I don't have the luxury of date nights anymore, now that I am still healing from what he did to me. Jaxson Miles did a lot of things to me, he became my world and wrote songs for me on his guitar under the stars on nights like this. But all that's left now is my broken heart and the memory of his arms wrapped around another woman burning into my skull.

The tide interrupts my tears, and my eyelashes catch tear drops the way leaves in the canopies collect rain. When I blink my eyelashes stick together and when I open them they are hard to pull apart like a pair of coupled hands. Hands are meant for holding, holding someone else's as an assurance that the world is safe and that all the darkness in the world isn't real. I sit on the rock with my sundress covering my knees. My legs are in the famous pretzel style, and I hide my head in my lap and let the tears fly.

The tears fall down in gentle rivulets but as time picks up and the squeeze on my heart increases, they get larger and catch in my eyelashes like a giant butterfly net.

For days now I have wanted to cry about Jaxson but haven't been able to. But sitting on my favorite rock without Jaxson beside me, makes everything feel empty, hollow, and meaningless. I am an explorer without a compass to guide my heart into the wilderness of the future.

The emotions force me to cough, and the realization that I truly am alone in this world kicks in on Hyperdrive. I've never had a panic attack before, but all the stress of my breakup, meeting Aiden, and my parents going missing is too much. My heart pounds and pounds and everything within my skin shakes and quakes. I can't stop it, and I can't fight it. I just sit there and surrender to my heart raising like a prize stallion.

Prize stallions are trained and come out for the big leagues. I'm more like the small stable pony being forced into the big leagues by all the stressful circumstances in my life. My shoulders shiver as I sniffle into my hands.

"Jaxson... why?" A hand touches my shoulder, and hot tea is placed on the rock beside me. Judging by the shape of his feet and his calves, I can already tell that Aiden has made his way to the shoreline to comfort me.

"I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I am feeling that a little myself. It's the water that makes it hard for me to stand still. Water is how our emotions are, it's calm for a moment, but then the ripples kick us in the ass."

Aiden sits beside me on the other rock. He starts kicking the sand and stares longingly at the rising moon.

"You don't have to comfort me. It's just hard to be rejected. No one wants to have me around. No one except Brianna. She's the only family I have left. After her, I am on my own. At least the sky is perfect. The perfect night for a full moon."

Aiden jerks up, instantly. All the calm he had in him prior is removed by an awkward twitching.

"Did you say full moon? I need to go, better talk tomorrow. Is there a sea cave anywhere nearby? I need to clear my head for a bit?"

Aiden crosses his arms as if I've offended him. I quickly stand up.

"I'm sorry if I was rude or something you don't have to leave on my account. But if you do need to clear your head there's a sea cave down by Berkeley Cove. It's half a mile away on foot. Just follow the shore until you hear an echoing sound. You'll find it in no time," I reply.

"You haven't done anything wrong. Full moons scare me and I want to get in a cave before it's at its fullest. I am a bit superstitious, I guess. Can't be too careful," Aiden says as he begins his journey to the Berkeley sea caves.

"Of course, I understand that. Brianna's mother used to be like that. Always scared of black cats and magic. You do what you gotta do. I'm sorry you're banished. I hope you don't feel like that here. Come back in the morning and this time I will make French toast."

Aiden nods and winks at me, when he does I swear one of his eyes is changing colors from the deep blue into a strange yellow hue. His mannerism change as well, in a matter of minutes his shoulders have become wider and thicker. He disappears onto the horizon without an explanation for his physical changes. But I have a feeling that whatever he's hiding has something to do with the voices in the deep dark ocean. I only hope we become good enough friends that he can tell me what this actually means.

Aiden's disappearance isn't alarming but the fluttering in my heart is. Regardless of Aiden's wisdom and his mysterious ways, I am still a hurt woman. A hurt woman should never go looking for trouble, especially if that trouble involves a man after a recent pain. My mother always told me to avoid dating new people after a breakup for at least four to six months. I see her point now that it has happened to me, being dumped sucks, but having a rebound might feel worse.

The last thing I need is a stupid rebound fling to make me hate the woman I am becoming. I hardly recognize myself in the mirror anymore, there used to be beauty. But it is now swallowed up by stress and pride, after time I hope I can shed my life of one of those toxic traits. I am not sure which trait that is at the moment, but only time will tell and unfortunately I must wait for her to make a decision on my behalf.