Chapter Ten

ANNA

After breakfast, I walk across the barrack yard, heading for the training field.

Yesterday, with River, was spectacular to say the least.  It was passionate, but urgent at the same time.  Like we both just needed it right now, but didn't want to rush past every moment.  I've never felt like that before.  No.  That's a lie.  The night with Michael in the clearing felt almost the same, but something was missing.  I can't put my finger on it.

Which brings me to my dilemma.  

After I left River, my thoughts drifted to Michael.  He confession of love.  My feelings for him are still there, even though, there's definitely something between River and I.

Then there's this whole security unit thing.  River is my superior.  And while, I couldn't give a shit, he does.  The unit means a lot to him.  I don't want my bullshit to screw up his life.  So, is what we might have worth that?

Also, I'm here.  Michael is with border.  As recruits, we get out two days a week, but is it enough?  Is it something that Michael and I could handle.  I know, with River here, he'd not not like it all.  With River here, I don't know how we'd be able to function if I built something with Michael instead of River.

The only way I can get some sort of clear answer here is I have to talk to Michael.  

I was just about to hit the field when I'm greeted with a winded "Hey, gorgeous."

I stop and turn to River's grinning face jogging up to me.  I look around to see who could be watching.

"Hey....I mean.  Good morning, sir."  I smirk with a two finger salute standing at attention.

He laughs.  "You look cute when you do that."  He whispers.

He clears his throat and stands rigid. "Good morning, recruit.  At ease."

I relax.

"I'm heading into town later.  Wanna come?" His eyes were hopeful.

I raise my brow.  "Is that appropriate, sir?"

He scratched the back of his head.  "Um...I don't think...."

I giggle.  "I have my bike.  I can meet you somewhere.  I have things I need to take care of anyway."

He smiled.  "Great.  I'll call you.  Now get to training."

I stiffen up.  "Yes, sir."  And I jog to the field.

****

Training was finished by mid afternoon.  

I turned the shower on and stepped into the stream.

I've gotten to know a few of the women in my barrack.  Fiona.  Bubbly, excitable.  Really, quite annoying, if she wasn't so nice and she's an awesome fighter.  We've gone head to head many times so far and she's kicked my ass on more then one occasion.

She's washing her auburn hair when she turns to me.  "Hey, Anna.  A bunch of us are going to the Falcon tonight.  You wanna come?"

I have been aching for a cold beer for a solid week.  'Yeah, that sounds good.  I have to run into town anyway."

She smiles ear to ear. "Yay!  Great we'll meet you at 10."

I smile.  It'll be great to get out and relax because I have a feeling my conversation with Michael will not be a good one.

I shut the water off, wrap a towel around me and head to my bunk.  

I pull out my jeans, chaps and my riders jacket.  I change and fix my hair.  

I was putting on my boots, when this girl, barely 18, sits on the bunk across from me.

She's got dirty blonde hair, blue eyes and pretty fit.  Not as tall as me.  I've seen her train.  She's a little sloppy, but has potential.

She sits quietly and stares.

I glance up from my boot.  "Can I help you?"  I raise my brow.

She tucks her hair behind her ear.  "Um...hi.  I'm Laura."

"Anna."  I pull on my other boot.

She gives a little wave.  "I know you don't know me or anything, but I've seen you spar.  I was...kind of wondering...if I could...spar with you.  During off hours...I'm not very good and some of your friends said...you could...um...help me."

I lean on my knees looking at this little girl, wringing her hands like she's making a deal with the devil.  

I sit up and smile.  "Sure thing, sweetheart.  I'll help you out."

She blew out a breath.  "Thank you."  She breathed.  

"No problem.  Now I have to fly.  You have a good weekend."  I stood.

She shot up.  "Yes, of course.  Thanks again."

I grabbed my pack and headed for the door as she bounced away.  

****

An hour later, I'm pulling into my driveway.  It felt weird not being here for a week.  I miss my house.

I pick up my mail from the box and unlock the door.  I walk in, drop the mail on my table and pull out my phone.  

I'm dreading this.  I open Michael's contact, hit the call button, put the phone to my ear and wait.

A few seconds later, he answers.

"Anna?  What the hell happened?  Drake said you've been transferred?  Why didn't you call me?"

His voice was irritated. 

"Michael.  I'm sorry.  It happened so fast.  We can't call from the recruitment center...."

He continued.  "...the security unit?!  Anna, why?"

"Look, Michael.  Can I come over so we can talk?"

"Sure."  He said quietly.

I paced around my kitchen.  "Ok.  I'll be there in 30."

I hung up, staring at my phone.  Not knowing what the hell I was even going to say to him.

Half an hour later, I'm knocking on his door.

I blow out a breath as I wait.

It opens and my eyes meet his loving brown eyes.  My thoughts are completely lost.  It's only made worse, when Michael rushes to me, grabs my head and slams his lips to mine.  He wraps his arms around me, putting his hand on the back of my head and pressing his body to mine.

I completely melt.  His feelings again are poured into his kiss.  He's kissing me like it's the last time he will.  And if things go like I think, it may be.

He let's me breath.  'I've missed you so much."  He ran his hand across my hair and down my cheek. 

"Michael..."  I breath.  "I've missed you too....but we need to talk."

He let's me go.  "Ok."  He says cautiously.  He steps aside and leads me into the house.

He closes the door.  "What's going on, Anna?"

I heave a deep breath.  "I've been transferred to the security unit.  I didn't want it.  The alpha recruited me and it looks like I can't get out of it.  We only get two days off and, for recruits at least,   there's no outside communication."

I take a breath.  "At first, I planned on fucking up so they'd kick me out, but now, I....I think I want it, Michael.  I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be."

He stepped closer with his arms folded.  "So, basically, if you want a thing with me, we could only see each other 2 days a week."

"Yes." I replied.

He put a hand on his hip and scrubbed a hand down his face.  "Well, if that's what you want.  I'm ok with it.  As far as I'm concerned, 2 days is better then none."

He reached for my waist and I grabbed his arms to stop him.  

Confusion filled his face.

"There's one other thing..."  I look into his eyes.

"What."

I heave another big breath.  "River's there.....with me.....with my training unit."

His cheeks flush and his jaw ticks.  He turns and runs his fingers through his hair.  He stands looking out his window  in silence.

"Michael.  Say something."  I whisper.

Not looking at me, he quietly says.  "Is he a problem, Anna?"

I can't lie.  Not totally.  "I....I...don't know."

He turns around.  "You don't know if another guy will be a problem for us?"

"Michael, I still haven't decided is there's even an us to begin with.  River and I....."  I stop.  I don't know what to say.

He glared at me.  "You've slept with him haven't you?  Since I've told you how I felt,  You fucked him."  He was angry now.

I swallowed.  "I told you, Michael.  I don't know where I want to be.  I don't know how I feel about you, or River.  I'm so fucking confused.  I came here, hoping to gain some clarity.  I wanted to know how you felt about this whole situation.  With the separation and River....."

"Well fuck, Anna.  I was cool with it before you told me you were fucking that douchebag!  Now, how do you do you expect me to feel!"

"I'm just trying to be honest with you.  I need to tell you that I may have feelings for both of you."  I grab Michael's chin to turn him to my eyes.  "Michael, I don't want to hurt you.  This thing with you and me, it's complicated.  I haven't had a chance to sort it out."

He pointed at me aggressively.   "Well, if you want to sort it out, fine.  But I don't fucking share, Anna.  You're either with me or with him.  You choose, right now."

"I can't...."  I dropped my head.

He squinted his eyes.  "You can't or you won't?"

I look at him straight in the eyes.  "I won't....not right now."

"Fine."  He heads to his door and opens it.  "Then I'll choose for you."

"Michael..." I plead.

"Leave...Anna."

I slowly leave.  Not wanting to.  My heart feels like it's tearing in two.  I know I've fucked up.  That I could be screwing up something great, but River is in the way right now.  

I stop and turn.  My eyes threatened with tears.  

"I really do love you, Anna.   With all my heart.  If you can't say the same, then we have to end it."  His chin quivered as he fought his own pain.  Pain that I caused.

I lower my head and nod as he slowly closes the door in my face.

I swallow the lump in my throat and head for my bike.  I knew this conversation would go this way.  I knew he wouldn't take hearing about River well at all.  What I didn't think about is how much his rejection would hurt.  Michael was just a fling,  a means to an end for sexual tension.  I had no intention of having feelings for him.  No intention of opening my heart to him.  And now my heart is shattered.  Now the guilt I feel is so emmense its like a ton of bricks on my chest.  

I get on my bike and head home.  After this, I need a fucking drink.

****

I change into my black leather pants and tight black crop top.  I fix my hair into a high ponytail.  I'm not one for dresses or anything.  But, I can clean up nice when I want.

This whole thing with River and Michael has me wound tight.  I need to relax.  Distract myself for at least one night.

I pull into the Falcon and walk through the doors.  Fridays are slammed with people.  

The air is filled with booze, bad cologne and a hint of arousal.  

The dance floor is packed with women.  The occasional male jumping along with them in their groups.

I scan the bar.  Fiona comes running up.  She slams me with a hug.  "Anna  you look amazing!"  She screams over the noise.  "Let's get a drink!"  We head to the bar.  I order a beer and a shot of whiskey.  

The bartender plops the shot down, I snatch it and pound it back.  

Fionas eyes widen.  "Whoa.  Going for the hard stuff already?  Tough day?"

I swallow back the burn.  "You have no idea."

Just then someone clears their throat behind me.  I turn to the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen.  Everything about Michael and I disappeared.  I smile.  "Hey."

River trails his eyes up and down as I lean on the bar.  "Looking good, recruit."

I smile.  "Do we really need the formalities here?"

He smiles as he adjusts his blue button down shirt.  Looking so fucking sexy.  "I guess not."

I stand up and walk close enough for him to hear but no one else.  "Good.  Because the way you look, I don't think I'll be able to behave."

He lifted his head slightly.  "You'll behave or I'll have to punish you later."

"Really."  I smirk.  My core was heating up.

His eyes were filled with desire.  His voice was deep and sexy.  "Oh yeah.  Severely."

"Then I guess I'll be on my worst behavior."  I smile.

Fiona jumped to our side.  "Hey, Alpha.  Anna wanna dance?"

I looked at her.  "Oh, I don't dance.."

She grabbed my arm.  "Come on..."

"Uh..Fiona..."  I protest  looking back at River whose laughing and waving bye.  

I forced myself to dance with my friend.  I've never really danced before and it ended up being kind of fun.  

I tipped my beer back as I dance when I sensed a body behind me.  I turn my head to the side and smell River's scent as he slides in behind.  We barely touch as we move to the music.  But, you could cut the heat and arousal with a knife.  It was suffocating.  Within seconds, everything dissolved away.  It was just me and him.  I spin around, not touching. Not giving anyone else any indication that we are doing nothing but dancing.  When really we're eye fucking each other.  

I was just about to give in.  Kiss River right here in front of everyone, when his shoulder was grabbed.  He was spun around and a solid left hook was landed on his face and he went crashing to the floor.

I scream and jump back.  What I saw was something I never expected to see tonight.  

Michael, eyes flared and glowing.  Fists clenched, knuckles white.  Shoulders heaving.  Throwing daggers with his glare at River.

I jump in front of Michael as River stands rubbing his jaw.  "Michael, what the fuck?!"  I yell.  

The dance floor parted, leaving us in a circle of onlookers.

River spits and blood hits the floor.  He glares at Michael and cracks his neck.  He flashes his blue eyes and cracks his knuckles.

I look at River.  I raise a finger.  "River.  No!"  I demand.

Michael's throws his finger at River.  "ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!  SHES MINE!!"  He screams.

I place my hands on Michael's chest.  "Michael!  Stop!"  

"NO, ANNA.  EVERYTHINGS BECAUSE OF THIS ASSHOLE!!  WELL, IM DONE FUCKING AROUND!"  He tried to push toward him and River was pushing forward too, but Blade and Zeke saw the commotion and ran over to hold River back.

I held Michael back as best I could.  "MICHAEL!  STOP!  PLEASE!"  I beg.

He starts to back off.  I get his attention.  "Wait for me outside."

"Fuck that!"  He yells.

I shoot him a warning.  "Michael!"

He shrugs off my arms, his eyes not leaving River's.  "Fine."  He turns around and disappears into the crowd.

I turn to River who's standing with his friends, trying to calm down.  "Are you OK?"

He nods.  "Yeah.  Anna, what's going on?"

I shake my head.  "I'll explain later.  Right now, I have to take care of this.  Just....wait here."

His face fills with concern.  "No.  I don't want you near that psycho."

I hold up my hand.  "River, please.  He won't hurt me.  He's just upset right now.  Let me deal with it."

"Fine.  But if he tries anything...."  I cut him off.

"He won't.  Trust me."  I reassure him.

Blade stepped in.  Clapping River on the chest.  "Come on, man.  Let's get a drink.  Nurse that jaw."

River glanced at him.  "Yeah.  Ok."  He looked at me.  "You got 15 mins, then I come find you."

I nod.  I don't argue.  I just need him to calm down and give me time to deal with Michael.

I turn on my heels and head for the door.  I'm angry Michael pulled this shit, but I feel guilty because I caused it.  

I get out of the bar and Michael's leaning on my bike.

"What the fuck are you thinking?!" I yell running down the steps and taking big steps to where he is.

"What the fuck am I thinking?  What about you?  What.  You smash my heart to bits and go fucking party?"  His chest was out.

I got up in his space.  "You ended it Michael!  You have no business getting involved!"

He crossed his arms.  "I wasn't until I saw the fucker grinding on my girl."

"I'm not your girl, Michael!! " I yell.

He stood close.  "Well, I'm not going down without a fight, Anna.  I was going to end it.  End us.  But, I can't.  You can't love him, Anna.  You're mine.  You always were mine.  Even when David......"  He stopped.

I searched his face.  "What are you saying?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, sat on my bike and sighed.  "Anna.  I love you.  I've loved you since day fucking one.  I wanted to say it so many times.  When I introduced you to David, I didn't think he was your mate.  It never crossed my mind.  I thought I was.  I was just too much of coward to approach you.  Then fate gave you to David, but damn it, it didn't take my feelings away.  For over a year, I suffered in silence.  Watching how in love you both were.  Wishing that it was me."

I listened, not knowing how to process this.  David being my mate was the best damn thing I ever had.  Now, he's gone, I'll never get that again.  Instead, I create a giant mess for myself.

He continued. "For the next fours years, Anna, I was silently happy.  Happy to be with you, to please you.  But, I can't fight it anymore.  I can't just be your outlet.  I need you.  So fucking much.  When that...."  He pointed to the bar and clenched his teeth.  "When that fucker showed up, I felt like I was living the same hell I did with David.  Well, I know now.  I know, Anna.  He's not your fucking mate.  I am.  I'm yours and you're mine.  And I won't sit back this time.  I won't."

My face softened.  I didn't realize how deep his feelings went.  I was oblivious to the fire I was playing with.  But, I can't tell him what he wants to hear.  I told him I was being honest and I will continue to be honest.  He deserves it.

I stand and try to look as sympathetic as I can.  "Michael.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you went through so much.  If you had told me sooner, things may have been different, but now.......Michael, you're not my mate.  No one is.  David was.  My one and only."

He stood, walked over and grabbed my hands.  "I am, Anna.  I know you, I love you, I know everything about you.  My heart breaks every time you leave.  It pounds a million miles a second every time you show up.  How can you not feel it?"

"Michael..."I softly protest.  He makes this so hard.

He holds a hand up.  "If I have to prove it to you, I will.  I'm not giving up.  Not on us."