Chapter Six

MICHAEL

It's a little cooler tonight.

I breach the treeline.  My wolves eyes adjusting to the brightness of the moon.  I trot into the clearing.  Sniffing the air.  I can smell her.  I see her.  She's shifted.  Her naked frame sitting in the grass.  Her knee up and her hair hung down in her face.

My wolf let's out a tiny whine and licks his lips as the wind blows and I shift.  He senses the same thing I do.  I rise and walk over to her.

I sit down.  "Hey."

She tosses a glance.  "Hey."  She goes back to playing with the blade of grass in her hand.

With the invisible border between us, I try to see her face.  "Anna.  Is everything ok?"

She blows a breath.  "Yeah.  I'm good."  She doesn't look at me.

I grow concerned.  "Why are you just sitting here?"

She tosses the blade of grass.  "Thinking.  Taking a break.  I don't know."

I turn to her and cross my legs.  "Anna.  What's wrong?"

She shakes her head and rips up another blade of grass.

"Anna.  I've known you long enough to know somethings wrong.  Tell me."  I push.

"We got Karver."  She mumbles.

I perk up.  "That's great!  Finally, we can make that bastard pay.  Was anyone hurt?"

"Just a soldier."  She glanced real quick.  "I shot him."

My brow furrowed.  "What?"

"I couldn't fail this time, Michael.  I couldn't...." She trailed off.

My face softened.  "David."

I heard sniffs coming from behind her hair.

"I lived it all over again.  Only this time I pulled the trigger, not Karver.  I needed to end him."  She tucked her hair behind her ear and I saw the glisten of tears roll down her cheeks.

I leaned on my knees.  "Is the soldier ok?"

"He'll live."  She raised her head to the stars.  "Fuck.  I miss him." Her face was filled with grief.

I hung my head.  "I do too.  Every damn day.  I think that's one of the reason I get so concerned about you.  Like, I made some internal vow to protect my buddy's girl."

She turned and wiped her cheek of the stray tears.  "Look, Michael about the other night..."

I shake my head.  "No.  Anna.  I know.  It's just me being dumb.  You can't replace David, I know and it's selfish of me to even think that that will happen.  Just...forget I even mentioned it, ok?"

"It's not that."  She looked at me.  "I can't allow myself to go there.  Feelings, emotions.  They hurt too much.  I can't allow myself to have what David was to me."

I scoot closer. "Anna.  What if these feelings, these emotions repair what's broken? Allow you to be happy?  This life.  Going through the motions, destroying yourself.  I know, it's not something David would've wanted for you."

She starts crying. "I can't, Michael.  I just can't.  I got him killed.  I did.  Then I got hundreds more killed after.  As far as I'm concerned, my life......this is my punishment.  And I deserve every fucking minute of it."

I furrowed my brow.  "You think David wouldn't have done the same?  If the roles were reversed?  Anna, I know, there would have been no way he'd pull that trigger.  He loved you too much, Anna.  David was my best friend.  I knew him better then he knew himself.  He doesn't blame you Anna.  And he'd be right pissed off if he saw you right now."

She let out a little laugh and a sniff.  "Yeah, he would.  But, if I had just listened to him.  If I had just pulled that trigger.  He and hundreds more would be alive today."

"Anna, come here."  Invisible border, be damned, she needs me.  She scoots over to me the border just between our knees. 

I grab her hand and move her hair out of her face.  I speak to her softly.  Looking directly into her eyes.  "What happened back then...you can't take it back.  You can beat yourself fucking black and blue.  It won't change anything..." I cup her cheek in my hand stroking it with my thumb.  "But, last night, you made it right.  You paid for your sins.  You did right by David.  You got Karver and put him down.  Everyone has forgiven and moved on.  It's time you did too."

She closed her eyes and leaned into my hand as a single tear fell.  I wiped it away.  

"I know it's hard, Anna.  But, I'm here.  I'm here for you.  I'll always be here for you.  I'll never stop helping you, or............caring about you."

She opened her eyes and they seemed different.  I wasn't sure how she would react when I finished my sentence, but her eyes told me she was opening up.  Her vulnerability tonight was a giant breakthrough.  I can't even remember if we've ever discussed David openly.  The wound was never closed for her.  So I never mentioned it, even though I knew it was the source of both our problems.

"David wants you to be happy, Anna.  Wants you to find a life that makes you happy.  Find someone who cares and loves you as much as he did.  He doesn't want to see you do this to yourself.  Please, let me help you."

Then I did something I've wanted to do for a long time.  I broke the rules.  I slip my hand behind her head and pulled her to me.  Pressed my lips softly to hers.  She opened her mouth and I poured everything I had into this kiss.  All my feelings.  It was passionate, caring, sensual.  I put my other hand on her head and pulled her into me.  I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my lap, not breaking the kiss.  I gave her everything.  Kissed her like I meant it.  I ran my hands softly up and down her back.  

She had one hand in my hair and her other wrapped around my waist, pressing herself further on to me.

I pulled back, softly biting her lip.  "I want you, Anna.  All of you."  I kiss her again, running my hand up into her hair and holding her head as I position my hard cock at her entrance.  Then I push her hip down as I enter her.

She moans into my mouth as she moves her hips up and down.  It's slow, full of lust and desire.  Nothing like our regular hook ups.  This is something more.  It's intimate.

I press her harder and faster.  I break the kiss and move to her neck.  "God, Anna...you feel so good."  I nip her neck as I move my hips into hers.

Her head rolls back.  "Michael..." She moans. "Yes...."  She moans louder as her orgasm builds.

I thrust harder and move her hips  "Anna, ...fuck.....

My one hand holds the back of her neck and the other wrapped around her waist.  I feel her walls gripping me tighter, her wetness dripping.  I go deep and hard as her orgasm crests.  Her walls squeeze my cock.  I go faster and faster.  She leans back and screams then falls into me, her hair falling all around.  I hold her tight as I grunt out each thrust.  "Yes Anna, come for me"  I breath.

I grab her ass.  And pump her more.  It's not long after I join her "Fuck, Anna.....I'm coming too...."  I squeeze her as I pump my release into her.  Her screams in tune with my growls.  

I slow down and stop.  She lifts her head and I move her hair.  I gently give her a kiss.  I pull her head into my shoulder and stroke the back of her head.  "I love you, Anna.  I will always love you."  I whisper.

She doesn't say a word.  She just lays her head on my shoulder, her arms on my chest between us.  I can tell she's quietly starting to cry.  I just sit there with her in my arms.  Rocking gently, still inside her.  "Shhh...."  I comfort her.  And we sit like that for a long moment until we have to separate and get back to work.

****

ANNA

It's been a couple of days since I saw Michael.  I took some days to clear my head.  The showdown with Karver, really got to me.  

I had to take in everything.  Including, Michael's admission that he loves me.  I don't know if I can say it back.  I never thought of him that way, but I will admit, I do have feelings for him.  But, whether it's love or not, I can't decide it.  I avoided Michael until I could figure things out myself.

He was right.  Everything he said was right.  He always says the right thing at the right time.  He's really been my rock.  My best friend.  Why can't he be something more.  

I sat on my porch swing on the back porch with a coffee.  "David, what do you think?"  I say to the yard.  I wish he could answer.  Just some indication that if Michael and I became something, he would be happy.

The wind blew my hair.  It was warm.  I closed my eyes and let it embrace me.  Imagining it's David's hands on my cheeks.

"Who's David?"  A voice springs my eyes open and I turn to the corner of my house.

My eyes wide and shocked at the intrusion.

River puts his hands up.  "Sorry.  I...didn't mean to startle you.

I relax.  "Oh hey.  No.  It's fine."  I drink my coffee.

"Can I...."  He points up the porch.  He's looking good in a brown leather jacket, jeans, black t shirt.  His eyes seem bluer today.  

"Oh...."  I scoot over on my swing and tuck my legs back under my white fur blanket.  "Sure.  Sit.  Please."  

He slowly walks up smiling.  "Thanks."  He sits on the swing.  "This is a nice yard.  Great place to kick back."

I smile.  "Yeah.  I don't spend too much time back here anymore."  I play with my cup.  

He leans back and crosses his leg.  "So are you going to tell me?"

I side eye him.  It hurts to look at him now.  He reminds me so much of David.  "Tell you what?"

He leans his head back looking at me.  "Who's David?" 

I shake my head.  "No one important.'

He uncrosses his legs, leans forward and rests his arms on his knees, not turning from me.  "It is important, Anna.  The way you were that night, tells me he has alot to do with it.  I saw your face.  I saw your pain.  And it wasn't for me.  It wasn't for Karver with a gun to my brain.  What was it?"

I look down.  My hands are shaking.  I look out to the yard where David and I spent many nights stargazing.  "We were in love.  Deep love.  He joined the unit 5 yrs ago and it was like I got hit by a truck.  He was beautiful in every way possible.  Funny, smart, brave.  Would take a bullet for anyone."  I swallowed and cleared my throat. "We got a bead on Karver, in Weston.  We set up the plan and had him dead to rights.  We chased Karver to a training center.  David told me to check the upper levels while he checked the bottom.  I found nothing so I went back to find David.  I entered a hallway and there he was...."  I couldn't hold the tears back.  My breath hitched.  "Standing in front of Karver with Karver holding a gun to his head.   I drew my weapon.  David was yelling at me to shoot.  I knew it would kill him.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't shoot the man I loved.  He screamed over and over while Karver taunted me.  Daring me to do it."  I took a deep breath as River listened intently. His brow furrowed.  

I continued.  "I surrendered my weapon tossing it.  Begging him to let David go.  Within seconds, Karver put a silver bullet in David's brain and escaped.  My entire world came crashing down.  Because of my dumb decision, David died.  A week later hundreds more were killed in Timber.  Because of me.  Because I just couldn't pull the fucking trigger....because of me....."  I held my head and sobbed into my hand.

River grabbed me and pulled me into his chest.  "Anna...I'm so sorry."  He hugged me tight.  

I sat up sniffing, trying to stop the tears.  Waving my hand.  "It's fine..."  my breath hitched again.  "I've accepted my demons."  

He tucked my hair behind an ear.  "It's not fine, Anna.  This is clearly still affecting you.  But, you got him this time.  You had to shoot me to do it..."  He smiled.

I let out a little laugh through the last of my tears.  "Sorry."

He put his hands up. "It's fine.  I've got a cool bullet hole scar now so I'm totally cool with that."  

I laugh.  "Listen, I didn't want to unload all that on you.  I don't talk about it much, but since Karver's in custody, it's time to be real with myself...and my friends."  I put my elbow on the back of the swing and rested my head on my hand.

He grabbed my other hand.  "I'm glad you told me.  I like you.  I would like to think that you could tell me anything.  I took a bullet and you didn't kill me, so to say I trust you is an understatement."  He chuckles. "I hope you can trust me."

"Yeah."  I take the blanket off.  "You want to come inside.  Grab a bite or something?"

He smiled.  "I'd like that."