86. Mae

Days later I'm still unable to stop myself from thinking about Leo. No matter how I try not to pull him into my thoughts, he always ends up in it. If I think of my father, I think of him. If I think of how better I'm getting at practice, I think of him. If I wanted to touch myself, I think of him, and his lips against my skin. It was becoming exhausting at some point but never less exciting. I just hated how he had a space somewhere in my head.

I just got off practicing with him to free myself from being strangled. This time, we did it in his chamber, and like the first time in my room, there was no one else. Just me and him. Most of the time we practiced, it ended in him being on top of me, trapping me, intimidating me, but yet teaching me to escape him.

Shame on me, but somehow I was in my bathtub, having a bath and remembering his body pressing against mine every time we repeated the actions he taught me. I'm letting those thoughts turn me on even if I've sworn that I won't touch