February 2004
Alaina POV
I keep getting these random, very fleeting, emotions, as of late its anger, self-loathing, and the feeling of not being in control. Near the beginning of the month, I had a couple seconds of intense inexplicable pain. Had I not known better I would have thought I was in the middle of a battle! When I tried to talk to Cal about it, he pretty much just shrugged and walked away. I’m pretty sure he mumbled something along the lines of ‘that’s what you get for facking with the Moon Goddess’. Cal has been getting increasingly more agitated with me, very little patience when it comes to anything to do with me!
With that said I have to admit, I have been getting into more and more trouble. Some of it my idea, but in reality, most of it is Fins suggestions, so I guess I can sort of see a reason for him to be short with me. The well last fall was Fin, I just took the fall for it. I was able to play it off as a safety issue,
May 2004 Ashton POV She turns 19 this year. She is always on my mind. I dream of her at night, and sometimes I don’t think they are dreams! They are too vivid, almost lucid, and occasionally it's like she really looking at me. Wishful thinking, I know. Cal still calls weekly, but things have been shifting over the past few months, like he is getting more and more angry with her. When I try to talk to Cal about it, he shuts me down. Nothing that he has told me would make me think that he would have an issue over, and above, the mate thing. I know he’s PISSED about that but at the same time he has never talked about her the way he is now. It seems as though maybe her behaviour has become erratic and he doesn’t know how to deal with her, I’m not sure I would do any better… actually… thinking about it, I would probably have lost my ever loving shat on her by now so I guess I have to give him credit there. I do worry about why, as in what is she doing to cause Cal, quiet, polite, respectf
Alaina POV I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind! Every couple of days I see Ash. It's usually when I am extremely sad, and seeing him, for the brief moments, has started to bring me some comfort and solace. I have been thinking about my life, how did I end up here? When I left for Spain Fin was amazing, he was THE perfect guy, when I got back, I told him about Ash. I told him we rejected each other, and he seemed so happy. He said that he wanted to give me a little time before we mated and marked each other, and he wanted to give his mate a little extra time, to find him, before he rejected her too. I thought he was being sweet and respectful... but now we can go an entire day, or longer, and he won't call me back, won't come see me, avoids me like the plague. When he is around, or calls, all he wants to know is if I am ready for him to mark and mate me, UM NO! Especially not with how he has been behaving, he still won’t even let me talk about leaving him. Unless I have somewhere else t
August 2004 Ashton POV Well Aric has fixed our coding issue. We also figured out that it was none other thaaaaan.... GRAY! I swear I will never be able to get rid of her at this point! So, Aric fixed it, put in security measures, and he has been retained by me to troubleshoot as needed. Helmut still hasn’t asked for his favour, not sure if that bodes well for me or not! I called Scott and filled him into what we found. “Wild Rose, Savannah speaking, how may I help you?” “Hi Savannah, it’s Alpha Lupin” “Yes, Alpha, I will send you right through,” “Thank you, Savannah, I appreciate it!” “ASHTON!!! How goes?” “Not as good as you sound.” “Uh oh... please tell me it’s not Gray.” “Unfortunately...” “OK, what happened now?” I explained everything that we have, all the proof that would be needed for Scott to make an informed decision on what to do with her now.
Alaina POV “Why can't I go this year?” “Are you seriously asking me that Alaina? After last year? You STILL want to ask me that?! I will never be able to repair the damage that you caused with your little stunt!” “What damage? And what ‘stunt’? The whole me fighting for a little equality and wanting to show those misogynistic pricks that a woman is MORE than capable of taking on a man any day? Is THAT the stunt to which you are referring?” “Yes, Alaina, THAT is ONE of the stunts, and what damage? The council now has a personal vendetta against us. If they even THINK there is a reason to look at as they will, and they will turn over EVERY rock, leaf, and piece of dust to find anything they can charge us with! Did you think about that when you did all this? OR, how about when you attempted to fight Alpha Yu it could have caused a pack war?! How about the fact that now the council knows who you are, WHAT you are? You think that the
November 2004 Ashton POV Aric moved to my pack in September. Between all the issues we were having, and him falling in love with the area when they came, he asked Helmut if he could move here. After a few Alpha commands and NDA’s signed, on both sides, he moved here... and then found his mate at the farmers market the day he landed with his stuff! Shocked is not the word for it, astonished isn't enough, stunned... astounded... flabbergasted might be getting closer... he’s a facking Hutterite! There’s nothing wrong with that just... the culture shock on the poor guy! So besides learning about the supernatural world, he left the colony and was inundated with technology, and to find he’s fated to be with another guy. The Hutterites, at least up here, are still very old school about that kind of thing, so there have been a few issues for Klaus with his family. They are really an amazing couple though, the amount of love they have for each other is what I want for me and Alaina. I truly h
Alaina POV Cheated. He cheated. He found his fated mate and he cheated. He cheated on me, and he cheated on her... with Lochlynn of all people! How? How could someone do that?! How could someone be so callous?! My heart shattered the second I found out. Cal was there for me though, no matter how mad at me he is he is ALWAYS there when I need him! I had been sound asleep, another dream about Janus, when I saw him get attacked from behind and his back ripped open. That’s when I woke up in pain, more pain than I have ever felt in my life! It felt like I was the one being ripped open, the adrenaline coursing through my body was like I was the one being attacked. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to my dad's office and grabbed the ceremonial dagger, its pure silver, and I stabbed myself, in the lower abdomen. Twice. No more... I can't take any more! The random, very short lived, pain that doesn’t make sense. Cal got to me too fast. I knew he would
April 2005 Ashton POV I didn’t go to Scotland for New Year’s, seemed like it would be pointless at this point anyways, I go once a month, but I have stopped going a second time for the special holidays. But Cal called me, mid-April, and asked me to fly out, as soon as possible. I got the flight crew to get the plane ready and left without packing a bag. It would be a turn and burn anyways, so what’s the point? He had me meet him in ‘our usual spot’. I chuckled at that. At the last minute I decided to bring Ashton with me, I’m not too sure why, just something in my gut told me he had to be there with me! So here we are, sitting in ‘our’ bar at ‘our’ table, I shake my head before calling the waitress over, and order 2 pitchers with 3 glasses. The order just gets placed on the table when a VERY angry Callum walks in. He doesn’t even sit, he walks right up to me and is less than a foot from my face. “When the FACK are you going to take her home?” “Cal, we’v
August 2005 Fawcett, Canada, Ashton POV I haven’t been myself at all! I haven’t gone back to Scotland since I tried o get on their pack lands, and Cal won’t take my calls at all. The only thing I haven’t done is call Alpha Morgan directly, because how do I explain that? ‘Uh, yeah, I want to talk to your Beta, or daughter?’, ‘the reason? Can’t tell you’… yeah that would work, not. I’m close to doing it though, If I haven’t heard anything by the end of the month I am calling, I don’t care. I haven’t even been able to get into her head through my dreams! The only think I know is that she is still alive, but I haven’t been able to feel anything else, the emotional bond is so void of any emotion that it’s like she doesn’t exist! I have been debating on whether to go to the meeting this year or not, it's supposed to be in three weeks, at the end of the month. I can’t even begin to count the number of meetings Austin, Grant, and I have had about this. It’s at the Kanahā Pack on the Island
Ash POV “I’m not sure that the use of the cameras, in the direction of where the actual tribe lives, is a good idea, what can we do to prevent that?” I ask Dan as the phone rings. “Hello?” “Ash, ‘ol buddy, ‘ol pal.” “Uhhh… yes?” “Shane, from Winslow pack in Dundurn.” “Oh, hey! I didn’t recognize your voice!” “I need to know when everyone is being sent to Tsuut'ina pack so I can get some produce and meat shipped over.” “OH!!! I still need to talk to the tribal chief, but I am working with my head of security to come up with a system that wont be overly invasive, and will be easily removed, before I call her.” “Ok, give me a call when you’ve figured that out and we will get a couple truck sent out there.” “Thanks Shane!” I barely hang up the phone before it rings again. “Hello?” “Ashton, I have been waiting f
Ash POV “Well, I guess we have some work to get done.” Scott nods at me. I can see the repugnance on his face. I’m not sure if it’s with himself, me, or the situation in general, but I have a feeling our friendship will never be the same. My relationship with all of the Alphas will have changed by the end of this. I don’t know if we should take up the kingship after dad steps down. I don’t know if I should be an Alpha anymore. “I know what’s going through your head Ash,” Scott says as he places his hand on my shoulder. “We are still good. This is not your fault; you’ve just been dealt a REALLY shit.ty hand!” I nod, not fully believing him. I mean, yeah, the entire situation is completely, and totally, fu.cked up. It’s been reiterated, I don’t know how many times now but, no one could have predicted this. Even if everyone took the ‘bedtime story’ of Selene’s reincarnation as truth… no one could have thought that there would be someone this
Ash POV Within 25 hours of my call with dad we are all on Skype with the various Alphas, and royal families. There are a handful that had to do a phone call, due to fight issues, or their location not allowing them to get places fast enough, but the bulk of them have made it to this call. The Canadians have all amassed at Blue River, St. Bruno, as that was the best place for flights, with the exception of Scott and I, since that as.shole Kushim is currently in our vicinity and actively attacking. Scott did make his way down to my office, to try to eliminate the number of open windows in the chat as much as possible, but we both know he may need to leave in a rush. The pictures are small, but it will work. I notice that as each location speaks their picture lights up with a little ring around it. Well, that makes things a lot easier! “I have called you all to this meeting to talk about the rogue problem and the prophecy of a mad man.” I watch a closely and everyone see
Ash POV I make a slow walk back to the pack house, with Clara draped in my arms, holding her tight. By the time I get back to town she has no colour left in her face, as hard as I try to keep her head to my chest it flops around as I walkAs I pass by pack members I can hear the gasps, see them cover their mouths in shock, and hear the murmurs about what could have happened. The tears fall down my face, and I don’t even try to hide them. The time of being ‘the big tough Alpha’ is over. I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen, I can’t pretend like these things no longer affect me, the truth… the truth is that this is breaking me. It started out slowly, and I don’t even know when it got to this point, but, if I am being honest with myself, I am becoming a broken man. I will always do everything I can to protect Alaina, I will do everything I can to protect my pack… all of the packs… but I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together enough to do it effectively. I have made so many mi
Ash POV Scott agreed to help call some of the Alphas, Cal and Alex have split a bunch amongst themselves and I got Yu and… Kendrick. I sit at my desk, head in my hands, wondering just how I am going to do this. After Alaina took Kendrick down at the Alpha meeting a few years ago I’m not sure he will be willing to help, at least not if its to help her, and Yu… I never did get a read on how he took Alaina yelling at him. I DO know that if they are in the same room together she will likely want to beat the ever-loving sh.it out of him. Fu.ck, having a strong minded, out spoken, and full of… having Alaina as a mate is definitely challenging at the moment! Not many Alphas appreciate Lunas being like Alaina. They want a quiet, subservient, Luna that has no real mind of her own. Alaina caused a lot of waves in Spain and I don’t think anyone has forgotten. ‘That being said… they do still want to be on the royal families good side!’ ‘Good point… I don’t know if t
Ash POV Walking back into my office Alex, and Austin, are waiting, looking at a map sprawled out across my desk. “What’s going on?” Alex looks up at me, then back to the map, before pointing to the eastern border. “They came in from the East this time. Our patrols were able to get to them before they really got into the territory, but we weren’t expecting it.” “What’s with the one that was caught?” Alex gives a little chuckle, turning and, half sitting on my desk. “Yeah… ‘caught’” He air quotes, chortling a little harder, with Cal and Austin quickly joining him. I raise an eyebrow and look at each of them waiting for someone to explain. “She never shifted, the second she saw our warriors she kneeled, hands on top of her head, and didn’t move, or say anything, until after the fight was over. Whe-” “How was she not brought into the fight?” “She stayed back, a good thirty feet, whi
Ash POV I hold Alaina as she sleeps, and my mind wanders to her reaction to all of this. 'I don’t get it, why would she think we would be mad at her?' I can hear his pain, the same pain that I am feeling. 'I have no answer, man, no answer at all.' The door opens and the doctor sneaks in, giving me a slight nod before grabbing Alaina’s chart from the wall. He nods his head to the hallway, wanting to talk to me, but when I look at Alaina, seeing how peaceful she finally looks, I shake my head. He peers over my body to see her curled around me and nods in understanding. “I’m glad to see she’s finally sleeping, without medication.” I nod, in agreement, as he checks her vitals. “I have a question.” I say, trying to keep my chest from vibrating against her head. He nods, and places her chart back on the wall, before coming next to the bed. “She is beating herself up about losing the pups. Fuck she thought I would
***TW Pregnancy loss and thoughts of self-harm. This one was hard for me to write, as I have had a miscarriage. That being said… Alaina’s side needs to be told. While everyone’s thoughts, and experiences, are different, in tumultuous times, I pulled on parts of my own thoughts, and experiences, for this.*** Alaina POV “I’m sorry Luna, we are limited on options…” “We need to make a decision…” “We don’t have much time…” “Do you want us to call Alpha lupin?...” “Luna?...” “Doctor she’s not responding…” There’s a light flashed in my eyes, I can feel hands on my shoulders, laying me down, pretty sure there’s an IV being placed. “Alaina, I’m so sorry, I called Ash and he’s on his way here.” I look up at him, and I can see the pity written across his face. “I understand how you feel Al-“ Bul.lshit he understands! I haven’t heard from Ty since the doctor gave us the news. That being said, I don’t know what either one of us would say to the other.
As the stapler flies apart my phone starts ringing again and Dan quickly glances at the number on the screen then tosses it to me. Looking I see the number for Wild Rose flit across the screen. “Scott?” “I’m sorry Ash, I need you to get out here like yesterday.” I start running out the door towards the garage. “What happened?” “Alaina had an ultrasound…” His pause stops my heart, and my feet. “SCOTT!” “I’m sorry Ash… it’s the pups.” I start running full tilt. “I don’t know much just that there is an issue and she might loose one… some… I don’t know.” “I’m going to run.” I say as I toss my phone and shift mid step. 'We never should have left her there! She should have been with us!' 'Arguing about it now isn’t going to change anything, but we both know that, with what we knew it was the safest place.' 'And now?'