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Worthy Punishment
Opening my eyes, I can’t help but smile. Rolling over, my arms reach out to cuddle Jackson but there is just empty space. My mind races forward, memories of yesterday plaguing me. What have I done? My head hurts so much, but not as much as my heart: that is now in pieces.
I can’t see a way to fix it, a way to fix anything. Jackson’s offer is in my mind, the one about taking a stand and telling me I have a decision to make. It is his way to give me both of them, yet I don’t feel right agreeing, not at all. It would be like saying our marriage means nothing, yet it does.
I hate this! I hate what they have done to me! They have destroyed me just by giving me love. Now the result is three broken hearts, a fucked-up situation and destruction. How can this ever be fixed? How can I walk away from one knowing I’ll be killing the other? I can’t do that, yet I have to. I have to find a way to choose but I don’t want to.
Tears start to fall. That’s all
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Jackson sits with the girls. Walking into the kitchen, I begin cooking. I watch him walk over to me, then his arms wrap around me and his lips press against my neck. “I still love you. We’re still together and married, so don’t be afraid of touching me, please, Kitten. If we can’t be like we were, that would hurt more than you walking away.” Turning to face him, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to me, and kissing him. Why do I feel like I have not kissed him in ages? My breathing is hitched my heart racing. “Calm down, Kitten.” He pulls back, kissing my forehead. “Okay, the first rule, is you can’t both call me Kitten. You two can sort that out yourselves, but it doesn’t feel right anymore.” It doesn’t, and it needs to change. “Okay, Kitten.” I burst out laughing at his response. “Sorry, old habits die hard and all that.” He turns to walk back to the girls. Finishing, I plate it up and place the five plates on the table. Jac
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Walking through the door, I find him standing waiting. Walking to him, my arms wrap around his neck. Kissing his lips and pulling him to me, his hands grab me, pulling me tightly towards him, my moans escaping. “I don’t want Marcus. I just want you. I don’t want anyone else in the room, just you. I can’t believe I never realised it before. Everything you did was for me, not you. That fucking punishment this morning was for me not you. I am doing this for you. I am choosing right now: no Marcus. I can live without him; I cannot live without you, Jackson.” He looks hurt. His face is filled with pain, his eyes looking at the door. Following his gaze, I see Marcus standing there. Everything, all the feelings for him, flood through me. I feel awful. He walks out. Following him, I stop him by the car. “I am sorry. You were right. I will never leave Jackson for you. That does not mean I don’t love you. I do, but not enough, Marcus. I am sorry. I really am.” This is
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“Hey, have you realised we have had no more issues?” His words make me realise he was right. There has been nothing since the launch. Maybe it was Jake all along and the police scared him off? “We’ll have a peaceful Christmas. As much as I hate bringing him up, especially now, I have to. Marcus’s birthday is the same date as Georgina’s. I was thinking of throwing a joint party for them both and that way he can’t say no because he will be going to Georgina’s.” I wait for his reply but he is quiet. Maybe it is too soon to mention his name. “If he will go, I think it will be nice. He has not celebrated his birthday for years. He does not even see anyone on it, so if he agrees then why not?” Wrapping my arms around him, I move closer, my lips pressing against his. “Thank you.” Smiling at him, I can’t believe how close I came to possibly losing him. “I told you, me and Marcus will stay friends through anything. I still love him and you the sa
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The car door opens. Looking up, I see Marcus has climbed into the passenger seat. “I know Jackson enough that he wouldn’t want you going alone after that letter. I am coming with you. I won’t talk. Christ, Alena, I won’t even look at you.” His eyes are fixed forward. I don’t think I can do this. The car is too small. All the emotions flood back. I can feel the tears building in my eyes. Concentrate, Alena. Drive and concentrate. Maybe I should give up and go shopping another day? But honestly, when it is Christmas in seven days, I can’t escape it. I need to go shopping. Pulling out of the drive, he stays quiet. The whole drive is too quiet. I can’t stand it. “So, what is your plan now then?” My question is almost silent. I can’t act like he isn’t in the car with me. As hard as it is to talk to him, I can’t do it. “Well, after Christmas I am going out on missions with the team, just going to get away for a bit.” I want to argue, tell him no and
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The sound of the door closing is the only indication he is here. His footsteps are quiet as he walks around the room. My heart races waiting for him to touch me. I can sense him close to me. He isn’t saying or doing anything, just stood or sat watching me. I can feel his eyes on me. “What shall we do, Kitten?” His voice is quiet. He needs to do whatever he wants for a change. “I want you to enjoy yourself, to do something you like and not just do something for me like you always do.” He does everything for me. I don’t even know if he has ever done anything for himself. “I do, Alena. Do you think I would let another man touch you if I didn’t enjoy it? Not a chance! Seeing you with another man makes me hard, so fucking hard. Not everything I did was just for you; some were for me as well.” Nodding, I agree he wouldn’t let a guy touch me if he didn’t like it, no way would he. “Well, I think we messed that whole part up, with Marcus
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Jumping, I would have fallen forward without the chain. The whip hits my ass, making me moan. That is why he has the lead held tight. When he whipped me, my body flew forward. If he didn’t have hold, I would have gone. Moaning, I stay bent over, waiting. His silence makes the anticipation higher. I feel myself slowly slip into my subspace, my mind clearing of everything. Jumping from the sting of the whip, I moan. I can’t help but smile, knowing that just a few rooms away his favourite whip is waiting to be opened. The whip continues to hit, my moans growing as they get harder. My mind reminds me of the cameras. As panic rises inside me at the thought of people watching, it is quickly muted as the rest of me craves it, craves knowing what they would do with me, and what they were thinking about watching me. His whip hits again, hard. Moaning, I almost fall forward again, the collar holding me in place. His hand strokes up my back, the
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