“I kind of snuck your pills. I didn’t want to fall asleep and not give you the whip.”
A cheeky smile is on my face as I try to reassure myself that if I did that, he would laugh it off, tell me not to do it again and move on. I was wrong. He is shocked and looks angry right now.
“Are you crazy? They are the ones we take on a mission when we know we can’t sleep. Sometimes I would be up for nearly forty-eight hours with just one, Alena!”
His head lowers to his hands. Shaking his head at me, he sighs at me. Okay, maybe I was wrong about how he would react. All they are, are energy pills. It’s not like I took something illegal.
“How many did you take?”
Okay, now I feel I should lie, but knowing my luck he will have counted how many were in the tub. “I took two.”
A laugh escapes my lips. Looking up at him through my lashes, my mouth is tight as I fight off the smile. I am awake, aren’t I?
Having fun as well. It seems they are good a
The time passes and it gets to half-seven. Jackson walks down the stairs looking for me. Seeing me and Marcus sat together, he walks towards us. Coming into the room, he looks around, like he is missing something or I have forgotten something. “What’s going on?” Is he upset that I am sat with Marcus or the fact I got up and came downstairs when he warned me not to? I get he is worried I could be down here and that someone could break in and he would have no idea at all. “We are watching Titanic. I am going to make breakfast soon for us all.” Actually, I should probably start cooking now. “Actually, I need a drink. Does anyone else want one? I will start breakfast as well.” Getting up I start to walk out, catching the start of their conversation. “Are you sure she will be okay? Can the hospital not do anything?” Jackson sounds worried, and as scared as I am, I actually like this. I don’t feel tired like I have for the last few days, I act
Moving in front of me, he kneels in front of me, his hands lifting my head to look at him. “How do you feel now? I put the girls in their cots.” Looking at him, he is all blurry. I can’t even make out his face. “I can’t see. Everything is blurry.” Rubbing my eyes, I look back up at him. My body freezes. It isn’t real. Why am I seeing Max in front of me? No, it’s Marcus. Covering my eyes, I try to shake the image from my head. “Right, you need to sleep. Alena, can you hear me? Anything else wrong, Alena?” Looking up, I still see Max. Putting my head down, I try to hide from it. I feel Marcus’s hand rubbing against my arm, trying to soothe me. Looking up, I pray when I open my eyes, I see Marcus. Slowly opening them, there is his face, the glare of anger on it. “It’s not Max.” Hiding my head, I try to get rid of the image but it isn’t working at all. Why was I so stupid? “No, I am not Max, Alena. Come on, you need t
Waking up, the light is bright. Rolling over, Jackson is still in bed with me. He looks ill like he’s not slept in weeks. “I’m sorry.” I can only apologise for this. I feel better now though. “How do you feel?” His eyes are assessing me, trying to work out if I am awake or asleep. “I feel fine. Hungry and thirsty, but fine.” Sitting up, I try to remember what has happened, but everything is fuzzy, my mind not wanting to remember it. “You have been out for nearly 24 hours. Don’t ever do that again. I swear every scream was like you were breaking me. I couldn’t help you either.” So I was screaming. I couldn’t tell. I thought I was, yet everything was silent. “I am fine, honestly. How are the girls?” Looking towards the door, no doubt they are in bed already. “They are fine, enjoyed a lot of time with Marcus. Just try and get more sleep.” His hand goes to push me down, but I don’t want to sleep or need it. “I am fi
Why are they both just staring at me? What happened that I missed in the few seconds I passed out? “We need to get you to the hospital.” Jackson looks at Marcus. We? Since when were they on speaking terms again? “I don’t need the hospital. I am perfectly fine. You are overreacting. I was just dizzy from being sick so much.” Sitting up, my back hurts a lot. Winching in pain, my hand reaches around and rubs my back. “You always say that which just proves you need to go. You fell down four stairs. It might not be a lot but we are not taking a chance. I have texted Georgina and she is on her way to watch the girls.” Rolling my eyes, I don’t fight anymore, and Jackson is in no mood to play: he doesn’t even mention the eye roll. The door opens, and Liam and Georgina walk in. Again, more people looking concerned for me. I am totally fine. A bit of pain but nothing to worry about. “Let me know how she gets on please, Jackson.” Georgina walks o
It is one of the reasons I love him, yet I feel so alone right now like no one has any idea what I am going through. The car stops. Looking up, we are already home. Getting out, I walk into the house. Not saying anything, I walk straight upstairs. I can’t face the questions right now. Getting changed, I climb into bed. Right now, is the time I would love to fall asleep so easily, yet my mind just won’t stop. It keeps going on and on about everything I have done wrong that has led to this point. I can hear the faint talking downstairs. I can’t make out what they are saying and, to be honest, I don’t care. They can’t be saying anything about me worse than I am already thinking. Looking around this room, I can’t help but wonder if our relationship is toxic. Sure, it might not be like me and Max but all these issues, maybe it is a sign? Laying here, every possible thought goes through my head - why it is my fault, why I might deserve this and how much I hate myself. 
Waking up, Jackson is still asleep next to me. Grabbing my phone, I check the time: seven-thirty. I should get up and start cooking breakfast. Unlocking the phone, I have a message from Georgina. Alena, let me know you are okay. I can see something has happened other than you passing out. Just meet me for a drink, a girls’ night in, anything. I should say no, but a relaxing night with Georgina talking through everything would be perfect right now. I am pregnant and once again, it’s my mistake for being late with the pill. I don’t know what to do, how to feel or anything. Replying to her, I can only hope she is not busy tonight. Can you come here tonight? Jackson and Marcus can stay out of the way, but a lot has happened. Closing the phone, I get out of bed. No doubt she will still be asleep. Going downstairs, I try being quiet - I don’t want to wake anyone up. Slowly, I begin cooking, trying to take my mind off everything
“Dinner is ready now.” Turning. Jackson is at the door. I have spent nearly four hours writing just for the blog. I have not even done work. Okay around three of those four hours I spent reminiscing about that night but still, a long time to spend on just the blog. “Okay. I will come down now and bring the laptop then I will finish everything downstairs with you.” Getting up, I grab the laptop. Going to walk out the door, Jackson takes it off me and carries it. I can’t even carry a laptop, really? No arguing, just let it go and carry on. Following him downstairs, I sit at the table. I still, even now, find it strange to be sitting here without Marcus. He has become part of the family, which really is not a good thing.“Right, so we have a choice: more Christmas films, or we do something crazy and watch something like Easter films, just so we get a break from the big red guy.” Jackson laughs, looking at me and waiting for my answer. “I
My head drops. “What is it with me and coming between you and people you’re close to? Liam when we met, then Liam after you went missing, Marcus and now again Marcus.” I have just realised I am causing all the trouble in his life. “Every bit of drama you have had is because of me: Caroline, Max, Marcus, Liam and now all this with Roxy. Everything seems to follow me around.” Everything stems back to me, all of it. “Erm, I will leave you two alone.” Marcus gets up and walks out. I totally forgot he was in here and I just said all that in front of him. “You don’t come between me and anyone. Everyone falls out. It is part of life, Alena, and Caroline was my drama, not yours.” Walking over to me, he pulls me up, his arms wrapping around me. “I love you, Alena, and I would give up everyone to have just you and the girls.” Resting my head against his chest, I understand that. I would do the same for him. “Right, you go see Georgina. I