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Bottoming From The Top
Walking through the door, I find him standing waiting. Walking to him, my arms wrap around his neck. Kissing his lips and pulling him to me, his hands grab me, pulling me tightly towards him, my moans escaping.
“I don’t want Marcus. I just want you. I don’t want anyone else in the room, just you. I can’t believe I never realised it before. Everything you did was for me, not you. That fucking punishment this morning was for me not you. I am doing this for you. I am choosing right now: no Marcus. I can live without him; I cannot live without you, Jackson.”
He looks hurt. His face is filled with pain, his eyes looking at the door. Following his gaze, I see Marcus standing there. Everything, all the feelings for him, flood through me. I feel awful. He walks out. Following him, I stop him by the car.
“I am sorry. You were right. I will never leave Jackson for you. That does not mean I don’t love you. I do, but not enough, Marcus. I am sorry. I really am.” This is
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The car door opens. Looking up, I see Marcus has climbed into the passenger seat. “I know Jackson enough that he wouldn’t want you going alone after that letter. I am coming with you. I won’t talk. Christ, Alena, I won’t even look at you.” His eyes are fixed forward. I don’t think I can do this. The car is too small. All the emotions flood back. I can feel the tears building in my eyes. Concentrate, Alena. Drive and concentrate. Maybe I should give up and go shopping another day? But honestly, when it is Christmas in seven days, I can’t escape it. I need to go shopping. Pulling out of the drive, he stays quiet. The whole drive is too quiet. I can’t stand it. “So, what is your plan now then?” My question is almost silent. I can’t act like he isn’t in the car with me. As hard as it is to talk to him, I can’t do it. “Well, after Christmas I am going out on missions with the team, just going to get away for a bit.” I want to argue, tell him no and
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The sound of the door closing is the only indication he is here. His footsteps are quiet as he walks around the room. My heart races waiting for him to touch me. I can sense him close to me. He isn’t saying or doing anything, just stood or sat watching me. I can feel his eyes on me. “What shall we do, Kitten?” His voice is quiet. He needs to do whatever he wants for a change. “I want you to enjoy yourself, to do something you like and not just do something for me like you always do.” He does everything for me. I don’t even know if he has ever done anything for himself. “I do, Alena. Do you think I would let another man touch you if I didn’t enjoy it? Not a chance! Seeing you with another man makes me hard, so fucking hard. Not everything I did was just for you; some were for me as well.” Nodding, I agree he wouldn’t let a guy touch me if he didn’t like it, no way would he. “Well, I think we messed that whole part up, with Marcus
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Waking up with the familiar scream, my body instantly reacts to the dream, trying to stop myself, but I can’t. Walking down the stairs, I feel a sense of change: something in the dream has changed. I can feel my body stiffen up as the phone rings. The same voice, the same words, everything is the same. A vision shows Jackson standing there and I hear the sound of the gun. I see him falling to the floor. Just as I do, I scream, trying to wake up. I can’t wake up. I’m lying on the floor screaming, the image of Jackson bleeding in my mind yet I can’t get to him. Why has the dream changed? Why Jackson and why now? My body lurches upwards, still screaming. Jackson’s hands are shaking me as if he is trying to wake me. Marcus is standing at the door. My whole body is cold and shaking. If there is anything worse than the dream of me being shot and unable to wake, it is Jackson being shot and me being unable to wake from it. My body automatically goes to get out the bed and check on the
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