Kapitulo 4: Wake-up

I feel weak and sore. My body feels very heavy. As if, a huge boulder was pressing against me. I cannot even move a finger without feeling discomfort. What happened? My eyes frantically scanned my whole being.

Just then, the disturbing memory of my weightless body thrown into the window, flashed before my eyes. It appears that I forgot to wear my seatbelt.

I-I am...okay?

The white ceiling and the smell of disinfectant calmed my panicking spirit, yet my brain was churning fast that my head ached. 

I tried to move my limbs up, to bring it within my field of vision, but a groan escaped my dry lips. I held back a gasped from the sudden stabbing pain that comes from my stomach. I barely moved but it hurts a lot. There is also a stinging feeling that is running all over my skin, it feels really weird and uncomfortable.

"Stay still."

A light and almost coaxing voice interrupted my line of thought.

Retracting my searching gaze from my waist, my eyes met with a man’s unfamiliar set of orbs who is clad in a white shirt and pants. The man was sitting leisurely on the long white-colored couch behind a small glass table.

"W-who are you?" 

 A rough broken voice came out of my throat.

My forehead creased. Even talking hurts, my throat feels like I had swallow a handful of dry sand that ruthlessly scratched my throat raw.

I racked my fogged covered brain to recall who the person is, but failed and I am sure that I did not know him before. So why is he here?

Is he perhaps, a swindler?

I watched the man as he put the newspaper -he is holding- away revealing his face. The man has a striking gray colored hair. He meticulously fold the paper before putting it atop the table.

As if sensing the inquiry in my eyes he smiled.

"Nurse Popin asked me to look after you. Do you need something? How are you feeling?"

I turned silent, my vigilance diminishing as I sensed no maliciousness from him.

My blurry vision gradually cleared as the pain on my body becomes a bit bearable. Nevertheless, my mind still feel a little dizzy and a little disoriented.

My whole body is aching especially the left side of my stomach.

"My body hurts -my waist hurts so much."

It was as if someone roughly poke a hole in my stomach and twisted my insides. Even my limbs feel sore and aching. As if I have fallen, off from a long stair.

"Hmm, that should be normal, dear. You have two broken ribs. One punctured your lungs. You have a deep wound on your stomach, it was sutured and some superficial wounds." 

The man nodded his head with a straight face.  However, my eyes landed on the black hairy cat lazily lying on his lap. Its paws and ears are white like a perfect looking soft cotton ball.

The man gently stoke its thick shiny fur. His long elegant fingers combing through the kitten's body. Earning him a satisfied purr.

"Then, I'll go first," he announced.

The man cradles the kitten close on his chest as he left.

The following days that passed were rather uneventful. Like a silent snail crawling on the wet ground while basking under the morning sun.

After two weeks of staying inside the hospital, some of my wound already form scabs. It was a sign of healing.

The person who caused the accident that involves me was punished accordingly.

Friends and some of my acquaintances visits my room while holding basket of flowers and fruits. Although they did not stay for long. I am moved by their kind gestures.

During those days, I realized many things. I have pondered over my life a lot. It wasn't boring, it wasn't exciting and it wasn't as fulfilling as I have imagined it 10 years back. 

The accident was like a harsh wake-up call.

There are times where I will find myself staring at the door. Waiting for his silhouette, wondering if he knew of what has transpired to me- his wife who he wished so much to divorce. However, I saw not even his shadow. He never visit me, not even once.

"Does he know?"

Patricia raise her brow. 

"Unless he's blind, which we both know he's not."

Her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She gave the plate of freshly peeled apple, which she cut into bite-sized, towards me. I thank her before dazedly popping one slice to my mouth. 

The usually sweet fruit somehow left bitterness against my tongue.

As is, sensing my gloomy mood, Patricia sighed.

"I tried contacting him to ask if when he will be coming to at least take care of you. But, the call never get through. I'm sorry."

I look at the window and whispered, “It's not your fault.” whilst comforting my broken heart in vain.

She chuckled humorlessly before quickly changing the topic.

"Have you prepared yourself? After you are healed, okay? You cannot back out, Helga. I am telling you or I'm going to skin you alive. Mark my word."

My jaw subconsciously stopped moving before shrugging and shooting her with an apple seed. Laughing I turned to face her around with my head tilted and made face. 

"You sounds more like my mother now. Are you secretly my mother?” I joked yet, Patricia just rolled her eyes, so instead I seriously asked; “You don't believe me?"

"Oh, common Helga don't give me that look, we both know how you rope yourself towards Martin. Don't me, frenny. More like, give Martin a minute to flirt with you and you will be back professing your undying love to him. Look at yourself, he had lied to you repeatedly and you accepted him over and over again, too. So I cannot bear to believe you, unless we steps out of this country."

Patricia's familiar irritated litany of complaints made the corner of my lips raise and twitched in grimace.

Patricia never brought up the topic before the accident, when she called and heard me crying. She never asked any question, letting me adjust my emotions. However, I know she is just giving me the privilege to decide if I am willing to open up to her and I am thankful for that. Because I am not yet ready.

The injury in my chest was still raw and bleeding.

Whatever happened before the accident, I just want to bury it into oblivion. Like what I always do. And pretend that nothing happened for all is well. After all, I am the only one who knows it.

He did not know I was there. That I saw him cheating and letting someone give him a head. Only I knew. Technically, it should not matter anymore. Moreover, I do not have the guts to share their immorality to my friend because it is sickening. Therefore, I figure that keeping it as is would be for the better.

Yet, on the other hand, maybe he did but he just does not care.

As I stayed longer and longer inside the hospital, I realized that what I am nursing back more, was the emotional trauma that I had suffer not exactly my hurting stomach. Because emotional pain was agonizing more than the flesh wounds.

Maybe this is the time to give myself more importance, more than what I have wasted towards the man that I once upon a time, shared warmth.

Nevertheless, if I will be given another option to fall in love with Martin -again, I am afraid, I would still choose him. That is how stubborn my heart is.