Ethan Never Loved Her

**POV: Harper**

I could see the raw emotion etched into his features—the furrowed brows, the trembling lips. It was the kind of desperation that spoke of realizations, of mistakes made too late. I could tell that he now knows how I feel about his relationship with Emma, and I’m glad that he is finally ready to open up about it.

“I need you to trust me again, my love. I want us to go back to how we used to be before this whole misunderstanding. We used to be happy; we trusted each other and always cared for each other. What happened to us, Harper? How can you let a little misunderstanding come between us? How could you leave me without looking back? I thought you loved me. You promised to always be there for me. You said you would be by my side. You promised to stand by me no matter what. I want my wife back; I want the love and trust back, Harper. I need you to trust me again. Please, my love,” he begged.

“Why should I?” I shot back, my voice carrying the weight of betrayal. “You don’t expect me to get over it so soon, do you? Come on, Ethan, I’m still waiting for your explanation first before I decide what to do about it. You have lied to me about your whole life with Emma and Serena. I don’t even know who you really are. Our marriage is built on a lie; everything about us is a lie. And you dare to ask me to trust you again?” I asked him, my voice breaking at the end.

"I know, my love. I know it’s going to be difficult to earn back your trust and go back to the way we used to be,” he admitted, walking toward me and placing a hand on my shoulder as if he could close the space between us and eliminate my doubts. I shrugged him off, taking a step in another direction, leaving him standing alone.

“I’m sorry, Harper. I know that I have made a mess of things. But I am here now. I’m here to tell you everything. I just need you to promise me that everything is going to be okay after this. I want us to go back to how we used to be. Please, just… trust me and let me explain.” He let out softly, pulling me once more into his arms, forcing me to look into his eyes again.

In his eyes, I saw that familiar warmth that drew me to him the very first time I set my eyes on him. I felt my resolve waver as he looked at me with that intensity— that familiar warmth that always made my heart race. Still, I remained guarded. I broke our gaze and looked away, avoiding the intensity of his warm stare. I have to be strong; I need to be firm in my decision, or else I will never know the truth.

“Okay, I’ll listen with an open mind. Explain, Ethan,” I said, my tone icy and firm, leaving no room for arguments. Ethan guided me to the couch and sat down on it, making me sit right next to him. He gazed at me for a few seconds, helped me tuck my hair behind my ear to see my face fully. He smiled as he took a deep breath, then began.

“Emma and I grew up together—same neighborhood, same schools. We were so close, practically inseparable.” He paced slightly, as if the movement would coax the words from his chest. It sure seemed like he was being sucked back into the past, like he was taking a stroll down memory lane.

“Everyone around us thought we were destined to be together. Our families, our friends... Hell, even Emma believed it. She called me her soulmate.” My brow furrowed as I got lost in his explanation.

“We never chose for ourselves; at least, I didn’t. I just went along with everyone’s opinion. I never felt that bond, that special connection that I desire in a woman I plan to be with for the rest of my life. It’s funny now that I think about it because we had every opportunity to define our feelings and state our desires. But we never spoke about it; we just hung out together with the rest of our friends. Everyone wanted us to be together; our families built an alliance and assumed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I’m glad my dad held back the deal before our companies were merged. I don’t know what I would have done if their plot to unite both families through our marriage was set in motion. It would have been more devastating.” He explained, sounding so sad and regretful. I still don’t get why he is still in contact with those women if he claims he never felt the bond or connection between him and Emma.

“But that’s not love, Ethan. You felt pressured to feel something you didn’t. You never loved her; you never promised to spend the rest of your life with her. You just went along with their assumptions and pretended to feel something that was never there to begin with,” I let out in disbelief.

“Exactly!” he affirmed, moving a little closer in excitement. I could tell that he has been dying to tell his side of the story for so long. He never found anyone who would understand him; he never found anyone who was willing to hear his heart speak and understand the circumstances surrounding his forced affairs with Emma.

If he had told everyone that he never loved Emma as they assumed, he would have been termed a player, and his reputation and business would be ruined. He had to keep his feelings locked up in his heart and pretend to love someone he considers just a friend.

“I got caught up in it. I thought I was in love because everyone told me I was. I actually thought if I just went along with it, maybe, just maybe, I might actually end up loving her. As time went on, it became a known fact that both families were aware of our relationship and they approved of it. In fact, everyone believed that we were engaged and preparing to be married. They assumed that we were already in love with each other. But deep down in my heart, I knew something was missing. I didn’t know what it was that was missing; hell, I couldn’t even understand it until I met you, Harper,” he admitted. I swallowed hard, my heart twitching at the thought. He held my hand, looking into my eyes as he kissed the back of my palm, sending shivers down my spine.

“After Emma saved my life,” he continued, his voice dropping to a somber whisper, “I felt crushed under the weight of guilt. I hated myself for not having those feelings for her like everyone thought I should. I felt like a monster for leading her on and never making it clear that I didn’t feel the same way for her. She sacrificed so much for me, and I didn’t deserve it. I still don’t deserve it. I should never have played along and hurt her feelings that way. I should have been honest about my true feelings, and maybe she would be healthy and happy today. I’m a monster, Harper; I’m a fucking monster!” He confessed, his eyes filled with guilt.

“I would give anything to make up for my mistakes. I have lived with this guilt for so long, and it's killing me. Looking after Serena and…” he paused, trying to control his emotions. I looked away, collecting my thoughts.

“And so you think spoiling Serena is enough to make up for all that?” I asked him.

“It’s all I could do, Harper. The guilt is eating me inside. I felt so terrible; I had to do something to make up for my mistakes and compensate her for all her sacrifices.” he said, desperation and guilt creeping back into his voice.

“Taking care of Serena, being there for Emma—it’s my way of trying to repay the debt. But it doesn’t mean I love them like you think. It doesn’t mean that I’m in love with Emma. If anything, it’s my way of easing my guilt and clearing my conscience,” he admitted.