From Bad to Worse

             “James, this is insane. What did you do? Where are we?” Emily couldn’t believe he wasn’t a victim. She was the victim. James kidnapped her, but she didn’t understand why he’d done this. “What do we have to talk about that we haven’t talked about a million times? I need to get back soon because I need to close up the cottage before I leave for the airport.”

             “Rebecca. Never mind about closing up your cottage.” James said simply as he watched Emily and any telltale response, she might miss and betray herself true feelings with. “We’ve never talked about what happened.” He tried to approach her but hesitated.

             “What’s there to say? We lost many people that night. Rebecca was just one.” Emily couldn’t look at James. She’d never tell him she felt Rebecca should have lived and she should have died that night instead. But as fate would have it, those caring for the injured in the field focused on her instead of Rebecca. They’d done this only because she carried the Beta’s blood. If they’d looked after Rebecca first, she’d have lived.

             “I know you miss her as much as I do.” James moved to stand beside Emily. He needed to look down to find her face, being a head taller than her. “Some days, I swear I can hear her calling me from somewhere in the packhouse. I miss her too. You never told me what happened.”

             “You never asked, and your mother asked me specifically not to mention it to you. I did and still don’t want to remember it.” Emily turned away from him. Her arms wrapped around her middle as she moved to look from the window into the wooden area encroaching on the building. She figured that meant they had abandoned this place a long time ago. With her struggle not to relive that night, what she saw from the window went unnoticed by her.

             “Was it bad? I always wondered if she suffered before she died.” James’ pained face looked at Emily’s haunted one, looking for something, anything to ease his mind.

             “We were all begging to die by the time help got to us. I sometimes wonder if she was the lucky one.” Emily’s heart hurt more. He was blind to her feelings because he was so wrapped up in his guilt over Rebecca. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that Rebecca hadn’t planned to be in the grove for their mating ceremony. No, Rebecca planned to leave without so much as a goodbye. Her heart wasn’t in it, now that she’d met another wolf.

             “What? No, you’re alive and well. You’re here and strong. You live a full life.” He believed everything he’d been told, and he never asked her if those ideas were true for her. Emily heard the echo of Rebecca telling her she was leaving just before the fight. The healers appeared confused and mixed up their comments and assurances., telling her she was lucky and would live a full life if she didn’t aim for the life her parents raised to expect. With a mate and pups of her own, something she so desperately wanted.

             “I’m here only by the grace of a goddess that has a sick sense of right and wrong. I can’t live a full life. That’s the rub and you know it. But I feel it, the parts of my life that are missing.” Emily stared at nothing specific, now experiencing a slow sickening pull into memories she prayed she could forget. Wolves fighting, the screams of animalistic rage and pain, echoed all around her. Mocking her own pain and injuries. No one knew it had infected them then. Rebecca died from her other injuries, so she never suffered from the pain of healing while severely ill.

             Fearing she’d lash out in her pain and bite an unsuspecting visitor or healer. They’d kept her isolated for months away from everyone. Most of the time she wasn’t conscious, but the rest of the time she lay there in pain, struggling with the barren loneliness, and other symptoms. She’d laid there asking for news of those who’d fought with her that night and no one would answer her questions about that night when she’d been able to speak finally.

             Treated as a fragile flower for nearly two years. It looked horrible to her. The virus left after several months, but her illness lingered. Pain, difficulty eating. Her body’s hormones were off because it attacked the glands that produced them. She didn’t want to remember any more of the complications. This means so many medicines daily and her body never returned fully to normal. Her life as she knew it was over. She knew she’d be that lonely wolf within a pack for the rest of her existence. James pretended this wasn’t true by forcing her to take the mantle of Beta and avoiding the issue that no male wolf would waste their time on a broken wolf like her. The best she could wish for was to become everyone’s aunty in her old age. She’d come out of hiding for celebrations and such. Then return to her solitary life in a cabin by herself.

             That’s why Damon’s offer was so important to her. A mating of convenience. With his position and a pup to offer, it was more than Emily could dream of. His mate died birthing their pup. It happened sometimes, but with his position that took him from the pack often. His pup needed someone there for her.

             James came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. His chin resting comfortably on her head. “How do I go on knowing my chosen mate’s gone? My friends are leaving me alone. I can feel your pain, but you never let me in to help you with that.”

             “Really? You have your own pain to deal with without needing to take on mine. Do you truly believe that you could? After all the things I’ve needed to go behind you and clear them up for you. I’m tired. Haven’t I earned something I want for a change? You tell everyone I’m not just your beta but your friend. But I don’t see it. I feel like your maid, your valet, your secretary, but not your friend. I have a chance at something I want for once.”

             “You can have that here, too.”

             “You keep saying that, but no male here would waste his time with me. The rest are related to me. I’m a dead end and they all know it. Oh, they’d never say that to my face, but I am more than aware of it.” Emily turned around as her arms fell to her side and her eyes flashed with the anger and the long-suppressed pain she carried.

             “No, you aren’t.” Emily saw him move closer to him. His face swooping in, and his warm lips came crashing down on hers as his arms brought her in close.